The Luckiest

Chapter 36: The Bad Blonde One

"Spinelli, what are you doing?" Maxie rolled over in her hospital bed, annoyed by the light tap tap tap of Spinelli's fingers on the keyboard of the laptop.

"…Researching what ails our small one…" He replied with a sigh.

Maxie gripped the sheets of her bed in a clenched fist. "Spinelli…"

He reacted to her tone, glancing up from his laptop with concern etched on his face.

"What? Do you need something?"

Maxie didn't quite know how to tell him to stop annoying the hell out of her when he had that look on his face.

"…Nevermind" she sighed. Maxie rolled back over in her bed and pulled the blankets up to her nose. Hopefully she would only be trapped in this place for one more day. It was like her life was on hold as long as she was confined to that hospital. She considered turning on the little television, seeking a distraction, but the thought of hearing the mind numbing chatter of a talk show or the enhanced reality of drama in that moment seemed more disconcerting than the white noise that had taken up permanent residence in her room.

Instead, she counted the tiles on the wall.

…And Spinelli typed.

Tap tap tap. Click click click. Tap. Sigh. Tap tap. The rhythm of misery.

"…Blindness," Spinelli muttered. Maxie questioned him without turning to face him.

"What?"

"Oh," he replied with a sigh. "Blindness. It's something we might need to worry about."

"Oh." Of course. The baby. Maxie pushed her face into the pillow and wished the ground would swallow her whole.

"And deafness…" Spinelli added slowly as if testing the waters. Taking a deep breath he added, "or mental retardation…learning deficiencies…"

That was when Maxie bolted up from her bed as fast as the pain in her abdomen would let her. The ache from the c-section was dull from pain medication but still there. Spinelli seemed to be startled by this sudden show of energy and froze on the spot, his hands hovering over the keyboard.

"Dr. Lee already told us this, why do you have to remind me?" Maxie barked.

"I just--"

"No, Spinelli. Just don't." Each word was accentuated with a point of her finger in his direction. He looked at her like a kicked puppy.

Spinelli closed the lid of his laptop, blinking heavily. "I just need something to do to feel like I'm…helping"

Sometimes, Maxie liked hurting beautiful things. "Well, unless you can earn a medical degree online then you are worthless. Stop trying."

"Maxie--" He gaped at her like a fish.

"No, Spinelli. Just stop." If he said another damn word…

"But I could find out something and inform Dr. Lee---"

"Spinelli!" Maxie's annoyance and anger at life flooded her and directed itself at the one pure thing close to her. "This is not one of those things you can just GOOGLE and figure out. Nothing you or I do can help Caleb at this point."

Spinelli stopped looking like a wounded animal and finally seemed a little outraged. "Why are you acting like this?"

There was something empowering about cutting people down, especially considering Maxie felt as feeble as a sandcastle at high tide in that moment. The Bad Blonde One had always enjoyed it; the cleverness and complete disregard for others emotions that it took to really hurt someone. Having Spinelli in her life and knowing she was going to be a mother had almost completely eradicated the instinct. Almost.

"Acting like what? Realistic? I'll tell you why, Spinelli. Because this is just how the world works. He's either going to make it, or he is not. What we want means nothing. There's no miracle answer you're going to find on that damn computer!"

"But, Maxie," Spinelli opened and closed his mouth, stunned. He searched for the right words. "Miracles…Miracles happen all the time…There are accounts of them happening all over history amongst various cultures and religions. And even if they aren't real, the spirit is real. The belief that sometimes things defy logic and statistics and science—"

Maxie interrupted his tangent with bitingly. "Spinelli, shut up!"

He tore wildly at his hair. The Bad Blonde One finally had an adversary, it seemed; a challenge. Ever see a flower so pretty you wanted to crush it? Ever since seeing their baby, Spinelli's hope had risen, doubled and then tripled hers. He was naturally optimistic and in this case she was jealous of him.

"Why? Why are you so angered over my hope? Are you asking me to just sit back and accept--"

"I'm asking you to get off your god damn computer and stop pretending like this is something you can HACK into a good thing."

"And what? Sit here, moping, like you?"

"I'm not moping; I'm just not going to be delusional. I've lost too many people to--"

The fire that flashed in Spinelli's eyes in that moment made even her fearless alter-ego take pause.

