Author's note: I found this chapter both one of the easiest to write and the hardest at the same time. Simply put, I personally could write Kat's feelings as she lay alone, so that made it very easy to write. It made it hard because it was calling up old memories for me, which is why I believe that I can get by with writing a story like this. I usually do not like reading a story that has to do with rape, but being a victim myself gives me a unique perspective that I feel needed to be shared. No worries about me though, I have long gotten over what happened to me. I even occasionally do lectures at high school about the dangers of going to parties and I help run a therapy group for other victims. It's a lot of the reason for getting my social work degree, so that I can help others. The psychology degree is purely for me since I find it fascinating. Most of Kat's emotional recovery is going to be based on my own experiences and others that have shared from my group, with a little bit of liberties taken with my creative license.

Shoutouts: Ghostwriter- Yup, Kat's awake, but her journey is only just beginning. There's a lot of physical and emotional healing that she will have to go through. Good thing she has Jason to help her through.

brankel1- Reporters can be a big pain in the butt, so I can imagine the hell Jason went through, feeling like prisoner in his own home. Ugh. Anyway, hope you like the next chapter.

Shievi- Glad that you're so enthusiastic about Kat waking up, but as I said a moment ago, she's got a long road ahead of her. Good luck to her! Hope you enjoy.

sz2000- I'm really enjoying writing Lilly and Jason together. I grew up without my father so I take particular joy in writing those 'Awe' moments, and the simplicity of a child's mind. Ah, gotta love it! Thank you for the wonderful comments about my story! I always appreciate when I am told my strong points in a story, comments like those have helped shaped my current writing style. I have a saying that I tell a lot of writers. "Writing is something that we never perfect. There is always something we can improve or change. It's an ever evolving form of communication."

Chapter 33

Three weeks after the fiasco with the reporters and Kat's miraculous return to consciousness, Kat was moved out of the ICU and onto a general care unit. She was still weak and tired easily, getting around was hard and nearly impossible for her. She was set up with both physical and occupational therapy, as well as counseling to which she baulked. She didn't want to discuss her time in captivity with anyone, that included Jason.

"Kat, you can't keep bottling things up." Jason crossed his arms over his chest. The psychiatrist sat in a chair near the window watching the couple interact, unsure of who he should be talking to. "You have to talk about what happened."

"You already know what happened!" Kat shot back as she turned away from him in her bed, wincing as she pulled against the chest tube. Her lung wasn't fully healed so the chest tube and oxygen were both necessities causing her more discomfort than she cared to admit. "I don't have to tell you what that thing did to me."

"Katherine..."

"Mr. Scott, can I speak to you outside please." Dr. Jeffery said as he stood from the chair. Jason huffed, but nodded before leading the way out of the room. Dr. Jeffery looked Jason up and down before speaking. "Trying to push her into talking isn't going to help."

"With all due respect Dr. Jeffery, I know Kat well enough to know that if you don't push her, she won't say one word."

"Ms. Hillard has been through a very traumatic experience and it may take her years to come to terms with what happened. I specialize in these kinds of cases, and I'm patient enough to let her just sit for the entire half hour I'm here. She can stare at the wall if she likes, but in the end she knows that I'm here to help if she wants it."

"But you're not here when she's cowering on the bed, shaking like a leaf as she sleeps. Begging an invisible person that only she can see, to not touch her again. She's letting this eat her from the inside out, I can't lose her to a memory, not after I just got her back from a physical trauma."

"Until she's ready to talk, there's nothing anyone can do for her. That includes, and probably mostly implies, to you." Dr. Jeffery shook his head. "You need to take a step back and let her sort this out on her own."

"I know your right, I just..." Jason sighed and leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed. "I want her to start trying to take care of her mental health."

"I understand where you are coming from Mr. Scott, and I also understand Katherine. Right now she's in the denial stage. She's convinced herself that if she pretends it didn't happen, if she doesn't talk about it, then it really didn't happen and she can just move on." Dr. Jeffery explained as he adjusted his thick, black framed glasses. "Truth is that most women who've been raped go through this. Someday she will talk about it."

"I'll back off." Jason nodded. He glanced at his watch and noted that he only had an hour before Lilly would be home. Rosa and Lucy were supposed to ride the bus home with her today for a sleepover. "I've got to get home, if you'll excuse me."

"Of course." Dr. Jeffery nodded. Jason straightened himself and went back into Kat's room. She lay mostly on her side, staring out the window.

"Hey Snowflake." Jason said softly as he sat on the edge of the bed behind her.

