Disclaimer: I does not own. I does not want to. Would be shite if I owned. XD

//This is Parseltongue.//

Italics are… not necessarily noted by Harry. Some he does, others he tries to ignore or he blocks them out. It generally says if he isn't ignoring the thought.

This shouldn't be excessively confusing, but you aren't supposed to get everything. Don't worry.

Into the rabbit hole we go! Expect the unexpected, and know that this isn't, like, some odd change in plot. The HPLV will be back pronto!

Paraselenic

Oneirataxia // inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality

Harry groaned as he awoke, peering blearily at the empty corridor. What in the hell had just happened? Something about this place didn't feel right; something was off about it. He rose into a crouch, slowly backing himself against the stone wall. He was rather sure he was somewhere in the dungeons, judging by the low ceilings, but he had been in enough of the lesser used halls of Hogwarts to know not to discount his current position as being anywhere in the school.

How had he gotten there? His mind was blank for the last hours -- suspiciously so. He last remembered reading over one of the latest blasts at Dumbledore, hiding his face in Hermione's shoulder as he snickered helplessly. He also recalled leaving the grounds to see Tom, but nothing beyond that. But he was in Hogwarts now, that was sure. The aura of magic was unmistakable, even if the pounding of his head made the feeling dull.

He clenched his fists at his sides, straining to hear any signs of life. There was nothing. This was rather rare, as his senses usually allowed him to distinguish the heartbeats all around him if he so chose. With hundreds of students in Hogwarts, there was hardly ever a time that he couldn't sense people near him. He was either deep in the bowels of the castle or… He attempted to cast out his aura when a harsh tug stopped him, painful and choking. His fingers flew up to his mouth to verify what the sinking feeling in his gut had already foretold.

He was human.

Harry jerked his hand away as if it was burned, green eyes round. Harry slid up the wall and clenched his hands against the rough stone of the wall. Human. He was human. How could this be? Harry felt as if he couldn't breathe; the loss of the senses he had become to accustomed to over the years feeling like the loss of a limb. His breathing sped up, the throbbing in his head reaching a painful crescendo.

All at once memories assaulted him, memories Harry knew weren't his.

His sixth birthday-- getting his first broom as a beautiful redhead… his mother?… watched on with tears in her eyes. Remus supported her on one side, also watching sadly.

Eight years old, dancing at a ball with a young Nymphadora Tonks-- his toes aching from every time she trod upon them.

Eleven years old, his Hogwarts letter arriving-- his mother, Remus, and a gorgeous man that could only be Sirius standing around him with wide, proud smiles.

Eleven again, being sorted into Gryffindor the second the hat touched his head-- a confident grin splitting his face. His mother applauding on her feet from the staff table.

Halloween that same year, visiting his father's grave with his mother-- she wept so long, her breathing harsh as she gripped the soil. A decade had passed since his death and still she could not move on.

Thirteen now, sneaking with Neville to the kitchens-- Ron was a prat and, when they were nine, had broken a snitch that had been Harry's father's. Harry had yet to forgive him.

Fourteen, Pettigrew sneering down at him with wand in hand, the Killing Curse on his lips-- only for Harry's magic to strike out in his panic, destroying his parents' betrayer.

Fifteen, with laughing grey eyes of the strange, tranquil Sirius-- his godfather had become so much more to him that anyone could imagine and knew him better than anyone else in the world.

His sixteenth birthday, his arm wrapped around the waist of Ginny Weasley-- a sunken feeling was in his stomach but he ignored it with a false swagger and boisterous laugh.

His life.

This was his life.

His perfect life…

Harry broke the trance and sputtered, eyes casting around him with a wild look to them. What was going on? Where was he? Who was he?

Harry. He was Harry.

Yes, Harry. Harry Potter. …But what Harry was he? Was he Harry the Chosen One, sixth year benevolent and loved child of Lily and the late James Potter? Or was he Mylläkkä, twenty-six year old vampire and partner to Voldemort? Did he grow up in a loving home with his mother and dual godfathers, or did he spend days at a time in a dusty cupboard?

Harry groaned and fell to his knees, fingers reaching up to thread through his hair. The pounding increased.

He was… he was Harry, damnit! Mylläkkä to some, Harry to most, Pet to Valerian, Loçkë when Tom was groggy enough. His parents had died when he was a baby, Sirius had not been so beautiful and calm-eyed even in life, and he most certainly was not dating Ginny Weasley. He liked men, damnit!

But no. His mother had been on an urgent errand the night Voldemort had attacked. James Potter had given his life to save his son. Harry had grown up pampered and loved, Sirius his closest confidant and his mother the most beautiful woman on the planet. He was Harry to all, Luv to his mother, Snidget to Sirius, Cub to Remus. Being gay was wrong and he most certainly liked women. He had to. He was the Savior of the Wizarding World.

Harry screamed and tore at his hair. Dual sensations clawed at his chest, tugged at his mind and made it seem to be stretching in several directions. Light and Dark, human or more, leader or weapon, content or sly. He was all of them and yet none, his mentality twisting around and in on itself in an effort to be put to rights. But what was the correct way? Was there a correct way?

As darkness overtook him, the last thing he saw was the billowing black robes that could belong to none other than Severus Snape. His last conscious thought was hysterical and inane, the crack of those robes the last thing he heard. He really needed to get Severus to teach him how to do that.

Harry groaned as he awoke, the brightness of the ceiling blinding him. The Hospital Wing, without a doubt. He pressed the tips of his fingers into his eyes and cursed.

"Language, Mister Potter."

He didn't need to open his eyes to recognize the owner of the voice. "Stop being mean to me, Severus."

A soft laugh and the hand was being pried away, familiar dark eyes looking down with a sardonic arch of an eyebrow. "If you have joined us now, Mister Potter, I have a potion that should rid you of your headache."

