Chapter 35 Disagreement

"Knives…" Blue whispered, carefully treading in between the sleeping forms of her family.

"Coming woman." He whispered back, leaning towards the wall and turning the light out.

Quietly, they made their way upstairs to their bedroom, entering and closing the door behind them.

Before Blue could do anything else, Knives had grabbed onto her, kissing her as he pushed them towards the bed.

She smiled into his mouth. Her head hitting the pillow as her husband lowered himself on top of her, mouth never leaving hers.

He pulled back to look at her, a grin on his face. "You have no idea how long I have waited to get you alone today."

She chuckled, placing a kiss to his nose. "You could have just pulled me upstairs…"

His eyes held a bit of surprise, his grin widening. "You wouldn't have minded? I thought for sure you would be all embarrassed. That thought crossed my mind many times today."

She laughed again. "Well, it is our house, after all…we can do what we want, right?"

His eyes narrowed, grin still in place. "That's right! So when I get this urge tomorrow…" he trailed off seductively, kissing her neck.

Blue closed her eyes, feeling her body reacting to his touch. "You'll let me know, right?"

He stopped briefly, nodding once. "Right."

Blue grinned again, allowing her husband to continue.

"Goodnight woman…" Knives breathed as he felt sleep overcome him.

From her place beside him, Blue reached out, touching his arm. "I love you Knives."

"I love you." He responded sleepily ad Blue let her eyes drift shut, feeling as her heart rate returned to normal.

She lay on her back for a few moments before opening her eyes again. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the darkness. Her body felt very tired, but her mind was turning, and she knew sleep would be a long time coming.

"I still need to tell him…" she thought sadly. In all of the mess that had transpired over the last few weeks, Blue had completely forgotten to tell Knives about her birth control.

All at once, she felt her anxiousness double. She hadn't taken the pills now for 3 weeks. And she still felt terrible for not revealing that fact to her husband. How would he react now? How would she start that conversation?

"Um, honey? You know how you said you didn't want children? Well, I decided I did and stopped my pills."

She snorted quietly at the utter ridiculousness of it. She should have never stopped taking them in the first place…

She shook her head. "It's too late for that now." All that could be done was to let him know and beg for his forgiveness.

She rolled to her side, a small smile on her face. Knives would forgive her…

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Knives woke to the sound of Blue groaning in her sleep. He turned to face her sleepily, eyes closing again as he reached out to her forehead. He smoothed away her hair, noticing that her head was damp and warm, like she was running a fever.

"Blue… he spoke her name softly.

Her only response was to groan softly again, eyes scrunched in what looked like pain.

He sat up, concern on his face as he took in her appearance, the light of the moon shining down and lighting their room enough.

She looked upset, like she was hurting, her teeth clenching and unclenching. It was uncharacteristic, as she rarely, if ever, got sick and he shook her lightly. "Blue…wake up woman." He said a little louder, trying to rouse her.

She began to shiver, her teeth chattering lightly and he reached down to pull the white sheet up over her. He froze.

A large red pool of blood stained the sheets crimson around her thighs and his eyes widened.

"Blue!" he called out, shaking her with more force.

She snapped her eyes open and he could clearly see the pain she was in, tears beginning to leak down her face. "Knives…it hurts so bad…" she bit out, trying to control the tremors that wracked her body.

He leapt up, bending down quickly and carefully, picking her up in his arms.

"Where…are we going?" she wheezed as he opened their door and headed down stairs.

"To see the doctor on the ship." He said, his voice giving away the worry that was running through him.

He continued down the stairs, flipping the lights on as he went. That earned groans of protest from his family and Meryl sat up slowly, blinking, her hair disheveled and messy.

"Knives…?" she called out in wonder as he kept walking towards the door, Blue in his arms.

"Brother, what is it?" Vash was on his feet now, wide-awake as the others struggle to stand.

"It's Blue. I'm taking her to the doctor."

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"Brother…stop pacing. It's not helping." Vash said quietly as he watched his twin roam restlessly about the front of the laboratory.

Knives let out a long sigh, closing his eyes as he tried to get a grip.

"What happened Knives?" Meryl asked gently, trying not to upset him further.

"I don't know. I woke up to her in a fitful sleep. She started shivering, so I went to cover her with her sheet. That's when I noticed the blood…" he trailed off, mind wandering into the different possibilities.

"Blood?" Shiori asked worriedly.

Meryl stayed quiet. She had seen the red liquid dripping from Blue as Knives had carried her, and she felt concern pooling within her belly. What was wrong with her dear friend?

"Did she get injured in the battle?" Vash contemplated.

"I don't think so…and if she did, why would it appear 3 days later?" Tasuki added and Knives nodded.

"My thoughts exactly."

Meryl stared at her hands, an inkling in the back of her mind. She hoped she was wrong. Did it have something to do with the fact that Blue had stopped taking her pills? Maybe her body was reacting to that…

Knives's eyes snapped to the door as the doctor came out slowly, shutting it behind him. The short bald man looked up at Knives, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Is she ok?? Can I go in??" Knives nearly knocked the man out of the way but he held up a hand, stopping Knives in his tracks.

