Here's a lighter chapter after all the drama.
Chapter 36: Hunger Pangs
Grace washed and changed out of her armor into a very soft, pale blue, scoop-necked gown that did not quite reach her ankles. Her hair was loose and bounced around her face in long, thick curls. Thorin met her at the front gate after scrubbing off the dirt and sweat of the battle, wearing breeches, boots, and a blue tunic open at the neck. His clean hair rolled in thick waves over his shoulders and down his back, and he smelled of musk. Bowing to Grace, he took her hand and walked with her to a shady spot near a bubbling creek where thick blankets and pillows were laid. Agathil sat knitting a short distance away while Balin read a book in an overstuffed chair that had been brought out. The scene was cosy and inviting, although Thorin privately grumbled that Balin spoiled the view.
"I know that we cannot sleep together as we did on the quest," he said with an annoyed glance at Balin who waved back with a cheeky smile, "but it is quite acceptable to take a nap together out in the open, so after you, my heart."
With a tired sigh, Grace sank down on the pile of blankets and pillows, and he stretched out and tried to get her to lie beside him, but despite the respite offered to her, she could not relax.
"I can hardly believe that he came for me," she said in a low voice while she played with fringe on the edge of a pillow. "I fell fighting him, yet I didn't recognize him at first. How could that be?" Her head dropped even farther. "You could have died, Thorin. He wanted to kill you. The look on your face. I ...," and she shook her head and fell silent. He reached out his hand again but she drew back.
"I do not want you to be my protector any longer," she said, looking down at her lap. "Not when you could die. You must not risk yourself." She faced him then. Her voice trembled, and she struggled to hold his wounded gaze. His innards had twisted, but he was careful not to react. "It might be best ... I think it might be better if ... I will protect myself now ..." She trailed off, but he knew where her thoughts were heading. Once again she was thinking of leaving him for his sake, and he forced himself to stay calm.
Although it was not his nature to hold back, he said nothing and watched her try to keep herself together. She fiddled and shifted on the blankets, not comfortable anywhere. Her hair was in her eyes, it stuck to her neck, it was in the way no matter what she did, and she scooped it from around her neck and flung it down her back.
"Allow me," he said, and he gathered up her hair and ran his fingers through it. Stroke by stroke her resistance lessened. He shifted to sit behind her and ran his hands through her hair, massaging her scalp and kneading her temples. "Grace, Grace, it is not your fault. Do not leave me, I beg of you." He waved away her next words, already knowing what they would be. "You would stay but not allow me to court you. I know. Stay as a member of the company or a helper to rebuild but not so I could love you, not so I could be your lover with a claim on your heart." He turned her to face him. "I would rather die. Die, Grace."
"He came here," she countered, "to Erebor. He would have killed you. Killed everyone. All because of me." She sighed and tossed a pillow away. Thorin watched her downcast face, and he lifted her chin, forcing her to see him.
"It was not your fault, Grace. You must believe that, and now he is gone, and I am quite sure he is not coming back. He will not face both of us again." He held her face and refused to let her look away. After a short stalemate, she broke down and accepted the comfort he offered. He took her hand and brought it to his lips, and she smiled at his tenderness, but her wan smile dropped when he squeezed her hand.
"Worse was all the while I … I struggled to fight one of my own kind though he ceased being one of us many eons ago. My mortal enemy and with innocent lives in the balance, but even then I felt … torn." Her last word came out as a sob.
"I know," Thorin said, and he took her face in his hands and rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs. He pulled her closer and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. His lips lingered near her ear. "It is natural to feel regret for kin who have gone astray. He was your brother once, and you may still feel the pull of family, even though he made a mockery of it."
She nodded. "I still feel so foolish. Why ...?"
"Enough now," he said with a hush and wave of his hand. "He is gone, all is well, so let it go. Besides, you have a new family now, Grace. I hope you feel that."
"Yes," she said with a shy smile, "I am beginning to." Even so, it took more minutes of Thorin's ministrations before she could fully relax, and he was in no hurry to stop. Something that needed to change—urgently in his opinion—was her steadfast belief that removing herself from him was the best way to protect him. Somehow, he had to get through to her, somehow. If he did not, he knew he would face this again.
Lop off the trunk to save the branch. That is what she thinks.
