You must love me now right? Seriously this has to be a record! It's been 2 days!

Going against all of my usual doubts etc, I'm actually kind of proud of this chapter. So I hope you like it too.

I said last time we're reaching the tail end and I don't believe Lupin fit of refusal of Tonks starts quickly. So I'm going to let it build and hinge on a certain person. There is a line towards the end about impoliteness, it is such a Lupin line I just laugh.

Thank you very much for pushing me past the 200 marks very quickly. Reviews are so kind and so helpful!

Enjoy.

Chapter 34

Remus Lupin stood in the doorway of Grimmauld Place, looking out into the very heavy rain outside. He looked across at Nymphadora Tonks, who was moving towards him. He grabbed her wrist to stop her walking out in it.

"You're walking home in this?"

"It's just a bit of rain," Tonks muttered, shrugging.

Lupin furrowed his brow at her, swallowing the very parent-like urge in him to tell her she would catch a cold and should stay inside. Tonks smiled at him, obviously knowing what he was thinking. She kissed him lightly and then walked out into the rain, laughing. He watched the rain soaking her bright green hair, dripping through it and then down her entire body. Lupin's eyes were then drawn to a crack in the sidewalk and his mind told him she was going to trip. Of all the things to add to an already difficult time where Lupin was questioning his ability to keep Tonks safe, her being clumsy really was the tip of the iceberg. She still hadn't noticed it and Lupin took a few pre-cautionary steps down the stairs. The rain hit him like a wave and just when it froze him to the core, she finally got caught in the crack and started to fall. Lupin made a panicked jump down the rest of the stairs and caught her in seconds. She laughed at him as he held her inches from the flooded sidewalk.

"Must you always fall over?" Lupin complained, the rain dripping from him onto her.

"Why not? You're always around to catch me," Tonks smiled.

Lupin wanted to argue back, to tell her she needed to protect herself, but it was too hard when she looked as cute as she did sopping wet. Instead he closed his mouth and pulled her upright, wiping the wet hair off her face and kissing her. He'd never kissed anyone in the rain before and it was quite a strange experience. He could feel the rain slowly drenching him to the skin, but rather than being bothered by it like usual, it added to the pleasure of the entire situation. When he finally pulled back from her, he realized just how public his actions had been and embarrassment filled him.

"You see, that's why I love the rain," Tonks said sounding slightly dazed. "Night Remus."

"Goodnight," Lupin repeated.

He shut the door of Grimmauld Place, shaking the rain out of his hair. He pulled his wand out and dried his clothes with a charm and then leant against the wall. Her words were floating through his head, not having Tonks to distract him from them anymore.

You're always around to catch me.

What did that mean? He was not the type to rely on and yet, here she was relying on him. Having the blind faith that he would always be there for her. It was not a question of wanting to be there for her, he wanted to be, all the time, but it was not possible. The same thought he'd been having for a few weeks returned. Had he let this progress too far?

You're always around to catch me.

At first he had not been able to stop himself, she did something to him, made him feels things he never had before, but now, was he going to have to stop himself? She was falling in love with him, truly in love with him, he could not deny he was doing the same, but it came with a price. She was too young to understand what it meant, but he had lived with it, he knew what it was and she did not deserve it.

He moved off the wall and walked down into the kitchen, feeling his mind implode from thinking. Each step he took down the stairs seemed to make him realise how foolish he'd been to think his life could turn out happily for once. By the time he pushed open the door he was in a cold sweat and breathing rapidly.

"Sorry about disturbing– Merlin! Remus, are you feeling alright?" Sirius added after glancing at Lupin.

Lupin took a seat at the table as far away from Sirius as possible and sighed loudly. He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his face, trying to stop himself from thinking and wiping off the water dripping onto his face from his still soaked hair.

"Moony?" Sirius asked sitting up straighter and sounding concerned.

He could hear his breath coming out heavily and no matter how deep he breathed, there never seemed to be enough oxygen.

"Remus!" Sirius yelled, trying to catch his attention.

Lupin glanced up at him, only to then glance quickly away. Nervous energy ran through his body to the point where he couldn't handle sitting down anymore, and he stood quickly. How had he not realised how stupidly foolish he'd been?

You're always around to catch me.

Anxiety bubbled over in him, so much so that without realising it, he was pacing around the kitchen between the stove and the table, muttering words that didn't make full sentences.

"She thinks we're in this forever…werewolf…she's relying on me…she doesn't understand the shame…I can't do that to her…I won't always be there for her…what if– "

"Mate, don't make me punch you," interuptted Sirius' voice angrily.

