Title: Providence

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: I gave a few very subtle hints along the way about Alex and Liz having feelings for each other (how vehement Alex was in preventing Khivar from hurting Liz, how hysterical Liz was when she realized that she hadn't even noticed that Alex was possessed...), but I didn't make it that obvious so that it would be more of a surprise for people.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Epiphanies and Revelations

Some epiphanies come with the resounding crash of symbols and the brilliant flashes of light. The proverbial light-bulb turns on above your head. They answers are there, like a flood of colors and smells and sounds. And they appear so completely out of nowhere that you have no idea how they even came to you.

And then there are the quiet revelations. They creep into your brain while you're laboring over your physics textbook, trying to understand the complicated interplay of different variables. They travel silently from your mind to your fingers and come out as plots twists in the story that you are writing, plot twists you never saw coming. They gently come to you as you try to figure out the best way to approach a friend with whom you are arguing.

They are small and quiet and when they come to you, it feels simply like you are discovering something that, deep down, you've known all along.

And that is precisely the reason you don't even realize what you're having is an epiphany.

Tess closed her locker door a little more forcefully than she intended and pushed her books into her backpack. The school day was finally over and it hadn't come a moment too soon. She wasn't sure she could make it through another second here. They'd had a memorial assembly for Matt that morning, and several of his friends had expressed their condolences to her during the day. She needed to get away from it all.

She turned around and found herself staring at Alex.

Forcing a smile, she said politely, "Hey, Alex. How are you?"

Alex answered in the same deadened tone, "Alright, I suppose. Long day."

Tess bit back the bizarre desire to laugh at his words. "Yes," she agreed, her voice bitter. "Yes, it was." All around her, students streamed out into the halls, eager to escape the confines of school. She wished she could have as little to worry about as they did.

"Are you… how are you?" Alex asked tentatively. He hadn't really seen Tess since the day of Matt's death. He hadn't spoken to her at all during his funeral, but he knew that Liz had, and the brunette waitress reported that Tess was having a hard time dealing with everything.

"I'm not used to this," Tess admitted slowly.

"To what?" Alex asked, confused.

Tess gave a wry grin. "Caring," she answered bitterly. Lowering her voice so that they would not be overheard, she said, "Human emotions. I… I always felt something, but never… never this strong. Nasedo…" She didn't finish the sentence, just shrugged and looked down at the tile floor under their feet.

"Nasedo wasn't big on emotions?" Alex supplied.

Tess shook her head. "I didn't… even care as much when it was… the skins…" She took a deep breath, remembering the fire that had erupted from her, uncontrollable and dangerous. It had saved their lives, and at the time, that had been the only thing that really mattered to her. But now… things weren't quite as black and white.

"Matt wasn't our enemy," Alex answered. "That's what makes it different."

"But the Seeker was," Tess murmured, "and his death isn't any easier for me to deal with."

"He wasn't really, though," Alex countered. "Khivar manipulated him. Like he manipulated everything else."

Tess smiled faintly and said ironically, "There was a time, Alex, when I might have just killed you." Alex looked at her, startled, and she explained, "If we hadn't been able to rescue you, if the Seeker didn't tell us how to fight Khivar… you were a threat, and Michael, Isabel, and… Max… were in danger. There was a time when I would have just killed you to save them. I might have regretted it, but I still would have done it. It's what Nasedo raised me to be."

"A killer?" Alex asked sarcastically.

But Tess answered, "A survivor." After a moment, she added, "Although sometimes I think those two might actually be the same thing."

"It's a war," Alex said simply. "People die."

Tess raised an eyebrow and said softly, "Careful, Alex. You're starting to sound as cold-hearted as me."

"You were never cold-hearted," Alex protested, knowing full well that that was exactly what everyone thought of her when they first met her. And Tess knew that as well, because she easily caught the lie in his words and rolled her eyes.

"The more I think back on my life, the more I despise the person that I was, the person that Nasedo taught me to be," Tess said, her voice tinted with anger. "He turned me into a monster."