"I am not delusional. Everyone has this warped and ludicrous opinion that I'm not thinking on this plane of existence, that my head is in the clouds and I'm not all here."

"...Spinelli, you're trying to jackal a miracle!"

"And I ask again, why are you so angry at me?"

She didn't have an answer for that. "Because you're pissing me off!"

"What does that even mean?"

"Just shut the hell up and go back to your computer." Maxie buried herself into the covers. "Find your miracle, but be quiet. I'm tired."

Spinelli sighed, exasperated. He was silent for a very long time, but eventually the light tapping of his fingers against the keyboard. Maxie had almost drifted asleep when there was a knock at the door. Craning her neck slightly Maxie made eye contact with her visitor. It was Lulu. Maxie grinded her teeth together. Spinelli set his laptop aside and leapt up to greet hid friend and Maxie couldn't help but feel a flash of jealousy. The pair hugged whilst Maxie watched them.

"Hi Spinelli," Lulu said, pulling away from him and brandishing a bag. "I brought you some food."

"Oh," Spinelli took the bag from her and sat it on the counter near them. "Thank you."

Lulu glanced at Maxie and shuffled awkwardly. "How is the baby?"

Spinelli began to say something but Maxie interrupted him. "Tell me something, Lulu."

"What?"

Maxie sat up in bed, pausing. She picked at a thread on the sheet. "How old would your baby be?"

Lulu's expression was priceless. Her eyes bugged out of her head. "Excuse me?"

No going back now. "That baby you aborted. How old would he or she be if you had kept it?"

"Wow, Maxie…" Lulu blinked, shell shocked.

"A year and a half old?" Maxie clicked her tongue. "Maybe a little older?"

Lulu looked back and forth between her and Spinelli, incredulous. "What does this have to do with anything?"

Spinelli shook his head and stepped between the two of them, furious.

"Maxie, back off. Lulu means no harm to us."

Maxie ignored him and stared Lulu down. The other blonde's eyes were glittering. "I bet her baby wouldn't have had a single thing wrong with it."

Spinelli took a step forward. "Maxie!"

"Mine's got a tube running down his throat," she finished lifelessly. This time she got no pleasure in wounding Lulu. Spinelli looked torn between the two of them, confused on who might need his attention more. The expression on Lulu's face made it clear that her pain might be rivaling Maxie's in that moment. Lulu rallied, though, and flashed with anger.

"Look, I know you're hurting, but I haven't done anything to earn this from you right now."

"You have no idea how much I hurt" Maxie spat.

Spinelli turned to Lulu and fumbled for words. "Lulu, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize for me, Spinelli. I'm a big girl."

He revolved on the spot. "You're attacking Lulu for no reason. I get that you are upset, but you have no right to say these things!"

"It's not fair!" Maxie screamed. Spinelli actually stepped back. Realizing that they were at an impasse, he turned back to Lulu.

"Lulu. I will talk to you later, okay? Thank you for the food."

"Yeah," Lulu said hollowly. "Yeah, alright."

She shuffled her purse and stood frozen for a moment as if confused on where to go. Without another word, Lulu bolted for the door and was gone. Spinelli watched her leave, running his hands through his hair.

"What was that?"

Maxie lay back on her pillows. "I just can't deal with Lulu right now."

"I cannot believe you just said those things to her without warrant or provocation."

"Do you think I should have gotten an abortion?"

"What?" Spinelli's demeanor instantly changed.

"If we could do it over, knowing that he was going to be suffering like he is, and possibly handicapped, would you have wanted me to have gotten an abortion?"

"The answer is unequivocally no," Spinelli sat down on the edge of her bed and grabbed her hand. Maxie squeezed it, a tear falling down her cheek.

"Why?"

"…Because I'm not convinced hope is lost," Spinelli pushed her tear away.

"Spinelli, please."

"What do you want me to say, Maxie?" He replied softly. "Would you?"

"...I don't know. I just wish this wasn't happening."

"Nothing is happening." Spinelli kissed her hand. The denial in his voice made Maxie grumble.

"He's can't even breathe on his own, Spinelli!"

