Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: As you know, I try to honor requests. Several wanted this, so I thought "why not"? I hope you are okay with the way I did it, because I had to be sensitive about the situation.
Chapter Thirty-Four: Truth Serum
Albus was alerted to Harry's waking at nine the following morning. He peaked in on the boy, but saw him and Ron opening presents. He assumed Harry would be all right, so he went downstairs.
Breakfast was enjoyable, though Harry hardly ate. He kept glancing at Albus, while wondering how many other people knew of what he had done. As Molly was clearing away dishes, Snape flooed into the kitchen.
"Ah, Severus, good." Albus said. "We have just finished here."
"If I may have a moment of your time now-"
Albus nodded and stood. He and Severus went into the sitting room and took places in chairs facing each other.
"I think we should give Harry a mild truth serum."
"Whatever for, Severus?" Albus asked, bewildered.
"To give him an extra nudge; it will compel him to be honest with us. I would not recommend one as strong as Veritaserum. When that is used the drinker goes into a trance. The one I sometimes use on the Slytherins allows them to stay focused and aware. It does not put them in a daze as Veritaserum would. They understand that they are being compelled to speak the truth, but remain able to analyze what they are saying. They can still ask questions and have conversations rather than only being able to give answers to things asked of them. I find it very helpful when dealing with personalities like Harry's."
Albus considered this, then asked "I thought you said I needed to be supportive and not judge him. Doesn't feeding Harry a potion to force the truth from him oppose those goals?"
"If he is willing, no. Albus, we need to know if he was just overactive in his cutting last night or if it was an actual suicide attempt. We can be sure with this method. If it was attempted suicide, he will need therapy." Severus answered simply.
"And if it wasn't?" Albus asked.
"Then he needs to know he mustn't cut that viciously again."
"Do you have this potion with you?"
"I do."
"Very well." sighed Albus. "I will go get Harry."
Albus returned a few minutes later with the teen. Albus sat again, and Harry sat beside him.
"Harry, we have some questions to ask you that it is imperative for you to answer truthfully." Albus began as he glanced at Severus.
"We want you to be comfortable with this as well." continued Snape. "Would you be willing to take a mild relaxant that also has a drop of truth serum in it?"
"Don't you believe me without it?" Harry asked.
"We do, Harry. This would just ensure that you are more relaxed while speaking with us." answered Albus.
"Do you think it is a good idea?"
"Yes." answered his guardian.
"You won't ask me things that will get me or my friends in trouble, will you?"
"You have my word, Harry." Albus said seriously.
"I- I guess it's okay, then." Harry said, but he was very doubtful.
Severus drew out a vial and placed three small drops on Harry's tongue. After a moment, Severus did the same to himself. Harry was shocked.
"What are you doing, Professor?"
"I am showing you the same courtesy of being honest." he answered.
"Harry," Albus asked, half fearing the answer to what he was about to receive, "did you try to kill yourself?"
"No." answered the teen.
Albus audibly sighed and Severus looked very relieved.
"You do realize what you did last night is unacceptable?" asked Severus.
Harry looked away. "I thought you understood."
"I do." answered Severus. "That is why I have consistently urged Albus to not demand that you quit. I realize it is not that simple or easy. However, you can not risk what you did last night."
"It's not a big deal. I told you I would have been fine this morning."
"How do you know that?" asked Albus.
"I've done it before."
"You have injured yourself that badly before?" asked Severus.
"Yes, a couple of times. I always felt horrible for the rest of the day, but I recovered the following morning."
"Why were you so upset last night?" Severus pressed.
"I killed Kreacher."
"So? He helped kill your godfather. Why do you care that he is dead?" Severus asked.
"You're a Death Eater. You wouldn't understand that some people can't stand the thought of killing anyone, even something as vile as Kreacher." Harry answered.
Severus yanked up the sleeve of his robes on the arm not covered by the Dark Mark. On it were over two dozen deep scars.
"One for every person I killed serving the Dark Lord." Severus said, answering the puzzled looks he was getting from both Harry and Albus.
As Harry looked closer, he could see smaller scars littering Snape's arms.
"How- how long have you done it?" Harry asked.
"Since my second year at Hogwarts."
"Did my dad and Sirius drive you to it?" Harry whispered, dreading the answer.
"Partially. Other factors weighed heavily on my self-injury. You already know of the less than perfect relationship I shared with my sister and my parents. Lucius was four years ahead of me, and he also had a role in this. Not to mention the fact that I was an awkward child, which did not help matters either."
"Harry, I am not expecting you to stop automatically. I would greatly prefer it if you did not need to, but I can accept it." Albus spoke up. "I cannot, however, have you going as far as you did last night. Why did you not come and talk to me?"
"I didn't think you would want me to. I had killed another living creature. You had talked so much about the need for revenge that I was afraid you would think I did it on purpose."
"One only had to see the look on your face when you learned of Kreacher's demise to know you did not want this." Albus answered. "There is nothing that you could ever do that would make me less likely to help you. Surely you must know this by now."
"I do." Harry responded. "It's just, when I get so overwhelmed with feeling, it's hard to stop and think. Once I have cut, it gets easier. It's like I can be rational again only after I have released some of my feelings."
"That's quite natural among people who self-injure, Harry." Snape reassured.
"Do you honestly think I may never totally quit?" Harry asked him.
Severus thought for a moment before answering. "I don't know, Harry. Some people do stop once they reach adulthood. Others carry on their entire lives. You will just have to wait and see. It will greatly depend on future events in your life."
"Do you still do it?" Harry asked.
Bound by the truth serum he had taken, Severus had no choice but to answer truthfully. "Yes."
Snape chanced a look at his employer to see how he had taken this news. Albus appeared calm. It occurred to Severus that through their discussion yesterday, he may have already known that it was something he still did.
"Why- Can I ask why you continue to do it?" Harry asked, not wanting to force Snape into revealing anything he may not want to.
"Yes."
"Why do you still do it?"
"I have killed people. I have, on occasion, raped people." Severus wasn't worried about Albus hearing this part. He had been forced to confess all of his sins to the headmaster the night he turned from Voldemort. "I allied myself with the Dark Lord during his first rise to power. That means I am partially to blame for all the damage he did then, and continues to do now. While my spying may relieve me of some of my guilt, I will never be able to make restitution for all the lives I destroyed. You can not imagine the guilt this knowledge leaves me."
"Severus," sighed Albus. He knew the young man carried guilt over his crimes, but he had no idea just how deeply it ran.
"It is fine, Albus." Severus answered. "I brought it on myself by not resisting him while I had the chance."
Harry stood and began pacing. He had recently picked up the habit when he was very nervous. As he was walking to the window, he noticed figures moving in the street below. Figures that were dressed completely in black robes.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Lots of love to you all. To answer a question I was asked a couple of times, I am in the E.S.T. zone in the U.S. That means I am prolly anywhere between 7-12 hours behind most of you, unless you are in other parts of the U.S. Then I am 1-3 hours ahead of you. Please keep up the great reviews. I want to hit two hundred by chapter 40, if possible (sad puppy dog eyes). I should be close to two-thirds done with this story by then.