Chapter summary: In which Jet is still processing, admits to a painful memory, and promises not to give up on Li.

35: Retry

Tengfei was Dai Li. Tengfei was Dai Li. Jet was still trying to wrap his head around the idea of Li being a firebender and now he had to contend with Tengfei, the weird guy who ignored him in the university library, was a Spirits-mad Dai Li! ...which actually made sense in a twisted sort of way. But still!

Jet hopped on the first outbound train that arrived at the station, tugging a struggling Li on board with him. The car was mostly empty except for a middle aged woman who looked like she worked at a Middle Ring spa and an elderly man asleep on one of the benches. Jet shuffled over to the far side of the train car.

"Let go, Jet!" Li hissed, yanking his arm from Jet's tight grip and glaring and rubbing his arm gingerly. "That hurt. You didn't have to yank me around like that."

"Yeah, and what guarantee did I have that you wouldn't run off again?" Jet argued.

Li balked. "You- I told you I would and you didn't-" He licked his lips and there was hurt in those baby sparrowhawk eyes and Jet was not ready for these emotions right now. "You didn't even try to stop me."

"I did, actually," Jet snapped. He glanced at the other passengers on the train and lowered his voice. "I did," he said again, quieter. "I was just… I just wasn't fast enough."

The fox Spirit curled protectively around Li's neck chirped, drawing Li's attention. Something passed between those two that Jet couldn't hear but whatever it was silenced Li. The waiter huffed and crossed his arms, turning away from Jet and glaring out the open window at the city speeding by below the elevated tracks. Jet bit back his mounting frustration and rubbed his forehead, stemming the growing headache. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward and leaned against the other side of the window.

"I-I'm sorry," he said. That was hard. "I just…" He glanced at Li who was avoiding his gaze and grimaced. "Look, this isn't easy for me."

"And you think it is for me?" Li grumbled in annoyance.

Jet rolled his eyes. "No," he said.

"Good, because it isn't," Li said.

Golden eyes locked on Jet with a vehemence Jet hardly recognized in the tea waiter. So there was a temper in that walking ball of blushing awkwardness. A Fire Nation temper. Good to know.

"What I'm trying to say," Jet said, enunciating each word to emphasize his mounting frustration, "is that…" He sighed and let his head thunk back against the stone wall of the train and gestured vaguely in surrender. "I don't know what I'm trying to say." He rubbed his head in exasperation. "I just…" He clasped his hands in front of his face as if in prayer and focused on controlling his temper. "You can't just spring something like that on me and not expect me to have a little trouble accepting it."

In the corner of his eye, Jet could see the faint flush of color bloom in Li's cheeks. "I wasn't exactly planning on springing it on you at all," he grumbled just barely loud enough to hear.

That wasn't any better!

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Jet asked, looking directly at Li. The guilty way the waiter looked away was as clear an answer as any. It hurt. "You suck at lying, Li," he said, letting his head thunk dully against the stone. "Do you really think you could have kept something like that a secret from me forever?"

Li shrugged shyly and avoided Jet's gaze. "I could have."

"Case in point," Jet said, tilting his head Li's way. "You're lying."

"I am not."

Jet just chuckled instead of pressing his point. "Whatever. Let's say that, by some miracle, you could keep that from me." He rolled his head to look at Li. "Could you have kept that a secret if I ended up fucking you?"

The sound Li made could barely be called Human. It actually sounded like one of Zenko's numerous vocalizations. Li's face was bright red and his good eyes looked like it was going to bug right out of his face and he was shaking like a dry autumn leaf in the wind. So predictable.

"W-What's that got to do with anything?" Li cried, immediately slapping a hand over his mouth when his voice bounced up an octave. "And anyway, what makes you think I'd let you fuck me?" he hissed when the other two people in the train shot him a mildly annoyed look.

Jet huffed a laugh. "Because I'm a sly coyote-fox and I have a way with sexy people," he teased.

This was way too easy. Li was a firebender. But he was also still Li. He still stuttered and blushed and shook and stumbled over emotions. It was such an unreal juxtaposition that it was threatening to break Jet's mind in half. The humor drained out of him leaving him strangely exhausted. He hung his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"They- The Fire Nation, I mean," he said in a voice that was smaller than he meant it to be, "they took everything from me. Everything."

He really didn't want to think about this. But Li had to understand this. Jet had to make him understand.

"We weren't doing anything," he said, wishing he still had his straw. He needed something to fiddle with. "Our village was small. We all knew each other. Nothing interesting happened." Deep breath. "Then one day, this band of Fire Nation mercenaries came. They just…" he waved his hand, letting it slap his leg limply, "burned everything. I watched my parents burn alive when the house fell on them. They were this close," he held up his hand so his first finger and thumb were a centimeter apart, "this close to getting out. But one of those Fire Nation bastards hit the last support beam with a fire blast and it just…" He thrust his hand to the floor and pursed his lips. "And that was it."

