A/N: I will warn you now: This is a dark chapter. Pon Farr, in my opinion, is not something cute and fluffy. If you don't think you can handle it, skip the second half of this chapter. It's not graphic or anything, just dark. But even if you skip it, read the note at the end.
Chapter 36: The Mating Time
Amanda smoothed the gown over her stomach, and tugged the sleeves down. She stared into the mirror- trying her best to force away the rising tide of fear. So far, it wasn't really working.
This had all happened so suddenly...again, it was all too soon. She had thought they would have another month or two, but she was wrong. He had been wrong. T'Pau had been wrong. They all had been. And now, she was preparing for her wedding...and what would follow.
She'd tried to sleep the night before, knowing that she would need her rest, but had been unable to. She was restless, anxious...scared. She'd forced herself to eat dinner, and breakfast that morning, knowing she would need her strength- but she had no appetite. How could she, when she so dreaded what would soon follow?
Amanda had not seen Sarek since she went to his quarters. At times, she felt his emotions- and each time, it only scared her more. It was a tangled web of anger and sorrow- and most prevalently, desire and need. He was becoming consumed by it. He had waited too long- they should have been in the caves already, but he was in denial when it started. And now, he was forced to wait. She knew the waiting was only making it worse for him...and ultimately, for her.
The servants all seemed to know- T'Shan, especially. She had likely known it was coming all along, and maybe that was why she had been so unaffected by catching Amanda that day as she exited his room. She was surely no stranger to Pon Farr, although Amanda had never asked if she was bonded.
The door chimed, and she looked over her shoulder.
"Come in," she called, and the door slid open. T'Shan entered.
"Osu Sarek has left for the ancestral marriage grounds. It is time for you to leave, as well," she said. Amanda nodded jerkily, and looked back at the mirror. The pale purple gown was made of a thin, filmy fabric that clung to her form- it would be easily removed, she noted. She had left her hair loose around her shoulders...her appearance was simple, uncomplicated.
She took a shaky breath and let it out- aware that T'Shan's eyes were on her.
"I knew this was coming, but..." Amanda trailed off, and shook her head.
"Yet you find yourself not entirely prepared," T'Shan finished. Amanda looked at her- surprised that the Vulcan seemed to know exactly what was going through her mind.
"Yes," she admitted. For the first time, she almost felt as if they could someday be friends. "But that doesn't matter."
"No, it does not," T'Shan agreed. "You knew this day would arrive, and willingly give yourself to the cause. It would be illogical to regret that decision now."
"I know that," she whispered, and stepped away from the mirror, looking around at her chamber.
"You must go now, Lady Amanda," T'Shan said. Amanda looked sharply at her- she had never called her 'Lady' before, although she knew it would soon be her title. T'Shan always called her 'Ms. Grayson'. Those days were over, and the rest of her life was about to begin. T'Shan recognized this, as well.
She was led through the mansion and down to the waiting hover-car. The ride was silent but short, her only company being T'Shan, who sat beside her; looking straight ahead without a word. If ever there was a time when Amanda needed a kind word, it was now- and there was no worse place to have that need than on Vulcan. This was yet another thing she must become accustomed to, she thought to herself- suffering alone, and in silence.
They stopped some distance away from a circle of stone pillars to the east. There was already a crowd gathered there, apparently waiting for her- and she saw T'Pau among them, seated on a chair with long handles that could be carried. She wore ceremonial robes, and watched with disinterest as Amanda climbed out of the hover-car.
"Who are they?" she asked T'Shan as they approached T'Pau, who was surrounded by Vulcan females holding wooden frames with bells attached, and males who held lirpas or carried drums.
"They are your wedding entourage. Some are members of the S'chn T'gai clan, others representatives of thol'es clans, come to show their acceptance of the match- despite its odd coupling," T'Shan replied. "This is customary for such a prestigious figure as osu Sarek."
Amanda had known there would be a bridal escort, but hadn't realized how large it would be. Her nervousness increased a notch as she neared T'Pau, who watched her through narrowed eyes.
They exchanged the traditional greetings, while Amanda fought not to show her anxiety. T'Pau spoke first.
"We must wait for the summons. You know what to expect?"
"Sarek explained the ceremony in detail," Amanda replied with a forced calm she did not feel. "I am ready."
"As ready as is possible for you," T'Pau corrected, and Amanda pressed her lips together. "After the ceremony, you are to be escorted to the caves. You will remain there three days."
