CH 36
There was quite the amount of commotion that followed River passing out. Freya screeched and began sobbing. Jack called for the Doctor over and over again, who raced in with Amelia on his hip, to see his unconscious wife in Jack's lap as he tried to hold her up. He told Jack to stay there with the girls while he took her to the sickbay, but Jack followed with Freya, in a towel to big for her, and Amelia who had started crying just as hard as her sister. They watched the Doctor hook River up to all sorts of monitors as she lay completely still and unmoving.
"Mumma!" Amelia wailed, clinging onto Jack, watching River lay on the bed, pale and unmoving. The Doctor tried his best to ignore her. He needed to put all his focus on helping River, but they kept wailing and begging for River to wake up.
"Jack get them out of here! Now!" Jack nodded, finally getting a hold of himself. He tried to ease the girls out of them room.
"No! No! I want to stay!" Freya sobbed, refusing to leave, trying to run to her Mummy, getting a bit tangled in the too-big-towel.
"No, Freya!" Jack reached for her, wrapping his arm around her waist and holding her down as she squirmed. "You can't"
"Is my Mummy going to go away?" Amelia whimpered, holding onto Jack, "Is she going to go away like Nemo's Mummy did?"
"No." He looked at the Doctor. He was busy looking at the monitors and running around to retrieve drugs that he didn't really know the name of as well as someone untrained in medicine would. "Your daddy is going to make sure she stays."
"I don't want her to sleep anymore." She started to sob again, "Mummy! Mummy wake up, please!"
"She can't wake up right now. Daddy has to fix her first and that can take some time." Jack tried to tell her.
"No!" She cried, "She promised we could go to the zoo soon! She has to wake up so we can go to the zoo!"
"She's going to need a lot of rest when she wakes up. She's not going to be able to go to the zoo." He tried to get them out of the room again. "Come on. Let's wait outside."
"But she promised." Amelia wailed, "Mummy always says it's not nice to break promises."
"Not if it's by accident." River looked no better than she did before. In fact, she looked paler. "Come on. You're not allowed in here right now." The girls continued to cry, but followed him out.
The Doctor checked and rechecked the monitors until the drugs that he gave her, double checking the label this time, had stabilized her. Yet still, she had not woken. He waited, pacing the room eventually sitting down next her and holding her limp hand. "Please... I need you, River." Her mind was exhausted, unable to handle the strain that it had to endure while she was conscious. Even though the drugs had stabilized her, her brain was still trying to recover from the stress it had endured, leaving her unconscious still.
He waited for two hours before Amelia and Freya came back in. Jack looked pitifully to him and then to River, still unconscious. "Why isn't she awake yet?" Freya asked, trying to climb into his lap.
"She..." The Doctor swallowed trying to think of something. "She's very tired right now... She's just resting her mind..."
"Is the baby making her tired again? I don't want a baby brother or sister if it makes her sick." She sniffled, now trying to climb up and lay down next to River.
"It's not- it's not the baby." He assured her, not quite able to smile for her. She had suffered a sort of stress attack, but how could he explain the to his little girl? "Mummy... she sometimes has a lot of things going through her head. And sometimes... it can get too much for her head to bear all at once."
Freya snuggled up against her, upset to find that her mother's body wasn't as warm as it usually was. "So her head is sick?" She asked.
"Yes. And that can affect her body too." He told her, scooping Amelia into his lap.
"Will she wake up soon?" Amelia asked.
"I... I don't know, sweetheart. I don't know."
"What if she never wakes up again?" Her bottom lip trembled, "I want her to wake up."
"She will. I promise, she will wake up." He breathed, trying to keep his worlds steady. "She has to."
Amelia curled up against him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I want Mumma to wake up now." She whimpered, "Not later, now."
"I do too. But there's nothing else I can do to help. We just... have to wait."
Another three hours passed. The girls fell asleep waiting and Jack took them back to their room. River was still completely unconscious and unmoving aside from a few twitches in her hand. The Doctor didn't notice them at first. He had lied his head down on the edge of the bed, one hand tucked under his head and the other splayed protectively over River's belly.
After another few minutes, she groaned quietly, her eyes slowly opening. This time he heard her, lifting his head up a little too fast. His face was tear stained, but there was hope in his eyes now. He reached for her hand. "Riv...River?"
"Baby..." She breathed, "Jack, baby..." Her mind was still a bit jumbled, but she definitely was regaining consciousness.
"The baby's fine, River. Jack's with the girls." He said slowly, but his tone contained excitement. He brought a hand up to stroke through her hair. "You're okay now."
She squeezed his hand, trying to sit up after another minute, "W-What happened?"
"I should be asking you the same." He smiled. A small one, but a smile none the less. "You were unconscious. It was a panic attack, I think."
She stared at him for a moment, still confused, not remembering most of what happened, "A panic attack?"
"Yes. It was some sort of stress related thing, for a better word for it." He looked at her, wondering if she could remember what had brought it on.
She tried to remember what had happened, but could only remember bits and pieces, "The baby was trying to move...it was panicking..."
He nodded. "If the baby is in a very... distressed situation, sometimes the physic connection can connect it's emotions more directly to you making you feel them, too." He explained.
