Title: Material Man
Length: 298
Author: -is too ashamed to admit so guess away-
Pairing: Stein/Chair (yes I am serious)
Sum: It was the sexiest thing on four wheels quite frankly.
A/N: BON APPETITE.
For: Alli-sue, dear god that woman needs a straight jacket!
"I'm becoming celibate." Spirit turned to look at his former meister with the expression of a man who'd just been told his genitalia was about to be sawn off.
"…I'm sorry what?"
"You heard me." Stein repeated, playing with a scalpel, "I've cut out smoking, two woman are constantly fighting over my affections, I can't dissect anyone for fun anymore…I may as well just get rid of that fun as well."
"Dissection and sex are totally different things Stein!"
"To you," muttered the doctor, Spirit tried not to contemplate that to much – drumming a tune onto the desktop.
"…perhaps I should just become a women. No one cares what you do when you have breasts." Spirit agreed fully with that statement, perhaps one day his darling Maka would be able to inherit the almighty power…
Oh Maka, the best daughter on the planet~
"I don't think becoming a woman will help Stein, guys will start chasing you."
Stein considered this.
"Then," he announced, standing up suddenly causing the death scythe to jerk in shock, "I shall marry my chair."
There was a pregnant pause, a bird chirped somewhere outside.
"…do you wanna run that by me again?"
Stein seemed unabashed, now making strange cooing noises toward the inanimate object.
"Who's my special chair? You are! You are!" He preened, fondling the arm rest. It would have been funny if it wasn't so completely and utterly disturbing…
"Um…"
"You don't mind if I dissect you do you? No! You'll love me forever and ever!"
Spirit decided then and there that Shibusen had just got too weird for him…