Lupin stopped pacing instantly and turned to Sirius feeling very confused.

"Don't look at me like that. You know what you're saying is ridiculous. If you want to end what's happening because you don't want to be with her, then go right ahead. But if you're ending this because you're a werewolf, I'm going to step in."

Lupin was standing perfectly still where he'd been stopped in his tracks. For the first time Lupin wished he was not having this conversation with Sirius, but with James or Lily. They would know what he meant, they would understand.

"If you're thinking about James, he'd say exactly the same thing as me," Sirius said darkly, folding his arms.

Lupin knitted his brow at Sirius's complete translation of his thoughts.

"He would. He always did think you were a fool for how much you let it take away from you," Sirius told him. "So do I as a matter of fact."

Stunned, Lupin took a seat at the other end of the table and looked back at Sirius who was staring at the table, not him.

"Just stop being a daft prick for five seconds. She's young, she's sweet, she gives you as much ribbing as me, she's exactly what you need and she loves you."

Lupin's stomach dropped about three floors. How much did Sirius know?

"Okay I was guessing, but obviously she does love you. Don't be a git mate. It's at times like these when people start making these kind of stupid decisions, for the greater good and all that bullocks you told me about. I won't let you do the same."

Lupin dropped his head into his hands again, and started massaging his temples. Things were much harder than they should have been.

"But shouldn't she be with someone who's whole, someone she won't always have to compensate for?" Lupin asked, feeling more vulnerable than he had in years.

"So she shouldn't be with someone who's smart, kind and funny just because he's got a furry little problem?"

"It's not just a little problem," Lupin growled, banging his fist on the table.

"Yes it is. You just make it something bigger. So what, once a month you go a little crazy, but that's once a month. If she cared about it she wouldn't be there. Think about it. Does she seem like the type of girl to put up with something just out of politeness?"

Lupin shook his head slowly.

"Exactly. So stop this whole she deserves someone better nonsense. Maybe she does, but she picked you, in spite of everything she knows about you."

As scary as it sounded, Sirius was actually making sense. Lupin knew part of it was because he wanted to stay with her and Sirius gave him the reasons too, but he was making sense. It was Tonks' decision and she'd chosen him. Maybe he would never stop the unease but he could attempt to control it. Sirius stood up and walked towards him.

"See there you go. Just stop worrying for once and have some fun."

He put a hand on Lupin's shoulder.

"It's a shame that we won't be able to pull our double act with women anymore," Sirius grinned and Lupin sighed at the mortifying memories. "Stop being a git and get on with it. Worst comes to worst, I'll always be here for you mate.

With a final clap on Lupin's shoulder he walked out of the kitchen, clearly knowing Lupin well enough to know he needed time alone with his thoughts.

Lupin awoke the next morning feeling somewhat better after what Sirius had said. It seemed so strange to be relying on Sirius, on someone else, when for so long he had only had himself. After all the friends, the family, everyone he'd lost, it would have been so easy to shut off from everyone. To understand what attachment meant in the long run, hurt, pain and yet, Lupin had not become jaded. He had the new Order, he had Dumbledore, he had Harry, he had Tonks, and he had Sirius.

January rolled on with freezing weather and even colder rain. Meetings were becoming frequent but the members turning up were diminishing. Moody and Doge were tailing Death Eaters together, coming in only weekly with reports. Kingsley and Tonks were so busy at work it was rare to see either. Snape and McGonagall were on Dumbledore's orders to leave Hogwarts as little as possible because of Umbridge. Lupin had found out she was slowly banning everything at Hogwarts and to Dumbledore's delight she banned the discussion of anything but subjects between teachers and students. When asked why this delighted him so much, Dumbledore merely said that it meant Fudge was clutching at his final straws and even he knew it. The shining light in it all, was Harry and his secret classes. It made Lupin prouder than ever to know Harry was defying Umbridge, the only person who was happier about it was Sirius, though that did not surprise anyone. It seemed Lupin was the only one without a Death-Eater specific job and it was starting to feel like he was being denied on purpose. Sirius was prone to small fits of depression but they would lift around meetings and he had taken to carrying a small mirror with him, especially on Monday nights. It was a dreary day towards the end of the month when they held their usual meeting, but this time Dumbledore appeared. When it was all over he requested time with Sirius and Lupin alone.

Lupin and Sirius glanced at each other, both with furrowed brows, as everyone filed out of the dining room.

"I do not wish to take up much of your time," Dumbledore told them both. "But I have some alarming news from Severus in regard to Harry."

Sirius sat up to say something but Dumbledore continued on.