"Jason... could we... just act like this didn't happen?" Kat asked, her voice was small and meek, unlike anything he'd heard from her.

"If that's what you need." Jason replied, even as his inner being screamed that it was the wrong choice.

"I want to go home." Her voice was breaking and he knew she was on the verge of tears.

"Kat, you've only just been moved from the ICU, they're not going to let you go home anytime soon." Jason sighed, just as the first quiet sob escaped her. Gently he took her shoulder and slowly rolled her to her back, being cautious of the tubes still attached to her broken body. She stared up at him with red rimmed, sapphire eyes. Her lips quivered as she struggled to hold in another sob. It broke his heart to see her like this.

Her gaze flicked to the clock just behind Jason head and she closed her eyes. "Lilly will be home soon." She whispered.

"I know." He whispered back, but he made no attempt to move from the bed. He still held her shoulders as he studied her face. "I love you."

"I love you too." She opened her eyes again to met his gaze. "Please, just take me home as fast as you can."

"I promise Kat, I will take you out of here the first chance I get." Jason nodded.

"Soon?" Kat's eyes filled with hope even as the sadness overshadowed it.

"As soon as the chest tube is out and you're off oxygen." Jason nodded. "I'll be back tomorrow. I love you Snowflake."

"I love you too Jase." Kat replied with a half smile. Jason stood and kissed her forehead before leaving her room. She nearly groaned as Dr. Jeffery walked back in.

"I figured now that you're alone you might want to talk to me." He shrugged as he took up the seat by the window once again.

"I already said I have nothing to talk about." Kat shook her head.

"We don't have to talk about you're time in captivity, we can talk about anything you like. Let's talk about Jason..."

"Let's not." Kat raised an eyebrow.

"He loves you very much."

"I know."

"You're a difficult patient."

"I don't like people trying to mess with my mind." Kat narrowed her blue eyes at the doctor. "That's my job."

"Ah yes, an FBI profiler. But with all due respect Ms. Hillard, my job isn't to mess with minds but to help fix a person's mind."

"There's nothing to fix in mine." Kat retorted.

"You're psych profile says another thing. This isn't the first time you've been nearly killed by a suspect, and you're attitude suggests that you carry deep emotional scars."

"And you're point is?"

"Sooner or later Ms. Hillard, you're going to have a complete break down. A person can only handle so much before their mental barriers fail." Dr. Jeffery shook his head sadly. This woman had one of the hardest shells to crack that he had ever seen.

"You're concern is noted. Now if you don't mind, I'm starting to feel a little on the sleepy side."

"Of course Ms. Hillard. I'll see you on Friday."

"Don't rush on my account." Kat rolled her eyes.

"I'm scheduled twice a week with you, and I intend to keep coming." Dr. Jeffery said sternly as he rose from his chair. He walked over to her bed and met her gaze with his steely gray eyes. "Why can't you see that everyone just wants to help you?"

"I don't need help." Kat shot back.

"I wish I could show you that you do, Ms. Hillard." Dr. Jeffery's gaze softened as he stared at the women in front of him. No matter how much she tried to show everyone how strong she was, he could see the broken and scared women underneath her hardened exterior. He saw a woman suffering alone, afraid to share her pain with anyone.

"I don't." Kat repeated.

"I'll see you Friday." Dr. Jeffery nodded slightly to her before exiting the room, leaving Katherine alone with the silence and her thoughts.

I don't need anyone's help. She thought bitterly as she stared out the window again. The sky was blue and the sun was shinning, she could see birds flying in the sky, and a few kites soaring in the wind just above the trees in the park. People were out enjoying the good weather.

With a soft groan Kat carefully rolled herself to her back, it hurt to move, but it hurt even more to lie still all day long. She ran a hand through her hair, as she grimaced at the feeling. She usually kept her hair clean, smooth, and soft. Now it felt greasy, rough, and brittle. It had been a long time since she'd had a decent shower, not since that day in the cabin...

Kat trailed off as images from her captivity filled her mind. Her body trembled as she replayed her experiences. She pulled the covers tight around her as silent tears streaked down her cheeks. She could practically feel his breath hot on her cheek and his eyes burning into her as he looked her over from head to toe.

She pulled the covers tighter still, and slammed her eyes shut, trying to block out the assaulting images only to find she wasn't in control of them. The memories continued to flood her thoughts until she was curled into a ball on the bed, openly sobbing and shaking. Tyler's touch was forever embedded into her memory and she couldn't escape him, even in his death. She felt as if he was haunting her from beyond the grave, torturing her for whatever reason possessed him to kidnap and rape her in the first place.

