Only this single character is mine, and this epilogue is her answers to all the questions she asked her companions in the previous chapters. They are sometimes less than genteel answers:
Is the Glass Half-full or Half-empty?
Yes. Well, the paradox depends on your mood, and I've certainly seen it both ways. So both are true as they're the same.
A harsh barbarian king gets his jollies watching the accused in a trial choose, unknowing, between instant death and rich reward. But a commoner dared to become his daughter's lover, so he was condemned to this spectacle. The princess discovered which door had the fierce tiger, and which had another lady to marry. The princess is fierce as well, and harsh as her father, that what is hers, is hers alone, but she also is very...attached to her young and handsome lover.
Which door does she hint her lover towards: the Lady or the Tiger?
The lady. Losing him for a time, but retaining the possibility of getting him back is worth a little delayed gratification. You can hope he's loyal, but that chance for a good outcome is far better than watching him die. Then all you have are regrets. I've spent enough years seeing my foster father being consumed by regrets and loss, too many to not try and avoid it.
What wouldn't you do for a million gold pieces?
Shit, lots of things, I could fill a long scroll with things I wouldn't do. Evil things, like torture, rape, mind control, rampant careless destruction and cruelty and all their variants.
There are many things, not evil, I don't think I'd do either. Becoming a postulant of one of the more... orderly temples. Actually becoming a postulant of any god, I can't see myself as a priest, and that's not the kind of thing you want to fake. I'd hope I wouldn't take up more criminal work, out of some kind of desperation. Most people can't afford losses, like what would be too easy for me to do. I wouldn't work in a festhall, that's definitely something I wouldn't do for money. I don't want to marry into the nobility and have some grand title or trappings or anything, I think being in Blacklake makes me twitch like Neeshka around paladins...
How is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?
They both can make loud noises when you try to take shiny things away from them. Of course the desk would do that more if it was magical or creaky, not a modest desk. But them modest desks don't usually have the best loot.
Come to think of it, I think Neeshka is like both the raven and the desk, as she'd squawk too. ((smile))
When you go into the afterlife, do you wear the clothes you were buried in forever?
I hope not, as they'd get all mucky as your body slowly rots away. Unless everyone floats around the afterlife buck naked, a light fabric, mental clothing, or putting on clothing would be nice. Maybe I'll need to spend a century or so learning how to knit or weave clothing for myself, as I couldn't do it now if you put a weapon to my throat.
Can you catch flies?
I guess, they aren't always that fast when they get cold. Sometimes they tickle.
What is it that you can keep, after giving to someone else?
Your affections. Even if they are asses and leave, or you find you're wrong. You can try again when you meet someone else once it stops hurting. You don't run out.
Setting: On a warm and sunny early summer day, you've decided to wash in a cheerfully burbling stream in an open meadow. Your clothing and equipment are a little too far away when you get unexpected company. What do you grab to cover or protect yourself?
What do you grab?
Well, my clothing, armor or best, my cloak, would be fairly close. I sure would not have wandered over the meadow without clothing. If it were now, I could hide until I was alone, earlier, dive for the cloak.
How will this end?
In pain.
How Many Orcs Does It Take to Get Water From a Well?
One, I don't think they're that dumb.
What Do You Want?
Hells, everything and nothing. I want all the asses like Garius, his allies, and the nightmare he rode in on to go take a flying leap into the Abyss. There's enough to make people's lives tough enough without the delusions of power hungry. I really hope we can stop this avalanche without us all getting killed.
And I really wish I'd really had a choice about it. I was drafted for this war before I could speak coherently. Does becoming a 'Hero' or defeating an evil mean anything, when I had so few alternatives? I wish I could have had the quiet of a normal woman's life, but survival and sometimes trying to make a difference are the goads that are driving me until this ends.
You use me from your head to your toes, and the more you use me the thinner I grow...
What am I?
Soap, or maybe a bar of sootblack if you really want to remain hidden and don't mind looking like a miner for the next few days.
What are the three worst poisons?
Don't know much about poisons, just what to avoid in the Mere. I don't even remember what hardly any are called. As they can usually be cured by a good priest or alchemist, other kinds of poisons are much worse. The kinds no magic can help with, except to make them worse.
Self-doubt, despair, fear, anger, power-hunger, considering others to be less value than a herd of deer or your convenience, arrogance in power... Pick any three, as they can paralyze and destroy you as much as any poison.
