Donatello didn't start to wake up until the early afternoon on the next day, and he was extremely confused when he did. Bleary eyed and more than a little shell-shocked, he sat up very slightly on his elbows to look around.

Am I dreaming? Why am I here?

He pinched himself just to make sure he was awake - but the IV drip continued, the oxygen still filtered through the machine, and his head still felt like he'd bashed it into a brick wall. He raised a tentative hand to touch his forehead, finding what felt like a new bandage. With that he tried to sit up a little further, barely making it a couple of inches. It was just far enough for him to make out Leonardo, dozing across the room.

It took too much energy to sustain his own weight, so he lowered himself back to the mattress and closed his eyes for a long moment.

"Donatello?" A familiar voice called from the door, and then someone came running his direction.

He re-opened his eyes, to see Luke standing over him hopefully. "I thought I saw you move."

"Doc." He said dryly, and then remembered something. "What are you doing here?" He asked wearily. "What about court?"

"Court was yesterday Donnie, I don't have to go back until next week."

"You said you had to go on Monday."

"Well, today is Tuesday."

"What? I...I missed something, didn't I?"

Luke laughed, but the sound was completely devoid of any real joy. "Boy, did you ever. Actually, I missed most of it too, because I was sitting in a court room. Let me get you some water, and I'll try to fill in the gaps, okay?"

He helped him to get a few sips down, and then pulled over a chair next to him.

"You remember our little talk, about the possibility of infection with your side?"

"Uh...yeah."

"I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me. Did you feel anything strange over the last three or four days, before the one you missed completely?"

"Not until las--that is, Sunday night." He answered after a moment. "Working out with Raph on some weights, I got so light-headed I felt like I might pass out. I begged him not to mention it to Marcus, because I figured he'd call you."

"Is that the only thing?"

"I just wasn't feeling well period that night, but it didn't seem unusual. I figured I was overworked, tired. I think I just went to bed, hoping I'd sleep it off."

"You can't sleep off sepsis Donnie."

The turtles' eyes suddenly went very wide. "Sepsis? Are you serious?"

"Quite."

Donatello smacked the flat of his palm against his forehead, so angry that he narrowly missed hitting his temple. "Stupid, stupid, stupid! How did I let that happen? The signs were there, and I made Raph ignore them, told him to keep it quiet!"

"He did keep it quiet, up until he found you unconscious Monday morning. Watch your head by the way, you must have hit it on the way down."

He was so frustrated all of the sudden that he was clenching both fists, and shook his head at the ceiling. "I am so sorry Doc...I didn't do it on purpose, I swear. I had no clue that was what it was. I should have, but I didn't."

"What you should have done was come to Marcus on Sunday night Donnie. You really put yourself at much worse risk, and it was very hard on him to be completely on his own to treat you." Luke said somewhat sternly.

"I don't know how to apologize enough." He murmured. "I really owe him big time, huh?"

"He didn't enjoy being forced to figure out the right course of drugs on his own, but he'll be ecstatic to hear that you've come around already. I think you'll find that he's not as hard on you as I tend to be. Marc very much came to your defense last night."

"I really didn't think it was serious Doc - you gotta believe I wasn't just trying to avoid this place."

"I do realize that Donnie." Luke said, finally softening toward his friend. "And I'm extremely glad that you're gonna be okay." He rose from the chair to check out his monitors again. "You're looking pretty even right now, we're still getting rid of fluid from your lungs, that's why you're on oxygen."

"What's the IV, tetrozine? We must be really flying through it now."

"That was the first thing I had to focus on when I got here yesterday afternoon - making up some more."

"So...court." Donatello said thoughtfully. "What was that like?"

"It was harder than I thought it would be." Luke admitted, looking down suddenly. "It's been over four years, and it still feels like a dream sometimes. It's easier not to think about it at all. Going into that courtroom, seeing all those pictures...It made me just want to disappear. I don't want to go back there, I don't want to be reminded of what it felt like to lose them that way."

He paused for a very long time, but Donnie didn't say anything. He sensed that he wasn't finished.

"You have no idea how close I came to losing it completely when they died Donnie. You know I'm not the most social person on the face of the earth. My family, our work together, that was my whole life. If there was something...almost anything I could do to get out of this, I would do it. I don't want to remember some of this stuff."

"Doc..." Donnie said softly. "It sounds like you're thinking that going through it again might make you lose it again."

"That's exactly it. Haven't you ever wondered why I get so completely obsessed over minute details? It's how I function, I have to keep my mind busy so that I don't focus on the wrong things."

"That doesn't seem like functioning Doc, it sounds like you're still trying to escape." Donatello said as gently as he could. "Like it or not...you're not going to be able to avoid this forever."

"But it's been different since I've known you guys, everything changed after that. Why should I have to rehash this all over again now?"

"Some things are different, but not everything. If you had ever truly healed at all, going back in there wouldn't be this difficult. I think you just pushed it off into the farthest corner of your mind, and did your best to ignore it. I've heard some people say that time can heal all things. I don't agree with that Doc, I think time helps you become numb to the pain, it helps you to forget things, but it doesn't heal you. I don't think you're ever going to be completely 'over it' if you don't face it down again, in all of its' turmoil. The difference this time is, you don't have to do it alone."

"I already feel like I'm trying to do it alone." He said brokenly. "I wouldn't even talk to Marcus about it yesterday. I feel like I'm about to relive it the exact same way I did before."

"It's too late for that Doc, because you've already told me." Donnie said with a grin, and actually managed to get a half smile out of Luke.

"I don't know. I might end up having to move in with you guys for awhile to keep me sane."

"What's the difference Doc? You practically live here already, don't you?"