Harry sighed and sat up a bit, accepting the goblet and plugging his nose with his free hand. Severus snorted as Harry swallowed the potion and pulled a face. "Could you make those any more disgusting?"

"I'm sure I could if I tried. Would you like to be my guinea pig?"

"Aw, mate. Don't encourage the old bat."

Harry leaned to see behind Severus, grinning as his best friend came into view. "Neville, save me! Severus is trying to poison me!"

"I think the thought of what your mother would devise in retribution is enough to stay my hand."

Harry wondered at the painful jolt in his stomach as Snape spoke, at the flash of green behind his eyes. He ignored it and turned back to Severus. "My god, man, have you no balls? Back me up here, Neville."

Neville gave an easy grin and shoved his hands into his robe pockets. "Harry, I've seen your mum in a rage. I think I'm with Severus on this one."

Severus smirked as Harry laughed, his headache fading enough to feel human. "What happened? Why am I here?"

Serious now, Severus ran his wand over Harry's body. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Erm… telling Ginny I'd meet her at the gates for Hogsmeade? That was after breakfast, wasn't it?"

"Nothing else? That was hours ago, Harry. How in Salazar's name did you end up in the dungeons?"

The headache, barely faded, roared back to life and Harry gripped his temples. "I don't bloody know!"

Severus frowned at whatever the Diagnostic spell was telling him. "You don't seem to have any injuries beyond a bump on the head from hitting the ground. You were screaming bloody murder, though. Is your scar bothering you?"

Harry shook his head.

"Hmm," Severus looked a bit wary, but he shrugged a shoulder. "In any case, you need to go down and see your mother. She'll have my hide if she doesn't find out about this soon…"

Harry thought Severus had continued, but the headache was roaring behind his eyes once more. Images cycled too rapidly to focus on any one, but Harry got the overwhelming feeling of wrong and clenched his teeth.

"…You'll be taking this potion now and one more in an hour, and if that doesn't entirely knock out your headache… Mister Potter, are you listening to me?"

Harry jolted. "Oh, uhh, yeah."

"Harry…"

Harry looked to Neville for help, but the brunet backed away with his hands up. "Sorry, Harry. I'm not getting in the middle of this."

"Sorry, Severus. The headache is distracting, and I don't seem to notice how far away I go when it picks up."

"I have a few more potions for you to take, in that case."

Harry groaned and pulled the sheet over his head, Neville laughing in the background.

Harry's breath caught as he rounded the corner, eyes on the most lovely woman in the world. Lily was singing and spinning, the Wizarding Wireless echoing through her classroom. A school friend of hers was the afternoon witch in charge of the playlists, and years before Lily had gotten her to begin integrating old Muggle songs in. It had caught on and was taken well by most wizards, so it had stayed a tradition.

"Oh pretty baby, and if it's quite alright I need you baby, to warm the lonely nights…"

She wasn't much of a dancer, something he had picked up from her. He remembered countless afternoons in the kitchen, cleaning up with his mum and being spun in circles, often creating more of a mess than making progress. But it was fine, because in those moments Lily had been happiest, throwing the weight of the world from her shoulders and forgetting responsibility.

…But no. He remembered nothing because there was nothing to remember. Lily Potter had died before he could ever make memories with her.

Harry paused, a chill running down his spine at the disturbing thought. Where had something like that come from? Harry shook his head and pushed the thoughts away, watching his mother with a grin. Her hair was usually kept around her shoulders, but she had let it grow a bit over the last few years. It brushed her shoulder blades as she danced and made a beautiful halo when she spun.

"You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much. My long lost love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive, you're just too good to be true-- Harry! What are you doing hiding over there?"

Harry sniggered and walked through the doorway. "Watching you make a fool of yourself, Mum. Do you always dance with the door open?"

Lily blushed hotly and looked away, and Harry watched her hands plant themselves on her hips. "Harry James, don't make me take you over my knee. You aren't too old for it."

"I daresay that it is not his age he is worried about, Lily."

Harry smiled over his shoulder at Severus and shrugged. "It happens to every child. Seeing their parent go senile…"

Lily was glaring now, but Severus was ignoring her as well and nodded sagely from his side. "It is a pity, really. It always seems to be the better looking ones…"

"Severus!" Lily finally broke into laughter and came toward them. She threaded her fingers through Harry's hair and leaned up to kiss his cheek, before turning and pressing up on her tip-toes to give Severus the same welcome. "Well now, two of my favorite men in the world. What brings you boys here?"

Harry squirmed suddenly and took a step back, cringing as a sneer moved over Severus's face. "Your son was found unconscious in the dungeons."

"What?!" Lily was on him in an instant, hands patting at his sides and examining his face. "What happened? Were you attacked, Harry? Did you faint? Is there any damage, Severus?"

Severus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, reclining against the doorway. "The brat is sure he doesn't remember what happened and has been having odd moments of vacuity, but he is otherwise unharmed. There was no evidence of a spell cast and his scar is unaffected. I honestly have no idea what happened."

"Oh, Harry. You don't remember anything that might be of use? Don't frighten me like this, luv! I couldn't bear it if something happened to you…"

"Mum, I'm alright. I'm sure I just fainted or something from not eating enough. I've been a bit busy these last couple of weeks; Hermione's already started us on a NEWTS regimen and is forcing me to deal with Ron every day. And Ginny's being demanding, and we moved on to a rough patch in Defense…"

The sight of Lily's eyes filling with tears made the words die on his lips. He knew his excuses didn't fool her, and it was only making it worse. He sent a pleading look to Severus, begging him to help him. He knew, as her best friend, Severus could probably calm her down a lot better than he could. His mother was nutters sometimes.