"I am glad to hear that. Now you need to rest." He shifted to lie down but his hand flew to his left side. "Ah!"
"Oh! You are injured. Let me see."
"It is nothing," he said, "it will heal soon enough. I have had worse."
But she shook her head as she tugged on his shirt and lifting it up she saw a large and ugly blue-purple bruise on his ribs. "Oh, Thorin, why did you not have this treated? It looks terrible." He took a quick look down and dismissed it at once. Something else that he remembered took precedence.
"What did he mean when he said that you would be punished if you stayed with me, that there were laws about such things?"
She shrugged, not wanting to lose the peace he had helped her find.
"I do not know. It was probably an empty threat to drive a wedge between us."
"And if it was not?"
She sighed, unwilling to pursue the matter. He grew concerned at her listlessness and entwined his fingers with hers.
"We do not need to speak of it now," he said. She nodded and lifted his shirt again. Her finger traced the edges of the bruise from Faldor's sword thrust. She was grateful for his armor and thought that she should thank its makers. Without it ... without it ...
"What is more important now is your injury. What can be done?"
"There is nothing to be done but let time take its course," he said as he lay back against the cushions with his arms folded behind his head. "Lay down with me, my heart. Let us enjoy our triumph together."
She pursed her lips, refusing to let the matter drop.
"I can sing and see if it helps," she said, "or we could try the remedy that the older dwarflings say works very well."
Thorin smiled lazily and closed his eyes, enjoying a rare moment of ease.
"And what do they say?" he asked without expectation.
"They say that kissing injuries takes away the pain," she said. "Is that true?"
Thorin's eyes popped open, and he propped himself up on his elbows, his mind alert to opportunity. Surely, after soothing her pain, he deserved some solace.
"They say that, do they?" he asked. "Yes, I seem to remember something about that." He stared at Grace with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Thinking through his options, he glanced at Balin to see if he was watching, but he appeared engrossed in his book. Thorin looked back at her with a sly grin.
"We could try that first," he said, and he laid back down and pulled his shirt up higher. "It is very uncomfortable and I would be interested to know if this remedy works."
"Do I kiss it hard or gentle then, and is it one or many?"
He was not prepared for such questions, and he groaned, which she interpreted as pain.
"It is gentle and many," he said while struggling to master his emotions.
At once, she leaned over and started placing light kisses on his side. Her hand rested on his chest and and her fingers and hair caressed him while she moved her mouth along his ribs. He sagged into the quilts and moaned as fire spread through his body.
"Am I hurting you?" she asked as she straightened up. Her brows drew together in concern. He was panting and grabbing fistfuls of the quilt. This little experiment was spiraling out of control, and he remembered his vow to keep himself in line. Letting down his guard for even a moment was more temptation than he could bear.
"No, no," he said between breaths. "I do not feel the pain anymore, but, my heart, I cannot ... you need to ..."
"Truly?" she asked in delight. Surely then everyone needed to learn this remedy. Before he could ask her to stop, she bent over and pressed her soft, warm lips on his chest, determined to cover every inch. Unable to speak, he closed his eyes and struggled not to devour her. "I need you to roll over so I can ... no, that will not work." Much to his shock and alarm, she hiked up her skirts and straddled him to kiss more remote spots. Waves of pleasure kept him immobile. "Yes, right there. Now don't move." His mouth opened and his nostrils flared at her most effective treatment.
"Ahem!" came a loud and disgruntled voice. Grace stopped and Thorin froze before lifting his head to one side to see Balin glaring at them over the top of his book.
"I am helping him with his injury, Balin," she said, gesturing at his chest. "The older dwarflings told me that kissing injuries is effective, and it seems to be working quite well."
Balin turned his disapproving stare on Thorin who pulled his shirt down and busied himself rearranging the quilts.
"I was also surprised to find that it works," he said, attempting to appear nonchalant. Unimpressed, Balin pursed his lips and gave him the fish eye.
"Does it now? Is the pain all gone then, laddie?" he said both stern and mischievous at once. "I could have a go at your bruise if you think you need more help or Agathil here. For medicinal purposes, of course."
Agathil looked over and giggled after catching on to Balin's meaning.
Thorin straightened up in alarm. That was not something he wanted to experience by any means, and he knew Balin well enough to know that he could make his point in any number of embarrassing ways.