"Yes," Alex agreed, "but it was those skills that he taught you, those techniques that turned you into a monster, that ended up saving us time and time again."

"So what do I do?" Tess asked. "What do we both do now?"

"We stop thinking about the past and start thinking about the future," Alex answered, even though he knew that was easier said than done. "We rebuild our lives." Then, as he thought about that, he asked, "How do you think someone goes about rebuilding their life?"

"Slowly," Tess replied with a slight smile. "And one step at a time."

"Why didn't you tell us what was going on?" Maria demanded, hands on her hips as she glared at Michael and Max. They had made the mistake of entering the Crashdown only moments before, at a point when Maria was still working her shift. And the blonde human was holding on to her anger about being left out of the plan to save Alex and Tess.

Max glanced around. The Crashdown was relatively empty, for which he was grateful.

Michael answered the question bluntly, "You would have only slowed us down."

"I saved Tess' life!" Maria spat back, keeping her voice as quiet as possible to avoid having her words overhead by anyone. "Did you consider that a waste of time? Should I have just let her die?"

"We aren't in this together anymore, Maria," Max countered. "It isn't the eight of us. It is for the best…"

"For the best?" Maria mimicked, rolling her eyes. "How was this possibly for the best?"

"For God's sake, Maria, you'd just yelled at us in front of an entire diner," Max retorted, conjuring up images of the fight that had caused Tess to run from the diner right before she'd been kidnapped by the Seeker. It seemed like it had happened years ago, when in fact it had only been a few days.

"I was angry," Maria said, "and I regretted a lot of the things I said to you. But that isn't a reason to keep us in the dark when it is Alex's life you are playing with."

"And if you are too busy letting your temper get the best of you, is it really any wonder that we didn't know if bringing you into the conversation was a good idea?" Max asked with a hard stare.

"I had every reason to be mad at you," Maria snapped. "Maybe I overreacted, but you were still being a jerk to Liz and she is my best friend. Did you really think I was going to just sit back and let you act like that?" She crossed her arms over her chest and gave Max a defiant stare, daring him to argue with her.

"Liz and I broke up. For good," Max said through clenched teeth. "And that was not anymore my fault than it was hers. We're just not…" He sighed and looked away. "It really isn't any of your business."

Michael, deciding to intervene, said angrily, "This isn't about Liz, is it?" Maria and Max both looked at him, but he spoke only to Maria. "You aren't here yelling at us because of that. You aren't even that upset that we left you out of the plan in the first place. You're upset because of what happened to Alex. You still blame us for it, and then when we try to fix it and don't tell you, you're scared that something could have gone wrong and…"

"And I would never have had a chance to say goodbye?" Maria filled in when Michael didn't finish the sentence. She hesitated, then said, "I'm not… I don't blame you for what happened… with Khivar."

"It feels like you are," Michael said softly.

Maria nodded and said sincerely, "Then I am sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. I just… Alex is my best friend and you made decisions about his life without telling Liz or I. You can't do that."

"Like I said, Maria, we aren't a group of eight anymore," Max interrupted.

"Maybe not," Maria consented, "but Alex is my best friend."

Max opened his mouth to say something, and then stopped and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Maria asked, clearly not expecting him to actually give in that quickly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was a jerk to Liz. I'm sorry that we didn't include you in this. I'm sorry we made decisions regarding Alex's life without consulting you. But if I could go to the past and change everything, I still wouldn't. I'd make the same mistakes because at the time I thought what I was doing was for the best. You can hate me, but don't doubt that I had Alex's best interests at heart."

"You're apologizing," Maria said, dumbfounded.

"Yes," Max replied, a tight smile on his face. "It's a new leaf I've turned over. It's called taking responsibility for my actions."

Maria managed to return the smile. "Okay," she said. "Well… I guess I'll stop yelling at you then." She hesitated, then added, "But in the future…"

"I will consult you before doing anything that could so drastically affect your life, Liz's life, or Alex's life…" Max paused, then added, "If I think I have the time to do it." Maria narrowed her eyes at him, but Max just said, "I can't promise I'll always be able to make everybody happy. All I can promise is I'll always try to keep everyone safe."