"Lily," Severus said in a tone that Harry felt was too gentle for the man… but he spoke that way to Mum all the time, didn't he? Harry shook his head and watched as he approached and gently pulled on Lily's shoulders until she detached her hold on Harry. She turned immediately and sobbed into Severus's chest, his expression pained as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

Harry shifted in place awkwardly. His mother had always been terribly overprotective. Since James's death, Harry had become her world. Any small thing made her feel like she had failed him, like she had failed James somehow. Harry hated to see her break down like this, especially over something so relatively small.

One of Severus's hands moved to thread through red hair, and Harry could see his grip tightening. "Harry is fine, Lily. So long as I breathe, nothing will happen to either of you. I swore this to you years ago, and I've never let anything happen, have I?"

Her head shook against him, and Harry breathed out in silent relief. Severus was connected with his mother in a way he would never understand, and they had been through more together than Harry thought he would ever know about. As Severus smiled down at her, Harry wondered, not for the first time, just what was between them. He wondered what might have become of them had James lived, or if James had never been between them…

"Harry luv, don't you have a date with Ginerva you should be getting to?"

Harry jolted and closed his eyes, fighting off the dull nausea that sprung up. Was he nervous? That was silly, considering he had been dating Ginny for a year now. Harry sighed and smiled at Lily. "You're right, Mum. I'll see you later, okay?"

Lily nodded and pulled away from Severus, and Harry fought to ignore the brief flash of pain in the man's eyes. It seemed wrong, all wrong -- a flash of Severus, older looking and with a glare unlike any of those he used on the students now. Hatred and loathing, yellowed teeth bared -- but Harry would not feel guilty, he would not let the painful surrealism enclose over him, he would not wonder…

A kiss to his cheek and a soft hand tracing his jaw snapped him out of the strange state. "Be safe, alright?"

"I will."

He left before he could become any more confused.

Ginny leaned against one of the winged boars' pillars, jaw set and usually warm eyes narrowed. Harry slowed as he approached her, a hand reaching up to sheepishly ruffle his hair. "Hey Gin… I'm really sorry about being late…"

"You'd better be! Do you know how cold it is out here? I've been waiting for an hour, Harry. An hour. We've missed our reservations at Madam Puddifoot's by now."

Harry sighed and tugged at a wayward strand of red hair, much more fiery than his mother's dark shade. Ginny continued glaring but took the cue to step forward, allowing Harry to wrap his arms around her. "I really am sorry, Gin. Severus isn't sure what happened, but I was found unconscious in the dungeons."

Brown eyes widened and Ginny's hands clutched at his Gryffindor scarf. "What happened? Did someone attack you? A Slytherin I bet… but I'm sure you showed him what happens when you mess with Harry Potter, didn't you? Or was it the Dark Lord? Does your scar hurt?"

Harry sighed and spared a small moment to bemoan the women closest to him. Between his mum, Ginny, and Hermione, he'd never get a word in edgewise. He nudged at her side and took her hand, smiling and pulling her through the gates and down the snowy road to Hogsmeade. "Gin, it wasn't like that. We don't know what happened, and Severus said…"

A scowl dipped over Ginny's face. "I hate that man. How you can stand talking to the Greasy Git like that is beyond me, Harry, and I am sorry but I just can't stand him."

Harry was quiet, if only to keep himself from snapping. There were a good many traits he loved about Ginny, but her bigotry -- abhorrence unadulterated, fists clenched in fury. Hate for the greasy bat, hate because he was hated for a father he'd never know -- wasn't one of them. Just like her prat of a brother, she refused to give Severus a chance because he was a Slytherin. Hogsmeade was just coming into sight when he thought he had the calm to answer her. "Yeah, well, I've told you hundreds of times that he is a friend of the family and very important to us. I know you don't really like him right now, but you'll get used to him."

"Every time I see him he has to make snide remarks about my family! I won't be getting used to him."

"That is just how Severus is, Ginny. He snips at us too, but we know he doesn't mean anything by it."

Ginny sniffed and broke the connection between their hands. "I'm going to go see if I can catch up with Romilda. If you're ready to stop being a jerk, Harry, I'll see you at dinner."

Harry glared at the ground as she walked away, curling his toes and swallowing hard. He raised his eyes to look down the road to the main street of Hogsmeade, before shaking his head and turning right, skirting the edge of town and making his way towards his sanctuary. The buildings thinned on the outer ring of homes, leaving room for the bare expansion of the years. He aimed for the too-bright monstrosity of a house that was surely the village eyesore, and a smile overcome his gloomy mood as he hopped the low gate.

The perimeter wards would have alerted his arrival, so Harry wasn't surprised when the front door was swung open. He laughed even as he hit the ground, over five stone of canine settling on his chest. "Urg, bloody hell, Sirius! Gerroff!"

Five stone of dog became fifteen stone of man, a wide smile stretching his face. "Now Snidget, I know we taught you better than to speak like that."

Harry raised an eyebrow and shoved Sirius's shoulders. "Yeah, well, I think getting flattened by your furry half should let me get a few swears in."

Sirius stood and laughed, holding down a hand for Harry to use to pull himself up. "I wasn't talking about the swearing, I was talking about that annoying garbled nonsense. I know we raised you better than that."

Harry pushed at Sirius's chest -- filthy, matted hair hanging to his elbows, waxy skin stretched over the bones of his face and chest and hands -- propelling him toward the door. "Ha bloody ha, you great git. Now come on and let's get inside, your house is blinding me."

Sirius flashed him a crooked smile and started for the door. "You always pick on my poor house."

"You painted it red and gold. Bright red and gold. I think your Gryffindor obsession is a bit consuming…"

Another bark of laughter and they were settling at the kitchen table, a set of tea bobbing through the air towards them. "I'm just showing my house pride. Why not let my house extend to my… err… house?"

