Disclaimer: I do not own JA or any of the characters, or the song mentioned in this chapter.
Chapter 34: I Don't Want To Run Away
As usual Donna was straight into gossip central, finding out all the new information and the news she heard today upset her and angered her; Amy had broken up with David. She knew that Amy wouldn't tell her much, so she went to try and find something out from David. She could also tell him, her opinion of why she broke up with him. Maybe that would help them get back together.
When she reached his office she knocked on the door.
"Come in." He looked up and when he saw it was Donna he smiled. "Did Amy send you?"
"No sorry, I am here on a mission."
"What would that be?"
"To get you and Judge Gray back together."
"Well you came to the wrong person, she broke up with me, I didn't break up with her."
"Ok, see this is the problem."
"What?"
"In your mind she broke up with you, right?"
"Isn't that what I just said?"
"Well in her mind, you broke up with her."
"What?"
"She has been hurt so many times that she wanted to get away before she got hurt."
"How do you know that?"
"If you were around with all her past relationships, you would understand. She feels you have to be on the same level."
"You mean I have to be a Judge?"
"No, not that kind of level. The level where you both want the same thing. The longest she really was with someone apart from Michael, was Stu, and that was because he manipulated her into thinking that what he wanted, she wanted. So it seemed to her like they were on the same level. She knew something was wrong with their relationship but she couldn't figure out what that was. Until it finally clicked on her wedding day. Apparantly he almost managed to persuade her to elope after she ran out on the wedding. He was good at that."
"Good at what?"
"Manipulating and bullying, without it being obvious."
"I see."
"She has made many mistakes, but I feel that she thought you were a keeper. You seemed to be more on her level than anyone else."
"But do you think it would be different if I were a judge?"
"No, she's been out with a judge...Judge Krumble. Didn't work out."
"Why?"
"Because he didn't want to go to Spain with her."
"What?"
"She wanted to go to Spain; she used to do this thing with Michael where they would fantasise about being somewhere like Spain, than if they could, off they would go."
"But she broke up with him because he didn't want to go to Spain."
"He wouldn't drop things to be with her. It was like he was just with her for the sex."
"Ok, anything else you are going to tell me, is it so I don't make any mistakes while trying to get you back." She nodded.
"Well she once went out with Laurens Karate teacher. That was alot of fun."
"Ok, why?"
"He was like 25," David lifted his eyebrows, "and well he was a rebound guy so you know what that means. Anyway this one I think is quite important, so listen up."
"I am listening!"
"Ok, well there was this guy Tom, and they had previously been together but there was a conflict of interest or something stupid like that so they had to separate. Then when he decided to leave law, he asked her back out. She loved him so she dumped the guy she was with and went back to him. He was a really nice guy and when her best friend from high school's husband hit on her, he supported her through that. Tom decided after a while they should make their relationship public, and Amy didn't want to but finally agreed. Tom obviously had to speak to his ex-wife about it before speaking to his kids. He then was offish to Amy for a bit. Before finally telling her that his wife was upset when he told her and they were now getting back together. He said he loved Amy but he wanted to try and work things out with his wife."
"That is harsh, I admit. But I can't go back to my wife."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah but you can go back to her memory. Maybe she feels threatened by that."
"But I won't, Victor started to call her mom."
"Your son started to call her mom?"
"Yeah, it kinda shocked me cuz he's like 13, and he just decided to. I would have expected it maybe, if he was alot younger, he accepted her almost as soon as we became more serious."
"Interesting."
"But anyway, Amy is scared you are going to string her along and than dump her. She doesn't want to get hurt by you. By dumping you, she can't blame you or your son."
"But she is hurting herself, that doesn't make sense."
"David, it does, in Amy's world. It's better to hurt oneself rather than be hurt by someone elses actions."
"But that's stupid. How does she ever end up with anyone?"
"I don't know all the answers David. Just show her that you are with her all the way, that you will always support her. That all she has to do is accept you back into her life. Don't leave, and definitely don't run away again. Make yourself available, and show her you care, show her that you will always be there for her."
"I was doing that. I almost ran when she was in hospital, but I didn't. I stayed, even though we technically weren't together then."
