Dear Readers,
Sadly this is the LAST CHAPTER of Just Ain't Enough. I thought it was time for a change.
This chapter does not do the story justice, it does not give the happy ending I promised, however, I'm currently in the midst of planning a SEQUEL.
If any of you have ideas or questions feel free to leave them in a review or PM.
Thanks so much for supporting me throughout this stories process.
- J
Chapter 36
Do you know who you are? Do you know what's happened to you? Do you want to live this way?
All it takes is one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever.
It can change your perspective, color your thinking.
One moment that forces you to re-evaluate everything you think you know.
Do you know who you are? Do you know what's happened to you? Do you want to live this way?
-Christina Yang, Grey's Anatomy
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
Derek's POV
Present Day (Early Sunday Morning)
"We have patrol cars out there searching for your daughter now," Constable Michaels ensures me.
Ensuring? Addison looks like she's seen a ghost. We can't get a hold of Amy or Mark. And I can't breathe. My daughter is missing. She's been missing for eight hours, five minutes and twenty seconds and I can't breathe.
Amelia's POV
Approximately 10 hours earlier (Saturday Evening)
They called me Hurricane Amy. My mother. My brother. My sisters. Mark. Now I understand why. I see myself when I look at her. A hurricane. Another me.
When I look at her, I don't see her. I don't see the monster she's turned into. I see the six year old little girl. That precious six year old little girl.
That precious little girl is addicted to drugs. OxyContin to be exact. Her drug test came back positive. Except I can't face the truth. I can't tell her I know. I can't tell her, I can't tell my brother, I can't tell Addison. To me, she's still that precious little girl. She's still my guardian angel.
"Stop fidgeting," I argue, curling iron in my hand. We're getting ready for Addison's award ceremony. I've been trying to curl Julia's hair for the last hour. She won't sit still and there's so much of it, it's nearly impossible.
"I'm not…" Julia declares.
I give up arguing, take a piece of hair and twirl it around the curling iron as Derek pokes his head through the door of the guest bedroom.
"We've gotta go or we're going to be late."
"Shit," I take another piece of Julia's hair. "We're almost done. Just give me another minute okay?"
"I've already given you twenty Amy," Derek chuckles as Julia fidgets again, causing me to lose control of the curling iron.
"Damnit," I announce noticing the burn on the palm of my hand. "I told you at least five times to stop moving."
"This dress is making me itchy," Julia complains, standing up off the bed and straightening it out. We picked it out at the mall earlier this afternoon, a strapless dress, the top around the bust area, being black leads into a poofy lacey, sequin, teal bottom, falling just above her knees.
"It's just one night," I promise, grabbing my red lipstick off the dresser, applying it to Julia's lips. "Go with your father. I'm going to take care of my hand and finish getting ready. I'll meet you two at the hospital in a bit."
"Do I have to go?" Julia whines.
"You are grounded. Meaning you have to go," Derek replies, his eyes turning towards me. "Lock up before you leave okay?" He hands me the keys.
I nod. "Of course."
I make sure I'm alone before I head over to Julia's bedroom.
When my drug addiction began, my mother tore my room apart one day, looking for drugs. She came out empty handed. I hid them, between the lose floorboards, they were safe, secure, unharmed.
I need evidence to believe the truth.
Hesitantly, I open the door, walking into Mini D's room. I'm my mother now. Except I know what I'm looking for and where to look.
I check the floorboards, her desk drawers, and her closet. I look under her mattress and under her bed.
Where would I have hidden my drugs? Somewhere obvious. Not too obvious. In the drawer of her end table, I find a hard cover book; it's one of Addison's. Julia doesn't read.
I open the book to find a whole were some pages have been cut out, inside the whole is a baggy of opiates, OxyContin to be exact.
The truth is out. Evidence in plan eye sight.
Derek's right, she's another me.
7 years ago
Jet decided to through a party, it's one of those all day all night come whenever leave whenever parties. There's drinking. There's music. It's loud. And there are drugs, lots of drugs.