Harry snickered and added some milk to his tea, trying not to watch as Sirius tried to fill his cup with sugar cubes.

"Heard the news from Remus yet?"

Harry looked up from his morbid fascination with Sirius's over-sugaring. "What's that? I haven't heard from Remus since school started."

"He might be keeping it a secret, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. Tonks is pregnant!"

Harry's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "So soon after the wedding? Merlin, Remus works fast, doesn't he?"

Sirius grinned and kicked back in his chair, pulling his tea up and sipping it contentedly and watching Harry over the rim. "So, Harry, what brings you here? I thought you had your date with Ginny today and you weren't coming 'til tomorrow?"

Harry stared into his cup. "That was the plan."

"Well? What did the bint do this time?"

"Sirius, I know you don't much like her, but please don't call her that. I lo--" Harry broke off as images flashed before his eyes, thoughts of blinding pleasure and short dark hair brushing his cheek, of serene moments in sated bliss with arms and legs wound around him. He heard the whisper of a drowsy voice in his ear, calling him something he didn't recognize. The intoxicating taste of sweat on skin, murmurs of possession and need. How could he compare the mediocre affection he had for Ginny to something as consuming as that? He couldn't compare anything in his life to that…

"Snidget! Harry, are you alright?"

Harry groaned and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I-I'm alright, Sirius." It took him a moment to notice he was horizontal, and realized he must have come out of his chair during the flashes of images. He shook his head and met sober grey eyes. "I'm fine now."

"What happened? You just trailed off and got a glassy look to you… then you fell out of the damned chair! Tell me honestly, Harry…"

"It's nothing. I got a knock to the head this morning and have been feeling rather out of sorts since."

Sirius looked ready to protest, but Harry pushed himself up and put on a strained smile. Sirius sighed. "Alright. But let's go sit in the back, okay? Fresh air might do you good."

Harry allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and led to the back porch, an exasperated sigh, fond though it was, leaving his lips. He sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a family that didn't cosset him -- dark and cold, sneezing from the dust that continually stirred around him -- and act like he was frail. He was thankful for his loved ones… but it didn't make it any easier to feel his age when he was continuously treated like a child.

But as he settled on the divan and curled under Sirius's outstretched arm, his irritation fell away. Sirius had been his best friend since he was a child, only closer as he'd grown. No one understood him like his godfather did, and he didn't think anyone… not Neville, not Ginny, not anyone… could ever mean as much. He sighed and lifted his cooling tea.

"What did she do?"

Harry grunted. "Nothing. She has problems with Severus, and you know that bugs me…"

Sirius laughed and tightened his arm. "Snape isn't the easiest guy to like, Harry. If not for your mother, I think none of us would get along with him."

"You think? Severus isn't that bad… he's just a bit prickly."

"You didn't know him before," Sirius grumbled, shifting in his seat. "And besides, your mother raised you to be accepting. Not all parents did, and Slytherins aren't widely loved, as you well know. And, well… your mum wouldn't like me telling you this, but I don't like the idea of protecting you from the truth. Your dad and I didn't get on with Snape when we were in school."

Harry scrunched up his nose. He'd always known Sirius and Severus weren't very friendly, but he hadn't really thought about why. Surely it couldn't be -- a young Severus laying on the ground, snarling up at two young men with their wands drawn and malicious smirks on their lips -- that bad. Harry felt his stomach drop out as Sirius continued, looking out at the Scottish landscape.

"We were… cruel, Harry. Not to say your dad wasn't a great man and my best mate, of course… but we were teenagers. Times were dark then, and Slytherin was tantamount to evil. We… well, Snape was easy."

"Do I want to know what you did to him?" said Harry softly, lips pursing as a flash of skinny legs and graying pants flashed across his vision.

Harry felt Sirius shake his head. "No, I wouldn't like that. You don't need to have bad feelings towards any of us, and Snape gave as good as he got. But my point was, without Lily we'd all likely still have gaps between us, might even hate each other still. I've come to understand a lot over the years, but I know that without Lily, I'd be shit. Your mum is a special lady, you know."

"Don't I ever."

It was said so sarcastically that Sirius laughed in loud guffaws, his second arm moving to wrap his godson in a great bear hug. Harry wheezed as the air was crushed from him, but he was released soon enough and looking up into clear grey eyes, soft with emotion. "You're a good kid, Harry. James woulda been proud. Don't worry about House rivalries and all that… it fades away after school's done. You've only got a year and a half to go!"

"If I live that long."

Sirius froze and his serene smile melted away. "Don't think like that, Harry. You know you have the power necessary to defeat the old snake… we all know you can do it."

Harry shook his head and smiled wanly. "I know it too… it just gets hard to remember sometimes. We'll all be happy then, yeah?"

"I promise you that, Snidget. On all that is magical."

"Oh, look who it is."

Harry gritted his teeth at the unwelcome voice, glaring over his oval frames at the redhead. "What do you want, Ron?"

His dormmate was standing with a rather ratted scarf wrapped around him, Seamus Finnegan to his left. "You had a row with Ginny. Again."

"You're not her watchdog, Ron."

"She's my sister, and you're just a full-of-yourself-prat who doesn't deserve her! What is it this time, huh? Did she forget to tell you how great you were this morning?"

Harry reddened and made to retort, but a scream from farther up the road caused the three boys to spin towards it, any thoughts of petty bickering dying on their lips.

Ice flooded Harry's veins, and he stared in abject horror at the fiends before him. Tattered robs encased the source of fear itself, pain quickly rising to the surface and smothering all the tranquility Harry's visit with Sirius had managed to invoke. Screaming continued and people were running every which way, but the demonic beings were swooping towards them and Harry couldn't move a muscle. Cold cemented in his bones and he was torn between screaming himself and curling into a ball.

"What is that?!"