"Wait a minute young man." He said, reaching up and scratching his nose briefly.

"Is she ok doctor?" Meryl stepped forward, concern etched on her face.

He nodded. "Physically, yes. Emotionally, I'm not so sure." He said, almost gravely.

"What the hell does that mean? What was with all of that blood??" Knives was becoming impatient now and the doctor looked at him sadly.

"I'm afraid to tell you that she has had a miscarriage."

The entire group's mouths dropped, Knives's the farthest, as his words reached their ears.

"A…miscarriage…?" Knives breathed, feeling a wave of nausea sweep over him.

"She was pregnant?" Meryl said, shocked, feeling tears rise to her silver eyes.

"I'm afraid so. With twins, it seemed." The doctor nodded his head slowly.

"Why did she miscarry?" Milly asked.

"I suppose it was due to the sever amount of stress put upon her body these last few weeks. She was about 3 weeks pregnant." He told them and Knives sat heavily in the chair outside the door, a blank look on his face.

"Oh my Gods…" Meryl said softly, images of their battle with Keith flashing through her head. "She fought with him too…and she did use a lot of energy then and after…when saving Gunsmoke…"

"How could she have been pregnant? She was taking pills…" Knives said softly, to himself as his eyes sat unfocused.

Meryl felt her tears begin to slide down her face in utter sympathy for her friends. She put her face to her hands, knowing there were some rough moments ahead for the both of them.

"Actually my boy, judging by the tests I ran, she hadn't been taking them for about 3 weeks. There was no sign of the medication inside of her." The doctor said quietly, beginning to leave.

"Doc, wait. Is she going to be ok?" Vash called.

The doctor nodded. "Just give her some time. You can go see her now. I will be back later to administer some more medication to help her body return to normal."

Vash watched the doctor go before turning his attentions to his brother. "Knives…" he said softly.

The twin didn't look up, his unfocused eyes staring straight ahead.

"Come on guys…" he said, staring to move forward.

"Vash, don't we want to go see how Blue is doing?" Meryl asked in concern and he shook his head, indicating to his brother.

"Let's leave them alone for now…we can come back later…" he said and her eyes lit in understanding.

As they herded themselves down the narrow hallway, Meryl stopped and turned to Knives, who hadn't moved. "Knives…just know that she loves you…she was so afraid to tell you…don't be too hard on her for it…she needs your support right now."

She waited for his reaction briefly. When there was none, she sighed, turning and heading in the direction of her family, leaving him alone.

Knives sat for a good while, his brain unable to process what he had been told. "She was…pregnant?" he breathed in shakily. He didn't know how to react to that. Was he angry? Was he sad? Was he…happy at the prospect? And the fact that she had lost the babies…how did he feel about that? He really didn't know. He almost felt numb, unsure of how he should be reacting.

"She needs your support right now…"

Meryl's words echoed in his mind, seemingly snapping him out of it a little. He stood slowly and turned to open the door. He stopped, leaning his head onto the wood, eyes closed. What would he say to her?

He stood straight again, turning the knob and pushing the door open. He walked in and shut the door quietly, staring straight ahead at the bed to the back of the room, by the window.

Blue lay there, eyes cast out the window, dried rivulets of tears on her cheeks as they glowed in the light of the moons. She didn't bother looking at him, or bother hiding the pain on her face as he came closer and sat on the chair next to the bed.

"Blue…" came his soft gentle voice and her eyebrows furrowed heavily, tears beginning again. She still couldn't look at him.

He looked down, trying to search for the right words. "Blue…I'm so sorry…" he said quietly. When he looked up, she was looking at him, her tears glistening in the soft light.

"Knives…" she said, her voice choked.

The sound of her being so isolated and unsure made him want to reach out and pull her to him, to ease her fears and loneliness. But, he refrained for the time being.

"Why Blue?" It was all he could ask.

She clamped her eyes shut. "I…wanted us to be happy…" she whispered.

"I was Blue…with you…" he said in return and she shook her head.

"I wasn't…"

Knives's mouth fell open as the cold reality of her words hit him like a ton of bricks. She hadn't been happy with him? At all??

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he said, the slightest amount of irritation in his voice and she felt her defenses rise.

"Like I could Millions Knives! What was I supposed to say? I know you don't want them, but I have decided to have them anyways? Like it or not??"

"It would have been better than lying to me about it!" he said a bit heatedly, trying hard to keep himself in check.

Blue's eyes burned with anger and sorrow. "Who says?? You wouldn't ever even consider it, so what other choice did I have??"

He stood abruptly, fists clenched. "You could have respected my decisions and left it at that!"

"Oh yeah? How selfish is that reasoning?? So, you don't want them, I do, and since you don't, that's the end all be all of it??" she ground out, her tears still coursing down her face.

"That's right woman! What I say goes!" he said defiantly and her eyes widened briefly before they narrowed in utter anger at her husband.

"I don't think so, Millions Knives! And if you are going to keep that attitude, you might as well hit the road! I am a free woman! I always have been, and no one- I mean no one"- she pointed at him and his eyes widened- "Will ever take that right from me! Not even you!"