"Well you know what to do."
"But she won't talk to me. She makes me tell her everything, but yet she won't open up."
"She can't yet. You need to prove to her that she won't get hurt no matter what happens. You need to protect her, almost shield her from the real world."
"How will I do that?"
"David, I told you. I don't know all the answers. It is between you and Judge Gray."
"You don't know this much detail about this relationship do you?"
"No, you two were very good at keeping things quiet. The others weren't so good. Once us girls get chatting, well, you know."
"Good, and Donna, if you personally get any info on us. Don't spread it. Please, and this conversation, it didn't happen." Donna looked away before looking him in the eye,
"I promise."
Amy smiled as she saw the flowers on her desk. He had sent 23 white roses and 1 red. She picked up the card and read it;
White to symbolise beginnings
I didn't want us to end!
Red because I love you
From the bottom of my heart!
24 because it is the number of hours
Of everyday that I still think of you!
D xxx
She held the card to her heart and let the tears overflow, and Donna who had entered Amy's chambers smiled. She had already read the card, wanting to see if her work with David had paid off. She turned and left and almost ran straight in to Bruce.
"What are you up to Donna?"
"Nothing."
"You're always up to something Donna."
"But I'm not."
"So how come you came out of Judge Gray's chambers like a bat out of hell?"
"She looked like she needed some privacy."
'Since when has that ever stopped you' Bruce thought. "Ok."
Amy had been in a good mood ever since receiving the roses. She arrived at the approved picking up point and Lauren jumped in the car, closely followed by Victor.
"Victor, you're meant to be waiting for your father."
"He's late. He said he would be here half an hour ago. He's not here. I'm not supposed to wait on my own."
"Please mom."
"Lauren..."
"Who are the flowers from?" Amy blushed and smiled.
"No-one."
"They're from my dad." Victor whispered to Lauren. Amy heard but chose to ignore it.
"What did the card say?"
"None of your business."
"It was definitely your dad." Lauren giggled.
"Quiet you two. We are going to wait here for your father, because he will worry about where you are if he turns up and you are not here."
"No he won't."
"Victor, he will. And he won't be happy with me if I take you."
"But..."
"No." Amy turned the radio up and began to sing along to it.
"Mom!" They both yelled.
"What? This is my car, you don't have to be here Victor, and Lauren you asked for him to stay. To save my sanity I will be singing."
"But, wait, my dad's here."
"Out you get then."
"Nah, I'll wait till he gets out... make sure it's him."
"Victor," Amy's eyes flashed in frustration.
"Fine I'm getting out." He slowly undid his seat belt, slowly opened the door, and even slower he got out of the car.
"Any slower and you'd be going backwards." Victor just turned round and smiled.
David who had gotten out of the car by now, walked over to Victors door. "Are you hurt?"
"No."
"Then why are you moving slowly."
"Because I want to. You're late!"
"I know I'm sorry."
"Couldn't you have called Amy and let her pick me up?"
"I didn't expect to be this late."
"Hiya D."
"Hiya Lauren, how was school?"
"It was ok. I don't think they realise that we need to watch tv, not do homework."
"Oh you need to watch tv ay?" David winked at Amy and she looked away.
"Yeah, how else do we keep up with the latest news on the stars." Lauren said in her duh, it's so obvious voice.
"Lauren be quiet. We should be going now. Bye Victor."
"Bye mom. Cya L."
"Bye Amy. Speak to you soon Lauren."
"Bye D."
"Bye Amy."He repeated.
"Bye David." Amy got the car in gear as David closed the door.
David stood with his hands on Victor's shoulders watching her pulling away.
"You sent her flowers didn't you."
"Yep."
"She loves them."
"Really?"
"Yeah, when we asked her about them she blushed and couldn't stop smiling."
"Good good. So she had them with her."
"Yeah, what did you write in the card?"
"Why?"
"Cause she refused to tell us anything."
"Hmmm."
"What?"
"We're going home now." He started towards the car.
"You're not going to tell me are you?"
"Nope." David laughed at Victors face, and was still chuckling all the way home.
They walked into the house and Victor headed straight for the phone.
"Uh what are you doing Victor.?"