I'm high. Jet's high. We're all high. Everything is better when you are high. When the needle goes in your arm, it's like nothing matters. You have no problems. But the best part of it all is that you're in a whole other world, a whole other universe.
Rosa barges into the apartment. She grabs my arm, yanking me off the sofa, out of euphoria. She pulls me into the hallway.
"Fuck off Rosa!"
"Amelia what the hell are you doing? You have a child to look after. You have a responsibility."
Rosa's never cared this much before. She knows I use drugs. I know she uses drugs. Everybody in this building is a fucking drug addict.
Rosa watches everyone's kids, as long as she's given drugs that's is. She's a hard opiates user. But she'll take anything the kids parents give her. Crack. Meth. Speed. E.
"What do you want then? Is something wrong with my niece?"
"She's sick Amelia. She's been at my place for the last two days. She has a fever. She's been asking for you. I've said this yesterday too….do you not remember?"
My baby is sick? She was fine when I dropped her off. Perfectly fine.
"I need you to watch her for a bit longer. I can get Jet to give you another hit of Oxy."
To my surprise, Rosa declines.
"Give me your phone Amelia." She orders.
What? My phone? "No."
"Amelia give me your phone and I'll let you see your kid."
"Are you blackmailing me?" I may be high but I'm not stupid.
"I'm calling your brother," Rosa grabs the phone out of my hands.
Rosa knows about Derek. She knows about what happened in my father's store. She knows about the watch. She knows about my family.
"Rosa no. Please." I beg. "Not Derek."
"Look at me very carefully Amelia," Rosa begins sternly. "You're going to listen to every word I say. You are going to go with Derek for the night. You are going to sleep this off. When you come back, you can get your kid. Understood?"
My eyes widen.
"Go and see her before you go," Rosa continues. "Tell her you love her and that you are going out but you'll be back tomorrow."
"It is drugs you want isn't it?!" I demand.
"Give me them tomorrow when you pick your kid up."
Is Rosa seriously holding my kid hostage for drugs?
I go to see Julia. I step inside the small bedroom, stop at the doorway. She's playing on the floor near the end of the twin bed with some stuff animals.
"Hi baby," I greet her, sitting down cross-legged on the floor. Julia doesn't look up at me. "What are you playing?"
"Teddy Bears."
"Rosa tells me you are sick. Is your belly hurting?"
Julia looks up at me startled. I reach forward and touch the girl's forehead. She feels very warm.
"Rosa gave me medicine to help my belly feel better because I was throwing up," Julia shares.
"I'm sorry your sick baby," I hold my arms out for her. Julia crawls up onto my lap.
"Can you read me a story and sing me songs?" She asks innocently.
I shake my head. "I can't baby. I have to go out. You're gonna stay with Rosa tonight until I get back."
"No! I wanna go with you…"
"I'm sorry baby," I say again. I look up to see Rosa standing in the doorway, glaring at me. "How about one book and one song?" I suggest, my fingers move through the six year olds hair.
"Amelia," Rosa warns me. "Derek's on his way to get you."
"Just a song then?" I compromise.
"Just a song," Rosa agrees, stepping out of the bedroom.
"What song do you want to sing baby?" I turn back to Julia once Rosa has disappeared.
"The one your momma would sing to you." It's always her answer. I don't know why I ask anymore to be honest.
"Silver wings," I begin to sing, "shinning in the sun light. Roaring engines heading somewhere in flight. They're taking you away. Leaving me lonely. Silver wings slowly fading out of sight…"
"Amelia," Rosa interrupts. "It's time for you to leave. Go get your things. Derek will be here soon."
I nod, helplessly moving Julia off my lap and back onto the floor.
"No Aunt Amelia," she shrieks. Her arms reach out for me as I attempt to stand back up. "I don't want you to go. No!"
"Stay with Rosa okay? Just tonight and I'll see you tomorrow. I promise." I give the girl a hug and kiss her on her temple. "Forever and ever remember?"