Maria slowly nodded, seeing the sincerity in Max's eyes. "I guess I can live with that," she said at last. She ran a hand through her hair, then asked, "So I guess this is goodbye?"

"You'll still see us around," Michael cut in quickly. "We just need to work things out…"

"Less human involvement in Czechoslovakian problems," Maria agreed. "I think Liz was right about that."

Max stepped past Maria to the nearest table. Michael was about to follow, but Maria caught his arm and looked up at him, eyes large and filled with an emotion he couldn't identify.

"Stay safe," Maria said quietly.

Michael tried to give her a reassuring smile, but he wasn't sure how well he succeeded. "You, too," he replied.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked in confusion, watching as Tess slowly piled all of her belongings on top of Kyle's bed. The blonde hybrid, having not her heard his approach, jumped and turned to look at him, somewhat guiltily.

"Starting over," she admitted. "I thought…" She didn't finish the sentence.

"You thought what?" Jim pressed, growing a little worried.

"I thought it might be best if I moved out," Tess said all in a rush, averting her gaze so that she wouldn't have to see Jim's expression. "I could get an apartment… maybe stay with Michael until I figure something out." She hadn't really thought the plan through that well, but she wanted to make a fresh start of everything, and it seemed like that involved moving away from Kyle and Jim.

"Why?" Jim asked, and she could hear the surprise and hurt in his voice.

"There's a criminally insane alien madman out there, and he wants to kill us all?" Tess deadpanned. She changed a look at Jim, and he was staring at her with incredulity. She hurried to explain, "Matt is dead because he tried to save me. I can't… if it had been you or Kyle…" Her words choked in her throat and she looked down at the floor.

"So you're leaving? Just like that?" Jim demanded.

"I can't risk putting you in danger," Tess pleaded with him to understand. "I can't… I can't do that. I just can't."

"Tess, before you moved in here, the FBI tortured Max in the white room, Kyle got shot, Michael killed Agent Pierce, and Pierce and Nasedo were both responsible for several other deaths," Jim said firmly. "I was under no delusions about the danger we would be in by letting you into our home. I knew what we were getting into, and I made the decision to do it anyway."

"Because Max had healed Kyle and you felt indebted," Tess countered quietly.

Jim shrugged. "Originally? Yes, that was the reason. But whatever the reason I opened my door in the first place, you're here now. You're family now. You've got more than just Max, Michael, and Isabel. You have us too. We'll face these problems together."

"They'll keep coming," Tess warned. "These problems, they're never going to fully go away. They'll keep coming."

Jim nodded. "Yes," he agreed. "And we'll keep fighting back. As a family."

"Penny for your thoughts?" Max offered as he settled on the sofa next to Isabel. Both his parents were gone, leaving the two siblings alone in the house. Isabel had been sitting in the living room, staring at nothing for a while, lost in her own thoughts. She glanced over at Max and sighed.

"The Seeker and his daughter… Lessa," she admitted.

Max swallowed. In all the grieving they had done for Matt, the Seeker's death had been overlooked. But he was still dead, his body nothing more than dirt and ash scattered on the wind. He, too, had been lied to and manipulated, betrayed by Khivar. And Lessa's death was still unavenged.

"It's not fair," Isabel murmured. "He just wanted his daughter…"

"No," Max replied, "he wanted something else. He wanted revenge. Nothing could bring his daughter back, so he just wanted to hurt the person he perceived as responsible."

"Even though she wasn't," Isabel said heavily, thinking of how close they had come to losing Tess simply because of Khivar's lies.

"Yeah," Max muttered. "I thought… sometimes I wondered…"

"If Ava really was a murderer?" Isabel finished. Max nodded guiltily, and Isabel pointed out, "I think we all wondered that. Even Tess."

"Yes," Max said, "but now I sit here and I can't figure out how I ever would have thought that of her. She's my family. Our family."

"But not the way Michael and I are," Isabel retorted. "Biologically she was family, but we didn't even know her for the first ten years. We're not… we're not horrible people. We were just scared."

