A/N: Hello everyone!! Here is another chapter for this wonderful story!! As I promised, a chapter a day since I pretty much have the chapters before this done but I don't want to overflow you with so many chapters. Thank you for the reviews. They really help me!

I do NOT own TMM or the songs I use in my stories. Thank you for the wonderful reviews and please keep them coming. Thank you and please enjoy!!

Diary Entry 18: I Hate You

I don't know how many days passed since that time. I don't even think I was paying any attention to it either.

After learning the truth, I never got out of bed by myself. Inuyasha apparently told the school that I was terribly ill so I'm going to have a lot of homework coming at me. Then he called work and said the same thing. Then one time, I saw a new form he created. That was the only thing I remember during my little depressed phase. He looked completely human.

He looked about maybe sixteen and surprisingly, he had clothes but only jeans and a slightly loose blue T-shirt. His eyes are still amber but his long hair wasn't blonde. It was dark violet. He had regular size canines, human size nails, and human ears. He looked really well toned and he was only at least two shades darker than pale. He actually looked gorgeous but I wasn't interested. I only thought that out of kindness. He really is though.

He apparently went to my school looking like that to pick up my homework and he did it for me. He knew that I probably wasn't going to get up for a while so he might as well do it so I wouldn't be overwhelmed with all of it. At the same time, I saw him fascinated with the work so that must have been very enjoyable for him.

Besides Inuyasha, I don't really remember what happened. I blocked reality out of my head and tried to think of nothing. I think I saw Kraehe and Mytho but I was so out of it that I didn't pay any attention to why they were here. They probably came to see me since they were by my side for almost twenty four hours straight. They did go back home sometimes for the café and for their parents. I liked it better when I was alone so that I wouldn't hurt anyone ever again. I could be alone with my empty thoughts and my ever repeating memories.

'Koneko-chan!'

I can still hear him calling for me! Every time there's silence, I can hear his voice calling for me and the more I hear it, the more painful the wound in my chest increases. I can still feel the wound in my chest from when I killed my kirema anima self to save not only my companions but to take revenge for nearly killing the one I care about most. It hurts and the more I hear his voice, the bigger the pain gets.

Finally one day, Inuyasha pulled me out of bed and made me eat soup. He told me that I was literally starving myself and I should eat so that I could be strong when I would be over it. I would never be over it but he still insisted. So I allowed him to shove chicken broth down my throat. It tasted like ash to me when it warmed the insides of my body. Then he let me out to get some air. He helped me sit down and he passed me my flute.

"How about you play something while I clean the dishes?" he suggested.

I gripped the flute in my hand and told him, "I don't have the heart to play."

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he told me. "Whether you have bad feelings or good feelings, the best way to let them out is to express them through something you can create. You play beautiful music so let it come out. I don't even care if the song is filled with sadness." After that, he walked away, back into the apartment to clean. I think he likes it since he does so much of it.

I stared out into the big open view and I replayed what Inuyasha just told me. Maybe he's right. I should just express it. Who knows?! I might be able to recover better through it. So I pressed the air hole to my lips and I started playing. Even from my hearing, the song was depressing. The song sounded like it was crying during the whole time I was playing, but it was crying in a musical way. Then after a while when I finished the song, I dropped my hand with the flute to my side. Then I thought.

So many memories of him, so many marks he created, and so many scars he left behind… Why did I let him get to me like this? Was it because I wanted him to continue getting close to me? Did I need his closure like I needed a breath of air?

Yes… I needed him more than anything. I need him like air. I need his closure like I need food. I need him to call out to me to keep me going. I need him…

"Koneko-chan?" Uh?

I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. I looked around from my level but I couldn't see anyone. But when I looked out towards the balcony, I saw him; staring at me with eyes full of curiosity and concern. It was mostly concern though and from the sound of his voice, he's also nervous.

He asked, "Why did you stop?" Then I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and hugged him. Sure he's out in the mid air but I leaned far enough to wrap my arms around his waist. He took a while before he hugged me back and he rubbed the back of my head. I gripped around him a little tighter.

