This may be improper to record, and though I do not think I will forget it, I wanted to write it down. After what I wrote last night, Fili came in, no sooner had I closed the book.

"Hello," I said, and he smiled back.

"Sigrid." I love hearing him say my name. "I have not seen your face all day." He sighed, as if this were something hard to bear. I smiled.

"I have missed you, but I know that you are needed greatly, and I wouldn't want to interfere."

"Nonsense," he growled, unbuckling his belt and easing his heavy overcoat from his shoulders. "What did you do all the day long? I hope you weren't bored or lonely."

"Not at all, Kili amused me."

"He has a way of doing that," Fili chuckled, stepping out of his boots, and flopping back upon the bed, his hair askew. "Mahal, I am tired..."

"Can I get you anything?" I asked, standing, and going to the small table across the chamber which holds a ewer of water for drinking and a few carven cups.

"A drink would be nice."

"Water?"

"Ale, if it's handy."

I shook my head. "I can send for it."

"Nay, water will do, then."

Rising, he came and took the cup from my hand, downing it in hurried gulps. Catching his breath after the cup was emptied, he brushed the droplets from his beard and caught me in a hug.

"So soon...?" I murmured, smiling, for though it was early, I am starting to look forward to nighttime more than I probably should. There is no shame in loving my husband, I know, but I am not sure if it is entirely proper for a woman to have desires of this sort. Women are to fulfill, not demand.

"Aye, so soon," Fili chuckled, his throat vibrating against my shoulder. "Unless you object?"

I shook my head. "Never."

Together, still dressed, we migrated to the bed, and I began to toy with his hair, something that is always a wonder to me. His hair would be the envy of any woman, as there is such a great amount of it, and it grows in such heavy waves of a rich golden color. Fingering the braids that he wears, one before his ear, one behind on each side of his head, I pressed a kiss to his ear, feeling bold.

He caught his breath, and reaching around me, tugged at the laces on my dress until they gave under his touch. I aided him in pulling it from my shoulder, and he stared in alarm at the skin there. I twisted in attempt to glimpse what so appalled him.

"What is it?"

"A bruise... and such a bruise -" His brows knit. "What happened?"

I suddenly remembered - one of Kili's strokes had come too close, and in effort to block it I had struck myself with the pommel of my own sword. Not a story I'd be proud to tell, and I had nearly succeeded in forgetting. He pressed his fingers gently to it, and I winced.

"Does that hurt?"

I nodded. "Kili was teaching me to spar today, and-"

"If he hurt you, I will punish him myself."

"No - no, it was my fault. I was clumsy, and ..." I trailed off. "We did not go for long. He said it was... dangerous."

"And he was right." Fili's eyes were bright with worry. "Don't do any more of that, lass, I'd never forgive myself if harm came to you. Neither would your father."

I nodded. "I will be careful." Because I have every intention of learning the sword better if I can.

"Do you think we will see the end of this in our lifetimes?" Fili wondered aloud after a moment of silence, my hands still going to and fro in his hair.

"The end of what?"

"The restoration. I should so like to be present to witness Erebor once again in all it's glory."

"If your hard work is any indication, I should say so," I smiled. "But I don't really know. I always thought that I would see the raising of Esgaroth..." I trailed off. I should not speak so before him, lest he think I am unhappy.

Fili turned so he could look into my eyes once again. "You miss them still."

My voice was low. "I will never cease to miss them."

Fili's eyes were humid with sadness, and it struck a pang in my heart to think that I had caused it. "Then I am doing something wrong."

"No, no..." I hastened to assure him. "I love them. They are my family. I shall always miss them."

"But you are not unhappy with me?"

I shook my head. "Your doubt is disconcerting."

"Your happiness is one of the most important things to me."

"One?" I cocked my head. He hesitated.

"The most important," he amended, leaning in, and whispering, his breath hot against my lips, "Let me show you my love... I think you grow eager." His touch was heavy with intent, and I could feel my face growing hot, something I think I shall never outgrow.

"Please," I whispered, and then I could no longer think clearly to evaluate the results of my request. I think I am beginning to understand what Thorin meant when he told Fili to show me the true way of dwarven love.

At last, striving for breath in the still air of the room, and drooping with exertion in each other's arms, Fili spoke again. It was quite late.

"When we first met I told you something that I had never even told Thorin, nor Kili." There was a long silence. "You have the sort of gaze that makes people want to confide in you."

"When we spoke not long after that I was struck with how much you knew of me." I sighed happily. "It was as if we had known each other for much longer than we had."

Fili shifted, his arm beneath me, the warmth of his damp skin pressing into the back of my neck, my tangled hair scattered over him. "Then..." He seemed to be thinking hard. "Then I have a chance after all, because of that, of winning your entire affection."
"You have my entire affection," I murmured, not understanding him.

"I mean that your love for your father and siblings has long occupied your heart, and has deep root there. But if our love for each other predates our acquaintance - then I have a chance after all?"

"Fili, you can never drive my love of them away, not even in my love for you," I told him quietly.

He gave another sigh. "I am just jealous, then, to think that any one else has your good opinion."
I laughed. "Even my father and siblings?"

His eyes met mine as he sat up, and regarded me seriously. "There are many things that I still do not know about you, but I have a lifetime of finding that out. You would likely say the same of me. Still, there is something I feel I should tell you now."

I suddenly felt a little fearful. What was it going to be? Some dreadful secret? I feel certain that nothing he could say would make my love for him flagger, but I could not help but feel that my fears were reflected on my face, for he looked very sober, and traced with one finger the bruise upon my shoulder as he spoke, slowly, and deliberately.

"Thorin and I were working together today. We do not often, for the rebuilding needs masters in many different places too much for us to be side by side. We spoke of many things, and at last, conversation turned to you."

I had to remember to breathe, and I did not remove my gaze from his face, though now my view was mostly of his broad forehead, as his eyes were still attentive to my shoulder.

"I spoke to him of my love for you, much as the first day I broached the subject to him. Then, he was somewhat angered, and I was surprised that he agreed in the end. I asked him plainly how it was that he thought so well of you now, and if it was, as I suspected, that he could see what a great woman you are and will become."

I tried not to hear the compliment, looking past it, instead, to the But that I knew was coming.

"But..." Fili lowered his head and kissed me, as if he needed the strength to go on. "But he told me then... his true motive in permitting us to wed."

I squirmed. "He desires alliances," I began, hoping to aid him. "He does not believe in love, but merely saw it as an occasion to forge a peaceable bond between dwarves and men." Fili shook his head, and my brow furrowed. "What then? He did not desire a daughter of man to one day rule as queen of a dwarven prince?"

Fili's voice was heavy and almost hoarse with consternation. "He said that he only allowed it because we would be getting the better end of the bargain."

"How so...?" I breathed.

"The lifespan of a human is less than a third of that of a dwarf. We have our alliance, and your life will soon be spent while I am still young. Then I can marry again, and the alliance will not be broken."

I resisted to urge to be shocked by the revelation, but a tear dripping from Fili's face above me caused me to draw him within my arms and hold him close as he shook, managing, "He is already planning for your death when I can barely think on it. We have been together for so little time."

"It is true that I will die after a mere sixty years more, maybe sooner," I said at last, when his harsh grip on me relaxed and I could speak again. "You will still have much of your life left."

"But to scheme in such a way," Fili growled. "I am so angry."

I hardly know what to think. I wonder if I will be able to speak to Thorin properly knowing that he sees me only as the amount of years left to pay off the debt of alliance. This is growing too long to finish now, but I will write more later.