Three days...she hoped the Pon Farr would not last that long...Sarek had not been definitive about the duration of time the plak'tow lasted. Hours? Days? How many? She should have asked him to be more specific...
From the direction of the ancient stone structure, there came the deep, reverberating sound of a gong being struck. At this, the wedding party immediately fell into position, and T'Shan led Amanda to her place before taking her own further down.
They began to move...T'Pau's chair was lifted by two young Vulcan males and she led the way, followed directly by Amanda, then the warriors wielding lirpas, then the females- shaking the wooden frames in their hands, the bells filling the air with tinkling music as they advanced forward, and from the very back of the procession came the steady beating of drums. To Amanda, the pulsing beat only magnified her anxiety as each percussive echoed the sound of her own beating heart.
They wound their way toward the stone columns. It was not a long journey, but it felt much longer to Amanda, who became more apprehensive with each step. Soon, she would be sequestered in a cave with an out-of-control Vulcan, who was also about to become her husband...she had every reason to be worried.
A second deep, resonating clash came, and as it died away they neared their destination. From between two pillars, T'Pau was carried into the clearing, and then Amanda was presented with her first view of the ancestral marriage grounds of the S'chn T'gai clan.
The stone columns- ancient and worn by time and weather, slowly crumbling away as the centuries passed- formed a ring around the sandy clearing. In the middle was a raised platform, the center sunken to form a pit full of burning embers that glowed red-hot, steam rising from it, the air above shimmering in the waves of heat. The gong hung over it, and beside it stood Sarek- dressed in ceremonial robes and watching as the entourage approached- his eyes riveted on her, and on nothing else.
T'Pau raised a hand, and her chair was set down. The bells and drums immediately went quiet and silence fell around them. Sarek stepped toward his matriarch and knelt before her. She placed her fingers on his meld points, and several silent seconds passed. Amanda could only guess at what she was doing, as Sarek had not told her about this particular part- she thought it might have something to do with gauging the state of his Pon Farr.
When she withdrew, he stood once more and backed away to join the three male Vulcans that composed his own marriage party- none of which Amanda had ever met, and could only assume were members of his family. The Vulcans and the lone human in their midst waited quietly. It was nearly thirty seconds before T'Pau said anything.
"Kal-i-farr," she announced. At this, Sarek once more stepped toward the platform, and raised the mallet to strike the gong as the chime of bells and beat of drums were sounded once more.
He had told her that this was the point in time during which the female would step forward to declare kal-if-fee, the challenge, if the marriage was undesired. As it were...no challenge came, and the gong was once more struck, the sound of it echoing around the clearing, rebounding off the stone to return to them, Amanda's entire body tingling from the vibrations in the air.
He knelt on the platform beside the glowing pit, and T'Pau looked at Amanda pointedly. The instruction was plain- she moved forward, stepping onto the platform and kneeling before Sarek, her legs folded underneath her. He extended his hand towards her, and her fingers met his in the ozh'esta.
He was trembling slightly, and even this small touch made him shiver. She could tell he was trying to rein it in. She pressed her fingers against his harder, trying to transmit calm and peace, and it seemed to work, for he briefly stopped shaking as T'Pau stood and came toward them.
"I shall now meld with you, and establish the bond that will link you until death," the matriarch said. She extended both hands- one finding Sarek's meld points, and the other Amanda's. Her fingers were warm and unfamiliar as they rested against her temple. Amanda waited, eyes closed, and then...
It was the strangest experience ever. She felt not one, but two minds join hers...it was almost too much, their minds were so much larger, more powerful than hers...and she felt somewhat overwhelmed at the thoughts mingling within her. T'Pau's mind was cool and collected- no emotion came from her at all- but Sarek's...
His mind was a rush of half-formed thoughts and feelings...desire, need, impatience, burning pain, he burned, he needed...RELEASE. He must have it, he needed it, he was on fire, his body hot with the Fever...he had waited too long...Hurry! T'Pau, hurry, before it is too late...
"Peace, Sarek," T'Pau's voice said inside Amanda's mind. The raging emotional turbulence abated some.
Amanda could feel the elder doing something, but did not know what...she was searching, locating a portion of Amanda's brain, and then she did the same to Sarek...but she felt no different. Surely she should feel different when the bond was placed? T'Pau did not even bother to answer her as she withdrew.
Amanda blinked her eyes open, and found herself once more looking at Sarek. He was breathing heavier than normal, shuddering again. Now she could feel the bond- she felt what he felt, and her entire body burned. He was in turmoil...struggling to remain in control, but it was a battle he was quickly losing.
