Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.

36. Biscuit Man and the Incredible Bacofoil Cape

Saturday, November 19

7:32 am

All snugly under the duvet with Davey.

Hmm... I think moi will have a little nose around the Hornmeister room.

The Hornmeister is snoring. He shan't be waking up anytime soon-ish.

1 minute later

Looking through Davey's undercrackers drawer. How in the name of Lord Sandra did one of moi's over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders get into the Hornmeister's undercrackers drawer?

Cheeky Cat.

2 minutes later

Ooo... A letter.

It's addressed to moi.

Must mean I'm allowed to have a nose then.

Kittykat... I love you. Really very much. But I know you love Mas. I want you to know. That if the Handbag Horse ever runs off into the sunset with his homosexulist lover I'll still be here. With Emma I guess. But I don't love her. I love you. I want you to be happy. If you just want to be mates then that's coolio. I'll take any chance to see you smile. But I can't promise I'll behave myself. You're very gorgey. Just be happy my little Sex Kitten. The Biscuit will always be waiting in hope you'll change your mind. Love Dave.

Awww... That's really vair sweet.

1 minute later

Ooo... There's another letter.

Kittykat... I know I'll never have the guts to send this. I didn't send the last letter I wrote. I've changed my mind. I can't live without you. I hate seeing you with Mas. I could literally duff up that Handbag Horse if I knew it wouldn't upset you... And if he wasn't a woman type person. I don't want to be mates anymore. You drive me mad. You give me the horn so very much. Please. Just ditch the Handbag Horse. I want you to be my horn partner. I love you. Dave.

2 minutes later

Sat on Dave.

Shan't mention the letter because it'll embarrass the Hornmeister.

Don't think Kittykat was even supposed to see them.

Dave spluttered.

'Kittykat...' I laughed.

'Morning Hornmeister.'

1 minute later

Climbed back under the duvet.

Snuggled up next to Dave.

'I love you, Dave.' He stroked my back.

'Hmmm... I love you too, Georgia.' I smiled.

8:02 am

Being pulled in two.

Dave wants me to stay in bed with him.

Mills wants me to go look at bridesmaid dresses with her.

'KITTYKAT IS STAYING WITH THE BISCUIT!'

'BUT WE LIKE HAVE TO PICK BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES!'

3 minutes later, Back Under the Duvet.

Dave won the Kittykat tug of war game.

... But Mills is sitting at Dave's desk with her laptop.

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 9.

10 minutes later

Hehe... I made the Biscuit jelliod. 'Dave?'

'Nrrrghh.' I laughed.

Mills just raised her eyebrows.

'You two are disgusting.'

2 minutes later

Millie left the room.

'So, what are the Biscuit and Kittykat going to do today?'

'Now a-nout ne nowing noats non ne nake?' I raised my eyebrows.

'Hornmeister... It's Kittykat's job to get stupid brain and speak utter nonsense.'

1 minute later

Gave Dave a minute to compose a normal sentence.

'The Biscuit doesn't get stupid brain.' I laughed.

'He does.'

'He doesn't.'

'Does.'

'Doesn't.'

'Does.'

'Doesn't.'

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

8:34 am

The Hornmeister had suggested the rowing boats on the lake.

I've never been on the lake. It could be vair interesting and tres tres romantic.

And no one could interrupt our snogging whilst we're in the middle of the lake.

So Kittykat agreed.

13 minutes later, Walking to the Park

The lake is hidden behind the trees at the back of the park.

Jazzy always gosses about it... I don't listen to her though.

She talks about tadpoles and newt poo and other vair boring stuff.

8:49 am

We brought a breakfast-y type picnic.

Jammie dodgers and choccy.

Not exactly the most nutritious breaky, but I ain't complaining.

9:00 am, In the Middle of the Lake

'Hornmeister we're just going in circles.'

'Arr... But Kittykat likes circles.'

'She does not. They make her feel dizzy.'

We stopped rowing. I'm amazed we even made it to the middle.

Kittykat and the Hornmeister are vair crappy at steering the boat.

3 minutes later

Hmmm... Snogging Dave. Number 6.

9:06 am

'Tiptop snogging Kittykat.' We both laughed.

We're in the middle of the lake in a rotten rowing boat, snogging.

... And it's vair nippy noodles.

We utter loons.

1 minute later

'Lobe you, Kittykat.'

'Kittykat lobes herself too.' Dave pouted: I laughed. 'And she loves the Hornmeister.'

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 6 again.

19 minutes later

'No Dave... Don't...'

