A/N: I'm glad everyone seemed to enjoy the last chapter. Don't worry. It's not over yet. We still got a journey ahead of us. Go ahead and have this one.
Pain. Pain was the last thing I expected. I had bones broken, head wounds, bruises, cuts, lasers burning through my body, and so on. But this was something to remember. The sensation felt as if my body was being tugged in different directions in the most painful way possible, which kind of made sense. As Lyoko was destroyed, everything in it was being destroyed. I was no different. I just took a little longer. Agonizing didn't begin to describe it. Yet somehow, regardless of the pain, I managed to smile.
"This... isn't as bad I could've died. In my regular world, I probably would've died in some meaningless way. But now I can at least die knowing I did something worthwhile," I thought. But my trembling gave me away. The idea of dying still terrified me. What I had done to get here was only small comfort.
The idea of death terrified me to my core. Was I a coward for being afraid of death? I didn't think so. At least I wouldn't hope so. It was logical to fear death. After all, I wasn't some hardcore superhero or anti-hero like I saw in movies and comics. I was a regular kid who shared undeserved responsibilities with others who didn't deserve it as much as I did.
"I hope you get the bastard," I said, closing my eyes tightly I hoped it would make the pain easier to bear. I'm sure if you could cry on Lyoko, I'd be doing it. Not of sadness, but because of pain.
"His vitals are declining!" a voice exclaimed. That was the sudden reminder that I was also still in my regular universe, but I couldn't do anything. At least they would lose their "test subject." I'd be angry if I didn't hurt so bad.
"Fair enough Lita. Like the nickname?"
"Nickname? You basically just dropped the a and e in my name."
"Hey, I said it was a nickname. I didn't say it was a creative one!" I almost wanted to laugh. I was seeing my life flash before my eyes. Couldn't get more cliche than that. This time I did manage a laugh, but it hurt my ears. It sounded more anguished than anything.
"I want this to be over. But... no. I should try and fight it, right? They may be able to get me out. I have faith," I thought, tightening my fists as I tried to fight the trembling and convulsions is was suffering from. Christ, this was painful.
"My name is Robert Morgan. You may not know me, but I know you. All of you. Odd, Ulrich, Yumi, Jeremy, and Aelita next to me. I know who you all are, and I know what you all do. XANA, the Supercomputer, I know it all."
"So what you're saying is that I should go for it?"
"Exactly. If she says yes, then you two will live happily ever after in a magical forest or some shit like that."
"So? Tell us what the good news is!"
"I don't know how to tell you both this, but... we're waiting for you here."
"We made it."
"Yeah. We did."
"Now THIS is a race. You better ramp up those vehicles guys! Even on those things, you are still eating my dust!"
"Oh, now you're asking for it!"
"I don't necessarily say I blame you. But... I really don't want you to leave."
"We understand. Just don't forget that we're with you. No matter what."
"This isn't traditional, but happy Valentine's Day."
"I think I do. Just... we spend some our spare time getting to know each other, seeing how we get along?"
"Is that a yes?"
"It's definitely a yes. Look, I'd like to see you after school. We'll meet out here and we'll take a walk into town."
"You think we can make it back before curfew?"
"While I'm very good at sneaking back into my dorm, I'll do my best to oblige you milady."
"I like you. I really do."
"I really like you too."
"Like it? The statement was all me. Because this ring means that I will try my damnedest to be the best man that I can be for you. Forget being your valentine. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
"Of course I did. I could've fixed the board myself, but then this wouldn't have happened. You have a talent in music. I fully support you, and I know that you should build on it."
"Thank you. I know I would discover this even if you weren't here, but... it feels good that you believe in me."
"Until you stop being so nice. Why did you buy this? This night isn't-"
"It is important. It's your first debut as an artist. I'm just helping you make an impression. New clothes that say, 'Look at me. I'm smart, talented, and drop dead gorgeous.'"
"Thank you."
"How about we get Odd a candy ring and have him propose to a gingerbread man? It'll be the perfect romance."
"Can you at least say woman?!"