"Every minute he holds on he is a minute stronger."

Maxie dropped his hand and sobbed.

"I'm sitting here watching you cave into yourself," Spinelli recited her own words from months ago back to her. Maxie felt like a failure. For months now she had felt as though her life was improving and yet here she was slipping. Was everything as shallow? What about her love for Spinelli? Was that just a result of a superficial connection? Nothing made sense anymore, and she had grown very used to the stability of her life.

The bed shifted and Spinelli stood, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Maxie asked.

"I'll be right back," Spinelli answered, a determined tone to his voice.

………………………..

"His color looks a little better, right?"

"Sure, Spinelli…" Nadine smiled, shuffling around the NICU. Spinelli leaned in on the tub and watched Caleb sleep. It occurred to him that the baby had freckles across the bridge of his nose. Spinelli remembered his mother had freckles. Maybe that was where they came from.

"Can I have a minute?"

Nadine paused. "Well…I'm really not supposed to leave the room."

"Can you just stand outside the door? I need to have a stern discussion with my son."

"Alright. Try to make it quick." Nadine pat him on the shoulder quickly as she made her way outside the room. Spinelli turned back to the tub.

"Hello Caleb," Spinelli scooted closer. "I think it's time you and I have our first father son talk. Gosh…you've got Maxie's nose." He marveled at all the traces of her in their son. The mop of dark hair made it pretty clear who his father was though.

"Your mom…umm…Your mother…" Spinelli choked but recovered quickly, taking a few breaths. "She is really struggling with this. And to be honest, I am no pillar of strength either."

Spinelli took a moment to recover as best he could before continuing. "I've had these marvelous fantasies of the three of us being a…unit. A..f-family. Yes. A family. I've been looking forward to all these odd little scenarios…like…Introducing you to my most incredulous Granny. I should call her. Umm…"

It was strange to think that he'd gone so long with only his grandmother as family. Yet, two years in Port Charles had given him more kin than he ever expected.

"You know I bet if I were to carry you around this town people would give us funny looks wondering what in the hell—um….heck…I was doing with a small kid."

All of those people who constantly scratched their heads at him or found him socially awkward…his son was going to prove them wrong. That he functioned like anyone else and could be loved. Children were supposed to be the best of their parents.

Spinelli sighed. "I really wanted to show people that something good could come from me. I want you to be with me, in my life, in Maxie's life." Spinelli whispered so that what he said was just between him and Caleb.

"But…but I understand if you just can't. If this is just too big a fight for someone so small…If you are tired…if it's too much…I will understand."

Spinelli didn't even cry saying the words because it was the truth. It would be selfish of him to ask too much of Caleb. It hurt to say and his life would never be the same but Spinelli couldn't handle his son suffering another minute. If he wasn't supposed to live, Spinelli had no right asking him to. It wasn't giving up, it wasn't accepting defeat. It was being a parent, a grown up, a man. It was putting someone else's needs before his own. If Caleb needed to slip quietly into the night, Spinelli wouldn't begrudge him peace.

"I really…really wish you would stay." Spinelli sat there staring into the clear plastic tub in a moment of odd serenity. He should probably get back to Maxie.

Just as he stood to leave, Spinelli saw something that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Caleb's little hand fluttered open and closed. For so long now it seemed his son had been lifeless except for the robotic breathing machine puffing out his chest on a timely basis. Spinelli gasped.

"Nadine!"

"What's wrong Spinelli?" Nadine bolted back around the corner.

"His hand moved," Spinelli remarked incredulously. Nadine's brow furrowed. She looked at Caleb's vitals.

"Not seeing any changes…" she muttered.

Spinelli's excitement fell. "Oh. So it doesn't mean anything…"

Nadine shook her head. "Oh no, it might mean something…I'll inform Dr. Lee."

"So…he could be improving?" Spinelli smiled for the first time all week.

Noting something on his chart, Nadine raised an eyebrow. "I don't think anyone's counting your boy out…"

With that, Spinelli bolted out of the room.

……………………..

Robin settled into the chair next to Maxie's bed and began rambling about something or other. Maxie found herself zoning out. Then Robin brought up her daughter and how she had done something adorable. Maxie glared.