"Phoning L."
"No you're not. Homework first."
"We can talk while we are doing it."
"No, you can talk after it."
"But we talked when we were at mom's house." David looked down at this.
"Well we aren't there now. Back to the old rules."
"But dad..."
"No! Go do your homework." Victor pulled a face and stormed to his room, slamming the door closed.
David sat on the sofa, and turned the tv on. He started flicking through the channels and after an hour he finally gave up trying to find something and threw the remote onto the coffee table.
"Dad, I finished my homework, can I call L now?"
"Sure. What do you want for your dinner."
"Don't care." Victor was dialing Laurens number.
"Come on you must know..." Victor held up his hand.
"Talking... hiya L," he walked out of the room. David smiled, he had started to act like Amy.
"I think they are going to get back together, mom is really happy compared to this morning."
"I know, dad is just flicking through the channels, it's kinda funny really."
"Do you think you could get your dad round here, than they would have to talk."
"I don't know, how would I get him over?"
"Um, what about saying you can't find the book you need to do your homework, and you know I have one."
"I told him I finished my homework, that's why it took me so long to call."
"Can't you just say you forgot. Besides, if what we think is right, as soon as you give him an excuse to come here, it probably won't sink in what you say he'll be in the car before you finish."
"True, I'll go try, if it doesn't work I'll ring you back, if it does, I'll see you in soon."
"K, bye."
"Bye L." Victor hung up and ran into the family room where David was still flicking through the channels. "Dad, L just told me a piece of homework I forgot about, and the book I need I left in my locker. Can we go to mom's? I really need to do it now." Victor smiled as David jumped up switching the tv off and heading for the door.
"Come on then. If you have to do it tonight."
"Cool." Victor ran to the door.
Lauren was watching the driveway out of the window.
"Lauren will you come and eat your dinner please."
"I'm coming."
"You've been saying that for 10 minutes." Amy walked into the family room. "What are you looking at?"
"Nothing." Lauren jumped down from the window seat.
"What were you looking at Lauren?"
"As I said, nothing. So what are we eating?" She started towards the dining room when there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it."
"Lauren." Amy said in a warning tone, but Lauren ignored her and went to answer the door.
"She's kinda angry at me right now. So your dad better be in a really good mood so that he can cope."
"He is."
"Lauren who is... hello Victor. What are you doing here?"
"I didn't have the book I needed for my homework, and L told me she had it, so I came here, is that ok mom?"
"That's fine, but please don't call me mom honey. Where's your dad?"
Lauren smiled at Victor, "He's in the car, he'll be here in a minute."
"Right, well. I'll be upstairs." Amy turned and ran up the stairs.
"We'll send him up." Victor whispered to Lauren, and she nodded.
"Hiya Lauren...Victor this isn't homework. Go and do it now. Hang on Lauren, where's your mom?"
"Upstairs." She giggled, as before running off with Victor.
"Right." He slowly made his way upstairs. "Amy?" She was lying on her bed headphones on looking up at the ceiling. He walked over to her, and she jumped when he touched her. She pulled her headphones off, and moved to the other side of the bed.
"David... I don't... why are you..."
"Here? The kids sent me up, well they sort of did, they ran off somewhere. Hopefully they are doing their homework. Other wise I have a sneaky suspicion that there wasn't actually any." Amy smiled and sat up crossing her legs. David stood awkwardly at the end of the bed.
"Sit down, you might as well." David slowly sat on the bed.
"I heard that you liked my flowers." Amy blushed as she replyed.
"Yeah, they were very nice."
"And the card?" She just nodded this time. "I miss you!"
"David..."
"It's hard to sleep without you beside me. It feels empty."
"I'm sorry David, but... we shouldn't be doing this here." She looked down at the bed.
"Amy, I'll go, but first I would like to say something. I love you and have promised never to leave you again... I've kept that promise, I haven't run away. You are the first woman I have loved since my wife, and I don't want to lose you! I will never leave you, I won't dump you, and I don't think I can live without you! I will never cheat on you, or have a fling, I'm serious about you Amy. God, my 13 year old son even calls you mom! Yes we will have our problems, and no I won't run because of them. I hate to break promises, and I especially hate breaking them with you!"