The times that Jason had sat on the bed trying to comfort her when she felt like this, only served to trouble her further. She felt as if she wasn't clean anymore, no matter how much she washed when the nurses helped her to shower, which wasn't often due to the tubes still attached to her and they didn't last long enough for her liking either. At times she believed she could still smell the monster on her. Occasionally she'd catch a whiff of the cologne that he had worn, sending tremors down her body. His deep rumbling voice echoed in her mind, melding with her subconscious until she couldn't tell the difference between his words and her thoughts.

Jason didn't deserve to be stuck with someone like her. He deserved someone as wonderful as he was. He deserved someone who wasn't broken. In her heart she was beginning to believe that she didn't deserve him.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jason stood in the patio doorway, watching Lilly play football with John and Kevin. In the time that they had been at his house, he'd become good friends with John. Kevin seemed indifferent toward him, but friendly at least. Lilly seemed to get along with Kevin the best though and he in return seemed to favor the company of the little girl. They could often be found outside playing football or some other type of game.

"Dinner's ready." Jason finally called after Lilly scored another touchdown.

"What's for dinner today?" Kevin laughed as he hoisted Lilly up onto his broad shoulders. It seemed all the Hillard's had the same blonde hair and bright blue eyes, Kevin stood out from his siblings with his large build. He was built very similarly to Jason broad shouldered and naturally well built. John was more of the slender, agile type of builds, as were Todd and Katherine, just like Sophia.

"Actually I called for pizza, it just got here."

"Breadsticks too?" Lilly grinned.

"Of course Lilly-pad." Jason smiled.

"How's Kat doing today?" John asked as he caught up to his older brother.

"She's being stubborn and bullheaded, refusing to talk to the psychologist." Jason rolled his eyes. "And she wants to come home now."

"That's Fred for ya." John shook his head. "She fought tooth and nail to get out of the hospital after her diving accident."

"And Dad let her come home right away." Kevin added with a laugh. "She always did have him wrapped around her little finger."

"But Mum had you sit outside her door all night to make sure she was okay." John grinned.

"I swear I still have the dent in my head from Katherine hitting me with that damn medal." Kevin rubbed a spot on the left side of his head.

"Your sister hit you?" Lilly raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Hitting isn't nice."

"Tell that to Kat for me, the next time you see her." Kevin grinned down at the little girl, who nodded enthusiastically.

"So, why did she hit you?" Lilly asked. Jason had to admit that he was a bit curious too.

"Because I scared the crap out of her when I snuck in to use her bathroom." Kevin laughed. "Kat, being the only girl, had her own bathroom attached to her room. I was being lazy and didn't want to go downstairs to the main bathroom, so moved quietly through Kat's room to her bathroom. She woke up while I was in there and when I walked out she swung one of her diving medal at me."

"She didn't know it was you?"

"Nah, in her sleep addled mind she thought it was a burglar or something. We never went in her room." Kevin laughed.

"The best part is that she kicked his butt while she was at it." John added with a grin as Kevin glared at him.

"It's not that funny Johnny." Kevin scowled.

"Yes it is."

"Okay, you've gotta tell the rest of the story now." Jason laughed.

"Since Johnny had to open his mouth I better lay the story straight." Kevin shook his head. "After Kat nailed me with the medal, I was dazed and before I could react she landed a hard kick to my stomach and then a sucker punch across my face. She never would have landed those blows if she hadn't caught me off guard."

"That's your story." John laughed.

"And I'm sticking to it." Kevin narrowed his eyes and his younger and much smaller brother.

"I'd tend to agree with Kevin." Jason shrugged.

"He's leaving out the part about how he had a black eye for almost two weeks and told everyone that he got it from some boxing match he was in."

"I was the national junior boxing champ, how embarrassing would it be to admit that my little sister caught me off guard and beat me up." Kevin shook his head.

"I'd probably tell the same story." Jason chuckled.

"Still it's not very nice that she hit you." Lilly commented.

"I agree." Kevin nodded.

"Lilly, why don't you go wash your hands and then we can eat." Jason suggested as he set the pizza boxes out on the counter.

"Okay Daddy." Lilly nodded before dashing off toward the bathroom.

"You've got a great kid." Kevin grinned.

"Thanks, but I can't take full credit for her." Jason replied.

"I heard about her Mum, that's gotta be hard." Kevin said.

"Yeah, it was really hard on Lilly. I can tell she still misses her mother dearly, but she's moving on. She's a tough kid."

"It's no wonder with a Dad like you." John grinned.