People die for many reasons, sometimes just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But sometimes they choose and accept that end. What things are important to you?
What Do You Have That is Worth Dying For?
I really own so little, pretty much what I can carry. I can't even afford to get attached to my horse. So many of 'em have already died. Pretty toys, like my weapons and armor and magic? They can be replaced. The keep really isn't mine. So what do I really have?
To save my friends, yeah. If I could just wish myself to a confrontation with the head jerk, and end us both now, that would be worth dying, that my friends would be safe. For friends, and friends unmet or lost along the way, yeah. Not that I'm gonna be ecstatic about dying, I'd really rather live.
Who Are You?
Unless I've forgotten something, I'm Elondra Whyntll. I wonder if Grobnar would act any different if I said I thought my unknown sire was a wendersnaven. I do think that would make him quiet for a while, wouldn't it? (grin)
I've been a lot of things already, and I really don't know where I'm going some days. I'm a survivor of a horrible battle, and ward of a grieving elf. Student and pest. Militia member and trickster. Fighter and errand girl. Kick-ass, mediator, and peacemaker. Stubborn wench and skulker in shadows. Leader and pawn. I hope I've been a good friend, but I take them into such danger I feel so guilty sometimes.
What Makes You Laugh?
Lots of things, now. My humor has gotten so black these days, that opponents' threatening speeches only make me want to giggle sometimes. They're so absurd. I love a good joke, a good and not mean prank, and a clumsy fall. I always have. But I rarely hear those kinds of things anymore, so I have to laugh at the surreal and absurd, or the tragedies all around will consume me.
You are in some situation, combat or otherwise, where no option you can see, as to what to do next is really acceptable.
What do you do next?
Try to find a third option. And if both are equally bad, or the time is short, don't deny what little choice is mine to refuse to choose. Then I pick the one that appears the least harmful and pray I've chosen well.
Where Does Revenge End and Justice Begin?
I wish I knew. Justice is not just the laws, else Luskan or Thay could be seen as just. Justice is more than the law, as much as I'd would hate to have that argument with some. Some evade the law, and some law is not just, so how can justice be purely defined? And if justice among the living is corrupted, is revenge always wrong?
But revenge is much more easily warped than justice because it has no standard and no limit. Tit for tat, feuds through generations, until orcs and elves can't even consider a common ground. Revenge, or worse, genocide, as the ultimate form of that kind of revenge. Revenge is often blind.
Endings and beginnings of justice and revenge are intermingled. Try for justice, revenge if justice has been screwed.
What Are the Five Most Important Gifts from the Gods?
I don't think they give most of us anything directly tangible, not that these gifts aren't important. Some things they can't give us, like love or hate, we do that ourselves. Life, health, blessings, inspiration, and most importantly, hope.
What do lazy dogs do for fun?
Sleep on your foot, like a very heavy sack of wheat.
If you were to die tonight, what would you regret? What would you do about that?
My biggest regrets are for things I couldn't change here tonight if I wanted to. I might tell a few some things they need to hear, or I would like them to know.
What good memory do you have, that you think you might remember of all this,
once this damn thing is all over?
The best one would be us all getting out of this alive, but I kind of doubt that one. Other memories would be the small moments: a sunset over the mountain after I'd expected to be crispy, a tumble when I'd been sure I had good footing, an infectious round that I can't get out of my head for hours, a giggle fit late at night, scoring a hit on an enemy I'd feared, the excitement when a piece of the problem became clear, a warm voice during a night watch when I was cold and tired... all the little moments that have kept me from going nuts.
What monsters do you hate most?
The worst are the ones who chose to be dark, eyes wide open, not caring. So, it would be power hungry evil mages and the like, usually human. Power doesn't help you sleep, or keep you warm at night.
Oh, I hate lots of monsters, but usually only the ones busy trying to kill me or others at the time. But to hate them the most would give them more importance, than just necessity for the people I want to help or protect. If I had to pick one type, it would probably have to be the githyanki for being evil and so damn shortsighted. They're like rats, they kept popping up, over and over, pursuing me for their own stupidity. Hating undead is like hating cockroaches, pointless, as they're only shells. It's the ones who choose to slaughter a village for one weapon, twist and corrupt others, or seek genocide for those who offend them... those kind of people really need to learn empathy and that it's not all about them.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I guess the egg. If you crossbreed two breeds of chickens, the egg with the new breed is the first of its kind.
