Happily I am over the mild case of Writers block I had when writing the Paris chapter (nothing seemed to flow right.). This chapters got a bit of Chris and a whole heap of Gaila and McCoy seeing as they've not made an appearance in a while.

Illogical fears.

3rd week of April

Although Nyota was not present during the remainder of the two weeks of the April break Spock found it easier to concentrate than he had on previous occasions when she had been away. He put the change down to that wonderful ever-constant flicker of light at the edge of his consciousness. He took advantage of the break to get ahead in some of his duties. With just over a year until the official launching of the Enterprise and five months until she was moved to space dock for a battery of tests Spock began to compile a short list of candidates for the science department. He was given the extra task by Chris of reading through the records of applicants for head of departments and as Chris put it 'weeding out the weak'. Spock took this to mean getting rid of the applicants whose ability tests were in the lowest 30%, those who had shown certain deficits in their psychological profiles and those who had insufficient experience to run their own team. Lastly he made sure to put those who showed the best attributes, had made considerable contributions or showed a constant level of excellence in their areas at the top of the pile. It was part of the memory systems of humans that they stored more information from the first and the latest articles that they read. It was a first officer's duty to 'assist' his captain after all and the department heads would often be reporting to him, incompetence from them would slow the chain of command down and undoubtedly lead to him having to continually check over their work so no grievous errors were made.

With the rest of his time Spock assisted in the botany department. He helped with the gentle process of retrieving seeds from a delicate little plant that had some fascinating medical properties. It wasn't until the third day of working with the little plants that he noticed a rash breaking out before his eyes and rapidly spreading from under his gloves up his forearms. Though he was blocking any discomfort it was logical that he go to the hospital wing for examination in case some unknown toxin was creeping into his blood system.

He entered the hospital wing and showed the passing nurse Chapel the rash. As was to be expected based upon her previous behavior she saw the need to touch his arm above the rash and mutter 'oh you poor thing, you go relax on the bed over there and I'll get the doctor to come over." Spock nodded his ascent and went to stand by the bed she had indicated. He did not feel it necessary to sit, lie or as the nurse had put it 'relax'. After two minutes and three seconds Doctor McCoy approached wearing his usual 'pissed off with the world' expression.

" Hello Doctor McCoy. " Spock said aiming to get the required pleasantries over and done with before the rash reached his elbows. " How are you?"

"How am I?" McCoy answered angrily.

"I'll tell you how I am, I'm shit. I'm meant to have my little Joanna for the week but my Ex pulled some tricks at the last minute and sent her off to god knows where to some camp place."

Spock had been expecting the customary 'I'm fine, how are you'. Obviously the doctor was in some kind of distress and having difficulty controlling his emotions. It made Spock slightly uncomfortable. His discomfort was added too when without warning the doctor grabbed his wrist and poked at one of the larger green bumps on his skin with a needle. The doctor's emotions of loneliness, worry, anger and longing oozed into Spock's mind as a clear white liquid oozed from the pustule.

The doctor winkled his nose.

" Chemical reaction?"

" That would be my assumption, I was in the botany lab working with specimen Re mega 45. "

" I'm supposed to know what that is?"

" It is a..."

"I don't really need to know." McCoy cut him off running a medical scanner over his arm.

"Is Joanna your offspring?" Spock asked, the doctors previous statement had caused him some curiosity about the others life that he didn't usually experience.

"My daughter yes, is it necessary to talk like a robot all the time?"

" I was not aware my speech patterns were in any way comparable to a machine."

" I think it's a build up of an irritant in your system."

" My inability to speak like a sentiment being?"

The doctor gave him a quick annoyed glance. Then pulled a hypo from his belt and pushed it to Spock's neck. There was a sharp stinging sensation but Spock ignored it. The doctor gave a dissatisfied grunt then continued to run his medical scanner over Spock's arms.

" Do you want kids?" The doctor asked not looking up.

" Could this skin irritation in anyway impede my ability to reproduce?"

" No."

"Then why do you ask?"

"Well excuse me for trying to get to know the alien behind the pointy ears."

"You were making a personal inquiry as an attempt at camaraderie?"

"Forget it. I think it'd be best to bypass the dermal regenerator in this case, I've got a cream that'll do the trick, may take a couple of days though."

