Ok, same as last chapter, easy to skip if you want to.

Chapter Thirty-Six

She found him on the floor in the kitchen.

Castle was sitting with his back against the island, his head buried in his arms, folded over his bent knees. He looked like a scared child, hiding from punishment or danger and it caused a new twisted feeling in her gut.

He had her spinning in her own head, stomach tight with knots of nervousness and intense arousal just minutes ago and now she was wondering if she might break down and cry at the sight of him looking so small, miserable, if she had to give the look a word.

"You shouldn't make me chase you right now." She said. She tried to inflect a joking lightness to her tone, but knew she had failed miserably when his head snapped up to look at her before he jumped to his feet asking if he could get her anything, if there was anything he could do.

He had covered it quickly, but too late. She had already seen the expression on his face and it was permanently burned into her. Like any physical scar on her body, the emotion of fear, guilt and pain that knitted his brow, turned down his lips and softened his eyes would be with her long after this moment had passed.

"I'm fine, Castle."

He glared at her from his position, now leaning against the island in the kitchen as if it would hold him upright, as if he needed it to do just that. "You're not."

His tone cut at her. It wasn't anything she was used to hearing from him. He sounded just as mad now as he had in her apartment two days ago when he slammed Esposito against the wall for not telling him she was all right. This anger, however, was not directed at anyone but himself.

"You're right." She said, as she crossed her arms and moved to stand next to him at the counter. He turned towards her, but when he opened his mouth to respond she glared him into silence. "I'm not fine." She allowed her frustration to bubble out of her, but couldn't seem to rein it in with him looking at her like he was scared she might fall over dead or simply disappear. "I'm not fine, but I'm not some weak woman, either, and you have to stop treating me like I can't take care of myself."

He scoffed, "Right, because we know how well you do that." He said sarcastically.

"Wow," she responded, her sarcasm equal to his. "Now I'm left wondering which of us is the girl in this relationship." She emphasized the word 'girl' as a challenge and watched his eye spark with the intensity of his reaction to it.

"I think I clearly proved I'm a man just a minute ago." He responded, stepping menacingly closer to her as his intense gaze bore into her.

With a hint of a smile tugging to be free, she let her eyes drift slowly down his shirtless body, coming to rest briefly just below his waist before leisurely drifting back up to his eyes. "Maybe I'm not convinced." She was trying to get to him, but the act of devouring him with her eyes had left her slightly breathless herself and her voice was nearly unrecognizable in her own head.

She saw it, the fact that she had chosen the right words by the way his pupils dilated and his breathing increased just slightly, his chest heaving as if each pull of oxygen was conscious.

"Well," he started, but had to clear his throat before continuing to get the words out, his voice still gruff even after the effort. "As soon as you're feeling better, I'll clear up any doubts you might have."

"Maybe." She shrugged, doing her best to give him an innocent expression with just a hint of a pout. Kate reached her hand up and let a single finger run slowly across his collarbone to the hollow of his throat. As she continued speaking, she let the digit run down his chest slowly, leaning in until her breath washed across his cheek and ear as she whispered, "Then again, maybe I'm not a very patient person." Her finger passed down over his stomach, the soft hairs brushed tantalizingly against the pad of her finger. Slowly, she let it pass his navel, brush along the top of his dress pants until she reached the first belt loop and hooked it with the traveling digit, pulling him closer against her.

Castle released a throaty groan, his body tense everywhere she was in contact with him. "Stop, please." He finally managed, his plea ragged with his restraint and she knew she was making progress.

Kate pulled back just enough to look in his eyes and cocked her head to the side as she considered him with what she hoped was a sultry smile, "Why?" she questioned, her tone falsely light as she gave another gentle tug of the small strip of fabric her finger was looped in, allowing their lower bodies to come into contact, but leaning back enough to see his expression.

"I don't want to hurt you." He told her earnestly, asking for her understanding with his eyes, but not moving away from her.

She shrugged as if this was a light subject and hoped that her next statement wouldn't send him running before she could finish, but it was the lead in she needed to pull him out of this negative mindset. "Maybe you already did."

Her words had the desired effect of shocking him, she needed him in a hyper-aware state in order for the follow-up to have the proper affect, and she just hoped he wouldn't try to pull away. She hoped her proximity and the slight teasing quality in her voice belayed the words she spoke. "I apologized."

"No, you didn't." she responded and the mix of confusion and annoyance in the furrowing of his eyebrows told her he was right where she wanted him, ready to be pushed over the edge. "You said you were sorry for me being careless up there, that's not what I'm talking about."

"Then what the hell are you talking about?" he asked, but didn't wait for her to answer as her words finally sank in, "And you weren't being careless, I was the one that. . ." Kate cut him off with a finger against his lips.

"You were the one that touched me." She told him on a suggestive whisper. She let her finger slowly trail off his soft lips, down over the prickly stubble on his chin before tracing a line along his jaw to end up with her fingers splayed across the back of his neck. "You were the one that got me so achingly aroused that I forgot the entire world, including my own limitations."