"I am entering the plak'tow," he told her, his voice echoing in her mind. With it came a pang of dread that belonged to the both of them.
She had never felt his emotions so strongly, and she now realized that skin-to-skin contact or even the feeble link that had connected them for months was nothing compared to a fully-fledged bond. Every sensation, every tiny emotional disturbance, she felt as if it were her own. She could hear his thoughts clearly, as if he were speaking in her ear.
"The caves," he thought. "Must get to the caves."
T'Pau was speaking, and Amanda turned to look at the matriarch, who now faced the wedding party.
"I declare this marriage to be sanctioned and approved by the S'chn T'gai clan. S'chn T'gai Amanda has joined us," she said, her voice filling the clearing. At this pronouncement, the drums began to beat once more, the bells ringing in the thin air, the lirpas striking against the ground in concurrence...
T'Pau turned back to the newly-wedded couple still kneeling on the dais.
"You are now to be escorted to the caves. Rise," she commanded. They did so, as she returned to her chair.
"Amanda, before I lose myself entirely, I must tell you..." Sarek thought to her as they stood and followed his aunt. He was not looking at her, instead his eyes trained straight ahead. "I am...regretful, for the behavior you will soon see me exhibit."
"Don't worry about it, Sarek," she thought back, but she was now unable to hide her fear of him- from him. He said nothing about it, but she knew he felt it.
The procession was moving again...T'Pau once more leading the way, Sarek and Amanda following behind, and then everyone else. The caves could be seen in the distance- they were not far, but with each step in that direction, Amanda could feel Sarek's control dropping away a little more. She sought his hand, and clasped it firmly, not caring if anyone saw the human gesture. Apparently, he did not care either, because he allowed it- or maybe he just wasn't thinking clearly enough to disallow it.
"We're almost there," she said. She wasn't sure if she was relieved for his sake, or concerned for her own as she said that. He did not reply. She didn't think he was capable of forming a coherent response any more- he could only communicate with his emotions. She felt a tinge of relief and dread from him, before he was once more encompassed by the darkness that was beginning to engulf him. She now had a name for it, and she knew that soon, that same blackness would control him completely- it was the plak'tow. Blood fever.
They were close. Amanda could now see the black mouth of the cave. The dry heat that surrounded her was making it for her hard to breath as they neared it. A thin layer of sweat was beginning to break out on her forehead- and it wasn't just from the day's heat. He was steadily squeezing her hand harder and harder, but she did not even wince. His mind was slipping away, and as they neared the cave, her heart pounded with the knowledge of what was to come.
They were finally there. They stood at the entrance to the cave, fingers forming the ozh'esta, as the wedding party once more sounded the bells and drums. T'Pau looked upon them, her face blank, but then raised her hand in the salute before lowering it, and gesturing toward those behind her. As one, they turned to make their way back, leaving them alone.
He did not even wait for them to be out of sight. He grabbed her hand, and roughly pulled her along as he entered the cave. She felt a sharp pain in her arm at the yank, but she followed him without a word, rushing to keep up with his long, hurried strides. The cave was dark until they took a passage and walked along it, coming out into a chamber- it was lit with candles, and incense perfumed the air, stinging her eyes. A pallet in the center was piled with blankets.
Sarek turned to her, eyes smoldering- entirely black with the Fever. There was nothing in them but need. He burned for her. He must have her- it was imperative. He was breathing heavily as he loomed over her, his hands brutal as he easily picked her up and threw her onto the pallet.
She gasped, struggling to right herself before he joined her- his fingers grabbing at the fabric of her gown, shredding it to pieces with a loud rip and flinging the remnants away- leaving her nude for him to gaze upon.
Amanda was breathing hard now, too- mostly out of fear and apprehension, as well as a touch of arousal that was originally his, and bleeding through to her from the link. She watched with wide eyes, her heart hammering against her ribs in a violent tattoo, as he shed his ceremonial robes, surveying her hungrily- and it was in that moment the last of the Sarek she knew and loved disappeared. As his heat and weight surrounded her, pinning her to the pallet, and he kissed her fervidly, she knew that the plak'tow had consumed him.
She was unaware of the passage of time. It could have been hours, it could have been days- she did not know, and it did not matter. All she knew was constant fear, knowing that he could injure her at any moment, which did not stop him.