" The rash does not impede my ability to work. I will avoid the bio-labs for the time being. "

"Good idea."

"As for the personal inquiry, it is not something I have had cause to give much consideration. I believe offspring would be acceptable to me and I may even come to desire them when I am older. Even some Vulcan's say that they find parenting a rewarding experience. I believe social rules dictate once one has answered a personal inquiry they are permitted to ask the inquirer a question of their own."

"You want to ask me a personal question?"

" Not want, as I stated I believe it is allowed .."

The doctor threw his hands up in the air.

" Alright! Alright! I get it!"

"Do you find parenting rewarding?" Spock was unsure why he asked the question, perhaps it was something to do with the growing understanding between himself and his own father.

Something in the doctor's countenance softened slightly. When he spoke his voice was a lot less gruff than usual.

"Yeah, when I get to see her yeah. The moment you first hear that little heartbeat coming over the monitor your life changes." McCoy turned and walked away leaving Spock staring blankly after him. A few minutes later nurse Chapel appeared at his side and handed him a small tub.

" Apply three times a day and avoid soaps, chemicals and tight clothing."

" Thank you Nurse."

" Christine Mr. Spock, call me Christine."

"That would hardly be proper." Spock said taking the offered little tub and leaving the hospital wing.

Spock sat on the bench in one of the little gardens. The fact that Nyota would probably be passing that exact spot on the way from where her transport would have just arrived to her room had nothing to do with his choice to sit there. There was a crowd of newly returned cadets flocking down the path. Spock stood up to see the individual faces in the crowd. When he first saw Nyota he looked down to hide the little smile crossing his face. He walked towards her the crowd parting to let him pass. He walked beside her a couple of paces watching the small smile spread on her face.

"Cadet are you experiencing any discomfort?"

She turned to him and he noticed that she had trimmed her hair.

"Um.."

Say yes.

"Yes."

" I shall take your bag so you do not cause yourself further injury."

He carefully slipped the straps from her shoulder.

" Thank you commander."

"Thanks are not necessary Cadet."

He carried her bag to the student blocks in silence. For once there was not a huge crowd waiting in the foyer so they took the elevator up to her floor. Spock felt a tightening in his stomach as Nyota opened the door to her room, she glanced up and down the hallway and then nodded at him to let him know the coast was clear for him to enter. He followed her into the rather stale smelling room. He placed the bag on the floor as she cracked the window and took a cup into the bathroom. Spock watched curiously as she came back with it filled with water and tipped its contents into her now not so little purple star plant.

" How does the plant survive when you are not here?"

" I buy the warden pizza."

" You can leave it at my apartment in the future."

" Thanks."

She turned to him and raised her arms. Spock stepped forwards and pulled her into a hug. He let out a long breath as he buried his face into the crock between her shoulders and neck his fingers running through her hair.

" Hey." Nyota said.

" Hello."

" You know, being away from you.." She pulled away to look into his eyes. " It wasn't so bad this time."

" It is the strength of our link. "

"It's like you're still with me even when you're not."

He bent to place a soft kiss on her lips.

" That is the essence of being bondmates." He murmured against her lips. She untangled herself from him for a moment and laid on the bed on her side.

He raised his eyebrow and she patted the place of the bed next to her. Spock laid down close to her and they silently entwined their fingers and spent a peaceful half an hour laying together and occasionally stroking their fingers along each other.

"I dropped hints with my parents that we've become close friends." Nyota finally said. Spock nodded.

" How is the baby Akina?" Spock asked knowing that it was a topic that always made her happy.

She smiled and a strange gentle look passed over her face.

" She's talking, she calls me Ni-ta."

"Why does she not call you Nyota?"

"She can't quite manage it yet."

"Ah, am I right in the assumption that her lack of ability to pronounce your name is cute?"

" It's damned cute. You'll meet her at summer." She hesitated. " You will come, won't you?"

" I will come Ni-Ta."

Nyota giggled and ran her fingers along his ears.

" Don't ever do that again."

"Agreed."

She leaned over and kissed him, it was a wonderful warm kiss. He leaned closer to her molding his body to her soft curves. They didn't hear the door open.

"Great."