"It seems Harry has been dreaming about the door to the Department of Mysteries for sometime. Voldemort has become aware of the connection I have been informed, and will no doubt be dangling these visions in front of Harry in the hope he will retrieve the prophecy himself. Now that he knows no one but the two can do so."

"How does that require us?" Lupin asked.

"I need Occlumency to be his first priority," Dumbledore explained.

Lupin was about to ask how they could help again, but Dumbledore kept speaking.

"He listens to you two above any other and I cannot speak to him as often as he may desire," said Dumbledore and Lupin could see the distress in his expression.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Because Order business restricts my time at school," Dumbledore told him, though Lupin sensed it was a lie. "I need you both to stress the importance of such lessons, regardless of the feelings towards my appointed teacher."

Dumbledore's eyes glanced towards Sirius, who took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

"If he attempts to contact you, do not neglect to do so. Voldemort would, by now, be aware of how simple it would be to bring Harry down there," Dumbledore said, standing up.

Sirius glanced across at Lupin looking very confused.

"Thank you both for your time," Dumbledore said, exiting very quickly.

"What on earth was that all about?" Sirius asked looking as confused as ever.

Lupin, who found the whole thing pretty straightforward, looked across at Sirius to find out if he was joking.

"Stop looking at me strangely and tell me what the hell is going on, in non-Dumbledore speak," Sirius demanded.

"Well Harry's been dreaming about the–"

"I'm not completely daft Remus, I got that much. What is so simple that could get Harry down to the Department?"

Again Lupin checked to see if he was joking before he spoke.

"You really don't know?" Lupin asked astounded.

"No. Get off your high hippogriff and just tell me would you?" Sirius said, getting aggravated.

"What did Harry do after he met you?" Lupin asked.

"He risked his life to protect me from the Dementors and then after that saved me again using the Time-turner and nearly got expelled," Sirius answered sounding proud.

"What did he do last year when he could have saved himself from Voldemort?"

"He saved that Diggory boy," Sirius answered again, still looking at Lupin for the answer.

Lupin stared at him, his brow knitted.

"What? Stop looking at me like that and just tell me!" Sirius exclaimed, getting angrier.

"He goes out of his way to save other people. All Voldemort has to do is hint that someone he knows is in danger and Harry would do anything to save them," Lupin explained.

Sirius went silent for a few moments and Lupin could see him thinking hard.

"Yes but, he has to know it'd be a dream or something if he saw it, wouldn't he?" Sirius said, still looking confused.

"I'd hope so, but there has been a lot of importance placed on these visions. Harry may not be able to tell the real from the fictional," Lupin said gravely.

Again silence fell on them for a few moments.

"He's smarter than you and Dumbledore give him credit for, you know," Sirius said darkly.

"Yes, I know he is smart. But what would you do if you had a dream of him being attacked, when your last dream turned out to be real?" Lupin asked as he got up and left, not keen to be around Sirius when he was in another bad mood.

It was very early February when Lupin next saw Tonks. He'd spent all that day in and around Florish and Blotts, just browsing. He returned to Grimmauld Place and walked straight up into the bathroom across from his bedroom. He turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower, shaking some of the water out of his hair. He had one hand firmly holding the towel wrapped around his waist, after sharing bathrooms with James and Sirius everyone learnt to hold their towels up with particular strength, and the other hand was drying his hair with another towel.

"This is why I don't knock," came a familiar voice.

Lupin's instant reaction was to clamp down on his towel and try to hide his almost naked frame, which only resulted in him standing very awkwardly behind the sink. As he turned around, Tonks was standing in the previously closed doorway, grinning wildly with an eyebrow raised.

"Tonks!" He yelped sternly in embarrassment, reprimanding her.

She laughed as she crossed the small room towards him.

"No reason to get all jumpy Remus. I've already seen your bits."

Lupin felt himself flush and then groan, which only made her laugh harder. Why did she have to be so inappropriate?

"You're such a prude," she muttered, grinning again.

She placed her hands on either side of his torso and her touch made him finally smile.

"Hi," she said peacefully

"Hi," he repeated, feeling his body relax.

She met his lips for a moment and then turned to walk away. Like a switch had been flicked on somehwere inside him at her kiss, something in him changed. Lupin immediately dropped the towel he'd been using to dry his hair and grabbed her elbow, pulling her back into him.

"Uh-uh," he mumbled, shaking his head, not being able to speak properly.