"No! Cause this is a lot funnier."
"You too?"
"Me too."
"I'm not fine. He took my knowing of the situation and turned it into an advantage. Regardless of everything I was hoping to avoid, he still got out of the Supercomputer. And that look on your face when he finished taking your memory... it's there at the back of my mind still. That lifeless look. It's something I really don't want to remember. Ever."
"I'm alive, thanks to you."
"Yeah, and that was random circumstance. I don't even know how I did it. I just..."
"Does the how really matter right now? You saved her life."
"I don't think there's anything you can tell me at this point. Your promises... just aren't enough. I'm done. I just can't deal with it anymore. We're done."
"What's wrong?"
"She's gone. She's gone."
"Mr. 'I'm not going to use the program that much.' Look at you."
"The greatest irony ever. I thought I wasn't going to use the program all that much if at all, and here I am making every song that comes to mind."
Memories. All memories. All of them significant, but not all of them joyous. All people important in my life. Well, not so much one of them anymore. Would they miss me if they could never see me again? Probably not.
"No, don't think like that. Don't you doubt for even a second that they didn't care for you as much as you cared for them," I thought furiously. My body curled in on itself even more like I was trying to fight the pain so I could have my last moments of consciousness. Even if it agonized me to do it.
"Jeremy. Heh. Man, dedication isn't the word to describe him. A hard worker, extremely loyal, and a good friend. Doesn't have a damned clue as far as Aelita goes, surprisingly. No matter how much I push him. Wouldn't change who he is though. A close friend. And a driven person who believes in this cause."
"Ulrich. Man, complicated doesn't begin to describe him. His parents weren't exactly the most understanding people and it could've made him more withdrawn and bitter than he is now, but he isn't. Out everyone, I feel like he's the one I understand the most. And vice versa. Almost like we share the same thoughts and opinions on things. And he doesn't even know about Yumi and why she kept denying him. If I knew this would've happened, I would've told him. Yelled it at him so he couldn't have ran from it and neither could Yumi. So those two could be happy together. Instead of arguing and bickering unnecessarily about their jealousies that everyone could see but them."
"Odd. You want to talk about someone who doesn't have a serious bone in their body, look no further than this son of a bitch. Always smiling, always carefree, always goofy, always positive. And always hungry. That's one thing we have in common. A love and appreciation for food. But he was also a good friend in his own right. He was goofy, but he was always supportive, always tried to be helpful. He was not perfect. None of us are. Nowhere near. But he was always genuine, always compassionate and just passionate in general."
"Yumi. The most stubborn person out of all of us. Firm. Strong willed. Yet caring. Supportive. More than anyone, I feel like she was the one I would never understand. There were just so many things that she could've done better. With Ulrich, I know the situation would've felt like it couldn't have been handled any other way, but dammit, she deserved Ulrich. More than anyone. And he deserved her. No matter the amount of jealous squabbles and the petty things they did to get each others' attention. More anything, they cared about each other. Now they just needed to care for each other."
"Aelita. Last, but far from least. I can't imagine anyone that's nicer and more infectious with a good attitude than this girl. There was just so much she did without even trying. She had a spirit more than any of us. Always optimistic. Always looking for something good. Always looking for that happy ever after. Somewhat naive, but I was glad I was able to help with that. Turn her into something more firm, but not hard. Something better than what she was before."
"No one provides comfort like her either. The others can be as supportive as they want, but there was just something about her that made coping with hard times easier. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes, and would never let me sit around feel sorry for myself. She did something to make it better. Suppose she was the reason I even bothered to pick up a guitar. Or express an interest in music in the first place."
On my deathbed, or whatever it was since I was floating in oblivion, I was left wondering would I have made it. Done anything positive for music if I was allowed to live. I could've tried. To do my damndest to improve. Could've learned how to play instruments. Learned how to sing. Learned how to dance. Gave this dimension the music that I had and enjoyed for so long.
"With the way you get excited over making it, I think you could have even more fun actually doing it yourself."