"Thanks."

"I'm starving Daddy." Lilly commented as she walked back into the kitchen.

"That's it, you've been spending too much time around Rocky." Jason laughed.

"I like Rocky, Daddy. He's funny and always makes me nice snacks. He's like a big kid." Lilly shrugged before sitting down at the table.

"That I know." Jason nodded.

"Kat always did speak very fondly of Rocky." John added.

"Which one is Rocky?" Kevin quirked an eyebrow.

"The ever hungry one that's married to Tanya." John explained. "You remember Tanya right? She lived with us when you came home for a visit."

"Oh yeah, I now I remember." Kevin nodded.

"Here you go Lilly-pad." Jason sat a plate in front of Lilly with pepperoni pizza and breadsticks on it.

"Thanks Daddy!" Lilly exclaimed before picking up a breadstick and engulfing half of it at once.

"Yikes, slow down on those things Lil." Kevin laughed.

"I can'th helf ith." Lilly replied with her mouthful of bread.

"Lilly is practically addicted to those things." Jason laughed. "She'll eat the whole order of breadsticks in nothing flat if I let her."

"Everyone has their favorite food." John laughed as he sat down at the table with his own plate of food.

"Hey thanks Johnny." Kevin grinned as he reached across the table and took John's plate of pizza. "Pizza is among my favorites, and I hardly ever get it."

"That's my plate." John mock pouted.

"You want it back?" Kevin raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah." John nodded. Kevin smirked at his brother before picking up a slice of pizza and licking the crust. "Eh, never mind. I'll get more."

"Works every time." Kevin grinned.

"That was funny." Lilly grinned at the large man. "But still kind of mean."

"It's an older siblings right to be mean to his or her younger siblings." Kevin replied seriously. "It's in the job description."

"Rosa is going to be a big sister soon. So she'll get to do that to her new brother?"

"Yup." Kevin nodded. "Er, once he's older that is."

"Hmmm." Lilly put a finger to chin as if she was deep in thought.

"What's 'hmmm' about Lilly-pad?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just wondering if maybe someday you and Kat could have a baby so I could have a little brother or sister to pick on too." Lilly replied. Jason sputtered and stared at his daughter. Kevin and John looked at each other and back at Jason and Lilly. "Well?"

"Lilly, I..." Jason was at a loss for words.

"Well you love Kat, I heard you say that more than once." Lilly looked at her father with her all too big and innocent brown eyes. "And I heard you tell Uncle Tommy that you wanted to marry her... so... that means you could have a baby together."

"You... well..." Jason ran a hand through his hair as he searched for the right words. "You're too smart for your own good."

"That's not the first time you've told me that." Lilly shrugged. John and Kevin were both still silent, exchanging looks and the occasional shrug.

"Lilly, everything you've heard is the truth. I do love Kat, and I do want to marry her, but a baby is a long way off. I'm not sure that Kat wants any kids and she's not going to be ready for any anytime soon if she does want one. Someday I'll explain it to you better, but promise me you won't talk to Kat about a baby."

Lilly stared at her dad for a few moments before shrugging and picking up another breadstick. "I promise." She replied before once again stuffing half the breadstick in her mouth.

"Awkward." John whispered.

"You're telling me." Jason replied quietly. "That little girl pays too much attention to everything going on around her."

"Sounds like Fred." John grinned.

"It amazes me just how much Lilly reminds me of Katherine at times." Jason shook his head. John shrugged and made his way back to the table with a new plate full of pizza. This time, making sure to sit further away from his brother.

Jason's gaze drifted back to his daughter, who was practically sitting on Kevin's lap whispering something in his ear that he obviously found funny. She had planted the thought in his head, and now he couldn't escape the image of another small child with his dark eyes and Kat's blonde hair running around the backyard. He could practically see Kat standing in the kitchen, glowing and round.

He gave a heavy sigh and grabbed himself a slice of pizza. Thoughts like that were useless until Kat was better and he knew she was ready for a big step like that. As it was, he still hadn't actually asked her to marry him, although he had a feeling that she knew he was going to ask. She always seemed to know things like that. But still... the images were nice.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tom sat on his couch, staring at the blank television screen. He's surfed through the channels, but was unable to find anything that his sleep resistant mind seemed interested in. It wasn't the first night he'd spent sleepless since he's return from New York, but tonight's sleeplessness was not because of Rachel. Instead tonight was on his own actions, he was the only one to blame for how he was feeling at that moment.