I head out towards the kitchen, blocking out Julia's screams and begin to let myself out of the apartment.
"Aunt Amelia wait!" Little feet pound behind me. I turn back around to Julia, who is holding up the teddy bear she was playing with earlier.
"Take Teddy with you. He helps you if you are scared."
I don't want to leave Julia. I don't want to go to Derek's. But Rosa's right. I have a responsibly. Maybe she's keeping me from my niece for my own good.
I take the stuffed animal from Julia, without looking back, without saying goodbye, I walk towards Vanessa's apartment.
My head feels heavy, my eyes droopy. Arms grab me and lead me towards the kitchen.
Jet's sitting at the table, girls surround him. He has a needle in his hand. Someone wraps a band around my arm and the needle goes through. More drugs.
I sway down the hallway. Everything is a blur. Suddenly I feel scared. Vary scared. I open the door to Julia's bedroom.
Someone calls my name.
I crawl into her closet. She hides her when she's scared. I close my eyes.
My name's being called again. And again.
The closet door opens. I look up to see Derek.
"Amy what are you doing in here?" He asks.
"I'm hiding," I giggle. I don't know why I do. I don't have control.
"It's time to go home Amelia." He reaches for my arm.
"No. I am not going to Mom's…"
"Amy…"
"I want to go to the brownstone. I want to see Addie. I don't want to go to Mom's. I won't go with you if you take me to Mom's."
"I'll take you to see Addie," Derek says, reaching his hand out. I place mine in his. He helps me up. Then he helps me out of the apartment. We pass Rosa's on the way out. I see Rosa letting Jet inside. He gives her a baggy of pills. No.
I fight Derek as he continues escorting me out of the building.
"No Derek!" I squirm. "I can't go. My niece is sick. I can't go with you. Jet's gonna hurt her. Derek! She's my baby."
"None of your nieces are sick Amy," Derek isn't playing games. He doesn't understand.
"She's my niece Derek!" I scream and turn around attempting to get back into the building.
"Your nieces are in Connecticut." Derek's hands grasp around my waist. He picks me up and puts me into the back of the car.
He comes around to the driver side, gets in himself, and starts up the car as I juggle the door handle trying to get out. He put the child locks on. Damnit.
"Let's get you sober," Derek smiles back at me and begins to drive away.
"He's hurting her Derek!" I yell, tears falling from my eyes.
I let my guard down. Went against my better judgment. It wasn't me Jet wanted. It's the child.
"Everything is going to be fine Amy," Derek ensure, his eyes straight ahead of him. The radio comes on.
Silver wings, shinning in the sunlight. Roaring engines heading somewhere in flight. They're taking you away, leaving me lonely. Silver wings slowly fading out of sight.
Everything is not going to be fine Derek.
42 hours earlier (2:30 am Friday)
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
"What the hell is going on?" I demand charging into my niece's hospital room. I'm ready to explode. Explode with worry. I haven't stopped worrying since I laid eyes on my niece yesterday afternoon.
Dead. Everything about her was dead. I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of her lies. I just want answers.
"Somebody better start talking or I swear to God I will be on the next plane back to Maine." Okay, so maybe that was a little extreme.
I stop; take a breath to calm myself. Silence lingers, sniffles and heavy breathing follow. The breathing, it's not mine, its Julia's. She lays back on a gurney, her legs held up by stirrups. Her body's shaking, lips trembling. Tears slowly drizzle from her eyes.
"Amelia," Addison greets me. She sits beside Julia; one hand grasped tightly around Julia's while her other hand strokes gently through her hair.
I used to do that.
"This is Dr. Stevens," she introduces the blonde woman, who is about to insert her hand down my niece's vagina.
"Addison what's going—" I begin. My voice is softer this time.
"Dr. Stevens, can you hold off a minute?" Addison asks politely, getting up out of the chair. She kisses Julia on the forehead. "I'll be back in a minute okay? Dr. Steven's is right here if you need anything. Amelia and I will be right outside."