He hated talking about this. With Katara it had been a manipulation, half serious because she was cute. But now, with Li, it was harder to share. It felt harder. It hurt more. He felt like he was choking. He took a deep breath and forced it all out through his nose.

"I survived," he said grimly. "A few other kids did too, but not many. None of the adults did."

He really needed something to fiddle with. Li was so silent.

"My dad helped me build this kickass treehouse before…" He swallowed and why was his throat so raw all of a sudden? "So I hid there for a while. I used some of the wood I could filtch from the village, anything that wasn't burned to ash," he hissed, "and kept adding to it. Then kids started coming and I let them live with me as long as they helped me build the treehouse. They came from all over and they all had these skills."

He shook his head and smiled at the memory. "This one kid, Thistle," he clicked his tongue, "she could tie knots like nobody's business. Her family used to be fishermen before the Fire Nation attacked her family's shipping town. The Duke is a little bundle of energy who has a thing for smacking people in the shins. He's always with Pipsqueak who's five foot ten easy and can bench press two barrels of blasting jelly."

His grin faded. "We were a family," he whispered. "My new family. Smellerbee was my best spy. She can climb a pole with her bare hands and stab you where it matters and you'd never see her coming. Longshot was my right hand guy. Best archer you ever saw." He sighed. "We lived in our treehouse city and we ruled that forest. It was our home and the Fire Nation could never catch any of us. And they tried. They tried," he murmured, nodding. "But we stuck together. We survived."

He took a deep breath and covered his face with one hand. "Then the Avatar came," he said. "I found out he and his girl, that girl from earlier, were waterbenders. So I asked them to help me out with something." He shifted uncomfortably. "See, there was this village near our forest where a bunch of Fire Nation soldiers were staying. It made me furious. That town was okay. It wasn't burned down. The Fire Nation was there and the village wasn't burned down."

He ran a hand through his messy hair and sighed. "I hated it. It wasn't fair. So," he dropped his hand wearily, "I decided they had to die. It was only fair. I tricked the Avatar and his girl to bend the water just right to fill up the reservoir behind a dam up the river from the village. Smellerbee and my-" He gulped. "-my Freedom Fighters planted boxes of blasting jelly at strategic points on the dam supports. Then, on my signal, Longshot fired a flaming arrow and the dam blew. The river flooded."

He laughed. It wasn't funny, but he laughed. "I had them. I had the Avatar and the waterbender on my side," he whispered. "But not her brother. He never trusted me. And he was right." Jet nodded weakly. "He was right. When Aang and Katara figured out my plan, they tried to stop me but they were too late. The dam blew, the river flooded, and the town was wiped out."

He looked away from Li. He didn't want to see the judgement and hatred on the face of the boy who cried over two dead children.

" Or, I thought it was," he amended a moment later. "Turns out Katara's brother had warned the village and gotten everyone out to safety in time. He told the Fire Nation soldiers and they helped evacuate the entire village. The Fire Nation helped save Earth Kingdom citizens. It wasn't fair!" he hissed. "Why?! They were Fire Nation. All the Fire Nation ever does is kill and burn and destroy. Why did they save those people? Why save them and not my village? My family? My- My parents?" Damn it, his eyes burned. "Why did I have to lose everything that mattered to me and they got to live happily?"

Fuck this shit. Jet's stomach felt empty and his eyes burned and his throat was raw and he couldn't breathe right. What the hell?

He felt the heat before arms slipped around his shoulders. Li didn't say anything, which was probably for the best. Jet didn't want to hear any platitudes. He wanted to vent.

"They kicked me out after that," he whispered. He couldn't find the energy to force sound past his lips. It was too much effort. "My Freedom Fighters, my family, they kicked me out. Those ones who didn't leave, that is. Smellerbee and Longshot came with me. We were hoping to start over here, just the three of us. But damn it I fucking hate this place."

The arms around him tensed in surprise and Jet reached up to grip the pale hands clasped over his collarbone, keeping them there. "I hate this city, I hate all these people, I hate the noise, I just hate it." He spat out the window at the dim city speeding past. "There are so few trees in the Lower Ring. I have to get up on the roof half the time just to fall asleep. It's too quiet at night and too loud during the day. It's not-"

"Home."