"Oh Merlin, we've got to get out of here!"

Harry heard Ron yelling, heard the pounding footsteps as both he and Seamus ran back towards Hogsmeade. It managed to break him of his shock, but the fiends were too close now, and circling to cut off his avenues of escape. He darted to the left, taking his last opening and running as fast as he could towards the Shrieking Shack. He knew better than to believe the stories surrounding the place, and he was sure that if he could get inside he would be able to use the tunnel to get into Hogwart's wards. And the fiends were only after him, it seemed, as they all floated at disturbing speeds after him.

His energy drained and the will to curl up and never move again became stronger. He could feel himself lagging back, could feel the specters gaining on him. Harry let out a dry sob as he collapsed, air thinning out and stealing his breath.

A putrid scent accompanied the robed fiends, and they were close enough for Harry to see their grasping hands, grey and scabbed and with a wet look to them. They were advancing and it hurt and Harry wanted more than anything in his life for them to be gone.

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead…"

The screams filled his ears while a worn man falling back with surprised eyes filled his vision. Somehow he knew it was Mum and Sirius, a latent knowledge that he couldn't put together. The volume of her screams increased, filling his ears with pleading screeches.

"Not Harry! Please… have mercy… have mercy…"

The fiends had paused now, only one continuing toward Harry. It was the tallest of the group, its frock more moth-eaten. It bent toward him, gnarled hand lifting to its hood, and Harry's arm rose of its own volition.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Harry's last vision as he fell was of a silvery apparition, a jungle cat with its ears back and snarling as it leapt. Harry's last thought was that he was fainting like a bloody girl lately.

"He's waking up!"

Harry wanted to bat at Hermione, grumble that she was stating the obvious. But he felt lethargic and heavy, unable to even pry open his eyelids to meet Hermione's undoubtedly worried look.

"Back away, Miss Granger. Hovering isn't going to make Mister Potter stop making a scene on the ground any sooner."

The voice was familiar -- "It's time you learned the difference between life and dreams, Potter." -- and Harry cracked open green eyes. "Professor?"

A sneer greeted him. "Hello, Mister Potter. If you would so kindly remove yourself from the ground, we need to see the Headmast--"

"Harry! When did you learn the Patronus Charm? That was phenomenal! I can't believe you never told us you knew it, I demand that you teach me to do it as well…"

"Miss Granger, if you would kindly shut up, there are more important things than the flashiness of Mister Potter's spell work." Harry's eyes adjusted to the light and he watched the blond straighten. Cool grey eyes were boring into the side of his face. In his perpetually smooth tone, Lucius Malfoy managed to sound both derisive and logical as he spoke. "Though I must comment that the Patronus has never been a part of my curriculum. Did one of your… guardians teach you?"

Harry's nose wrinkled as he thought, trying to piece together what they were talking about. He finally sighed and began attempting to sit up, looking to Lucius with a confused expression. "What is the Patronus Charm?"

The speculative gleam in Lucius's eyes brightened, and all Harry could wonder about is when Professor Malfoy had become Lucius in his mind. He swallowed back a squeak as the man gripped his forearm and roughly 'helped' him to his feet. Hermione was at his side in a moment, shooting badly masked glares toward her Professor. "Harry, the Patronus Charm is a powerful spell for repelling Dementors. You know what Dementors are, don't you? How can you not know what the charm is when you used it?"

Harry narrowed his eyes at his friend and shook off her hands. "I'm fine, Hermione. And of course I know what Dementors are…" he paused and swallowed, "but I just didn't know what they looked like 'til now. A description in a book doesn't do them justice."

"Indeed, Mister Potter. Now, we need to vacate this area before the Dark Lord catches wind of his failure."

Harry was stunned as he was dragged towards the Hogwarts gate, Hermione twisting her robe sleeves and worrying her lower lip as she hurried to keep up. Quickly the truth of his situation was made clear as he realized that the fiends - Dementors - had been sent by Voldemort. It should have been the foregone conclusion for his mind to come to, but he had been too busy running for his life to even attempt to put together the 'why'.

"A panther, Harry. It was really quite impressive. How can you not know the spell you cast? That is a very high level spell, you know. Many adult wizards can't even perform it… but, well, you are Harry Potter, so I suppose the difficult is child's play to you by now. But Harry, it was magnificent! I wonder what the others will think of this…"

Hermione continued her worried babbling, but Harry tuned her out. She would go on about the uses and history of the spell for ages at this rate. Harry turned away, watching Luc--Professor Malfoy's hair sway as he strode along, regal even as he dragged Harry behind him. The thought caused him to look down, heat creeping up his neck as he realized that his professor was still dragging him along by the arm, fingers surprisingly warm even through Harry's robes.

"Harry! Harry!"

He turned just in time to catch Ginny, who was breathing like she had run a mile. He felt his professor's hand slide from his arm. "Gin?"

Her fingers were clenched in the material covering his chest, her breathing hitched. "Oh Harry, I heard you were attacked. I'm sorry I was so short with you this morning, I can't imagine how I would have felt if something had happened to you…"

"Calm down, Ginny," said Harry. "Everything's all right now, isn't it?"

Chilled lips connected with his, and Harry placed a hand on the back of her neck and returned it. The kiss was desperate and somehow reassuring, and Harry realized just how in shock he must be. He hadn't even thought he needed to be reassured, but the familiar body pressed against him and the feel of Ginny's hair between his fingers caused some tension to fade from his shoulders.

"Mister Potter, I will not wait much longer. Your… friends can make their way back on their own."

Ginny looked ready to argue, but Hermione's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Of course, Professor Malfoy. Come on, Ginny."

The redhead harrumphed but nodded, swiftly brushing her lips to Harry's before stepping away. "I'll see you in the common room, alright?"