Her angry words echoed throughout the small room, the tension so thick you could cut through it.

Knives's jaw clenched and unclenched, the anger and hurt flowing through him. "I can't see how you are the one who is so angry. I was the one you lied to." He bit out.

"Yes…and I was the one who had to make the sacrifices so that you didn't have to!" she yelled and he stopped, blinking.

"Sacrifices?? What sacrifices woman?!" he yelled. He just couldn't understand it.

"Maybe I never would have married you had I known you didn't want to have a family! Knowing that you wouldn't give me children!" she cried, her anger dissipating, replaced by intense sorrow as she shoved her head into her hands, crying uncontrollably.

His jaw dropped again, eyes wide with shock as he registered her stinging words.

He was utterly speechless. What could he say to such a statement?

"I can't do this…" Blue choked, looking around the side of her bed for the garbage can. Knives numbly watched her reach for it, heaving into it over and over.

When she was done, she all but dropped it back to the floor, wiping her mouth.

They sat in silence for a time, Knives staring dazedly at her as she cried, her body quaking uncontrollably.

After a time, Blue began to calm, but her tears didn't cease. She didn't meet his gaze, staring at her feet at the end of the bed.

"Blue…if that's what you really want…I will go…" he whispered, feeling the lump in his throat growing by the minute, tears threatening to spill from his blue eyes.

She shook her head, clenching her teeth. "You stupid man…can't you see how much I love you?"

He shook his head as well. "Not right now…"

"Can't you see that all I want is to share in something like that with you? The man I love?" she asked again and he bowed his head.

"I'm sorry Blue…I don't think I can give you what you ask…"

"Then perhaps you never loved me the way you thought you did." She said dully, turning onto her side, her head facing away from him.

He stared at her again, shock on his face. "How can you say that?"

"How can you ask me to sacrifice something like that Knives? Something that has always been so important to me?"

"And how can you ask me to give something that I have never thought possible? I would be terrible at it!" he cried and she sat up in a hurry, eyes blazing with anger.

"You don't know that! Damn it Knives! Sometimes…you are such a coward! Sometimes, I wish I could scream at you to get over your selfish fears and MOVE ON!" she turned to him again, yelling and he flinched, shrinking back in the slightest as she continued her tirade. "That's what it is! You realize that, don't you? It's because you are so scared! I have been nothing but a support to you these years, helping you to move up and passed these things. But, stubbornly, you refuse to move passed this! And I will never understand it!!"

He clenched his jaw tightly. "And how could you?? You didn't have to go through what I went through!"

"No, but that doesn't mean I can't sympathize with you over it!" she retorted and he shook his head heatedly.

"Well, you're not being very sympathetic now, are you??"

She threw back her head, laughing loudly, the tears pouring down her face. "Knives! I just –had- a- miscarriage! Or have you forgotten that?! I was carrying your children! And now they are gone! And have you even tried to fathom what it is I might be feeling right now? Now who is being unsympathetic??!" she all but screamed and he stepped back.

He stopped short, feeling his anger beginning to melt away. She was right. He was being totally and utterly selfish, all because of his own pathetic fears. And, he was hurting her deeper than he could have ever imagined.

"Blue…" he let out, feeling his tears fall freely now. "Please…understand…" he begged.

"I can't anymore Knives. I love you…more than my life itself. But, I know I will never be happy without being able to know the joys of a family." She said firmly and he felt as if she had just sealed their fate.

"Do you…want me to leave?" he said quietly, brokenly.

She didn't answer for a time, building her courage. "Yes Knives…"

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"Knives?" Tasuki questioned sleepily from his position next to Milly on the couch.

The plant came walking through his door, head bowed, an air of indescribable sadness about him.

"Brother? How's Blue?" Vash was sitting in one of the chairs next to the couch along with the rest of the group, waiting for any news on their friend.

Knives stopped, eyes still cast downwards and Meryl narrowed her eyes lightly in concern. "Are you ok?"

Tasuki stood, coming to stand by his friend's side. "Hey…what's going on man?" he coaxed almost gently and his eyes widened when Knives leaned forward slightly, resting his head on Tasuki's shoulder.

"I…can't do this…" Knives breathed, his whole frame beginning to shake.

"Knives, you can tell me what's wrong…" Tasuki said and Knives began to heave with sobs, grasping onto his best friend tightly, eyes still buried in his shoulder.

Tasuki placed his hand to Knives's back, patting it slowly, eyes wide as he glanced to Vash.

"Its ok man…go ahead and cry…" Tasuki whispered and Knives heaved again, crying a little louder.

Meryl's eyes softened. "He must really be hurting…"

Vash nodded slowly, still completely surprised at Knives's blatant display of weakness in front of them all. He has seen him upset before…seen him cry…but not like this.

"Maybe I should go see Blue…" Meryl stood.

"I'll come too." Milly jumped up as well, followed by Shiori.

"Can I…?"

Meryl smiled, nodding.

"I'm sure she would appreciate it."

The three women headed out the door, leaving their men behind.