Just seeing him was enough to move, hearing his voice is enough to fill up the hole in my chest, and his touch is enough to heal it up. When I first heard him, it was more perfect and beautiful than any melody a flute can create. When I saw him, he was more beautiful and radiant than any angel. When I touched him, his warm skin is softer than any cloud the earth can create.

He comforted, "Shh, shh, shh. It's okay. I'm here." He must have felt the feelings I had in this hug since he said that. I didn't blame him and I felt like I was starting to cry but as usual, they wound escape my eyes no matter how much I wanted them too.

I mumbled, "I was so worried about you. I thought I killed you. I've missed you so much." I usually don't give out that much to him but now that I realized how much I need them and how much I want him. Want…?

His hold got a little tighter around me and I didn't mind at all. I wanted him to hold me tight and never let go, ever again. Then after what felt like an eternity of bliss, he asked me something that changed everything. "Ichigo, will you….quit?"

I took a moment to think about it. Actually, I want to quit. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I want to be with him forever and ever. I don't care if the Mew Mews get hurt; that's their problem. This is my decision and this is also my destiny.

"Yes, I will," I answered. He pushed me back a bit and looked directly at my eyes, his eyes anxious.

"Really?"

I nodded and told him, "Yes." He lightly smiled and kissed my forehead. He hugged me after that and I hugged him back. I've never seen him so happy in such a long time. I told him, "I'm so glad you're alright. You scared the life out of me when you fainted."

"I'm sorry, koneko-chan. But I'm alright now. It wasn't your fault."

I didn't believe him. "Yes it is." He pushed me back and stared directly at my eyes.

"It's not your fault, koneko-chan." His hands went down my shoulders and they rubbed down to my hands as he said, "Don't ever think like that again."

"But it is my fault!" I told. "If I hadn't been so careless, I wouldn't have become a kirema anima and you wouldn't have to stop me. If I had been more aware, I would have noticed your feelings. It's my fault that you've been hurting and it's my fault that you were hurt. I'm sorry for that…which is…" I prepared myself for this. This might go through a few arguments but I've decided. "Which is why I want you to take my spirit. You wanted it before right? Well it's yours!" I didn't look up at his face but I did held his hands in mine as I rubbed it. "You can have everything I have. You can have my body, my heart, my mind, and my spirit. It's all yours." Then things went bad.

He pulled his hands away and I looked up at him in confusion. "Kisshu?"

Boom

Crash

Shatter

I coughed from all of the dust and the dirt in the air as I leaned one hand on the ground and the other was covering my mouth. That explosion was unexpected.

"Ichigo!" I looked up at my side and Inuyasha ran towards me. He rant to my side and asked, "Are you okay?"

I nodded and looked back outside. What just happened?

Just outside, Kisshu was flouting in mid air and he had his arms crossed. What confused me was that he was smirking at us. Inuyasha had his arm around me and pulled me closer to him in a protective way. I saw from his hand that he transformed into the Blue Knight. Why did he do
that?

My answer was answered after Inuyasha yelled, "Why are you here?"

Kisshu only answered, "You're the mind reader here, you should know." Seconds later, Inuyasha growled and pulled me closer to him. What indeed is going on?

Inuyasha asked him, "So you finally made your decision?"

"What decision was there to make? I couldn't believe how long I took just to do this! But I guess it's time now since things got out of hand."

I stayed there, frozen as Inuyasha asked, "What do you mean?"

"You must be losing your touch, mutt. I mean it is time to get serious and that blast that was meant to destroy a Mew Mew was proof of that."

Destroy a…Mew Mew? But didn't I just…

I asked him, "What are you talking about? You can't be serious."

"I'm as serious as Pai, mew mew. I'm saying that play time's over. It was fun playing around, but I nearly got killed by you. So it's over."

"What's…over?"

Inuyasha yelled, "Don't listen to him!" I didn't listen to him.

Kisshu told me, "You just don't get it do you? I pretended to love you so that you would be weak enough to kill! I've always hated you and that, mew mew, is the truth!"