"I think you would've been right. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me," I said softly. Then the pain faded significantly because it didn't quite feel like I was here anymore. It was like my mind was slowly easing into unconsciousness. Then there would've only been peace. I almost died once before. I knew the feeling. Despite all the pain, it was nice. Nice to think about the people I would do anything to protect for a little while longer.
Then a white light surged. It was like a light had suddenly cut on while I was in the dark for hours on end, but I looked at the light without blinking. I didn't know what it was, but at the same time, I got a feeling...
"I think you're better off not being here at the moment," a deep voice said. I didn't even get time to think about it as I could feel myself suddenly disappearing on the spot. But it wasn't painful. It was too instantaneous.
Then I was fully aware of the pain that was travelling through my body all over again. Only difference is that I could feel cool air hitting my skin as I collapsed forward. I couldn't support myself worth a damn.
But arms caught me. Soft, warm ones that were slightly shaking from effort. I looked up. Warm black eyes that held concern in them were looking at me. I smiled weakly at the sight of tears.
"Hey, don't you be crying over me. It'll sully that pretty face of yours," I said, raising my hand to wipe them off Aelita's face. Even if my entire body was in pain, it was still somewhat awkward to see people cry over me. Maybe cause I never thought about the fact that I was a person worth crying over.
"We thought you were dead. Dead, dead. As in, there was no way you were coming back dead," Odd said, his voice sounding strained.
"So did I. I could feel it. Lyoko trying to rip me apart as it couldn't support beings anymore. It was agonizing, just sitting there waiting to die. Not to mention scary as hell. Thinking of you all made it better; comforted me a bit," I said as I focused on Aelita again. "When we find your father, I'm going to tell him I owe him everything."
"So do we," Jeremy said, wiping his sleeve across his face. I smiled and tried to sit up without the support of Aelita, but I let out an anguished groan that even I couldn't have tried to pass off as a minor thing.
"What is it?" Ulrich asked in concern, immediately coming over to my side.
"Gah... I hurt. Everywhere," I said, my voice sounding strained.
"By the sound of things, Lyoko tried to rip your form apart. The strain transferred over to your human body to compensate for your return," Jeremy said. He would've sounded like his normal self if his voice didn't sound so shaky.
"I'm not walking anywhere until the pain eases," I said, trying not to move an inch.
"Then we'll help you. We'll take you to a hospital, or... or something," Aelita said, sounding as if she was struggling to get her words together.
"You know what I need?" I questioned. "I need you all to stay here. I could use something to eat. I just want to lie down until the pain feels like it's nothing but a dream until I wake up."
"We'll... we'll do that. Ulrich, help me," Aelita said, her words sounding somewhat choked as she and Ulrich tried to help me to my feet. I strained to try to make it easier on them, but I had to bite down on my tongue hard as well as arch my back to prevent myself from yelling in pain. Now my head started spinning.
"Stop moving!" Aelita exclaimed, sounding almost angry. It was bad when you were looking at someone and they looked twice as upset. Because they were out of focus so much.
"Can't... help it," I said as I fell into unconsciousness. I heard an exclaim of my name before everything went black for the second time today.
"The anesthetics will help with the pain. Do you know what happened to him? There are no physical or internal injuries, but I know pain spasms when when I see them."
"No. We just found him outside of the school like this," Ulrich said. Their voices sounded faint and far away. I could barely process any type of thought, much less coherent thought.
"Well, I've never seen anything like this. Even the slightest effort will trigger his pain nerves. And there's no sign of any injury. Outside or inside," the doctor said.
"Not surprising." That's what I tried to say, but it just came out in an inaudible mumble.
"Is he alright?" Aelita asked.
"He's fine. We just filled him with a lot of anesthetics. He'll more than likely be out of it for a few minutes. At least he doesn't seem to be in pain anymore," the doctor said.
"Thank fuck for that," I managed to mumble. It was still hard to hear.
"Mr. Morgan? Are you alright?" the doctor asked. I blinked multiple times as if I were just waking out of a long sleep before they stayed open. A man with lightly graying hair stood in front of me. Then I turned to see that all of my other friends were there as well. I smiled gently.