Spock and Nyota jumped away from each other guiltily. Gaila was stood just inside the door with a wide grin.

" Oh, I've got to do the righteous indignation look that Nyota gets."

" I'm on my own bed." Nyota answered.

Gaila glared in their direction, scowled and put her hands on her hips.

" What do you think commander? Have I got it?"

Spock straightened his uniform.

" I do not believe I have ever invoked a look of righteous indignation in Nyota."

" Perhaps you're not trying hard enough?"

"Why would I wish to invoke righteous indignation in Nyota?"

" Guess it's not at the top of your ' emotions I wish to invoke In Nyota' list."

Spock stood up.

" I do not own such a list. Excuse me Cadets it is time for me to depart." He nodded to Gaila and then turned to Nyota before leaving.

" When you have finished unpacking you may join me for dinner if you wish."

" I'll be there in half an hour Spock."

" I shall see you then."

Last week of April.

Spock watched Nyota as she washed vegetables. She was getting very good at blocking of parts of their link so that certain emotions were not transferred, however at times she did not manage to fully block the link so he could still ascertain her emotional state. He had believed that Nyota had been doing this for his comfort and he was still sure that most of the time that was true. This time though he had the strangest inkling that she was keeping her emotions from him for her own reasons. She handed him the spinach leaves that she had been washing for almost a full two minutes more than necessary. Spock tore the leaves and stirred them into the curry they had been preparing together.

"You are preoccupied."

She shook her head not meeting his eyes.

" It's nothing."

Spock took a spoon from his draw and dipped it into the curry then held it out to Nyota.

" I do not believe you would be worried about nothing."

Nyota took the spoon and tasted the curry.

"It's good, perhaps a bit more salt."

Spock nodded and took the saltshaker sprinkling the slightest amount in. Nyota began to set the table.

" Nyota, I am aware you are avoiding the question." He saw her hand freeze over the cutlery she was laying at the table. Her head bowed slightly but when she turned to him there was a light smile on her face.

" It's just... It's nothing, okay Spock."

He nodded his head slightly; he knew not to push her. He dished out the curry and rice and placed it in front of Nyota. Usually when they ate together Nyota would bring up a topic of conversation and they would talk in numerous languages for the duration of the meal, today they ate in near silence.

"I need to go back to the library and revise for finals." Nyota said when she had almost finished her food.

" I will accompany you."

"No."

Spock felt his eyebrow twitch. Did she really not want his company? She laid her hand on top of his.

" We're not meant to be seen together in public too often, remember?"

Spock nodded slowly, it was logical But still ... She did not want his company. They finished eating and she ached for his plate, he put a restraining hand on her wrist.

" I shall tidy. Use your time productively."

Nyota nodded she bent to kiss him on the cheek before leaving him. Spock placed the used dishes in the sanatisor and went to his meditation room, he was somewhat concerned by Nyota's behavior towards him.

1st May.

Spock looked over the little shop, to him it looked a little un-cared for which didn't speak well of the products it sold. A little bell jingled overhead as he opened the door, a quick glance up told him it was in fact a little bell and not a laser operated micro speaker. It did not surprise him, the owner of this shop disapproved slightly of technology.

A musty smell reached his nose and as he looked around the dim lit room he felt a slight excitement twanged inside him. Books, bound paper books. Rows and rows of them, he judged there to be close to twelve thousand. His finger traced over some of the closest volumes. His eyes flickered over the first twenty titles, he had never heard of any of them. Spock's fingers reached over the top of one of the oldest looking books. He gently teased it out from between two others and rested it in his palms. A shuffling of footsteps came from behind him and he saw a man coming out from an adjoining room. He was gray-haired and thin; he seemed to be close to his century birthday. He wore lose trousers and a green cardigan and little eyeglasses that rested against the bridge of his nose.

"Hello young man."

Spock inclined his head in response.

" Careful with that book it's over three hundred years old."

" I will be careful."

" Were you looking for anything in particular?"

" I am looking for a present for a young lady. "

" A rare young lady if she likes paper books."

" She is indeed a rarity."

The shopkeeper lowered himself into a chair.

" So you aren't looking for a particular title?"

"No. I have not given the gift as much consideration as I should have."

" Well then, feel free to browse."