Harry nodded and jogged to catch up with Lucius's strides, already feeling colder as they left the girls' presence. "Professor? Are we going to Professor Dumbledore's office?"

"Where else would we be going, Potter?" Lucius sneered, dropping the polite façade. Harry felt a swell of irritation that he stamped down. This man had a reason to hate him, a reason to consider him his bane.

"I'm sorry, Professor. I just wanted to start a conversation."

"I have no will to converse with you, Potter."

"Ugh!" Harry planted his feet and glared, waiting for Lucius to turn and raise a brow. "When are you going to let it go, Malfoy? I'm sorry, alright? I've said it a million times, what more do you want from me?"

Pink began spreading across the regal nose, and Lucius's face hardened. "Apologies will not repair your incompetence, nor will it bring my son back to life. I have no wish for your Gryffindor regrets."

"I was twelve!" Harry exploded, fists tightening in too-long restrained fury. He walked jerkily forward to stare up into grey eyes, mouth set in a firm line and jaw quivering. "It was your own damned fault for being a Death Eater, and your own fault for raising your son to be a spoilt brat. If he had had half a brain he wouldn't have stolen the diary from Ginny in his jealousy! What in Merlin's name makes you think that it could possibly be okay to pin all your mistakes on a child?!"

A fist wrapped itself in his robes, yanking him flush against a fuming Malfoy. "You will not speak ill of my son again. He died because you didn't care that a Slytherin was in danger! Some Savior you are!"

Harry reached up without realizing he was doing it, gripping Lucius by the collar and pulling him down to eye level. "You are mistaken if you believe I will sit here and let you speak this way to me, Pretty. Your ineptitude is not my problem. That you had the gall to pin your hopes on a twelve year old is not my problem. That you were too much of a coward to come forward before it was too late is not my problem. So do the world a favor and shut the hell up already."

Just as quickly as the cold rage had gripped him, it released. Harry found himself stumbling back with wide eyes, staring at his own hand before lifting his head to meet the twisted snarl of Lucius Malfoy. "Detention, Potter, for improper address of a professor and for insubordination. You will be at my classroom at eight tonight with your toothbrush; the flobberworm guts are still latched on in places from when we practiced Blasting curses two weeks ago."

Harry nodded quickly, too shocked to protest as a hand wrapped around his bicep and yanked him none too gently forward.

"And, you ungrateful little whelp, if you say another word between here and Dumbledore's office, I will show you what being a Death Eater taught me."

He had no response for that.

His arms were loosely wrapped around her waist with his back to the wall, soft curves pressed against him chest to thigh. He shivered as Ginny's fingers carded through his hair, manicured nails raking his scalp. Her tongue was demanding as she attempted to devour him, body squirming against him as she attempted to force herself closer.

One of her legs slid to the side, leaving her straddling one of his legs. She moaned softly into his mouth and Harry felt his grip tighten around her waist. It was natural reaction, as was the half-hard erection Ginny's hip rubbed against. But therein lay the problem.

Kissing Ginny was warm. It was comforting, it was familiar. But kissing Ginny was little else. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy it, by any means. Harry loved kissing her. But he had a feeling there should be more to it than warmth. The boys in his year went on about having to wank after making out with their girlfriends. They described surges of heat through their bodies and a fierce need. Harry could only seem to feel the barest beginnings of these feelings.

The thoughts made him queasy, and he didn't fight it when Ginny broke the kiss to trail butterfly kisses down his jaw. His stomach rolled as flashes of half-remembered wet dreams flashed before his eyes, a hard body pressed against him, into him, making his back arch and his teeth clench…

"Harry?"

Harry broke his thoughts and panted, staring down into bright brown eyes. "Yeah, Gin?"

Her fingers moved from his hair down the side of his face, tongue reaching out to flick his upper lip. "Hermione told me how brave you must have been, fighting Dementors and casting high-level spells…" Her fingers went down his neck and rested for a moment over his chest before fluttering over his side. "I wish I could have seen it. You're always so impressive when you take control."

Harry's breathing caught as her fingers trailed over his hip. The anticipation was arousing in and of itself, but panic overwhelmed it quickly as he snatched her hands. "I-- I have to get to my detention, Ginny."

Annoyance flashed through her eyes as she stepped back, but it was quickly masked with a sultry look. "Later tonight?"

Harry swallowed. "Yeah. Later."

"Come in, Mister Potter."

Harry opened the door to the Defense classroom, still buzzing with a disturbing mix of arousal and self-recrimination. Why couldn't he just be normal for once in his life? He was the prophesized Savior of the Wizarding world, for Merlin's sake! He needed to get over whatever weird stage he was going through, defeat Voldemort, have three perfect children whom he would love unconditionally with his beautiful wife. It was what was expected of him, it was what he expected of himself.

He was broken from his daze by a cool voice. "Mister Potter, I hope you brought your toothbrush."

Harry hadn't, of course. He only had one and he wasn't great at Transfiguration. He made his face as blank as he could. "I'm sorry, sir, I must have forgotten."

Lucius scoffed and narrowed his eyes, a hand waving imperiously toward a stack of cauldron-like things. They had placed the flobberworms inside them and practiced the Blasting Curse in a controlled way, and the disgusting little things had exploded spectacularly. "No magic. There is a scrub brush in the bucket. You will stay here until you have finished."

Harry gritted his teeth but gave a jerky nod, forcing himself toward the mess. He scrubbed for what felt like hours, seething as he realized that the days spent drying had adhered the guts to the walls of the cauldrons. Without enough water to soak them his task was nearly impossible. But he scrubbed nonetheless, sitting on the floor with his upper body arched into the things to reach the bottom. He ignored the steady litany of snide remarks that Lucius made, hoping to retain his sanity long enough to be sent away. It wouldn't do to be stuck with more detention because he snapped.