"Better," I said as I tried to sit up in a more comfortable position, but I winced as soon as I did.
"Easy. Your bones are under a lot of strain. They won't take long to heal, but they will take time," the doctor said.
"Exactly how long are we talking about here?" I asked.
"To the point where you won't be leaving that bed for a couple of days," he told me, causing me to throw my hands down.
"Great," I said, my tone somewhat flat.
"Just relax," Aelita told me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I let out air through my nose as I closed my eyes to find a way to relax.
"Good. Now, you will remain here for the next few days. Your guardians have been notified, and they are on their way. I shall leave you to speak to your friends," the doctor said before walking out. Then Aelita put a hand on my head, running her hand through my hair. Felt nice in a strange way.
"At least this unruly mess is still intact," she said with a small smile, making me laugh lightly.
"It's an unruly mess, but it's my unruly mess," I said, grinning widely.
"How are you feeling?" Ulrich asked.
"Like I could snap in two if I was pulled in one direction too hard. Nothing but good news for XANA," I told him.
"At least you're alive," Aelita reminded me, still running her hand through my hair. I didn't know why she was still doing it, but it wasn't really anything to complain about. Quite the opposite, really.
"She's right. We didn't think you were alive. The virtualization code had no use because we had no way to find you after Lyoko was destroyed," Jeremy said.
"I don't think I would've survived if it wasn't for Franz," I said. I don't think anyone else could've saved me in that moment.
"Yeah. Thank God for that," Odd said.
"So I'm stuck in this bed for a few days," I said, trying my best not to move once that thought settled in. But I was also even more antsy because it was still a problem because I know XANA wouldn't give me time to heal. If he was as smart as I knew he was, he wouldn't.
"We'll look after you until you recover. XANA is not getting to you," Yumi said firmly.
"I know. I still can't help but be worried," I said as I opened my eyes and looked at everyone. "Speaking of worrying about things, what's William doing?"
"Outside. We didn't let him in because... well, I don't think you would want him in after what he did," Yumi said.
"I am pissed that he did that. Still am as a matter of fact. But I won't deny he was useful today. I'm starting to think that we can let him in," I said, making everyone's eyes widen.
"You were so adamant about letting him in the last time. Are you sure?" Aelita questioned, suddenly removing her hand. I tried to pretend like I didn't miss the feeling.
"In instances where I've done my best to prevent a certain outcome, some time or another, it ends up happening anyway. And the result of it always stays the same. Cause I always run from the problem. Well, how about we address it? Bring him in here," I said, wincing as I sat up straighter.
"Alright," Jeremy said, walking out of the room. I tried not to wince or give off any show of pain, but it was hard. It was like my bones were being stabbed by needles every second.
"The doctor said stay down," Aelita reminded me, her right eyebrow arched somewhat sternly.
"I'm fine. I can afford to sit up for a few seconds. I've lived through worse," I said.
"Barely," she said with a pointed look.
"I'm fine," I stressed firmly before Jeremy came back with William. "Ah. I need to talk with you."
"Are you alright?" William asked with concern in his tone.
"I'll live. Been through worse than this," I said as I looked at him. "There's an issue I need to discuss with you."
"What?" he asked hesitantly.
"I don't need to stress this anymore than I'm about to right now. What you did was fucking stupid. Reckless, idiotic, and it matches the hot headed bastard impression that you keep giving off when XANA is involved," I said, heat entering my tone. His head lowered like I was a teacher giving him a lecture, only I don't think he took one from a teacher like he took this one. He didn't roll his eyes or anything.
"There was a reason I refused to let you into the group, and the team agreed with my reasoning. So we didn't. But regardless of my attempts to prevent an outcome, we still lost Lyoko. But we didn't lose you," I said, causing him to lift his head. "So I'm going to tell you what I'm offering. And everyone can feel free to disagree if they want."