"But you still refer to Kelly as your wife David. I don't want to compete with her memory."
"You won't... you have to understand. It is hard not to refer to her as my wife. I was married to her and that is how I have always introduced her. It kinda just slips out, I will try harder to call her Kelly, but it's going to take time."
"I'm just not sure if I can do this. I don't want to... I can't."
"Amy, finish your sentences... I know you don't want to get hurt, and I don't plan on hurting you."
"Nobody plans to, it just happens." Amy got up and walked over to the closet. "I just don't want to hate you for it." David walked up behind her. He slipped his arms around her waist. "I don't want to think of you in a bad way." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't want to regret being with you."
"Hey, hey, hey. Don't cry!" He turned her, but she didn't look him in the eye. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. "You won't, stop acting like it has already happened." He could see the despair and hope fighting in her eyes, and it saddened him that she couldn't trust him. "I love you, please trust me that I do."
"I know you love me David."
"Well what's the problem? Stop putting me in the category of failed relationships when you haven't given me a chance, you think I'm going to dump you, so you dump me before it happens."
"I'm sorry..." David cut her off by placing his lips on hers. She pushed him away. "Don't!"
"Amy, I'm not going to leave you. You're killing me. I thought we just talked it all through. You don't know what I'm going to do Amy, stop trying to anticipate what the future will bring. Especially bad things." Amy walked away from him.
"But you, and... Victor already got hurt because of me."
"That wasn't your fault."
"It was, if I hadn't made that ruling, if we weren't together, if you hadn't been staying the night, if..."
"Amy, that's alot of if's. You can't control everything."
"I can try." He stepped towards her.
"Honey, I know you want to, I know I would want to. But we can't. We don't have control of everything and there is no way we can."
"But we can have control of some things."
"Amy, that would make life boring as hell if we could control everything. Relax a bit and, and take a break."
"We are taking a break."
"That's not the kind of break I was thinking of Amy, and you know it."
"David, I don't want to discuss this."
"Well I do. You can't decide what risks I want to take, as well as the risks you want to take. If I want to risk getting hurt to be with you. Then that is my decision, not yours."
"But you getting hurt would hurt me too. And I don't want that."
"You doing this hurts me."
"I know, but at least you are still there, can move on. Get over the hurt."
"I won't ever get over you Amy. Ever. I love you so much that it..."
"Just go."
"The kids are doing homework. I can't just go."
"I'll drop Victor home. I just want to be alone now." David slowly walked out of her room.
"See you later then." Amy didn't reply, she sat on her bed and put her head in her hands.
David sat at home drinking some wine. Half the bottle was gone already, but he kept drinking. Amy had stayed in the car when she dropped Victor off and as soon as he was clear she had driven away. He had been crying since Victor had gone to bed, and now it seemed he had none left to shed. The wine was helping to numb the pain, as he sat listening to a CD with a song on repeat:
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad, today? I never know what the future brings I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I don't need you then why am I crying on, my bed? I don't know why you're so far away I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand 'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away I don't want to run away but I can't take it I don't understand
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours, this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return, my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand, at all
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound, in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim, my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you, as my wife?
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right,
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I could stay in your life?
By the time the song had re-started for the fifth time the bottle of wine was finished. He got up and went into the kitchen but he couldn't find another one. So he just grabbed a beer, and fell back onto the sofa.
Unknown to David, Victor was still awake, whispering to Lauren on the phone.
"L, I'm really scared. He has this stupid song on repeat and he finished a whole bottle of wine. And I heard him go into the kitchen so he probably got himself a beer. That's mixing drinks isn't it?"
"I think so, are you going to be ok? Has he ever gotten violent before?"
"I don't know, he's never drunken this much, at least not when I've been here."
"He must be pretty bummed over my mom then."
"I know, he was crying earlier but he hasn't been for a while."
"Hang on, my mom is shouting something." Lauren placed her hand over the receiver as she spoke to Amy. "I can't."
"Lauren, you get off the phone now or you are grounded for a week. You are meant to be asleep by now and here you are talking. You will see Victor tomorrow."