He gave a heavy sigh and looked over his shoulder toward his bedroom, where a lone figure lay sprawled out on the bed. Janis was a sweetheart of a woman, and he's spent a long time chasing her. He'd taken her for a simple dinner at a local diner, and then brought her back to his place for a movie, which they never actually watched.

He'd used her to find solace in his heartbreak, but for the first time, he regretted his actions. He'd used women like this for years, ever since Tracy had hurt him. He'd found it easier to hid behind his playboy lifestyle, then to let anyone ever get close enough. And then... Rachel.

He let out a sigh again as he stood from the couch. He missed her. He missed the look in her eyes just moments before he kissed her. He missed the feel of her body pressed against him. He missed the tiny sounds she made as he explored her body.

For the life of him, he still couldn't understand why Rachel had betrayed all of them for a brother that she had been apart from for more than half her life. Only to betray her brother by leaving that note for Jason and himself to find. Rachel was a very confused woman who didn't seem to know what she should be doing herself, yet... he still loved her.

"You okay, Tom?" Janis' soft, high pitched voice carried into his thought. Tom whirled around to see her standing in the hallway in his shirt, the hem falling dangerously high on her thigh. He briefly wondered if she was wearing anything under the shirt.

"I'm okay." He nodded. "I just couldn't sleep."

"Oh." Janis bit on her bottom lip. "I'm surprised you let me sleep."

"Why do you say that?" Tom raised an eyebrow.

"I've heard the talks around the station." Janis replied. She raised her slender hand and swept a strand of dark red hair behind her ear. "You usually don't let anyone stay at your house, and if you go to theirs you take off almost as soon as the deed is done."

"You heard all that and still went out with me tonight?" Tom was dumbfounded. No one had ever admitted to knowing how he operated.

"It's why I've kept putting off your advances in the past." She admitted. "But... you've changed. I noticed it after you came back from New York."

"What's that?"

"Your eyes."

"My eyes?"

"You don't look at women with that same lusty hunger anymore. In fact, you've hardly even looked at any of the women in the station. So when you asked me to dinner tonight, I figured I'd see what changed you."

"Janis..." Tom sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. She slowly moved toward him, his shirt riding up her silky thigh giving him the answer to his earlier thoughts, nothing on under that shirt.

"Tom, look... I... you're sweet... and..." Janis bit on her bottom lip and her gaze drifted down toward the floor. Tom let out a bitter bark of laughter. He knew what she was trying to say, he'd used this same mannerism many times. She was trying to brush him off. "What's so funny?"

"You don't have to say it Janis." Tom shook his head. "You don't want to get involved with me."

"I..." Janis started but quickly snapped her mouth closed with a resounding clack.

"You're a sweetheart Janis." Tom moved directly in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry if you feel used..."

"No!" Janis' eyes grew wide. "It's me who should be sorry."

"Huh?" Once again this young woman left him dumbfounded.

"I used you, and I'm really sorry Tom." Janis shook her head, her soft blue eyes started to well up with tears. "I... Issac broke up with me last month, and I hadn't been out since then... and then you asked me out... and I knew we'd end up here. I wanted to end up here."

"Ah, I get it." Tom nodded. "I know exactly what you were thinking. Truthfully, I was thinking the same thing."

"So, we kind of used each other?"

"Yeah, I guess we did." Tom laughed. "No hard feelings?"

"It's what we both wanted, and I guess needed." Janis smiled at him.

"Yeah." Tom nodded.

"I'll, uh... get dressed." She replied and quickly pulled herself away from the gorgeous lieutenant in front of her.

Tom watched Janis disappear down the hall, torn between letting her leave and running after her and kissing her senseless. It seemed like a better alternative than spending another night alone. Maybe he and Janis could come to some agreement...

He let his signature smirk spread across his handsome face as his devilish side won out. He rushed down the hall and swung open his bedroom door to find Janis nearly naked, her panties halfway up her smooth, lean legs.

"Tom?" she raised an eyebrow, unsure of why he had followed her.

"So, I was thinking... it's already almost two in the morning. What's the harm in staying the whole night? If you want that is."

"You sure?" Janis raised an eyebrow, skepticism clearly showing in her blue eyes.

"I figure that if we both needed this, then there is no shame in indulging again, right?"

"You're insatiable." Janis laughed and let her panties fall to the floor once again. Tom quickly took her into his arms and dropped her onto her back on the bed.

"You're too good for just a one time thing my dear." He grinned and kissed her with as much passion as he could muster. "Now, you just lie back and enjoy."

"Hmm, well. If you insist." Janis grinned just moments before a low moan escaped her throat. "Oh, Tom!"