" Thank you. I believe that my friend has on occasion visited this shop. She gave me a book of Vulcan poetry that I believe could have been purchased here. This is the only shop in the city that deals in rare and antique books."

The man peered over his glasses at him after a minute of looking him up and down he turned his back and headed to the adjoining room.

" So, " He said over his shoulder. "You're looking for a gift for Miss Uhura."

Spock felt a slight shock.

Two hours later Spock was sat in the shop with a pile of books at his feet. He had found several that he wished to read himself but he still had not found that perfect book for Nyota. He took a sip of the tea that Mr. San had given him. They had had some interesting conversations about various books they had both read and Spock had answered a few questions on other topics, space travel, languages he spoke, planets he had visited. had revealed that Nyota had been to his shop three times within the passed year, each time they had sat and drank tea and had introduced her to the old poets.

"Here." was coming from behind one of the bookshelves holding out a thick blue backed book. Spock took it from him and after reading the title ' A tourists guide to Vulcan' flicked through to read passages at random. It was a strange text, one whose existence he had never before considered. It had been written a few years after first contact by one of the first human visitors to Vulcan. He thought Nyota might find the writers' point of view and faux- passes emanating from cultural difference amusing. He looked up at .

"I will take it."

May 10th.

Spock would not allow himself to get frustrated. He straightened the pink paper again. He placed the book and the little box with the silver bracelet he had picked out the day previous on top of the book. He took a deep breath and folded the paper over the top it ripped. Spock scrunched the paper up in his hands. It was slightly satisfying. He reached for the third roll of wrapping paper, he did not understand why he couldn't wrap a present, it ought to have been simple he had very dexterous fingers.

The computer sounded its usual visitor trill.

"Identification?" He asked.

" Captain Christopher Pike."

"Come in." He said with raised voice.

Chris walked in to the apartment, as he was still wearing uniform Spock knew it was not a social visit.

" Hey Spock, I just wanted to collect..." Chris broke off when he saw Spock sat on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to wrap a birthday present for Nyota."

Chris ran his hand through his hair.

"Hau, has it really been a year already?"

"Indeed."

" I didn't get an invite this time?"

" Nyota believes you are a bad influence." Spock explained, though with the way Nyota had been acting Spock wasn't sure if he could figure out her motives at the moment.

"And so it begins."

Spock raised his eyebrow then went back to cutting the wrapping paper.

"I do not understand, nor wish to understand that statement." He answered after a minute of silence.

"I'd give up if I were you."

Spock glanced up, Chris had taken a few steps forwards so he seemed to tower over him.

"The present I mean." He explained at Spock's confused look. " Men cannot wrap presents."

" I know of no physical difference between genders that would result in that affect."

" It's scientifically proven."

Spock fixed his stare on Chris and held it there for a long moment. Chris had a habit of saying things were scientifically proven when they were obviously not, Spock thought it was his way of teasing him.

"And where may I find the details of that study?"

Chris hesitated.

"I forgot but it's somewhere."

Spock had got the paper wrapped snuggly around the gifts, he stuck a piece of adhesive tape to hold it together and the began to fold the opposite two corners only to find that despite his careful measurements the piece of paper he had cut off was not wide enough to properly cover both sides. He looked up at Chris who was definitely smirking.

" If it is indeed impossible for men to wrap present then what do you suggest I do?"

" Get a gift bag."

May 13th

A lonely landscape spread out in front of Spock. Red sand spread out to the light yellow sky, there were no rocks, no shrubs but the lightest of breezes, he breathed in and he could taste the slightest twinge of salt on his tongue as if a few miles from the sea. He felt calm and relaxed. As he sat looking out across the landscape a familiar figure approached him. The figure was wearing a white robe, he sat cross legged across from Spock. Deep brown eyes met deep brown eyes. Spock surveyed his inner self, he looked healthy, healthy and contented.

Spock felt a sudden panic, it was not an extreme panic but as he was in a calm state it hit him hard. The other Spock raised his eyebrow and disappeared.

Spock stood and looked around the landscape trying to see if there was any danger. He turned on the spot and saw another figure, he was 89% sure he knew who the figure was but it's back was turned from him and the long dark hair fell in a curtain around the face. Spock approached slowly, he knelt beside the figure now being 100% sure it the naked form was Nyota. He brushed the hair from her face and her wide eyes staring worriedly at him.

