This is an outtake for IhartJackson. She wanted to see the chapter in Jasper's POV. I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you guys liked reading this one.

Bella's sweet, confident voice was suddenly very small and unsure. "Jasper, what's going on? You're acting weird."

What was going on? She had no idea. She hadn't even guessed what I was about to do.

About to tear her heart into pieces. About to shatter the little family I loved so dearly.

She will understand one day, though. She will look at little Silas, perhaps when he starts school next September, and she will think about what life without him would be like.

She will momentarily acquire Alice's power. She will see a vision of what could have happened if I had stuck around.

She will see our little guy's limp, cold body lying awkwardly on the floor. She will see me crouched over him, looking at her with wild red eyes. She will hear the echoes of his screams, and my snarls, in her nightmares.

Bella will think about that, and she will suddenly become aware of my motives behind this day. She will recognize me as the animal that I am. She will be grateful that I left until I could find some sufficient self-control.

I snapped my head up and looked her right in the eye. One second had passed since she asked her question.

I took a small breath to try and relax myself. "Bella, we need to talk."

My incredible hearing caught her heartbeat skip as it faltered for just a fraction of a second. She was catching on.

I gently extended the envelope in my hand towards Silas. He took it and looked at me. He was curious. I instructed him. "Hold onto that, and only let mommy have it, alright?"

Silas nodded. I felt him spark with pride and my cold heart started to shatter. This child was my kin. He was more family to me than any of the Cullens'. Than Bella, even.

Looking into his innocent gray eyes made up my mind. There was no turning back. There was no chickening out now, when it was so vital I escaped Forks. I needed them to be safe; I needed to practice resisting the blood if I ever wanted to return to them.

Bella opened her mouth to ask me something. I sighed and cut her off, "You're going to find two things in there. First, the keys to the car. Then there's a paper. It's information for the bank account I opened in your name. It has $400,000 in it for you."

Bella needed a good car. Hers was reliable enough to get her to and from school, but it wasn't really the sort of vehicle a mother should have. Silas was really small, and he could get very hurt in a truck if Bella ever got into an accident. Besides, the speed is atrocious. Rosalie even admitted she didn't have any way to get it to go faster. It was just too old.

Besides, Bella always liked Alice's mustang, and that's the car I drove her in today. Alice wanted her to have it, she wanted to say goodbye some how. The car was a way of Alice telling Bella she was sorry and that she still loved her.

We all loved her, except for Rosalie. Even Rosalie liked her to some extent. I had a hell of a fight getting them to agree to leave for me. I've never been very involved in the family, so it isn't like they owe me any favors. They did it because they didn't want to hurt Bella and Silas. They didn't want to see me hurt the two people I love the most.

Bella whispered, "What for?"

I was taken by surprise when a new emotion started creeping off of her. It was growing stronger every passing millisecond. It was more powerful than terror, and it was thickly laced with apprehension.

Bella was dreading my answer. Knowing that made it so much harder to speak.

Every word that dragged out of my throat burned worse than any thirst I have ever experienced. It hurt more than any pain I have ever felt before. "For anything, and everything, you might need while we're away. I'm going to take care of you two, even if I am not here."

No, I was not going to be labeled a dead-beat by the good people of Forks. They were not going to have any reason to say bad things about me, things that could possibly make Bella hurt.

I was going to supply her and Silas with the only long-distance support I can give them, financial. Carlisle quite readily gave me the money. He understands why I need to do this. He agrees with me, actually. He does not think it is a good idea for me to stick around until I can control myself around open blood.

I don't know how long that will take, but I will do it. I will push myself harder than ever, harder than what's probably supposed to be possible, to build up some immunity.

Bella's mouth fell open, and Silas cheerfully asked, "Where are you going, daddy?"

Daddy.

How long will it be until I hear that magical word again? I never wanted to be a father, but now that I technically was, I couldn't imagine it any other way.

I kept my eyes trained on him when I answered, speaking to Bella. I don't think I could handle watching her face. Feeling her horror was bad enough.

Almost too bad.

"Emmett and Rosalie are buying their own house in Colorado for a few years. Alice and Edward are considering Dartmouth. Carlisle might transfer to New York, or he might just spend some alone time with Esme."

I felt a sliver of hope blossom in Bella's chest, though it was extremely hard to detect through her fear. "Are you staying with us?"

I lowered my eyes, staring at the forest floor. I had to claw at my chest in an effort to heave the words out of my throat. "Bella, if you love me- if you love Silas- at all, you'll look after him. I'm dangerous, and I can't control myself forever. I think I made that very clear."