She did not fight him- she wouldn't even if she could. He needed this, he needed her- it wasn't his fault. He couldn't help it. She told herself this over and over again as he used her body to sate his scorching need. Even when she was burning with thirst and her body was heavy with exhaustion- even as bruises bloomed all over her pale skin, and the bite marks bled- she repeated to herself over and over again, willing herself to believe it: He could not help it. He did not want to hurt her- and the man roughly taking her despite her pain and fear was not her husband. He was someone else entirely- a stranger.
As time wore on, and he did not allow her to rest, or even to get up to get a drink of the water stored in the cave- she found herself praying to whomever may be listening, to whatever deities that may exist in the universe, to make it stop. She had never been religious, but she wanted it to end. She wasn't sure how much more she could take. And to think, there was once a time when she had marveled at his stamina- appreciated it, even...
Her muscles ached, the bite marks stung. She was raw between her legs. Her skin was tender to the touch, and she was glad that the candles had burned down to nothing and winked out, because she had no desire to see how she must look. But she closed her eyes, and endured it- knowing this would save his life, and that mattered to her more than anything...
After what felt like days and days, she found herself sobbing against his shoulder as he once again woke her after a brief rest for another round. She was just so tired, physically and mentally. And as before, she felt nothing from him- nothing but the all-consuming fire. She wanted Sarek back. Not this man with empty, soulless eyes and rough hands that gripped her like iron. But she did not stop him from taking what he needed- she simply laid there and let him, once more praying that this would be the last time...
And when afterward, he slipped off of her and soon fell into a deep sleep, she began to hope that maybe it was over. He had not slept at all since their arrival in the cave...surely this was a good sign?
She moved away from him, wincing as she did so, drawing the blankets around her. Please, let him be done. She thought. And then, she allowed herself to fall into a deep sleep, as well.
Sarek opened his eyes, looking up at the dark, shadowy ceiling of the cave. At first, he neither felt nor thought anything. He was calm- calmer than he had been in a long, long time. It was over, then. His fever had broken.
His first thought was of Amanda, and with it came a jolt of panic. He sat up abruptly, looking around. She lay beside him, asleep...but something was wrong. Her breathing was labored, and her heartbeat slower, more erratic than it should be.
"Amanda?" he asked, laying a hand on her shoulder. She stirred and groaned...the blanket fell away to reveal a livid, purple bruise on her shoulder. He recoiled from her.
His internal clock told him that two days had passed since the bonding. He remembered very little of what had happened during that time...he had ripped her gown from her, and then there were only scattered memories- him taking her, even while he felt her fear across the new bond, even while he could feel her pain and exhaustion...her sobbing against his shoulder, her thoughts of "Please let this be the last time" filling his mind...
Sarek felt queasy, and the panic spiked. She was not well- he had not allowed her to rest, and likely had not allowed her to leave the pallet long enough to get a drink. Two days...he felt cold dread weigh him down.
"Amanda," he said urgently. She did not respond, but he once more felt her pain through the link- her whole body was aflame. He moved the blanket aside, steeling himself for what he would see...and when he saw the bruises on her hips, arms, legs, and abdomen; the bite marks with dried blood crusting them...he had to fight hard against the bile rising in his throat, and the self-hatred welling within him. She had known this might happen- they both had- but that did not make it any easier for him to accept. He had hurt her, and if he did not hurry, the results of his actions could be much worse than mere injuries...
He went to the small cooling unit that held water, and quickly poured some into a cup. He brought it back to Amanda, lifting her up into a sitting position. Her eyes opened briefly as he held the cup to her mouth, tipping it so the water touched her parched lips, and she drank a few sips. He stroked her hair gently, trying not to look at her bruised body as she once more slipped into unconsciousness.
This was not enough. She required medical attention, but he had no communicator and no transport- normally, after three days, someone was sent to retrieve the couple residing in a cave. Since these couples were always Vulcan, no one had taken into consideration the fact that three days was too long to wait for a human. This oversight was his fault.
Sarek set the cup aside, and wrapped Amanda more tightly in the blanket. Without a care for his own nudity, he lifted her up into his arms, making his way toward the entrance of the cave. He paused briefly once he was outside to allow his eyes to adjust from the dimness of the cave to the bright light. The sun was rising, and so was the heat. That did not stop him as he took his first step in the direction of his home, which was approximately a two hours' walk across the desert.
He could only hope that his adun'a lasted that long. And if she didn't...he would never be able to forgive himself.
A/N: I'll probably lose a few readers with this one, but before you make a decision- remember that these two live about 30 years together in relative happiness. They'll get over it, and persevere.