" What is wrong?"

"I'm scared." She said, but it was not Nyota's voice it was the voice of a very small child.

" I am coming, just hold on Nyota."

Spock felt himself being drawn away. He opened his eyes to the dim reddish light of his meditation room. He blew out the candles and headed to his com system he glanced at the clock, it was late but he knew Nyota was still awake.

It took three minutes for the screen to light up with Nyota's tired face. She was wearing her pink flannel pajamas.

They starred at each other through the com screens.

" Nyota, are you well?"

She stared at him and took a moment to long to answer.

" Yeah, I'm good." She gave a little shrug.

" I got the impression that something has caused you panic."

He could see her muscles tense at his words.

" No, no panic. Everything's good."

" You can confide in me Nyota."

She stared silently at her bedsheets for a long moment. Spock could feel the seconds tick away, then the minutes.

" Spock." She said her voice serious. " I do trust you.. Just..not..it's no big deal. When it's a big deal I'll tell you."

"You can tell me the little deals."

" Could you.. Could you leave it Spock."

"You will tell me when it's a big deal?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

" Then goodnight Ashayam."

" Goodnight Spock."

She hesitated for a moment then turned as if speaking to somebody out of view of the screen. Spock reminded himself that at that time of night Galia was probably in the room and maybe even asleep.

" My apologizes to Gaila for calling so late."

"It's okay. I love you." She said, her tone a little sad.

The screen went blank, Spock let out a little sigh. Why did he feel like Nyota was drifting away from him?

14th may.

Gaila opened the door for Spock, he gave her a short nod and walked in he could hear the shower running then it stopped he heard a few padding footsteps.

"Nyota's still in the shower." Gaila said.

" I had deduced that. How is the revision for your exams?"

" Oh, don't ask. I don't want to think about it."

" If you have any questions about your modules you can message me."

"Thanks commander. I just have one."

"Yes."

"What's on the exam?"

"Was that statement meant to be humorous?"

Gaila smiled at him. The smile quickly faded.

"Uh look commander." She said in a whisper. " Nyota, well she's not really in the celebratory mood tonight. I kinda had to force her into going out for an hour."

" I am aware of her emotional state."

Gaila looked at him oddly then shook her head.

"Empath thing, I got it. Well I was just saying be gentle with her."

"I am always gentle with her cadet. But I am glad for your concern."

Gaila shrugged.

"Hey, you're not the only one who cares about her."

" Indeed."

The bathroom door swished open and Nyota stood before them in Jeans and a white sweater, it looked perhaps a little overly casual considering Gaila was wearing a short silver dress and Spock had put on his waistcoat. She had bags under her eyes and when she smiled at him it was a weak smile. He wondered if at any into during the evening they would get a chance to be alone and he could kiss those tired eyes and perhaps get that little smile to shine a little brighter.

"Happy Birthday Nyota."

"Thanks Spock." She walked forwards and kissed him on the cheek. He held his little silver bag out to her and she gave another weak smile.

"You didn't have to."

"Social rules dictate.."

She held her hand up to stop him.

"Thanks Spock."

He nodded once. She put the little bag on her desk next to two other parcels he assumed were also gifts sent by friends or family.

"Shall we go then?" She asked.

Spock and Gaila both agreed though somewhat half heatedly. Spock watched Nyota carefully as they walked to a little pub off campus, her gait was fast as if she were trying to distance herself from them but her shoulders were slouched as if extremely weary. Gone were the confident graceful strides he had first noticed two years ago in Africa. Nyota did not speak much as they walked but Gaila kept a steady monologue going about previous occasions she had visited this particular establishment. Spock found it difficult to keep up with all the names of different men she mentioned during that monologue.

They sat down and after the fewest amount of words possible were spent Spock was at the bar ordering an orange juice for Nyota, sex on the beach for Gaila and a root beer for himself. When he returned to the table Nyota and Gaila were talking quietly, their conversation stopped the instant he sat down.

" Commander." Gaila turned to him, she seemed less uncomfortable around him than she usually did and Spock put it down to having spent sufficient time around him outside of the teacher-student situation.