"But mom..." Amy grabbed the phone and hung up on Victor. "Mom, that was way out of order and rude!"
"I told you to get off the phone and you know better than to keep talking after I've sent you to bed." The phone rang and Amy asnswered it, managing to speak calmly. "Gray residence."
"Mom,"
"Victor, Lauren will speak to you tomorrow. Right now she is going to bed, and so should you be. I hope you don't sneak the phone like this every night."
"Um, no but..."
"Victor, go to bed. I don't know what your father is doing, but he isn't being very responsible. Now hang up and don't call back. Goodnight."
"Mom..." But Amy had hung up the phone again.
"Mom, stop hanging up on him. He has something to say... he's worried about D, he was crying and he..."
"And I was crying too, it's because we broke up. He will get over it. I will too."
"But he is drinking, and listening to the same song, over and over again."
"So, I've done that too."
"He's had a whole bottle of wine and Victor thinks he's now gone onto beer."
"David doesn't drink that much, he must have been mistaken." Amy tried to kid herself. The phone rang again, "Victor?"
"Yeah... did L tell you about dad?"
"Uhuh, are you sure he has had all that?"
"Yeah, I watched him open the wine, and now it's lying on the floor empty and he's now drinking beer, but I don't know how many of them he has had."
"Ok Victor, this is serious stuff here, are you definitely sure that he has had that much."
"Yes."
"Typical of all the nights for ma to go on a date with Ignacio."
"Are you going to come?"
"Um, yeah. Hang on honey, I just need to figure some stuff out then I will be straight round."
"Ok, see you soon mom."
"Bye."
Amy stood with the phone in her hand, not sure what to do. David mixing his drinks was a bad idea, but it wasn't life threatening. He would just have a really bad hang over. But she had promised Victor that she would go round, he was scared and she was his only comfort.
"Lauren, get dressed, we are going over there."
"Can't I just stay here?"
"No, I want to make sure you are safe. I can't do that if you're on your own."
Half an hour later they arrived, Lauren held Amy's hand as they walked up to the front door, which surprised Amy at first before she gave it a comforting squeeze. When they knocked on the door they heard a loud thud as somebody fell over. Then the door slowly creaked open and David was hanging off it. Lauren stepped behind Amy.
"Amy...what you doing here?"
"I'm here to deal with you." She walked into the house with Lauren still standing behind her. "Go to Victors room honey, you know where that is right?" Lauren ran off.
"Amy why... you here?" He swung round as he closed the door. She walked towards him and supported him before walking with him to his room. "Ahh, wanted some action heh?"
"Don't be a jerk David."
"I'm... me a jerk?" David fell against the bed almost pulling Amy with him. "Come... here."
"No, you are going to stay here, then I'm going to get you some water." She went quickly into the kitchen and poured a glass. When she got back to David's room he had undressed down to his boxer shorts.
"I'm ready for you." Ignoring him, she held out the glass.
"Drink this."
"I don't like water." Hoping his brain wasn't really working, she quickly responded;
"It's not water, it's this new drink called H2O."
"Wow, let me try it..." he drank the entire glass and dropped the it on the bed. "I like H2O!"
"Really, would you like some more?" David nodded and she went and fetched him some more. After his fourth glass she laid him back on the bed. "Now lay down, and don't move." She pulled the blanket over him and went to the bathroom, where she soaked a small towel in cold water. Sitting next to him on the bed she bathed his head, until he fell asleep.
Amy then went and checked on the kids. "How are you two doing?"
"Is he going to be ok?"
"He's going to have a massive hang-over, but other than that, I have everything under control."
"Really?"
"Yes. Are you ok Lauren?"
"Yeah, he looked scary when he answered the door."
"Many people are scary when they are drunk. Don't worry about it though, He doesn't normally drink that much."
"I bet you'll never make up now." Victor looked down at the floor.
"Victor, look I'm going to be honest with you, this isn't helping his case. But I'm not going to discuss this with you. Ok? But whatever happens, I will always be here for you. All you gotta do is call."
"Thanks."
"Now Lauren, I'm going to make up the couch for you, because we are going to spend the night. I want you to go to sleep quickly because you still have school tomorrow."