"Given what I saw, I now believe that you can be a valuable asset to this group. But not acting like the idiot like before. So here's my offer. You can be let in about what goes on XANA. I mean, we pretty much have to because you got scanned onto Lyoko. But you don't get transferred onto Lyoko. Your aid will be purely in the real world until you prove to all of us, that there is not doubt in anyone's mind that you can stop being an idiot, listen, and do what you're supposed to do," I explained before finally sitting back. I couldn't hold back the sigh of relief when my screaming limbs were eased.
"So... I can be a part of this group?" William asked.
"In a way, yes. But not on Lyoko. This group has to trust that you can handle it. If one person disagrees with the fact that you can't handle being on Lyoko and listening to people that know better about this situation than you do, then you're not going anywhere near Lyoko. Got it?" I questioned, making William nod. Then I turned to the others. "Questions? Comments? Concerns? Anyone?"
"I mean... are you sure we can do this?" Odd asked.
"Like I said, you all are the judges for whether or not William is mature enough to handle Lyoko work. You all decide when. If you all decide he's ready, then I'm sure he'll be ready," I said.
"And you're not pissed at all at him?" Yumi asked.
"Oh, no. Don't get it twisted. I'm still very much upset. I'm past anger, but I am upset. The only reason I haven't slapped the bitch out of him is because my limbs ache from a result of me saving his life rather than my own, which would result in hurting myself more than him," I said, making William scratch the back of his head. "I'm confined to this hospital bed for the next few days because it hurts to move. Is this what you wanted to achieve?"
"No! Of course not!" William exclaimed.
"Then you have to realize that there are consequences for your actions!" I bellowed, making him jump. "I nearly died. I literally had my life flash before my eyes. I was fucking scared. I..." I put my hands on my forehead, and began to rub my temples furiously. It was taking everything I had not to go back there. But it still wasn't enough.
"Painful, dark, alone... waiting to die... alone... no one there... Godammit, get a grip!" I thought furiously. Did no good. There was still this intense fear I felt. It seemed like I was back in the grips of death rather than safe in a hospital bed.
"Breathe Robert, breathe!" Aelita suddenly exclaimed as a doctor walked in. I was suddenly aware of the erratic beating of the monitor next to me as well as my lack of breathing. I couldn't breathe. Why couldn't I breathe? My eyes were wide, and I felt petrified in place.
"Mr. Morgan. Can you hear me?" the doctor asked. I suddenly looked at him before my sight darted to my friends. My heartbeat started to slow, and breath started to come back. A sigh of relief escaped my lips.
"What happened?" Odd asked.
"Panic attack," Aelita said before the doctor did. "They're common if someone's feeling a sensation of intense fear. He shows a good number of the signs. Fast heart rate, sweating, trembling, his lack of breathing. It's a terrifying thing. I'm sure."
"Panic attacks? I don't get panic attacks," I thought, torn between feeling embarrassed and indignant.
"You looking to be a doctor, young lady?" the doctor asked, sounding mildly impressed.
"No, I just read plenty," Aelita said, putting a hand on my forehead. My breathing finally regulated, and I was able to relax my muscles. Never thought that me out of all people would start having panic attacks.
"He seems to be ok now. If this happens a second time, I'll put you under some anesthetics to put you to sleep. There must be some underlying trauma to come from what you had been through, judging from the panic attack. Just yell if this happens again, ok? And I don't mean you again. I heard that," the doctor explained, pointing at me. I only looked away awkwardly.
"Of course sir," Jeremy said. The doctor then nodded and left.
"Look..." Ulrich said, getting in front of William. "We'll discuss this later. Right now, he needs to rest. And I'm not sure if you're the most healthy thing for him to be around at this moment."
"It's ok. Get better man," William said softly before walking out.
"Are you ok?" Ulrich asked.
"Kinda. That panic attack was a bit sudden," I said.
"And most certainly something I don't want to see happen again," Yumi said.
"Definitely not," everyone said at the same time. It was still so weird to have so much concern over me. But... I definitely felt loved as a person. So I would definitely take it.
"Anyway..." I said with a clear of my throat. "...what happened when I collapsed?"