"How long was I unconscious?" She asked quietly, still a bit dazed.
"Over six hours." He admitted.
River stared at him in shock, "How are you doing?" She asked, running her hand down his arm.
"Now that you're awake, much better." He placed his hand back over her stomach.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered, placing her hand over his.
"It's okay now. You're okay now, and that's all that matters." He didn't realize it, but he'd begun crying again.
She hugged him tightly, unable to imagine how worried he must have been for him to be crying now. "You're right, I'm okay now."
"The girls were a mess." He told her. "They didn't know if you'd wake up."
"Can I see them?" She asked, feeling horrible hearing that the girls had been that upset.
"I think they're asleep, but I can go check." He said getting up.
"Can I come?" She asked, moving to get up as well.
"River, I'd really like it if you stayed in bed." He said carefully. "You've just woken up, and you still need to recover. I'll be quick. promise."
She nodded, "Fine, but if they're asleep, just leave them be. They both need rest and then we can have time to ourselves." He nodded, stepping into the hall and heading to the girls room.
The door made a small creek as he opened it. The girls were still fast asleep, cuddled up with their blankets and stuffed aliens. Jack had fallen asleep as well, sitting with his head lolled back in chair. The Doctor smiled at the three of them and left, deciding to stop by the kitchen to make River something to eat. She had been unconscious for quite a while, he assumed she'd be hungry. He settled on making toast with raspberry jam before going back to the medbay. "River?"
She had her head in her hands, weeping silently. He put the toast down on and went quickly to her side, putting a hand on her shoulder. "River, what's wrong?"
She jumped when she first heard his voice, quickly drying her eyes. "...Nothing, nothing I'm fine." She whispered.
"River, don't lie to me. Crying never means you're okay. And I know those aren't happy tears." He pleaded. "Please. Tell me."
She shook her head, "It's only hormones, sweetie." She breathed, staring down at her hands.
"Your hormones cause strong reactions to things." He countered. "What made you cry?"
She shook her head, "It doesn't matter, I'm fine now."
"Of course it matters." He kissed her cheek. "It always matters."
She turned her head away, sighing.
"Please?" He asked again. He didn't mean to push her so much, but she was his wife. He had the right to know about these things. She, on the other hand, hated being pushed. It just made her close up more and more. She was tense, and upset, not wanting to talk.
After a few more moments of silence, he sighed realizing this was no way to go about things. Changing the subject, he offered the toast. "...I brought you some toast if you want."
"Thanks." She whispered, her shoulders still tense.
He half smiled getting up and retrieving the plate before handing it to her. "The girls were asleep." She nodded, taking the plate from him and slowly eating the toast.
He couldn't directly ask her what was bothering her, so he tried a proses of elimination. It couldn't be him. He didn't do anything as far as he knew. Maybe it was the girls. "They're alright, you know. Jack's watching them. They'll be more than happy to see you when you wake up."
"What?" She looked a bit confused at first, not understanding why he was telling her this, "Yes, I know, you said they were fine."
Okay. Not the girls. The baby maybe? "Just being a bit more detailed..." He put a hand on her belly and offered a smile. "It's not permanent. I just have a feeling it's not."
This pulled a different reaction out of her, she tensed more and bit her lip. He had obviously hit a nerve, "Yes, I know... You told me it would go away when the medication left the system." She whispered.
So it was the baby. That didn't need much more explanation than that. "It's not... It's not panicking still?"
"I haven't heard them since..." She shook her head again, closing her eyes.
"Have you tried starting a conversation?"
"I really don't want to..." She whispered, her voice shaking.
"Why not?" He asked taking her hand.
She squeezed her eyes shut, pulling her hand away, "Doctor, please..."
"What are you afraid of?" He said gently. "Because I don't understand what you think you might find."
"I'm not afraid of anything." She immediately responded defensively. "I just...don't want to."
"So there is no reason whatsoever as to why you don't want to talk to our child?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now." She was getting rather annoyed with all the questions.
"...Alright." He had hit a dead end again. At least he had gotten further than he did last time. She buried her face in her hands again, her shoulders shaking "Oh... River, please don't cry… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask so many questions."
"I'm not crying." She snapped, suddenly defensive again. He drew hands into his lap, startled when she raised her voice, and looked down at them. "I... sorry."
She closed her eyes, shaking her head, "No, I'm sorry..."
"You have every right to be angry. Anyone would be angry if this situation was happening to them."
"No, I don't have the right. You're being nothing but patient with me."
There was another moment of silence, which felt a lot longer than a moment to the Doctor before he finally said "You're scared, River. You're scared of losing our child..." She swallowed, looking down at her feet. He scooted a bit closer to her. "And it's alright to be scared. You don't need to hide it. I'm scared too." She leaned against him, running her hands along her belly. He gently moved his hands over hers. "I promise you they'll be alright. I'll make sure of it."
"I just...have this horrible feeling." She whispered, turning and burying her face in his shoulder.
"What kind of feeling?"
She shook her head, "I-I don't know, it's like...there's something in the back of my mind that's telling me..."
"Telling you what?" He encouraged.