I felt the first jolt of agony tear through her heart. Knowing how badly it hurt, knowing that I caused it, made my entire body ache with misery. Down to my bones.

My face cringed slightly and I fought with myself, forcing myself not to wince at her pain.

That's when it happened.

I could smell the diluted salt as tears began to escape my angel's eyes. She begged me, "Please don't do this to me, Jasper."

I didn't want to.

Oh, you cannot imagine how much I wished I could stay.

I wanted this more than anything. I wanted my family. The only two good things in my life, the only things I have ever done right. I didn't want to leave them.

I had to.

I took a broad step closer, closing the distance between us. "It has to be done."

I wrapped my arms around the two of them. For one moment, their warmth seeped through my whole body. For one flittering second I felt more right than I ever have felt before.

I felt human.

But the harsh reality was stronger than those silly feelings. If I were human, we'd not have a problem. We would already be living in a house of our own, just the three of us. I'd have a job and I would support the family, like a man is supposed to. Bella would stay at home with Silas, and neither of them would ever be in danger. Not in this town.

I was not a man, I was a monster. I was the worst danger to them, and it hurt more than I ever fathomed to realize that.

I kissed Silas's forehead and whispered to him, "You behave yourself for mama, okay munchkin?"

I looked at him and could see the wariness in his eyes. He was picking up on the mood of the situation. He was starting to realize this was not just a conversation in the forest.

Silas nodded sadly.

I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. My mouth began to burn, but it was not from her blood. The tenderness of the kiss was like nothing I have ever felt before. It was too soft, too sad, and much too careful.

I broke away from her and pressed my cold cheek against hers, closing my eyes. I couldn't stay, but I could still give myself to her.

I promised her, "I'm coming back, Bella. If you still want me after this, just wait for me, and you can have me."

I would never blame her if, when I do return, she was with somebody else.

I was hurting her. I was breaking her, I could feel it.

She had every right to hate me for this. I would understand if she decided to give her love to a more deserving person. A human like Mike.

When I return, the tides will change. I will give her my heart to do with as she pleases. If she wants to rip it in half, I won't try to stop her.

If she wants to throw it out the window, I will silently follow it.

If I have to beg for her forgiveness, I will do it shamelessly. I will get on my knees and kiss her feet. I will do and say absolutely anything she wants me to. I will be at her mercy.

If, by some miracle, she wants it back; then I will be more grateful than humanly possible and glue myself to her side for the rest of eternity.

I took one fleeting glance at them before I turned and ran. I ran as fast as I could, as hard as I could. I needed to put as much distance between us as possible if I was ever going to get away from them.

I was in Denali before dawn had broken the horizon. Alice and Edward were waiting for me.

I stumbled to a walk and collapsed onto the snow in front of Tanya's house. Only now that I was far away, now that I was with my favorite sister and brother, did I allow myself to break down.

My entire body started to tremble as I fought back the dry sobs which so desperately wished to be released. I was unable to choke down the sheer anguish that afflicted me. I heard Edward recoil away from me. I was seeping with my torment, and I could do nothing to stop it.

I'm sorry, Edward. I weakly managed to apologize. I really was. I would never want anyone else to have to feel this torture that was ravaging my soul.

I felt Edward leaking with sympathy. It was his silent way of telling me it was all right. Telling me that he didn't mind, because he was hurting as well.

Alice knelt down beside me in the snow. She wrapped her arms around me, ignoring the powerful waves of suffering that the physical contact was making her endure.

After I had pulled myself together enough to retreat into my shell, the little case in my heart where I hid my own emotions from the world, Alice broke the silence.

"Jasper, we're going to Lensk." Alice informed me.

I blinked in surprise, "In Russia?"

She nodded. "I had a vision of the three of us there. We're going to help you train yourself. I'll keep a lookout, and Edward is going to be sort of like a bodyguard. He'll make sure you don't bite anyone when we're there."

I glanced at Edward and warned, I might bite you instead. You know how I can get.

Edward offered me a heartless smile. "I'll deal with it. You need the help. The faster we can fix you, the faster we can get you home to them."

My body blazed with a furious desire- a need- to get myself to that goal. The goal of seeing them before the year was up.

Alice helped me onto my feet and I brushed the snow off of myself.

I turned my head west, looking in the direction of Russia. My only hope was in that country, that frozen tundra.

My best chance.

That hope seemed to be reflected as dawn peeked over the horizon and shined back at me.

Yes, the sun is rising on the wrong side of the world. I don't care. xD