"With the way you lost consciousness, we thought you had died for real. Again. We could feel a pulse, so we just took you to the hospital. I had to notify my parents. It shouldn't be much longer until they get here," Yumi told me.
"I hate just sitting here. Doing nothing," I said.
"Don't you think you've been through enough for one day?" Ulrich questioned, his tone one of disbelief. "What with almost dying and the panic attack..."
"Not Lyoko related. I just hate sitting. But hurts to even sit up straight, much less move," I said before sighing. "Enough of that. I want to focus on some things I thought about while in oblivion."
"You sure we can trust William?" Yumi asked.
"We're not trusting him yet. We're just giving him the task of helping with XANA in the real world. And we pretty much have to deal with it. I mean, he's immune to the Return to the Past now. That issue has been addressed fairly I would say, and I haven't heard any of you disagree. Now, there's something I need to address with you," I said, pointing at Aelita.
"Me?" she asked.
"Yes. Because I had a lot of time to think, and I came to a conclusion about the music. If you're willing to help, I'll take the formal stuff a little more seriously. With work, there are things that can be accomplished. Prominent things. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's entirely possible that this can go somewhere. Do I have your help?" I asked.
"Of course," Aelita said immediately.
"So what does that mean?" Odd asked. Then the door opened, and I looked away from the others to see who walked in. It was Yumi's parents. Ah, that timing.
"My goodness. Are you alright?" Mrs. Ishiyama asked.
"Been better. It helps having everyone around," I said, wincing once I tried to move my hands to emphasize my point. "And that's a painful reminder as to why I can't move."
"You mean, you can't move at all?" Hiroki asked.
"I can, but it'll hurt if I try," I said.
"So..." Hiroki trailed before poking my arm. The prod wasn't very painful, but it only caused me to glare at him. If I could move, I'd strangle him for doing that.
"Hiroki," Yumi growled, grabbing her brother's hand. "Stop that."
"Ok, ok. I'm just seeing if..."
"My bones aren't that sensitive. It's more irritating than anything else," I told him with a pointed look.
"Hiroki, behave," Mr. Ishiyama said, pulling his son away from the bed.
"Do you have any idea what caused this?" Mrs. Ishiyama asked me, sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Unfortunately, no. I suffer from no physical or internal damage, so the cause as to what hurt me is a mystery to everyone involved," I told her, making her sigh. I didn't think it was a good idea to mention the panic attack.
"I was afraid of that. Still, you're taking this rather well," Mrs. Ishiyama said, putting a hand on the top of my head fondly. I blinked before I unconsciously smiled. The gesture was strange for me, but I liked it.
"Oh, I've always had a high threshold for pain," I said.
"With a skull as thick as his, I'm not surprised," Aelita said with a smirk. Everyone, including me laughed while I gave her a hard stare. The two didn't really mix.
"Oh, you are so lucky I can't move. I'd... mmm!" I said, pointing a finger up towards her direction.
"You two act like Yumi and Hiroki sometimes," Mrs. Ishiyama said with a warm smile.
"It's probably a sibling thing. I was never like that with my siblings. But then again, I had mostly brothers," Mr. Ishiyama said. I somehow ended up making eye contact with Aelita, and I wasn't sure I was thinking the same thing she was. That it was still weird we had to pretend to be brother and sister around the Ishiyamas. We had no reason to really keep pretending like we were. Other than the fact that they might get pissed at me. I could've just made the excuse that I didn't think they would let me stay if they knew we weren't related. It was better to come to that bridge when we came to it. At least I had an answer for it.
"Anyway, when are you due to be released?" Mrs. Ishiyama asked.
"In three days. I'll start getting my mobility back starting tomorrow, so I'll actually be able to move my arms. Which means I'm coming for you," I said, pointing at Aelita. She only grinned.
"And I look forward to it," she said with a regal bow that was worthy of me. I smiled even wider.
"You've turned her into a second version of you," Odd said with a grin.
"I'm so proud," I said in a mock tearful voice, making everyone laugh. It was good to still be alive.