"No, I am perfectly well now, thank you."
Balin nodded as his eyes bored into Thorin.
"I thought so," he said.
His imaginings put away for another day, Thorin pulled Grace down beside him and tucked her head on his shoulder.
"I think it is time for that nap," he said with resignation. She yawned.
"Yes, it is."
For the next several weeks, all the dwarves could speak of was the battle and its implications. Grace was aware that they might view her differently after what they saw, so she worked very hard to put them at ease. She spent all her spare time with them, visiting them in their places at work and home, playing with the children, and finding ways to make their lives easier.
Soon though, Thorin noticed a change in her. Calling Balin to him one morning, he asked, "Does Grace not look thinner than is usual for her?" Balin looked over and shook his head, but as she bent over to help a dwarfling who had fallen, he noticed her shoulder blades showing through her dress. He nodded at Thorin who called her over.
"Grace, please come to me." She walked over with a gentle smile, but he saw dark circles under her eyes. Something was wrong.
"You want something of me?"
Thorin looked her over and noticed her collar bones standing out.
"You never rested after planting and after Faldor," he said. "You need time to regain your strength."
As usual she smiled and dismissed any concern.
"I have not been doing more than others," she said. "Perhaps in a few days, I will find some time, perhaps …." A sudden weariness overtook her, and she swayed on her feet and stumbled. Thorin caught her thin arm.
"You need sleep and now," he said, waving away her protests. He walked her to the healing room with Balin's help and put her on a large couch. After consulting with Oin, Thorin pulled a thick throw over her.
"I will check on you soon, but I want you to sleep," he said with a frown.
It was dark when she woke up with pain in her stomach. Oin found her curled up and clutching a cushion to her belly, and he bustled to call Thorin who came in and kneeled before her.
"What is wrong, my heart?" he asked as he stroked her hair.
"I hurt, Thorin," she said grimacing. "I hurt here." She rubbed her stomach, and a noise broke the silence. He held his hand on her stomach and heard it rumble.
"Do you think you might be hungry?" he asked. "You have been here now for many months, so I think the time has come for you to start eating. Perhaps you've been here long enough to need food now."
She did not know how to answer, but another cramp had her shoving the pillow into her stomach. Patting her hand, Thorin stood and opened the door to call a servant.
"Send for some fruit," he said. A platter bearing grapes and cherries arrived shortly thereafter.
"Slowly now," he said, "we do not know what effect this will have." He selected a large grape and told her to bite into it and chew carefully. She obeyed and her eyes opened wide as she savored the taste. To his surprise, she popped the rest of it in her mouth and reached for a handful of cherries.
"Slowly now, my heart," he said with a smile, "and you have to spit out the cherry pits. You can't eat those whole."
After she downed everything on the platter, Thorin ordered pears and apples next. Over the next few weeks, her tolerance for food grew, and she was eager to try everything. Thorin found great enjoyment explaining the different foods and watching her childlike delight in discovering their flavor, but not all experiments were successful.
"What are these wretched things?" she asked after she spat out a cabbage sprout. "Are they meant to choke the enemy?"
Thorin and his sister-sons laughed at the disgust on her face.
"Actually, I like them," Kili said, and he tossed one in the air and caught it in his mouth. "Especially when they're roasted."
"They are what's called an acquired taste," Fili said. She pushed out her lower lip and scraped the rest of her sprouts on their plates.
"Why should anyone eat something they hate so they can grow to like it?" Her question left Kili scratching his temple.
"Tastes change over time, Grace," Thorin said. "Kili used to hate cabbage sprouts when he was young."
"And liver," Fili said, making a face.
"You eat animal entrails?" she asked in horror.
"It doesn't sound good when you put it like that, of course," Kili said, "but it depends on how you prepare it."
"I will not acquire such tastes," she said, and she spooned more berries on her plate. Within a few weeks, her thinness disappeared and was replaced by glowing health. Thorin noticed a fine pink sheen on her cheeks and thought her more enticing than ever.
After some discussion, she decided to drink water, and Thorin, Oin, and Balin kept watch for three nights until they were satisfied no more harm would come to her.
"She's becoming one of us, laddie," Balin said with satisfaction.
Thorin grinned before becoming uneasy.
But will she be punished for that?"