"That this baby isn't...isn't going to be...okay." She finally finished.
"Oh River..." He put his arms around her and held her. "I know I can't say everything will be okay or that nothing bad is going to happen..." He paused. "...but right now, they're okay. They're right here." He moved his hand to rest of her stomach again. "And they're probably just as scared as you are." Maybe the baby's mood was affecting hers and making her more frightened than usual. "It's our jobs to make sure they're okay and you are the only one who can sooth them right now."
"I don't know how." She whispered, holding him tightly.
"Talk to them. Tell them that everything is going to be okay. Tell them that soon they'll be able to move again. Tell them that we can't wait to meet them. Tell them to be brave."
"Can't you do it?" She breathed. She was afraid to talk to the baby. She didn't feel like she deserved it and the feeling she had was leading her to be afraid to get attached and bond with the child, though she already was attached.
"Not like you can. I don't have the mental connection like you do. They can hear me, but they can't talk with me. I can only give them worlds, but you can give them warm thoughts and feelings."
She closed her eyes, her shaking hands taking his as she pressed her forehead to his. Sweetie?
mm... Mummy... ?
Yes, sweetie. Hello... She opened her eyes, looking completely lost. For some reason, this felt completely different than it had when she was talking to Amelia and Freya. The Doctor gave her an assuring smile and squeezed her hands for a moment.
Pappa.. says my feelings hurt you... said my scared made you scared.
Shh, Shh It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I know your arms and legs can't move right now, that's because they're very very sleepy. I promise they will be able to move soon. You're safe now, everything will be okay.
You stopped... talk. And papa says you was asleep... because I made you sleep. Don't want that to happen... It seemed more concerned about stressing River to the point of unconsciousness rather then it's paralyzed limbs. I... not talk... because you might sleep again.
It's okay, sweetheart. Mummy's okay now. You don't have to be afraid to talk. She leaned further into her husband, holding onto him tightly.
They were reassured by this. When legs move again?
Soon, sweetie, I promise. Daddy and I love you so much, and your sisters love you too. We can't wait to meet you.
Sisters. They tested they word. Ones who kept poking me?
Yes, that's Amelia and Freya. They're very excited for you to come.
Small... Smaller hands than you.
Mmm, they're only a bit bigger than you.
Play...? Play with?
Yes, they'll be able to play with you.
Now?
Not now, my love. They're sleeping right now, which you should be too. Maybe later, try and get some rest.
Asleep? It became panicky again. Like you was? Bad sleep!
No, no, no. Good sleep. Good sleep will give you rest and then you'll be able to play.
Did I make them sleep? I made you sleep. Don't want to!
No you didn't make them sleep. They chose to sleep, everyone needs to sleep at some time. She looked up at the Doctor again, starting to feel the panic rise in her. She shook her head, not thinking she would be able to do this for much longer without completely freaking out.
Need sleep... Sleep good? Sleep to rest... They tried to put it together in their head. Sleep when tired. Rest. Not tired?
Yes, exactly. Sleep is not always bad, it's actually very good.
...Tired.
Then try to sleep, sweetie. Relax and try to get some rest.
They tried to relax their mind, quite enjoying it actually. The unsure feeling the baby had faded to a happy hum as they slept.
"They're asleep." River whispered, not realizing that she had been clutching onto the Doctor's hand.
"What did you talk about?" He asked curiously, deciding against pointing out that he needed circulation in his hand.
"The girls and whether or not sleep is good..." She murmured, finally releasing her grip on his hand.
"And I assume you convinced them it was."
"Yeah..." She breathed, resting her head against him.
"You okay? You seem sort of... dazed."
"What? Oh...yes I'm fine." She whispered, "How are you?"
He was a little surprised by the question. "Well aside from the nervous new parent feeling, I'm good..." He search her face. "You sure you're okay?"
"I don't know..." She hung her head, "I don't know how I feel anymore."
"...River..." He tilted her head up to meet his eyes.
"Hmm?" She looked up at him, taking a moment to finally meet his gaze.
He could tell that she was lost. "I'm here for you and anything you might need. I know that sometimes, well a lot of the time, life is completely confusing, but that's what I'm here for. I'm here to help you try to make sense of it and get through it." He smiled.
She nodded, hugging him tightly, "I know...I love you so much."
"I love you too. You are the most precious thing in the universe to me."
"More precious than our children?" She smiled weakly, raising an eyebrow.
"Without you I wouldn't have any children." He pointed out.
"Mm, yes that's true..." She murmured He kissed her shoulder.
"So yes, at the moment, you triumph the kids."
She laughed weakly, "Well don't let them hear you stay that."
"I won't, promise." He bopped her lightly on the nose.
"I miss having this alone time with you." She whispered.
"Well children do make alone time difficult, yes." He glanced down at her belly. "Especially when they are inside you, then you're never alone."
"Yes, but when they're sleeping..." She murmured, leaning up to kiss him softly, "Then they don't know what we're doing."
He flushed slightly. He had always been a little hesitant about 'shenanigans' with River while she was pregnant. "Not if you wake them."
"We've done it before." She smiled, "You just have to keep quiet..."