Snap

After he said that, I just lost my strength to hold myself up. Inuyasha was there to hold me up, but I didn't even have the strength to even breathe straight.

"Ichigo! Ichigo! Hang in there!" Inuyasha yelled, but I barely paid attention. There was only one voice I heard.

"What? You mean to tell me that the mew mew was serious? That's a laugh!" He started laughing hysterically as Inuyasha growled at him. He took out his sword and aimed it at Kisshu.

"How could you say that? Don't you see how much this is hurting her?"

Kisshu calmed down and said, "She shouldn't have taken this so seriously. It's her own fault, like how it was her fault that she didn't control herself when she was a kirema anima!" That hit me hard.

"Shut up already!"

"Why should I? I'm just getting started. All you've been was a big pain in the ass! It was hard trying to get close to you and who knows it might be worth it. I had to go through blood, lies, and acts just to get this far. Maybe it isn't worth it because you're hardly worth the effort. I bet that your parents were glad to leave you! You're nothing more than a thick headed, over strong, monstrous freak! I've always hated you and I always will!"

Right after he said that, Inuyasha sent a blast going straight for him and I didn't stop him. I was trying to keep myself together before I collapsed to nothing. Kisshu got out of the way though.
He yelled, "Trust me on this, I love to destroy you now but maybe it will be more fun when you let those words sink in. Stupid humans. They take words too seriously and make it the medicine or the poison of their life. Hopefully, my words are poison. Bye-bye." Then he teleported away.

When he left, I gained some of my energy back so that I could get up and run out of Inuyasha's hold. I ran to the rail and cried out, "Kisshu!!" But I knew it was too late. He's already gone and his words were repeating in my head as each repeat demolished every inch of my heart. My legs shook and I just lost them. I collapsed to the ground and leaned over with my arms supporting me. Then I felt familiar arms on my shoulders.

"Ichigo! Don't listen to him! What he said is a lie!" Inuyasha tried to tell me but as he can see, I believed Kisshu's words more than I believed him.

Then Inuyasha did something shocking. He moved his hand to my face and made me look up at him. Then he kissed me. My eyes widen in surprise of that as his hand went from my cheek to the back of my neck. His kiss was unfamiliar to me because I was so used to the kisses I used to get. He broke the kiss and told me, "I love you, Ichigo. I always have since the day you got that rock off my foot. You're caring, kind, and you're the most wonderful person I know. I'll always love you until the day I die." He kissed me again and I closed my eyes, but I didn't kiss him back. I pushed him actually.

"No!" I yelled. When I pushed him back, I leaned back to get away. But when I did, I felt something sharp cut my wrist. Inuyasha noticed that.

He said, "Ichigo, you're bleeding." He tried to touch me, but I got up and leaned closer to the rail.

I got up because I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to feel it. Someone I cared about just told me he hated me and it hurts. He told me so many times before that he loved me and now he just told me that he hated me. That hurts…it hurts… and now I have someone else who I care about who just told me that he loves me and he kissed me? That only increased the pain I feel now.

He got up to and he put his hands on my shoulders. I knew he was going to say something but I didn't want to hear it. I looked down and as I got ready to resist, I saw that my feet were bleeding too. I must have stepped on the glass and now I'm bleeding there too. I didn't care. I raised my arms up to break his hold on me.

I yelled, "LET GO OF ME!!"

Crack

Then things went…strange. When I kept my eye level as I did when I had to look at Inuyasha, I saw his whole body, the floor, and then the level below me. I looked up and Inuyasha was leaning over the edge as I reached up for him. Did the floor I stood on collapse? Am I…falling?

"Ichigo!!!"

I started to fall backwards and I saw the buildings behind me become upside down. After the buildings, I saw the hard gravel ground that was ready to meet me and my body. I knew that I was going to die and you know something, I can care less. I didn't scream and I didn't try to grab anything that could be close enough to save me. I just didn't care anymore. Why should I worry about my own life when the one thing that I knew could have kept me going is gone? I closed my eyes, ready for the hard gravel to meet me.

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