It felt like he'd been taken over by an urge, but by and large he was allowed to express this urge now. He met her mouth hungrily, only just realising truly how long it had been since he'd done so. He let go of his towel, but it was still held up by friction, and he pulled her hips into his, holding onto them. She let her hands run through his still damp hair, making Lupin tingle all over. He pulled her as close into him as possible as they staggered around the bathroom, Lupin unable to really contain himself. They fell into the bathroom door, which shut with a loud bang that neither noticed. His hands played with the bottom of her t-shirt, itching to remove it, but knowing he couldn't. Instead he slipped his hands underneath it and slid his hands up her ribs, stopping as his thumbs hit more fabric that he desperately wanted to remove.

"Easy sailor," Tonks laughed, pulling back from him.

"Sorry," Lupin sighed, feeling slightly ashamed of his outburst and grumpy from its abrupt end.

"No, I liked it. Loved it in fact, but we have a meeting to get to," Tonks told him.

Lupin closed his eyes, willing the urges in him to settle and stay contained as they usually did.

"Later," she promised and he could feel her breath on his lips.

Lupin opened his eyes and broke away from her, taking in her plans with a small amount of unease. He sat himself on the edge of the bathtub.

"Remus I was thinking– " Tonks mumbled.

"A dangerous pass time for you. But continue," he interrupted.

She glared at him as she leant back against the sink.

"Fine I won't tell you."

Lupin swallowed hard, wondering what she may have been thinking or about to say. He had an inkling and knew he could well be correct.

"Tonks, this doesn't feel right," He said flatly.

She stared at him looking reproachful.

"No, I don't mean this. I mean the fact that– well, we have merely had lunch once and a failed attempt at dinner. It seems impolite on my behalf to carry on without much else," Lupin explained.

Tonks stood still for a moment before grinning.

"I was about to ask if you wanted to do something," she laughed. "How's Saturday?"

Lupin looked away awkwardly.

"I'm afraid I'll be caught up this weekend. Full moon," he added after she looked at him, confused. "How about the following one?"

"Next Saturday it is. That will be Saturday the– Remus Lupin!" She said loudly, making him jump. "Was that your own backwards way of asking me out for Valentines Day?"

Lupin frowned for a second, counting the days in his head, not realising.

"Well, I suppose it was," he said genuinely.

"How exactly do werewolves celebrate this holiday?"

"I wouldn't know. But this one is up to you. I planned the last one," Lupin informed her.

"Oh so that's how it works. Well I guess it can't be hard to top your last pitiful attempt," She said sarcastically.

"At least the food was edible during mine," Lupin stated with the hint of a smile.

"Oh you're going to pay for that," Tonks teased

"I hope so."

Tonks opened her mouth to speak but closed it again and then stared at him for a while with a mixture of amazement and surprise.

"What's gotten into you?" She finally asked, biting her lower lip, still smiling.

Lupin laughed and then stood up.

"Next Saturday," he nodded.

"It's a date," Tonks told him.

They stood smirking at each other for a few moments before Lupin remembered they had other commitments to attend to.

"Now, I have to get changed, and you have to get down to that meeting. I'll meet you down there."

"I don't know why you need to get changed, that outfit is pretty good to me," Tonks said, biting her lip as she surveryed him.

He kissed her roughly and then turned and walked out of the bathroom.

"Don't even think about removing this towel with your wand," Lupin called over his shoulder, as he walked across the landing.

"That's not fair! How'd you know? You weren't even looking at me," Tonks sighed regretfully.

Lupin stopped and turned to face her, wanting to laugh at her pouting in the doorway.

"I was once a teacher do remember. We sense these things. Eye's in the back of our heads."

Tonks walked out of the doorway and towards the stairs.

"How very Mad-Eye of you," she laughed, before disappearing from view.

Lupin could have skipped down the stairs in happiness. He did not know why he suddenly felt lighter than air, but it was a relief after a month of heavy thinking. He turned the doorknob for the dining room and immediately wished he never had. The atmosphere in the room was very tense; it pressed on him, suffocating him. All the heads in the room turned to him gravely. The table was covered in copies of the Daily Prophet. Molly was looking at him like he was a crying child and Sirius and Tonks were staring at him far too grimly.

"What?" Lupin asked, feeling stupid.

Sirius took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again, resuming his grim stare. Even though Sirius finally spoke after a few more minutes of unbearable silence, Lupin didn't really need to hear it, he already knew.

"Greyback," Sirius breathed.

With a complete realisation of the life he'd been ignoring lately, the task he's been able to quit so easily, it all came crashing down in front of him. Like a slap in the face Lupin was awake, alert and alive. He'd been passing his time with silly meetings in bathrooms; nights spent talking and laughing with Sirius and leisurely days reading books and out there was the real world, trying desperately to ruin his moments of happiness, and very suddenly, it was winning.

To be continued…