Julia slowly lets go of Addison's hand. Addison leads me out into the hallway, closing the hospital room door behind her.
Addison breathes in heavily. "I think Julia was raped."
It takes a second for the words to kick in. "Raped?" I repeat.
"Raped."
The word stings as if I pulled off a Band-Aid. I've dealt with rape victims. I've responded to pages in the middle of the night. I've given statements to the police.
Then there were the drugs. The cravings were enough to make you go mad.
There was a time when I would have done anything for an OxyContin, for any drug.
There were my friends, who I watched give unconsented sex for drugs. Even I had unconsented sex for drugs.
Then there were the parties that go so out of control. I would wake up in a different bed, with a different man, with a different hangover. Each time, I wouldn't remember how I go there. Each time, we'd be naked. Having sex while being high off Oxy, was that rape?
"Amelia."
I squeeze my eyes, wet droplets fall out. Unspeakable moments are remembered. All those times I've dealt with rape. All those times, different. They're different than now. I promised I protect her. I'd promise I'd be there.
Now, is no different then seven years ago.
I was high. I left Julia alone. Jet used me to get to Rosa, to then eventually get to Julia. I saw it coming. What did I do?
"Amelia." Addison's hand touches my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry Addie." I suddenly cry. "Whatever is going on—its all my fault."
"Amelia look at me," Addison's voice becomes firmer. "This isn't your fault."
I shake my head. "No. You don't understand Addison. This is my fault. I left her alone. I was high. I wasn't thinking and that thing in there," I angrily point through the window, to Julia. "Used to be a person. She was sweet and funny. She used to laugh. We used to laugh together. She loved the color purple. She liked ferryboats. She used to be a little girl. And now, she's a…a…a…monster." I stutter. "She's not the little girl I loved. I had to die. I had to ruin her, just like a ruin everything else."
"That is not true," Addison argues back. "You have to be one of the most strongest woman I know. And that thing in there, whatever she is, she needs you. She asked for you. Somewhere inside that thing is still a little girl, who craves your love." Addison takes a breath, holding back her own tears. "We can't change what happened in the past. As much as you and I both want to, we can't do that for her. But we're both here now and we both have to go back into that room and be there for her."
I gulp, whipping my tears with the back of my sleeve. "Okay," I agree. "But I want to talk to her first. Alone. Please Addie?"
Addison nods and I enter my niece's hospital room.
"Hi baby," I greet her. I move her ankles off the stern ups, move around to the side of her hospital bed and take a seat.
Julia's scared blue eyes turn towards me. "I don't wanna do this."
"I know baby. I'm right here and Addison will be right here. Dr. Stevens will do the exam as fast as possible."
"It might hurt a little bit," Dr. Steven says. "But I promise to be as gentle as possible."
"I'll go get Addison," I inform Julia, beginning to stand up, when I feel her hand grab a hold of my arm.
"She doesn't want me. I don't want her here. I want you," Julia whimpers.
"I'll let Addison know then. Can I have a word?" I ask Dr. Stevens as we step off to the side. "I want you to do a drug test as well. She can't know. Nobody can know. Understood?"
Dr. Stevens nods.
"Urine would be to obvious. Take a blood sample or a hair sample. The results need to go to the lab as soon as it gets done."
"Of course," Dr. Stevens smiles, heading back into the hospital room.
I find Addie sitting on a chair a little further down the hallway. "She doesn't want you to come in."
"I assumed so," Addison mutters.
"I'll take care of her," I promise, giving Addie a wink, I head back towards Julia's hospital room.
Julia's POV
(Friday Morning, approximately 10 am)
Sober enough to collect my surroundings, I glance around a deserted hospital room. I sit up straighter, I ruffle the blankets around me. Silence greets me. Nobody moves. Nobody talks. Faces stare at me. I stare back.
Go away Daddy. I just want my Aunt Amelia.
My body shakes. It's all too much.
I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't speak. I can't remember.