Max considered this for a moment, then said, "I can't afford to be scared anymore. People have already died."

"People die because of this every single day," Isabel murmured. "It's a war. We're just far away from it."

"Not anymore. Not since the Seeker arrived," Max answered. "Before, it was like we could claim ignorance, that we didn't completely understand. Now… He came. We saw first hand what war does to people. I can't pretend that I don't know what is going on…"

"It isn't fair," Isabel said firmly, angrily. "Khivar doesn't even suffer for what he did, but the Seeker, all of us, Alex…" She pressed her fingers together into a tight fist. "He should have had to suffer more." She hadn't been there when Khivar revealed the truth about how Lessa had died, but she had heard Michael's version of the story, and she couldn't perfectly picture the anguish she knew the Seeker had to have been feeling to learn that he had been betrayed and manipulated by the skin king.

"Yes," Max agreed emphatically, "but what should happen and what actually do happen are two very different scenarios." He placed his hand on Isabel's shoulder. "None of this is very fair for anyone. Like you said, it's a war. People die every day."

"Why? It seems so… pointless," Isabel questioned. She knew it was a naïve thing to say, but she simply couldn't wrap her head around the fact that this was something worth killing people over. She wondered if Lessa had even known how much danger she was in. She wondered if anyone had bothered to explain to her why she was going to be killed.

"I don't know," Max replied honestly. "I don't know much of anything. But whatever happened in the past can't be changed. And we can't stop this war either, because Khivar isn't going to stop. This is the situation we were given, and we're here, now, and this is what we have to deal with."

Nasedo POV

People say they don't put a value on life. It is invaluable.

And yet, every day, you make a decision about what is and what isn't important to you.

Max, Michael, Isabel, Maria, and Liz would never have hurt Alex. They just didn't have it in them. They would have left Khivar in his body, trying to find a way to save him, until it was far too late to do anything. Alex, on the other hand, probably would have preferred to die before letting Khivar use his body for genocide and annihilation of the Earth. And Tess vacillates back and forth between willingly killing Alex to stop Khivar and willingly letting the Earth burn a thousand times over to keep Alex alive.

Max, Michael, Isabel, Maria, and Liz all made the decision that Alex's life was more important to them than all the enslaved and ruined lives on Antar. Alex was their friend, and Antar is something very far away.

Alex made the decision that it was more important to him to not be a mass-murderer than to be alive.

And Tess has been so screwed up by human emotions that she doesn't know what matters to her anymore.

Which disgusts me. How could I have let the Valentis do that to her? At first, I was pleased that they had taken her in after my death. After all, the skins were out there and she needed to be somewhere safe. But then, when she actually became a part of that human family…

But I digress…

We all make decisions every day. We chose one path over another, we fight for one cause instead of a different one. Sometimes these choices have to do with our values and morals, sometimes they have to do with our skills, and occasionally they have nothing to do with anything and just sort of happen.

But we always make choices, we always place a value on life.

It isn't good and it isn't bad. It just is, and we all need to accept that and move on. Life doesn't matter on its own, we have to attach meaning to it before anyone cares. Absolute morals and ethics change from situation to situation and when we say murder is wrong we only mean the act of killing someone; it is not as wrong to let people die, especially when you don't know them, when they're far away locked in some other struggle.

We can't save everyone. We can't fix every problem. There are simply too many limitations on what we can do, too many evils that we'll never really manage to destroy anyway.

Everybody screws up. Being a good person doesn't mean you don't make mistakes, you don't care about one more than another, you don't let people in far away countries die. But we add human emotions to the mess and everything gets so muddled that you can't see straight anymore. And you have to dig your way through figurative quick-sand to be able to find any answers, and half the time the answers don't matter anymore because you're now having to deal with a new situation and a new problem.

Tess knows. She's already learned how to deal with this. She just needs to remember it. And Max, Michael, and Isabel, they'll learn also.

Things happen. People die. That's life.

You get up and you keep fighting. That's survival.