"I heard there was another new planet discovered."

" Yes, it has been assigned the name Tao45 x3."'

"Catchy."

"Initial surveys suggest it has a good supply of residian ore."

"Does it have life forms?"

"Yes, in insect form."

Gaila shivered slightly.

"Do you have a problem with insect forms of life?"

" Only when they're gigantic."

" That is a relative term."

" Nine foot mosquitoes." Gaila said as if by explanation.

"There has been very little description of the forms of life in the preliminary reports."

"Tad'si's planetary sods law."

"I have never heard of this."

"There are always nine foot mosquito's." Nyota answered. Spock raised an eyebrow and she continued.

" Tad'si's sod law is a list of twenty jest laws that federation cadets put on their walls. Whenever anything goes wrong you say 'Tad'si's law."

" There are always nine foot mosquito's is number 20." Gaila added.

"Number five the captain and the first officer will always be kidnapped at the same time."

"Number eight The most attractive aliens will never be the gender you think."

"Number twelve, androids always want to be living beings."

"Number fifteen if an alien steals your body they will always have sex with your significant other."

"Number nineteen, Just when you think things can't get any more complicated another you from a different dimension will show up."

"All these things are highly unlikely." Spock said.

"It's humorous." Nyota replied. There was silence again as they sipped there drinks. Gaila was starting to look bored then suddenly she smiled and stood up to wave. Spock turned to see who had attracted her attention. McCoy was stood in the entrance he waved back and headed to the bar.

"Did you invite Doctor McCoy?" Spock asked Gaila.

"Yeah, but he wasn't sure if he could make it."

McCoy came over and placed a bottle of wine and four glasses on the table. Then bent to kiss Nyota on the cheek Spock found himself clenching his fist.

"Happy birthday Uhura."

"Hi Len, thanks for coming."

McCoy shot Spock a look as he sat down.

"Mr. Spock, it's rare to see you out with the cadets."

"This is only the third time I have been invited out by cadets since my own graduation, on two of those occasions I have attended."

" Both Uhura's birthdays. "

Nyota looked at him for a long minute before speaking and when she did there was still something unusual in her tone.

"What was the third?"

" I believe I was asked out on what humans call 'a dare'."

"Now why would they do that I wonder?"

McCoy said as he started to pour out four glasses of wine. Spock saw Nyota shooting him an annoyed look.

" Apparently I am considered intimidating and unapproachable by some."

"I used to think that but not anymore."

"Thank you Miss Gaila."

"Now I know you're just a big softy."

There was a snort of laughter from McCoy and Spock was glad to see a small but true smile grace Nyota's lips. It disappeared for a second when McCoy placed a glass of wine in front of her and was quickly replaced with a fake one as she thanked him. He also saw the quick knowing glance that passed between her and Gaila.

"So uh.. Your sister couldn't come this year." McCoy asked. There was a collective tension around the table as he asked about the sensitive subject.

" No. She couldn't."

"Shame."

"Yeah we all know how much you 'enjoyed' her company last year." Gaila answered. Spock caught the implication.

"You had sexual relations with Nyota's sister?"

McCoy choked on his drink.

"Watch your mouth!"

"Spock, Len is a gentleman." Nyota said quietly.

" The young lady threw herself at me." McCoy said awkwardly glancing at Nyota. It was obvious he didn't know that there was nothing that could lower the esteem Nyota had for her sister any more than it had already been.

"But she was drunk so I left her at the door to her hotel. Not that there would have been anything wrong with it, I am divorced."

"It's okay Len." Nyota said. " I know what my sister can be like."

They sat for a few more minutes talking about revision techniques. Then Len excused himself for a few minutes, during that time Gaila kept a running monologue about exam stress. She was so distracted that she reached out and drank Nyota's glass of wine as well as her own.

A little under two hours after they arrived Nyota said she was feeling tired and Gaila replied she too was feeling a little sleepy. Spock was a little surprised as he could usually sense Nyota's tiredness but she had been quiet all evening so perhaps she really was tired. The evening had been nothing like her previous birthday, Nyota did not seem to be having fun and even Gaila was a little more withdrawn from usual. They had all walked back to the campus together then split up to go to their own rooms. Spock had briefly touched his fingers to Nyota's before saying goodnight. He was surprised when McCoy started walking side by side with him.