"Julia, you remember Dr. Stevens right?" Addison finally talks. She walks over to the side of my bed and reaches for my arm. I pull it back.
You wanted Mark's baby. You don't want me.
"Dr. Stevens says its okay to go home, when your ready that is."
My eyes dart from Dr. Stevens to Derek and back to Addison. What do I say?
I shake my head. "I don't want to go home. I want to go back to the trailer." Back to when everything was okay. Back to when we were a family.
Addison gives Derek a look and he returns it by giving Addison another look which transfers then towards Dr. Stevens.
"Dr. Stevens," Derek clears his throat. "Can we have a moment please?"
Dr. Stevens nods. "Take your time," she gives me a smile before heading out into the hallway.
Once Dr. Stevens has disappeared, Derek takes a breath. "We can't go back to the trailer today."
No. I shake my head, unwilling to believe what he's telling me. No.
"We're going to go back to the condo to talk okay?" Addison takes over for Derek.
"Why?" Words finally surface. "Why are you coming home with us?"
"Addison's still very much part of our family," Derek begins, as I cringe. Family. I hate that word.
"Well you are not part of my family," the words just spit out, word vomit. "I don't want you there."
"Like it or not I'm coming back to the condo," Addison informs me. "We all need to talk and you have no say in this matter Julia." She heads towards the doorway.
Oh trust me Addison. I have plenty to say.
The "Family Meeting" is endured. Mark thought it would be in my best interests if he attended the meeting too. Derek and Addison both thought otherwise, that was until they learned he brought coffee.
"Here Mini D," he says, handing me a wrapped box, before sitting down on the sofa beside Aunt Amelia. "I thought they would come in handy."
I begin to unwrap the wrapping paper as Derek and Addison join, sitting down on the sofa across from us.
Condoms. Great gift Mark.
"Condoms, really Mark?" Derek voice suddenly booms.
"She's having unsafe sex Derek," Mark tries to reason with him while my face turns bright read.
"She was raped Mark, she's not sexually active." Addison's voice arises.
"Really?" Mark raises his eyebrows. "Is that your consensus or is that what Mini D said?"
Addison suddenly looks shocked. "Excuse me?"
"Have any of you asked Mini D if she was raped?"
Addison, Derek and Aunt Amelia share looks. Maybe it was in my best interests to have Mark here.
All eyes suddenly land on me.
"What happened last night Mini D?" Addison questions, her voice quite.
I shrug, the box of condoms still in my hand. Did Luke use a condom?
"Mini D?" She asks again.
I could tell another lie, but there's so many already. Yet I have no other choice.
There's a knock at the condo's door.
Addison sighs, as she gets up to answer it.
"You again," she then begins once she notices Luke standing in the doorway. No. No. No.
"Are you here to have more uncondensed sex with my daughter?" Derek asks Luke, joining Addison in the doorway.
"I'm just returning Julia's things she left at my place last night." He hands Derek my purse. My Oxy.
"So she was at your place last night," Addison clarifies.
"Yeah," his voice shakes. "Look, I really like Julia and I would never do anything to hurt her. What you walked in on," he begins to explain to Addison. "You shouldn't have seen that. We both couldn't hold back our feelings for each other any longer, and I guess now, after last night at the party we are kind of dating."
Dating. Like hell we are. No. No. No. It's a lie none the less.
I get up out of my chair and storm over to the doorway. "Well I guess if we are dating now, you're going to need these." I shove the condoms into his hands.
"Mini D," Mark calls from the living room. "Those were for you."
"So you're the one that raped my daughter?" Derek growls putting two and two together.
"Raped?" Luke repeats, shoving his hands in his pockets. "She was all over me last night."
All eyes attach. My stomach drops. My eyes shift over to Aunt Amelia for help. Betrayal is written over her face.
"Is this true Julia?"
I nod. "I just didn't want you to know. I didn't want to have to go through all this. I really like Luke, I do. I don't know what came over me last night Addison," I turn towards her.