1 minute later, In the River

Dave thought it would be tres tres clever to stand up in the boat.

He capsized it.

9:32 am

Waiting to be saved.

Dave has pushed moi up onto the capsized boat.

He's still in the water. I wouldn't let the Biscuit join moi.

'Ooo... Kittykat has the hump.'

What type of div thinks that standing up in a small boat is a good idea?

... And to top it off I'm wearing a white tshirt, which has now gone see-though.

'David, you're such a prat.' Dave laughed.

'Kittykat looks tres tres marvy in her wet tshirt.'

I biffed Dave around the head.

1 minute later

Yay... Mr. Boat Owner has come to save us.

Wrapped up in a bacofoil cape thingy.

Mr. Boat Owner says it's to stop hypothermia

Don't know what hypothermia is? Didn't ask.

2 minute later

Ekk... The Voley couple are here.

They'd see everything... And Hunky had gotten it on film.

Bugger. 'Dave. What were you thinking?'

'That Kittykat would look sexy in a wet tshirt.'

Jas biffed Dave around the arm.

'It was a vair irresponsible thing to do. You could have drowned.'

'Yes, Mutti.' Jas biffed Dave again.

9:39 am

Walking back to Dave's house.

Mr. Boat Owner let us keep the bacofoil cape thingies.

Dave's pretending that he's a superhero.

Biscuit Man and the Incredible Bacofoil Cape.

I'm giving Biscuit Man the cold shoulder, because he capsized the boat.

'Arr... Kittykat is ignorous vousing Biscuit Man.' I didn't speak. 'Kittykat may be Biscuit Man's sidekick.'

I raised my eyebrows at Biscuit Man. 'Very well... Biscuit Man away.'

Dave ran off down the street.

1 minute later

We should have a superhero/heroine party.

That would be vair marvy.

Hunky and Po could be Vole Girl and Vole Man... Hehe.

9:54 am, Dave's House

Jane caught us trying to sneak upstairs.

'Heavens... What happened to you two?'

I glared at Dave. 'Pookie capsized the rowing boat.'

1 minute later

Jane followed us upstairs to get towels.

She pushed Dave into the bathroom.

... But said I could use her ensuite.

10:14 am, Mills Room

Had a tres tres marvy warm shower.

Mills has given me a set of dry clothes.

She's sitting on her bed.

'I sure like Sweetie Pie didn't mean to tip the boat.'

I laughed. 'He's an utter loon.' Mills laughed.

'That's why you love him.' I gave Mills death glares.

She was right though.

3 minutes later

Dave's at Millie's door. 'Can the Biscuit come in?'

Awww... He thinks I'm still mad with him.

I opened the door.

'Oui... But it's one snog per entry.' Dave laughed.

'You're such a minx.'

'Just snog me you loon.'

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

5:15 pm

What a fabbity day...? Minus the whole boat fandango.

Dave and I made muffins which exploded in the oven. It wasn't that bigger mess, because we'd eaten almost half of the batter by the time the muffins made it into the oven. The batter was vair yummy. The burnt exploded muffins were less than yummy.

We laughed like loon of the first water... And threw flour at each other.

Dave left too floury handprints on my botty. Cheeky minx.

1 minute later

Currently getting ready for Millie's engagement party.

Millie is putting moi's hair in curlers.

'What is Davey wearing tonight?' Millie looked at me.

'Erm... Mom brought him a shirt and tie. Think he's wearing jeans with them.'

I hoped the Hornmeister wore his skinny jeans. His skinny jeans give Kittykat the horn.

3 minutes later

Millie is painting my nails.

'Who else is coming tonight?'

'Mostly our family. Val's family like all live in Italy... And friends. Ja.M.O and their families are coming. We're like having Karaoke later on in the night. You'll be able to like hear Roxanne sing. She always joins in on Karaoke.' I nodded.

'Oh...'

6:03 pm

Gadzooks... My hair is full of bounciosity.

'Mills you're amazing.' Millie laughed.

'Professional curlers. Not me.'

She sat me down before starting on my makeup.

6:21 pm

Ready. I went to find Dave.

He was in his bedroom. Doing his hair.

I laughed. 'The Hornmeister is so vain.'

'Am not.' He looked at my reflection in his mirror.

His face fell. 'Core... Sex Kitten. You look so vair gorgey.'

I smiled. I was staring at Dave's botty.

'You look fab too, Hornmeister.'

'You minx stop looking at the Biscuits botty.'

'I wasn't.'

'You were Kittykat. I saw you.'

1 minute later

I've turned into a red loon.