Who would you turn to if you if you needed help desperately?
My friends. ((sighs)) Most likely Casavir or Neeshka, depending on the problem.
What is the strongest craving you get?
It's almost always for some kind of food or drink, usually the kinds that don't travel well. Fresh milk, something crunchy and salty, or Lazlo's mead. A lot of the time lately, it's just for a long, uninterrupted night of sleep.
You're alone, and you want to get from one side of a crevice to another, and there is no bridge. The crevice is too deep to jump, maybe a hundred feet deep and a hundred feet across. The only things you have to help you, beyond what you carry, is a ladder that's, oh, four yards tall, and a lot of rope. No, going around is a bad idea. You can use as much rope as you like, pretend you have some decanter of endless quality rope.
How do you get to the other side?
Wrap the rope around the ladder, until I have the equivalent of a ball of yarn around the ladder core, leaving it just loose enough to wriggle into the center, and then roll down the side. Wriggle out, or cut my way out and get the ladder out too. At the other side of the crevice, I'd just climb the crevice, using a spike and some rope to anchor me every ten feet so I won't fall far even if I slip. I could have done that going down, but rolling down inside a giant ball of string sounds like fun. I'm sure I can almost hear Grobnar laughing as he rolls down.
Oh yeah, haul up the rope and lean it against the first tree I find on the other side. Just for style.
What is your favorite kind of singing?
I'm kind of a sucker for a good ballad, but preferably not a tragedy.
What kind of things are important to do immediately?
What should never be put off until the next day?
Bandaging and healing, you never know when another group of enemies will be attracted by the sounds of the first fight. Secondly, trying to help a friend, some things fester if left alone.
Why Are You Here?
I'm here because one addlebrain an age ago lost sight of what he was protecting, and others more recently tried to either piggyback on his power or stop him, regardless of anyone else. They're all nuts, we're all just trying to clean up their mess. I didn't have much choice in starting in this war, but I hope to see its end.
To be fair, what question have you wondered about me?
I wasn't quite sure if I should answer this one, as I don't really have any questions about myself that I can answer and sometimes I talk to myself too much already. But when the bickering gets especially annoying, I wonder if I'm insane.
What is the most useless job there is?
There are lots of useless jobs: head cook for Garius, hair trimmer for Nasher, maker of cosmetics for gith, lamplighter to the king of shadows... I could even list gallows humor jobs like West Harbor farmer, Ember welcoming party, or Luskan good will ambassador.
Some would say adventurers are pretty useless, as we... they don't usually have anyone they really answer to and don't fit in well within in a military hierarchy that would make others more comfortable. As the only ones still standing after some battle or war, who else can they blame? Even if it's stupid, might as well blame the nature gods for a hailstorm. I think I'd like to be that kind of useless: unneeded and living quietly.
What color do you like best, and why?
Grey. Grey kind of contains all colors, doesn't it? Black and white and all the shades in between. White can be a pain as then you spend way too much time trying to get spots out. Black gets all too depressing, even if you don't have to worry about colors clashing. It's kind of hard to blend in if you keep having bright purple, pumpkin orange, and candy apple red in your clothing. But a nice mellow grey is restful and quiet.
Can someone drown in a fountain of eternal life?
Wouldn't that be against the whole reason for a fountain like that to exist? How would the fountain come to be, anyway? Could a violent death maybe even end the fountain, like a desecration? Not that I would want to do that, but the idea of a fountain like this under the control of some evil asshole makes me sick.
So yeah, I think it's possible to die. Just because there is a gift doesn't mean someone will not manage to misuse it.
It's been a long road now, since we've met, and I wonder what's keeping you going through all this ((waves))
What do you have worth living for?
I don't really regret leaving West Harbor, I always wanted something I never found there. I've found and acquired so many things along the way, even things I never really desired like a tumbledown keep. But they are only things, easily broken, lost, or... "acquired" by some enterprising professional. ((grin))
They certainly aren't worth living for, so I guess it comes down to wanting to do things before moving on. Some of those things can never happen now, and others won't, but once this is over I have so many matters I've put off or put aside. Trying to do them all will keep me busy for a long while, starting with kicking the corpse of our opponent
A/N: I agreed with one reader that this was a good idea, and want to thank them for this final closing epilogue. I didn't want to use it before the end as I wished to make the riddles as a whole about the companions' views and keep their KC out of them.