"So you remember?"
I gulp looking over to Luke for help.
"Julia's drink got spiked afterwards. I looked around for her everywhere…then I saw her getting into a cab, it took off before I got there."
What a lie.
"Right," I join in. "And now Luke is leaving."
Addison looks at me as if I have two heads. Aunt Amelia stares from the sofa—the glare on her face says otherwise. While Derek on the other hand, seems relieved. If only he knew. If only he knew.
"Like hell you are," Mark roars coming to join the four of us. He then begins to shove Luke out of the condo. "Keep you hands off my Mini D. You're not welcome here. You're not welcome anywhere near her." Mark leans in, inches away from Luke's face. He then grabs Luke by the neck of his shirt. "Do you understand?"
Luke nods, scared shitless.
"Good," Mark smiles—a stupid grin comes over his face .He steps back into the condo, slamming the door on Luke. Comical.
Nobody quite knows what to say. Mark turns to Derek.
"Dude," he pats his shoulder. "You really need to learn to grow a back bone."
"I have a back bone," Derek unpleasantly replies. He turns towards me, unhappily. "Go to your room Mini D, you are grounded."
For once, I don't argue. I do as I'm told. I go to my room.
Derek and Mark's voices full the condo.
"Condoms really Mark?" Derek voice booms.
"She's having unsafe sex," Mark tries to reason with him.
"She was raped Mark!"
I plug my speakers into my laptop. Heaven Knows, by The Pretty Reckless fills the room. The search for Oxy continues. Pillows fly off my bed.
"She had sex with Luke! You heard him. You heard her! You don't want Mini D getting pregnant do you?" Mark replies.
Blankets tower to the ground.
"I'm her parent. I decide when to give her condoms. As of right now, Julia is not having sex with anybody and she's not getting pregnant until she's at least thirty."
My lamp gets pushed to the floor. Things get tossed out of my nightstand. Perfume bottles fall off my dresser. A picture frame smashes against them. Clothes fly out of my dresser door.
"I'M HER FATHER. Now get out! Get out of my condo! You aren't welcome here either." Derek hollers. I've never head him this mad before.
Drugs. Oxy. I need Oxy. I scream as the dresser doors land on top of the pile of clutter. More clothes get ripped out of my closet. I flip my mattress off my bed, flop down onto the floor, grab my purse, shuffling through it, I pull out a plastic baggy. Oxy.
Amelia's POV
32 hours later
I got sober young. I spent the bulk of my twenties in a library studying, then I made a mistake, I started using again. Again, I hit rock bottom and again I went into rehab. I took a semester off medical school, then residency and my Nero fellowship.
You'd think after spending two times in rehab, it would make me think differently about taking the OxyContin I'm holding in front of me. Yet it doesn't.
You'd think I would think twice about taking it, after what I put my family through, after what I put my niece through. Except I don't.
I can't. There's too much temptation. Everything's gone out of control, but this, this is one thing I can control.
I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As they're falling tell a story
Julia's POV
It's a bit taunting, the professionalism surrounding me. Doctors. Nurses. Lawyers. Judges. Then there's other important business people Addison knows, and the patients she's touched, the one's who've gotten exclusive invitations, the one's who are asked to speak.
They're all here for her.
They believe she's some big shot Neonatal surgeon, one who has saved lives and created surgical techniques. All these people look up to her. Some want to be her. But not me, I don't want to have anything to do with here.
Everybody here, they don't know Addison at all.
They don't know she didn't come home for weeks at a time—chose work over her family.
They don't know she cheated on her husband and had an affair with his best friend.
They don't know she got pregnant with his baby and had an abortion.
They don't know her marriage is falling apart.
They don't know she has a stepdaughter, let alone a stepdaughter who is a drug addict.
They don't know her. They don't know her at all.
Addison waltzes towards us, in a long sparkly gold strapless designer dress. It has a slit down the left side. Her hair is perfectly done in a fancy looking updo. Long gold earrings dangle from her ears.