7:00 pm, Mill's Engagement Party

Holding Dave's hand.

'Kittykat looks vair gorgey.'

I smiled. 'You've already said that Hornmeister.'

'Hmmm... Because it be true.'

4 minutes later

Mills want to take photos.

Kittykat and the Hornmeister were the first victims.

'Sweetie Pie, you're too short. Stand up straight.'

Dave didn't look amused.

The heels Mills had brought moi were vair high.

It felt like it did the first time Kittykat and the Hornmeister dated.

1 minute later

I took the heels off for the photo with Dave.

1 minute later

'May I now borrow Kittykat? I want a photo of my bridesmaids.'

Dave nodded. 'Sure.' Mills dragged me over to Roxanne and Rebecca.

I haven't met Roxanne yet.

'Roxanne, this is Georgia... She's Sweetie Pie's girlfriend.' Roxanne smiled.

'Nice to meet you, Georgia.'

3 minutes later

Sitting with B and Roxanne... And two other ladeez.

'Mills say you want to be a journalist, Gee?'

What moi? Yes... She's talking to moi.

'Err... I... Yeah, I would like too.'

'Lisa's a journalist in London. She works for Cosmopolitan.'

B pointed to one of the two other ladeez.

'Coolio.'

7:15 pm

Dave is staring at moi.

I waved: he laughed.

2 minutes later

Ekk... My loony family have arrived.

That means the naff clown car is outside.

'Gee, something wrong?'

I looked at B. 'My family has arrived.'

1 minute later

Mutti and Vati are talking to Richard and Jane.

No sign of Libs... Probably off terrorising the other guests.

2 minutes later

Dave dragged me over to greet my parents.

'Dave...' Charming Mutti.

It's not like your daughter's here.

'Where's Libby?' Mutti looked at me.

'We left her with your grandfather. We didn't think this would be her type of thing.'

Thank Lord Sandra. No mad little sister.

2 minutes later

Ewww... Mutti is trying sicky eyes on Richard.

I elbowed her in the side.

'WHAT GEORGIA?' I smiled.

'Nothing.'

1 minute later

Dave wants to dance.

7:31 pm

Love dancing with Dave.

1 minute later

Dave twirled me around.

I fell off my heels. Dave caught me.

'Kittykat.' I took my heels off.

'Poxy things.' Dave laughed.

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

7:45 pm

A little boy just ran into Dave's legs.

'DAY!' Dave looked at the little boy.

'Ayden... Where'd you come from?'

The little boy pointed at Darren.

Darren was stood at the edge of the dance floor with his wife.

Cassandra is vair pretty... And in case you loons have forgotten, Cassandra is Darren's wife.

And I'm not on the turn.

6 minutes later

Dave is playing with Ayden.

I say playing, but really they're causing trouble.

I sat down next to Rebecca.

Rebecca laughed. 'Sweetie Pie is real good at entertaining little kids.'

It seemed that way indeed. Ayden is laughing like a little loon

10:05 pm

The rest of the party was coolio.

Dave introduced me to all of the Laughs.

Jane's family are from Hamburger-a-gogo land. They're accents are vair marvy.

Ayden eventually went to boboland. Dave and I danced some more.

Roxanne sang like Millie had said.

Roxanne is an amazing singer. My mouth fell open when I first heard her.

Mutti continued to flirt with Richard.

A few vino tintos later, she moved onto Darren.

By nine o'clock Vati had decided Mutti had had enough vino tinto.

He took her home... Richard helped carry her out to the clown car.

Would have liked to see Vati lift Mutti. He'd have probably hurt himself though.

2 minutes later, My House

Richard dropped me off.

Dave had been on the vino tinto.

He'd fallen to sleep in the car.

I kissed him on the forehead.

'Night Davey.' Richard laughed.

'He always falls to sleep when he's had wine.'

I smiled. 'Tell him I said bye.' Richard nodded.

'Sure.'

A.N. We're down to the last two chapters after this. The day of the Christmas ball. Next chapter will be Davey's POV. His day running up to the Ball. The Barmy Army's reaction to the boat fandango and his family fussing over how nice he looks when he's all dressed up to take Gee to the Ball. The final chapter will of course be the Ball itself. Anyway, hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh...

Ooo... I just remembered that I've put some picture of the Ace Gang's dresses for the Christmas Ball and the necklace that Dave gave Gee on Photobucket. Type RoxannetheLaugh into the search bar on Photobucket, or I'll try put a link on my fanfic profile. Take a look it you like. I'll tell you if I put any other pictures on there.