The arms around him tightened and Jet ducked his head to drop a light kiss on Li's hands. Neither of them spoke the rest of the train ride. Movement to Jet's left caught his eye and Zenko perched on the window ledge, curling her tails around her paws daintily. She cocked her head curiously, her sightless eyes studying Jet with newfound interest. But she did not open her eyes and speak to Jet directly. She just sat there and observed. Strangely, that didn't bother Jet. It was oddly comforting.

Li didn't let go of him either. He just stood there and held Jet from behind. He could feel Li's forehead rest against his neck before Li turned and Jet felt a warm cheek press against his back instead.

"I'm sorry," Li whispered as the train pulled into the station closest to their district in the Lower Ring.

Jet squeezed Li's pale hands and huffed. "You didn't do anything," he said, as the train slowed down.

When the doors opened, Li released him. But instead of breaking contact completely, Li hesitantly slipped his hand into Jet's. They walked out of the train together, Zenko trotting by their feet.

"This has been a long day," Jet mumbled.

Li didn't say anything but that was fine. Li wasn't sure he was ready to do much right now except walk. 'Bee and Longshot were probably home by now. Curfew was only another couple hours away. He could walk with Li halfway to the potter's district, but then they'd have to separate.

This was supposed to be a date night. Jet had so many plans. All ruined. He still wanted to do them. Later. Well, mostly.

"Li?" he said as they descended the stone stairway to the city streets below. "When… You don't have to tell me. But I'd like to know."

He stopped in the stairwell, stepping aside for the other two passengers from the train to pass by unhindered. When they were alone again, he tried again.

"The Woman in White," he began, keeping his eyes on Li even as he felt the waiter's hand twitch in his, "she was with you before I- we," he corrected, nodding to Zenko, "got there. Are you going to be alright?"

The hesitation before Li nodded made it clear that no, Li wouldn't be. But Jet wasn't going to call him on it. Yet.

"Is that why you didn't say anything to me when Zenko and I found you by the bridge?" Jet asked.

Li nodded. "She isn't a Woman in White," he said hesitantly. "I don't know what she is now, but she isn't a Woman in White. I wasn't unfaithful to anyone. She shouldn't have tried to…"

"Entice you?" Jet finished, a faint smirk on his lips. He chuckled at the color in Li's cheeks. "I don't know why she wouldn't. You're a very sexy person."

The flush darkened and Li shifted his weight. "You're weird," was all he said.

"Maybe," Jet said with a careless shrug. "But then again, I'm in good company."

Li opened his mouth to snap a retort, then shut his mouth and looked away, sulking.

"I'll have to ask Wan Shi Tong if he knows what's happening," Li muttered. "Maybe he can help."

Jet hummed and took a step closer to Li, wary of the new awkwardness between them. "Hey," he whispered, placing his fingers under Li's chin and tilting the waiter's head up so they were eye to eye. "One thing at a time." He smiled but it wasn't as broad or as bright as his usual smiles. "I'm still interested, you know. In you," he added when Li blinked at him in confusion. "I can wait a while, if you want. I might sleep on your roof though."

Li snickered, startling a smile out of both of them. "Creeper."

Jet scoffed. "Says the spellcasting weirdo who serves tea for a living," Jet snarked. He took a deep breath. "Wow. This isn't going to be easy."

"No, it won't," Li agreed. "But I'm willing to try."

Jet nodded. "Then let's start over," he said. "There are other nights, other things we can do." He leaned in close, his ego growing when he noticed the way Li tilted his head as if expecting a kiss. "Besides," he added just because he could, "you still owe me for taking you to the canal."

Jet watched Li's expression as the confusion cleared in remembrance than quickly faded to shock.

"You- I-" Li stuttered.

"Yeah. You and me. That's typically how kisses work," Jet teased, rocking just a bit closer and yes, Li was doing that head tilt again. Spirits, that was tempting. "I'm going to pin you to a wall and kiss you until you can't breathe."

Li sighed unevenly and Jet preened.

"But not right now," he said, reluctantly leaning back. "I'm not… ready for that right now. I don't think either of us are." He rubbed his thumb over Li's chin. "But soon. I promise." He pecked the waiter's lips lightly, immensely pleased when Li's lips moved briefly with his own, before leaning back and breaking the kiss. "In the meantime," he said, "do you mind if I walk you home?"

Li shook his head and took the lead. More than once, Jet caught himself staring at Li's bottom. He could feel the heat from Li's hand around his own. How had he never noticed how warm Li was all the time? Firebender must run warmer than other people. This wasn't going to be easy.

But it would be worth it. Jet would make sure of that. He caught sight of Zenko trotting next to Li's feet and smirked. Besides, he'd already helped the little fox Spirit gain a new tail. He wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it had apparently been important enough to thoroughly distract the fox Spirit, delaying them from tracking down Li earlier. Maybe he'd get to find out why that happened too.