"Robin it's hard for me to care about what your baby is doing when mine is hanging on to life by a machine," Maxie barked. Robin instantly shrunk back in her seat.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

Maxie shook her head. "It's not fair."

"Oh, Maxie…You can't give up hope."

"Robin I know you're trying to help but I doubt you can understand what I'm going through right now."

Robin reached out to hold her hand but Maxie tugged it away.

"Maxie why are you acting like this?"

"Do you even have to ask? I can't deal with this Robin!"

"Maxie,"

"Robin, please just go."

After a moment's pause, Robin stood up and gathered her things. "Call me if you need me." In true Robin fashion she took the verbal beating from Maxie and returned it with a kiss on the forehead before heading out the door. Maxie buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Why is this happening to me again? Georgie, I thought you would look out for him…"

……………..

Spinelli rounded the corner down the hallway to Maxie's room with an odd warmth in his heart. He believed in a lot of things that some did not, and he took Caleb's small hand movement as a sign that they needed to hold on. This was just the thing Maxie needed to give her back some hope.

He wasn't expecting the sound of Maxie's yelling as he neared her room. Spinelli started to run, now worried about what was going on. Her room was filled with nurses, one of them being Epiphany. The head nurse pushed him backwards out of the door.

"What's going on?"

Epiphany sighed. "She's having a fit. We're trying to give her a sedative. Miss Jones is very upset."

Spinelli was shocked. "Let me see her."

"Mr. Spinelli…"

"I'll talk to her. She'll calm down," he explained. Epiphany paused but agreed, motioning for the other nurses to leave the room and allow him to enter. Maxie was crying heavily into her hands looking like an attacked animal. He crawled onto the bed next to her and pulled her close, rubbing her back hoping to sooth his broken love.

"Shhh…"

"I can't do this…"

"Maxie listen to me…"

"No, no more. No one wants to be realistic."

Spinelli held her face between his hands, making her focus. "Listen."

Maxie pushed him away and lay back down. Spinelli gently pushed some hair out of her face.

"I went to see our baby. Did you know he had freckles? Anyways, I went and saw him…" Spinelli rambled, the glow in his heart growing stronger with each word. "He moved his hand. Maxie, he moved his hand!"

Maxie only blinked. Spinelli continued. "I don't know what it means, but it means something. This whole thing…You and me…connecting that night. Things happen for a reason. I believe that. This journey has a purpose. It isn't going to end this way. I mean…a one night stand has led me down the most important road of my life. You and me, falling in love, learning about my parents, getting over Georgie's death together…All of it is because of that little baby one floor down. It has to have meaning. That's why he can't die."

Spinelli finished by grabbing her hand. "Don't you see?"

Maxie stared at him. "I want you to leave."

Spinelli hadn't expected that. "What?"

"You need to go," she reiterated.

Releasing her hand, Spinelli was taken aback. "I guess…I could go back to the penthouse…sleep. I'll come back tomorrow? Or later?"

Maxie shook her head blankly. "No. I don't want you to come back."

It took a moment for him to realize what she meant. She didn't just want him to leave; she wanted him to leave her.

"No," Spinelli's voice wavered, unbelieving. "No you don't mean that."

"I'm not going to stop you from visiting Caleb. I pray you are right and he is improving…but I can't do this with you right now. Everyone is telling me it's not so bad…People I love die, and you don't seem to grasp that."

Spinelli was shaking. "Maxie, I love you---"

"We're over, Spinelli," Maxie interrupted, casting off his declaration of love coldly.

Spinelli stood up from the bed as if it had electrocuted him. "No…you aren't making any sense."

"What part of if 'we're over' do you not understand?" Maxie barked.

He backed up, searching the ground for answers. "Okay. I'll go."

Stumbling for the door, Spinelli froze in the doorway. "But I love you…and I know you still love me."

He heard Maxie muffle a sob as he exited the room.

…………………………

Author's Note: Patience, oh ye of little faith. We're right on schedule. Promise.

Please review. I know it takes a while for me to update sometimes, but I've been sick and stressed…Your support makes me feel sparkly. LOL Also, go check out my new little short series "Love, Love is a Verb".

Next Chapter: Spinelli and Maxie receive good news about Caleb, but does that change anything for their relationship?