Attack of the OC's! Yeah, I just couldn't resist. This is horrible. But it's hilarious! It just cracks me up! But it didn't come out like I thought about it… (Pouts) But it's still funny. Right?
"There's no need to worry!" Urahara Kisuke assured Suìfēng, Shihouin Yoruichi, Abarai Renji, Kurosaki Ichigo, Kuchiki Rukia, Inoue Orihime, Ishida Uryuu, and Chad, "I've gotten more help!"
"More help?" Yoruichi asked with a raised eyebrow, "We've already tapped every source available to us. Who else could you possibly convince to join us? Some arrancar?"
"No!" Kisuke replied with a bright grin, "But an untapped source of –"
Right then, the shoji slammed open to reveal an obviously just awoken (and very disgruntled) Sakura. Kisuke stopped mid-sentence to look at her, as did everyone else. They all sort of stared, though Kisuke was mentally planning where to re-begin his speech.
"And you are?" Suìfēng asked.
Sakura looked at her, decided that she didn't need to know, and turned to Kisuke. "Hey, pedophile," she started.
"WHAT!?" went just about everyone in the room. Sakura was the only person who didn't.
"Why are you calling him a pedophile?" Ichigo asked while scooting away from Kisuke.
Sakura ignored Ichigo, and the rest of them, and continued to address Kisuke. "Hey, pedophile," she began again, and this time no one interrupted her, "if that ugly boy of yours wakes me up again to do chores, you'll be needing a new little boy to molest." And then she slammed the shoji shut again and went back to bed.
"What the hell?" Renji says, turning to Kisuke, "Pedophile!?"
"That's so wrong," Suìfēng mutters.
"Which part?" Yoruichi asks.
"All of it," Suìfēng responds.
"Pedophile? Urahara-san?" Orihime ponders.
"Okay, that's just weird," Rukia admits.
"Pe-ped-PEDOPHILE!?" Ichigo shouts, pointing at Kisuke.
The shoji slammed open again, this time revealing an obviously just awoken, very angry Huījú. "What the hell is with all of the fucking racket?" she demanded.
"Some random person just walked in and called Urahara-san a pedophile!" Orihime told her brightly.
"That is what this is all about? Pathetic," Huījú grumbled.
"Yeah, it's totally weird that someone would call Kisuke a pedophile," Yoruichi said, with a relieved grin.
Huījú just sort of stared at her. "It's weird to call a pedophile a pedophile? Since when?"
"He's really a pedophile?" Renji asked while pointing at Kisuke.
"Of course he is," Huījú said, "You see that really ugly hat of his? What purpose does it serve?"
"To be ugly," Suìfēng responded swiftly.
"Aw, that's so mean, Soi-chan!" Kisuke pouted.
"Shut up, pedophile," Huījú snapped at Kisuke, and then turned to Suìfēng, "Trust me, the hat serves a purpose, other than being ugly."
"Unlike Oosagi-chan's goggles!" Kisuke put in.
Huījú stopped to give him a death-glare, which actually managed to make him hide behind his fan. "I'd like to take this moment to point out that ceros are incredibly bright and if Oosagi didn't have those goggles she'd be blind," Huījú said darkly, "But the point of that ugly-ass hat is to attract little kids, because they like the hat and they don't think anyone wearing it could be that bad. And haven't you noticed the damn kids in this shop never age? It's because he likes having easily molestable targets in sight. And trust me, he molests them. They have all of the classic signs."
"Huījú-chan!" Kisuke pouted.
"If you ever call me Huījú-chan again, I swear I'll shove that fan of yours straight up your ass and then let Oosagi cero your shop to smithereens. I'm going back to bed now." And the shoji slammed closed again.
"Is that your help?" Yoruichi queried after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.
"Yes…" Kisuke muttered, "That is who I've recruited to help us."
"Huh," said Suìfēng, "I like them already."
Okay, a few facts. Huījú, Sakura, and Oosagi are my OC's, and yes, Oosagi wears aviator goggles. Oosagi is the random genius who somehow harvests ceros and uses them as a power source (and as weapons). That's about all you need to know. Except that Oosagi probably slept through all of this.