"What a lovely place for you, Mister Potter. I daresay there is no place you deserve to be more than doing menial chores at my feet."

Harry ignored the rage building in his chest.

"Such a diligent worker. Have you considered working in such a field when you leave Hogwarts? I am sure your talent wouldn't go to waste, Mister Potter."

Harry hissed out a long breath through his teeth.

"Not even half done yet? Mister Potter, I'm disappointed. I thought with your obvious talent in the field of scrubbing up waste that I might be getting to bed early tonight. No matter. I don't mind a sleepless night, if only to watch your lovely work."

Black tinged the edges of Harry's vision as he seethed.

"You should consider work as a house elf. You really have the talent to go far in the field."

"Would you bloody well belt up already?!"

Lucius's mouth snapped shut audibly, and Harry stood from his place on the floor, dusting himself off and sneering at the man behind the desk. "I am so tired of your shit. Report me to the Headmaster, I don't care. I'm leaving."

Harry felt the magic zing through the room, and recognized the feel of a locking charm being put into place. "I think not, Potter."

"Let me out, you oversized peacock!"

Harry didn't even see him move. The only thing he knew is that he was no longer standing alone, instead shoved against the cool stone of the classroom wall with a hot body pressed into him. Lucius Malfoy had a smarmy grin on his face, belied by the flat chill of his eyes. "Ten points from Gryffindor for insulting a professor. Five points from Gryffindor for language. Twenty points from Gryffindor for ordering a professor around. Five points from Gryffindor for not following sound advice. Shall I continue?"

Harry wanted to say that the shivers running through him were rage-induced, that the undoubtedly glazed expression on his face was from being so utterly pissed off that he couldn't concentrate. He wanted to pretend his breathing hadn't hitched as the body pressed against him, wanted to deny the resurgence of his arousal to new heights.

But he couldn't. He couldn't deny because it was undoubtedly happening, and Malfoy had noticed. "My, my, Mister Potter. Isn't this an interesting development." A slow grind of hips made Harry's heart stop in his chest and his eyes dilate. Cool breath fanned against his neck and a chuckle vibrated through Lucius's chest. He spoke in a whisper. "What would the world think to know this? Their precious savior, not so perfect."

Harry's mind came back to him and he clenched his fingers around Lucius's shoulders shoving away with all his might. But Lucius had several inches on him and leverage to boot, and he wasn't budging. Harry's breathing became harsh as he panicked. "Get off of me, you arse! Get off, get off, get…"

Lucius did, stepping back and smoothing down his robes. He didn't bother disguising the wicked smirk that stretched his lips as he raked Harry's body with his eyes, resting on the arousal his school robes didn't hide. "An interesting development indeed."

"You sick bastard, if you tell anyone…!"

"What will you do, Potter?" Lucius flipped him around, shoving his face into the stone and curling his body to Harry's back, long blond hair tumbling over their shoulders. "Will you tell them of how I lured you to my classroom and took advantage of you? Will you add your state of arousal, your shame? I have nothing to lose, boy, so try me."

Lucius released him abruptly, and Harry slid down the wall with his cheek to the stone as Lucius retreated to his desk. "Get out of my classroom and out of my sight, Potter. Next time I will not release you so gently."

Harry stumbled to his feet and ran for the door, heart pounding in his chest. Lucius knew what Harry couldn't bear to admit to himself.

He wouldn't be telling a soul.

Couples Night in the Room of Requirement was something Harry usually looked forward to. All his friends and their significant others gathered there, and they just had a nice time together every Thursday night. But after the night before, Harry wasn't in the mood for this.

"Hermione, please stop," Neville said with deep exasperation, his head falling into his hands.

"I will not stop, Neville! NEWTS are less than a year away, and this is a very important…"

Neville took the book she had been reading from her hands and placed it aside, gripping her hands as she made a reach for it. "Come on, this is our night of the week to relax. Will you please put the book aside for just a bit?"

Her lower lip quivered but she acquiesced, going limp against Neville and sniffling. "I'm sorry, but Professor Vector was telling us about what would be on the Arithmancy exams and there were things I didn't know that she talked about…"

"You've still got a year to figure it out, Hermione. It'll be alright." Harry smiled faintly as Ginny spoke, and even more as she snuggled down against his side. "We made this night so we can all be normal kids, so stop being a worrywart."

"Of course you can say that, you're only a fifth year!"

Ginny scowled. "Only?"

"We're only as young as we feel." Everyone turned to raise an eyebrow at Luna, who smiled back pleasantly. "Yes?"

Ron huffed and rolled his eyes, stretching out ungainly legs and drawing Lavender closer to his side. "There are more important things to discuss. Did you guys hear about Smith?"

Colin Creevey, who had been dating Luna since the summer before after a collaboration for the Quibbler, squeaked and sank back into the couch. "I-I… I did."

Lavender rolled her eyes, "Of course you did, you're the one that caught them."

"Caught them who? What?" said Harry, cocking an eyebrow and peering at Colin. "What happened?"

"I…" Colin's fingers clenched over Luna's and he screwed up his face as he exhaled his sentence. "I caught Zacharias Smith and that Slytherin bloke Zabini snogging!"

Cold filled him. "Oh yeah?"

"Bloody disgusting, that. Makes me ill to know I've been talking to that poofter Smith…"

"Ronald!" Hermione glared. "There is nothing wrong with homosexuality. What, are you from the Dark Ages or something?"

"Nothing wrong with it? I don't care what you do much, but who in their right might would want something up their arse? That is one of the most disgusting…"

Lavender smacked Ron's thigh and made a face. "You're going to make me sick, WonWon. Stop, please."

Neville looked a bit ill himself and sunk back. "Sorry, Hermione, but I've gotta agree. They can do whatever they want in private, but I don't wanna see it."