"Doctor."

" I'm in block D."

Spock nodded block D was behind the staff apartments.

"What's up with Nyota?"

" I do not know."

"I thought you were close."

Spock didn't comment.

" I know Vulcan's kiss with their fingers."

Spock stopped walking and turned to face the doctor.

" I should inform you that if you plan on making a complaint that It is not a kiss in the Human sense of the word and therefore not against the rules."

" The way you're continually watching her, making sure she's safe and alright."

"Doctor.."

"I don't think you're going to hurt her, I don't think you'd ever let yourself do anything that might even result in causing her pain."

"You are protective of Nyota, you disliked me when you thought I would cause her pain. Now you think I will help protect her you seek to make a connection with me."

"She's a friend Spock, now I don't expect you to understand a dammed thing about friendship but at least accept that when us emotional human's feel friendship for each other they become slightly protective as well."

Spock raised his eyebrow.

"I will have to take your word on it doctor." He said before walking away.

May 16th

She had come to him, she had not come to him in the previous Saturday and he had missed her skin and her teasing fingers and watching her sleep. After making love she had fallen asleep in his arms and he had lain awake watching her for several hours, she was so peaceful her face lacking the little worry line between her brows that had been a permanent feature over the last two weeks.

He kissed her neck gently before allowing himself to sleep. A hand tugging at his arm waked him suddenly, he moved it immediately and felt the cool presence beside him move. As his head cleared he heard the quick padding of feet and then the swish of the door. The next noise made him jump out the bed he ran to the bathroom to see Nyota sat in front of the toilet retching into the bowl. Spock knelt over her and gathered the hair around her face and held it back as she retched once more. She coughed and tried to take a couple of deep breaths.

"Water?" Spock asked once he thought she could manage without him for a minute. She nodded her head and he ran to the kitchen and filled a glass of water. When he returned to crouch next to her he felt a deep dread in her, he handed her the water which she slowly sipped and wiped a tear from her face with his thumb.

"I'll call Doctor McCoy."

"No." She said panicked looking up at him.

"You are ill." Spock said confused.

"I'm fine, just... I tried the Orion option today."

" Even so, you should see the doctor." Spock said standing up to make the call.

"NO SPOCK!" She shouted. Spock froze, she had never shouted at him before. He turned to stare at her; the tears were running freely down her face as she looked down at the floor.

"I just, I just need to go sleep in my own bed." Her voice trembled.

Spock nodded slowly.

" Can I.. Can I use your shower first?"

"You know you do not need to ask."

Spock watched her stand up, flush the toilet and turn on the shower.

" I will be in the bedroom if you wish to talk to me Nyota."

She nodded and he left her as she stepped into the shower. Ten minutes later as he sat on his bed going over various things that could be causing Nyota's bout of sickness he heard her coming out the bathroom. When she walked into the bedroom she was still crying softly.

"I'm sorry Spock."

" Human's often get emotional when they are ill."

"And I'm just human." She gathered her clothing from where he had folded them before sleeping and started to get dressed.

"Nyota, I accept your apology but still I suggest you see a doctor."

"How about a compromise. If I am still feeling unwell tomorrow I'll go to the hospital wing."

Spock nodded though he was not content with the answer.

" Very well, if I do not see you in lecture tomorrow I will ring to check your condition has not worsened." He watched as she finished tugging her jumper on, he wanted her to stay but knew that once she had made up her mind she very rarely changed it. Instead he started getting dressed to walk her home.

May 18th.

Spock was writing a reference for an ex- student when he felt a sudden gut wrenching panic, he found himself doubled over gasping for breath. The room span and he wondered if he would collapse or throw up or possibly both. It took him two minutes to regain his regular breathing and heart rate. The moment he had control over his own body he knew where the panic had come from. The strong link in his mind seemed some how frayed but she was still alive, still well as far as he knew. He rushed over to the com link his fingers trembling as he typed in the code. Gaila answered, her face displayed some worry.

"Uh commander."

"Where is Nyota?"

"Umm.." She looked to the left, towards the apartments bathroom. " I don't think you can talk right now."

"Gaila has something happened?"

Her eyes flickered worriedly to the left again and she bit her lip.