"Derek," Addison greets him, giving him a kiss on the check. "Don't you look pretty," Addison smiles and me, and I flinch. "I can't say the same for the shoes though." Her eyes look down towards my black converse. "I think Amelia and I bought matching shoes for the dress."
I shrug. "They made my feet hurt."
"Speaking of Amelia where is she?"
"She's running a little late," Derek clarifies. "She should be here soon—oh look," he changes the subject, nudging Addison. "There's the Taylor's. We should go say hello. Invite them over for dinner…is that something families do?"
"Maybe Meg's somewhere around here as well," Addison suggests.
No Addie. I don't want to see her. Her boyfriend raped me.
"I'm going to find Mark," I announce, glancing around the ballroom for him. Anything to get me out of talking to Meg.
"Okay," Addison agrees. "Don't wonder to far. Stay where we can see you."
"Where would I go Addison?" I spit back.
"Alright Julia that's enough," Derek steps in.
I stand watching them walk away.
"Champagne?" The waiter offers me a glass. I decide to take the bottle.
Meredith's POV
Half the hospital is down in the reception hall to watch Addison receive the Harper Avery. Harper Avery was one of the greatest doctors of all time. My mother was one of the greats. She's won the Harper Avery award at least twice. One day, I'll win the award. Three times.
The Chief gave all of us interns the night off. He believed that attending the reception tonight would be a great opportunity for all of us. Not for me. I offered to be on stocking duty just to get out of attending the reception. Derek will be there. His daughter will be there. I can't be there.
"Fancy seeing you here," a familiar voice echoes from inside the storage closet.
I look down to see Julia, Derek's daughter. Just Great.
"Want a drink?" She holds out a champagne bottle. And she's drinking.
"Aren't you too young to be drinking?"
"Come on Meredith," she urges. "Don't tell me you never drank underage."
"Shouldn't you be at the reception?" I change the subject.
"Why should I be? So I can watch my stepmother receive some short of greatness award? She sucks." Julia takes another sip of champagne. "Your names on the list. Shouldn't you be there too?"
"I'm working."
"Stocking storage closets? Aren't you supposed to be a doctor? It looks like your avoiding the reception too." Is it that obvious?
"You could say that," I admit.
"Did you know Addison aborted Mark's baby?"
I drop the container I'm holding. Shocked. I knew she cheated on Derek, but Addison's abortion is one thing I didn't know about.
"She'd rather have Mark's baby then me," Julia confides to me. "Then again, my own mother didn't want me so I must be cursed. I bet your mother wouldn't want me either."
I sigh sitting down beside the girl. "My mother didn't want me either. She was controlling, very demanding and often would chose work over me. There were so many times when I just wanted to runaway, when I felt like I couldn't breathe."
"Sounds like Addison," Julia laughs.
"My mother is nothing like Addison," I interject. "She told me once that anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life."
"They sound like the same person to me," Julia takes another sip of champagne.
I shake my head again. Addison cares about her. The kid just doesn't see it. She believes everyone is out to get her. I get why she thinks that, from being in foster care and all. "No. The difference between my mother and Addison is that Addison cares. She loves you just because you are you. She doesn't want you to be extraordinary. She just wants you to be you."
"That's bullshit," Julia announces. "Where's your mother now?
"My mother has Alzheimer's. She's in a nursing home."
My pager goes off. What am I going to do with Derek's kid? "I've gotta go," I jump to my feet. "Stay here. When I get back, we will find your father."
"I'm not going back to that reception Meredith," Julia calls out after me.
At least we both agree on something, because I'm not going to that reception either.
If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay a while
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again
Mark's POV
"Did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?" I ask the blonde haired blue-eyed bartender, whom I've been flirting with for the last thirty minutes.
I think I am making some leeway, considering the nurses won't sleep with me. I've started to be creative with my options.
The bartender giggles, a flirty giggle and reaches for my cup.
"Would you like another drink?"