She watched his eyes darken and his mouth open slightly to pull in a long breath. "God, Kate, you can't say that to me right now." Their bodies still in slight contact from the waist down, she felt the affect her words had on him and smiled. "Especially not while your touching me and definitely not with that expression on your face." He finally choked the words out and she might have laughed at his struggle to form the sentence if it weren't for the fact that she was having trouble herself.

She turned slightly until she had maneuvered him so that he was between her and the kitchen island so his escape options were more limited as she leaned more heavily into him, "What are you going to do about it?" she teased.

He watched the tether on his control snap as he leaned towards her, but before his lips met hers his eyes suddenly snapped closed and he tilted his head back. He leaned more heavily against the counter as if trying to get away from her and he grabbed the edge of the counter behind him tightly. He was trying to rein himself back in. "Nothing." He finally responded.

"I don't think I like that answer." She practically purred, but then a sudden wave of doubt overcame her and she wondered why she was suddenly throwing herself at him. Sure, there was the nagging heat and pressure, the realization that he was who she wanted to be with punctuated by exactly how hot he had gotten her.

She was practically panting with desire when he had snapped away from her and practically ran from the room. She had been so aroused that it took a moment for his stuttered apology to filter through the blood racing through her veins and by then he had been gone.

"Like it or not, that's the answer." His eyes finally met hers again as his hands came up to rest on her shoulders as he leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "You'll just have to wait."

When he pulled back from brushing his lips across her cheek, she took a step away from him. Instantly she missed the contact, but forced herself to take one more step until his hands fell away from her shoulders.

With a nonchalance she didn't feel, Kate shrugged and turned to head out of the kitchen, "I'm not waiting for you, Castle."

She made it to the bottom of the stairs before he snapped to and caught up with her. "Don't do this, Kate. Don't run away now, not over this."

"I'm not running away. I don't think I'll be running anywhere for a while." She told him, completely aware of the double meaning, but not sure if he'd take it as a reference to their burgeoning relationship or her recent injury.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." He told her as he followed her toward his bedroom again and she realized he had taken it in reference to her injuries. She was getting sick of her injuries being the focus of everything.

She was not the type to cower from anything, pain was temporary and it would pass and someday this would all be a big morbid joke for them all to laugh about down at the precinct. In the grand scheme of things it was very minor in comparison to the other issue they were skirting.

She ignored him until he followed her back into his bedroom, but standing next to his bed she finally turned toward him. Trying to display her most authoritative expression she straightened her shoulders, propping her hands on her hips as she glared him down.

"Please, talk to me." He was the one that broke the silence.

She didn't change the expression on her face as she asked, "What do you want me to say?"

He sighed, "I don't want you to be mad about this." He finally told her, seeming to cower just a little from the wilting effect of her glare.

She almost felt bad for putting him through this, but she was so tired of his reserved attitude. She wanted the unrestrained, passionate Castle back. The one that had worked her to such a frenzy that she barely remembered her own name. After everything, that moment of blissful escape had been heaven and she was tired of everything being so serious all the time. She didn't want serious. She wanted hot. She wanted fun and heated. She wanted that moment of blissful ignorance back.

"I'm not mad." She told him, letting her arms fall loosely to her sides as she relaxed just a little. "But I do think you should leave." She told him.

Castle's laugh cut through the room, she smiled back, because it held nothing but pure humor, "You do remember that this is my room, right? My house? You can't kick me out."

She shrugged at him and reached for the hem of her shirt, starting to slowly inch it up over her stomach, pausing a moment to speak with him, "I understand, but if you're not participating I didn't think you'd want to stick around."

"Wh-What?" he stuttered, his jaw dropping just slightly as he obviously tried to determine what other meaning her words could have, because the place his mind went was definitely not what she meant.

Yet, that was exactly where her mind was. If he wasn't going to relieve the ache he had put in her, then she would do it for him. She wasn't going to sit around for days, possibly weeks without dealing with something as overwhelmingly pressing as the current situation she found her body in. She was fairly confident she wouldn't have to, but if she had to she would.

Shrugging off his question, she slipped the shirt over her head, tossing it onto the dresser so she could get it when she was done. Standing so near to him, topless while he watched her with his equally bare chest moving shakily with each breath, she had the sudden desire to feel his bare skin against hers, but she fought it.

If he was afraid to touch her because he might hurt her, then she was going to respect that. Odd as it was, she hoped he would stick around, even if he was afraid to hurt her. Maybe if he saw it himself, that she was alright, maybe next time he wouldn't shy away from her.

Her eyes took in his expression as his eyes roamed her body a moment before coming back to lock with her own. Once she got caught in his piercing blue eyes, she felt her hands move of their own volition to pull the drawstring on the much too big flannel pants she had borrowed and in a moment they were pooled at her feet. She felt a slight wave of shy awkwardness as she was left with nothing more than a pair of panties, but she pushed it away. She stood in front of him, confident and nearly naked, but his eyes stayed locked on hers until she moved and though she turned her back to him, she felt the heat of his eyes roaming her body.