"What if they liked you?" Colin squeaked. "Zacharias has been talking to you a lot, Ron…"

Ginny waved a hand, oblivious to Harry's frozen state. "That any man could chose to stick himself in another man instead of a woman is beyond me. But it is their loss, guys."

"Crumple-Horned Snorkacks are known to take concubines of the same gender once they've reproduced for the year. You see, sex between a male and female Snorkack is a painful, horrible…"

"Okay, Luna, that's enough!" Neville said quickly, looking faintly green. "Anyway, we need to ask Harry about the Patronus he produced in Hogsmeade. Good show, mate, when did you learn it?"

Ron snorted. "Greedy shite is what he is, not teaching it to any of us. Wanted the glory for himself, as usual."

"Ron, stop talking like that about Harry!"

"Ginny, stop sticking up for your pillock of a boyfriend!"

"All of you stop!" Harry shouted, earning many surprised looks. Harry almost never lost his temper, and he couldn't remember a time he had ever lost it towards any of his friends. He took deep breaths to abate the rage swelling in his chest. "I'm going to take a walk. I'll see you guys later."

Protests sounded immediately, but the dark look on Harry's face seemed to decide them. They let him leave.

"Lily…"

"I'm afraid, Severus. So afraid. Things are happening quickly lately after so much quiet time. It means something, doesn't it?"

Harry didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he had been wandering the halls to ignore the pounding fear in his heart. His friends were obviously right -- a man liking men was wrong. Very wrong. But hearing it from their lips after… after… Harry shook his head violently and listened more, curious about the softly lit room his mother and Severus were hiding away in.

Severus was silent for a long time, the soft sound of his footfalls echoing as he paced the room. "It always means something, Lily."

"But what will we do?"

"You cannot protect him forever. You have raised him into a fine young man, and now you must be assured in the strength you have given him."

"But Severus… he's my baby…"

The pacing stopped and Harry peeked through the dingy door window, smiling softly as he saw Severus wrap his arms around Lily and bury his face in her hair. "I will never say this again, so listen well. That boy is strong and good. You raised him well, Lily, and Merlin be damned… I don't care that he is Potter's. You killed my ability to see him as that years ago. He is a strong boy, and he will go so far. He can never be mine, as you cannot be, but I will always be proud of him as if he were my own."

Lily shifted back to look up, eyes shining brightly. "I don't deserve you, Severus. You are such a good man, and you are so good to us."

"I chose my path many years ago. My place is beside you, even if I can never remove myself from Potter's shadow."

Harry stuffed his fist in his mouth then, hoping he managed to stifle his gasp as Lily pushed herself onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Severus's, threading her fingers into his hair to hold him there. Harry could see his arms tightening around her, moving from loosely holding to wrapping around her waist and crushing her to him, and Lily was lifted off her feet. Harry didn't feel embarrassment or disgust or anger as he watched, only a deep sense of contentment and affection. Severus had a hard lot in life, and Harry always thought he deserved more.

The kiss broke finally, Severus gently setting Lily's feet back to the floor and her fingers slowly falling from his hair to cup his face. Her smile was enchanting, and Harry suddenly felt the urge to run away and give them this moment uninterrupted. No matter his happiness for them, he should not have witnessed this.

Harry made to walk away, but he caught her last words as he did. "You are not in James's shadow, Severus. Never think that. You were the first magical person I met, you were my best friend for so long. Even after all that happened and we broke apart, you still owned so much of my heart. It just took me a very long time to know that losing James was not the end of my life. I am sorry that you felt the need to wait for me."

"There will never be another for me, Lily. Never."

Harry jogged for the stairs, a soft smile on his lips. He shoved all thoughts of his sexuality from his head, all doubts of his relationship with Ginny or Dementor attacks or Dark Lords. No matter the hiccups, this was his life.

His wonderful, perfect life.

The lake was placid on the clear night, and Harry stayed until his skin was numb, watching the glassy surface reflect the moon. He had always been fascinated with the moon; it calmed him when nothing else could. Only Sirius had more of an effect on him than the moon, but his godfather was often not close enough to be of help.

"It is cold out here, Harry. The Fingerlings might get you if you stay out here."

Harry didn't turn, but he did smile. "I'll be going in soon." Luna kicked her feet and hummed, and Harry finally turned to meet her eye. "Need something?"

"The Wrackspurts know you don't belong here. You are broken, but they can't see how to fix you."

Harry felt an ominous wind fold around him, and he knew this wasn't Luna's usual babbling. He stared at her and swallowed deeply. "Wrackspurts, Luna?"

"Did you know that Wrackspurts are all around us, Harry? Most people can't see them, but I can. They tell me all about the things no one should know, things that happened long ago and in far-off places. They flock here for the magic of Hogwarts. And they know what other people can't know. They know you don't belong here."

"Of course I belong, Luna," Harry said with a slightly hysterical laugh. "How would I not…?"

A bellowed roar from the forest interrupted any answer Luna might have had, and they both spun around. Massive figures loomed above the trees, one wrestling with a slightly smaller figure. Giants. The moon's light cast disturbing shadows over their deformed faces, and a shudder ran down Harry's spine.

In the next moment, the moon was reflecting off of bone-white masks as dozens of figures broke the tree line. Certainty set into Harry's bones.

War had come to Hogwarts.

Note: Yes, trust me, I hated writing the HPGW as much as you hated reading it. Because I, lovelies, couldn't skim while writing it. And HPGW is my least favourite pairing in this fandom. Ick. As for the SSLE... I love it. Not as much as SSHP, mind you, but after DH, I wanted nothing more than to give her to him. It is more for Sec than for Lily, I'm rather ambivalent about her. I swear that this is the last of the graphic het, though. Ugh, thank god.

Revised: 3/21/09