"I really have to go now Commander."

"Gaila tell me she is uninjured or I will have to bring a doctor to your room."

"She's not injured Spock, she just..." Her head snapped to the left and Spock heard the murmur of speaking but even his ears couldn't pick up the words being said though he knew who was saying them. Nyota was there, but she didn't want to talk to him. The realization made him feel sick again.

Nyota? He reached out to her with his mind.

No Spock, please.

The voice was small and upset; it made his chest hurt a little. He knew he did not have any choice, it was a moral law that you could not access somebody's mind without their permission. He gently backed out of her mind and felt it closing off to him as he did so. She was setting up barriers so that he would only gain the lightest impression of her emotional and physical state.

"Sorry Commander, It's .. It's girl stuff." Gaila said looking at him with pity.

He nodded slowly. He did not know what 'stuff' one gender and not the other could only talk about but he had to respect her privacy. She would run further from him if he pushed her for information at the wrong point. He had to wait for her to come to him, even if it caused him mental discomfort. It was a little comfort to him that she had Gaila with her he knew that the girl would take care of her. Chris had made the right choice after all.

Spock nodded slowly.

" She knows that I am here if she wishes to talk later."

Gaila nodded.

"I'll remind her for you."

"Take care of her Gaila."

"I will."

" I am grateful to you."

The Comlink shut down. Spock decided that the reference could wait. He's emotions were boiling inside of him, battling to get the surface. He left his office to go meditate.

May 25th

Spock gave his lecture with precision and perfect pace but as he spoke he was always perfectly aware of Nyota's mood and facial expressions. She had not been to his apartment in over a week. They had not spoken except a few brief phone calls. Exams started in a week and for the first time in two years she was not listening to his lecture. She showed signs of sleep deprivation and he knew she was still nauseous as she was sipping at a bottle of water and she had never had water with her in lectures before, even during the heat wave the previous year.

For the last week he had found it hard to concentrate on his work, he was preoccupied with the idea that Nyota was ill. He had been meditating for much longer than usual to rid himself of his illogical fears that she would leave him. His mind had come up with many different imaginary situations where she was dying from an illness or that she had found another lover and wanted to leave him. For some reason the meditation was not working to stop these illusions. He knew the only way was to get her to talk to him, to tell him what was really wrong.

" Revise well. Class dismissed, Cadet Uhura stay behind please."

He saw her hesitate as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

Okay Kipenzi.

She walked down the stairs towards him and waited as he packed his PADD's. Spock looked nervously around making sure the last of his students had left then he laid his hand gently on Nyota's shoulder, desperate for the reassuring contact.

" You were distracted from your lesson today." He said in the smallest whisper.

" Your anxiety has been steadily increasing, I can feel it. Please Nyota, if I cannot directly help then maybe I can comfort you."

Spock saw the tears in her eyes as she looked down at the floor. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze he could feel her worry and wondered for the first time if she was keeping her worry from him as it would affect him in some way. Her eyes flickered to the side, looking over his shoulder instead of directly at him. She sighed and straightened her back with resolve. Spock was hopeful, he thought that she would finally tell him what was wrong and together they could begin to deal with it. He was her bondmate, it was his duty and his honor.

After several deep breaths Nyota finally meet his eyes with a cool determination.

" I'm late." She said seriously.

Spock let his hand drop away from her shoulder. He felt his heart sink at her words. He looked away from her and let a little sigh escape his lips.

" Very well, You may go Cadet."

He said letting her leave for whatever appointment she had that was more important to her than confiding in him.

Nyota starred at him a moment her mouth slightly open in shock, her eyes turned hard and she turned her back on him walking out of the room with quick and heavy steps muttering something about pointy ears impairing brain functions.

Spock sat in one of the chairs and rested his head against his palm for a moment. Nyota's behavior had seriously confused him, they had been so happy and open with each other in Paris and then a month later something panic's her and she shuts down part of their link and begins avoiding him. He knew she kept having instances of dread and worry and confusion and he knew she had been having some stomach problems and some sleepless nights. Then today, he really thought she was going to tell him what was causing her so much concern and she just say's she's late and acts surprised and angry when he tells her she can leave. Her behavior is a complete mystery to him.