She was taking a huge risk here, not usually one to put herself out there, she was feeling just a little uncomfortable as she slowly maneuvered herself back into nearly the same position she had left earlier. She was alone in the bed this time, but a quick glance from under her eyelashes told her that she still had an audience. She knew that he needed this as much as she did. He needed to see her as more than a victim and she needed him to want to see her.

She let her eye flutter closed briefly as much to focus on sensation as to hide from the slight hint of embarrassment sweeping through her as she brought her own fingers up to touch her neck, slowly trailing them down the length of her neck and between the valley between her breasts.

M.M.M

Castle's stunned, "Oh. My. God." as he suddenly seemed to fully realize what she was up to almost made her break character and smile or laugh or simply open her eyes to drink in the expression that was sure to be on his face. Instead she let her fingers continue exploring and caressing her breasts as she brought her other up to brush gently across her lips.

He gasped as if she were touching him when her fingertips gently grazed the peaks of her nipples. The sound sent a shudder through her and a fresh wave of moisture between her legs. The already insistent desire throbbing through her was made that much more desperate by his vicarious participation.

She alternated her attention between her two breasts while she brought her other hand to her mouth. She let her thumb run the length of her lips before slowly slipping it into her mouth and then back out, running her tongue along the textured pad of the digit while the smooth nail slowly slipped across her top lip as it came out of her mouth. She heard his shaky breathing from just a little closer as she moved the moistened thumb down to brush over and swirl around one of her nipples.

He released a small sound in the back of his throat that sounded remarkably like a whimper and she was glad her eyes were still squeezed shut, because she knew that if she could see the state he was in, she would either lose the nerve or the will power to keep doing this alone.

It wasn't until several moments later when one of her hands had slowly snaked down her stomach and was running slowly over the waistband of her panties that he finally said something that wasn't an unintelligible sound.

"Wait." He gasped out, "Oh God." He panted and she finally let her eyes open. She didn't take her hands off herself, but she did still them as she took in his expression. His eyes were bright and more than a little wild with desire.

"I told you," she said, shocked at how low and husky her own voice was, "I'm not waiting for you, Castle." She finished the statement with his name more than a little breathless on her lips as she slowly slipped a finger just barely under the last piece of clothing she had.

She watched as whatever internal struggle he had been having was pushed away and he was obviously realizing what she had been saying the first time she spoke those words. His grin was slow in crossing his lips, but so sexy with a mixture of relief and confidence that she shuddered.

"Need a hand?" he finally asked after a long silence. His tone was a slightly husky version of the same one he had used so many times to suggest something she had always turned him down for. As she removed her hands from her body and looked up into his intensity, she wondered, not for the first time, why she had said no so many times.

With a smirk of her own she raised an eyebrow at him, "I thought I was on my own tonight?" she asked with mock innocence.

Castle shook his head, "I just don't want to hurt you." He told her, not for the first time as he took the last step towards the bed tentatively.

"You won't." she held a hand out to him.

He accepted the hand and brushed his fingers over her knuckles. "You don't know that."

"I trust you." Kate responded as she pulled gently on his hand, asking silently for him to come to her.

"When you touch me, I don't trust myself." He said softly, almost sadly as he settled next to her, not letting his body come into contact with hers, but reaching out to trail his fingers over her temple and tuck away an errant curl. "You're all-consuming."

She was more than a little concerned that she might actually cry from the tenderness and sincerity in his voice. "I know the feeling." She responded as she brought his hand with hers to brush the side of her breast with his knuckles and her eyes drifted closed again involuntarily for just a moment. "What if I promise not to touch you until you ask me to?"

Castle seemed to ponder this a moment and then he nodded slowly, "But only if you promise to tell me when to stop or if I do anything that hurts you."

"Deal." She responded, before a gasp shot from her mouth as his free hand move to gently toy with one of her nipples.

Her last coherent thought before the magic that was his hands and fingers stole her breath and ability to think was that he had to have been paying attention, because a few minutes of watching her and he knew exactly what she liked and every way to move.

M.M.M

x.x.x

A/N: Wow, I broke 100,000 words last chapter. That totally snuck up on me, I had no idea this had gotten so long. Thank you to everybody who has made it this far, hope I don't bore you before we get to the end. Not sure about this one, it's late and I'm tired, but I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Should I change the actual rating of this fic to M? That way no one is too shocked with things like this? I'm still really new to fanfic (only my 3rd story after all and my first with anything blatantly mature) so I'm not sure on the etiquette here.

Review that made my day, pkl, because I missed being called evil so much, this was nice. Maybe I should do another cliffhanger, just to see if you'll put it in all caps next time. Perhaps next chapter I'll do something to Alexis while she's out of the watchful eyes of security? Ooh, that would be evil. J/k, that's not in the cards, unless my subconscious works out some weird plot twist just because I mentioned it. Darn it all. If that happens now I'm sending all my readers after you for inspiring it. ;)

Thank you, everyone for reading.