I don't object, especially with this event having an open bar, I might as well make the most of it right?
"He's had enough Tracey," Addison's comes from behind me. "That's your seventh drink Mark. Pace yourself."
"Seriously Addison? You've been watching me?" Unbelievable, that is unless she's jealous.
"Derek's disappeared, Amelia hasn't shown up yet, and I can't find Mini D. She said she was going to find you."
Classic Addie. She's stressed out, over thinking things. "I haven't seen Derek, I'm sure wherever he is, Mini D is with him. I'll go over to the condo and check on Amy okay? Everything will be fine Addison."
She nods hesitantly. "I give my speech soon."
"I'll be back by then, and I'll have the troops round up," I promise.
I let myself into Derek's condo after knocking three times.
"Amy?" I call out looking around. I notice an opened wine bottle on the counter. "Amy?" I yell louder, wondering further down the hallway. I walk past the open door to Mini D's room, which looks as if it's been hit by a tornado.
I find Amelia in the bathroom. She's on the floor, back against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest while rocking back and forth. There's an empty wine glass on the edge of the tub.
"Amelia?" I say gently, kneeling down in front of her. "Amelia?"
"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I'm sorry."
"For what Amy?"
"I couldn't control it. The craving. I found a bag of Oxy in Julia's room," Amelia jabbers. "I couldn't control it…I couldn't control it…I'm sorry I'm sorry."
Amy relapsed?
"I flushed the rest. I just wanted two but after I realized what I did, I didn't want them inside me. I made a mistake. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Her lips quiver, tears begin to fall from her eyes.
"It was a mistake," I agree, sitting down beside her.
"Derek would be so mad. He can't know about this. You can't tell him. You have to promise." Amelia's words slur.
"I'll take you back to my place then," I offer. "You'll get cleaned up and sleep it off. Once your sober enough we will go to a meeting."
"Why are you being so nice?"
"Because I care Amy. I don't want to see you go down this road again. I don't want you to take everyone you love with you."
I stand up and head towards the guest room to get Amelia's things.
"Do you love me Mark?" The question makes me stop in my tracks, I turn around.
"Yes Amy, I love you." I've always loved you.
Julia's POV
The champagne bottle is empty. I stubble too my feet with my knees wobbling out of the storage closet.
Where the hell am I?
My head begins to pound. My body feels heavy. The noises around me are amplified.
I walk through the maze of hallways, turning down one and then another.
Where's Meredith? Am I lost? Please don't be mad Addison.
I've got to get back to the reception, before Derek and Addison notice I am gone. What would they do if I runaway? What would they do if I went missing? Nothing. Probably nothing.
Then I find him. I find her. In an empty hall way.
"I'm drowning in there," he speaks softly. "I'm downing in there Meredith. Everything's falling apart and I'm drowning."
I'm drowning too Daddy.
"Derek…" she begins.
"She's using drugs. It's Amelia all over again. I can't do this!" He cries. He curses. He shouts. He can't see me.
She takes his hand. She guides him into the on call room.
Goodbye Daddy. Goodbye.
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Derek's POV
Present Day (Sunday Morning 8 hours later)
"Why are the police here?" Amy questions entering the condo, Mark behind her. "What's going on?"
I can't look at her. I can't move. I can't breathe. My daughter is missing and I can't breathe.
Except Addie can. She approaches Amy, raising her hand, slaps Amy hard.
"What the hell Addie?!" Amy's hand reaches for her cheek.
"This is your fault Amelia. Do you hear me? It's your fault," Addison raises her voice.
"Hey!" Mark jumps in front of the two of them. "Back off."
"Why are the police here? Derek?" Amy confronts me this time. "Derek?!" She says louder after I don't respond. "Derek?!"
"Constable Michaels wants to ask you some questions about Julia," Addison clarifies.
"Where is she?" Amy demands.
"She has gone missing," Constable Michaels tells Amy.
Missing. My daughter is missing. She has been for eight hours, fifteen minutes and forty seconds and I can't breathe.