Chapter thirty-six – Falling

Voices sounded all around him and just barely reached through the heavy fog that covered his mind. He could hear his father's voice… Ecphen and Alfirin as well… Why did they sound so worried…?

Hands were touching his chest, smearing something over the three black gashes in his chest and bandaging the burn on his shoulder, but none of the wounds seemed to hurt, not when comparing them to the coldness and the emptiness inside him, not when comparing them to his heart…

"The fading sickness has already struck him deeply," Ecphen's voice said somewhere far away at the end of a tunnel. Who were they talking about…? "The light of the Eldar is leaving him… You know just as well as I that he has always glowed brighter than anyone else. Now his aura is almost indistinguishable."

"There must be something you can do…" His father's voice sounded completely exhausted, filled with despair and pain. "Please… anything at all…"

"He should already be dead. The amount of time he stayed alive in the wild under influence of the Black Breath is nothing less than astounding. I can see signs of dehydration, malnutrition, infections, and that's only to mention a few. The wounds on his chest aren't healed and it appears as though they never will."

Legolas felt fingers touch the gashes.

"They were made by a weapon which was not of this world and are as cold as ice. It seems that he was able to keep the Black Breath at bay by continuously ingesting Athelas, but it is not healed, the poison is too strong. This coupled with the grief will kill him."

"Don't give up on him," Alfirin's voice suddenly sounded from the other side of the room, his accent giving him away. "We gave up on him once and this is what it led to. I know Legolas well. Let me take him. Aranya, let me take him into the forest. He will not heal here, the stone is too thick and the memories too many."

A choked sob was torn from his father's lips and hands reached out to hold his left hand tightly, drawing it up and placing a kiss against his fingers. His father then leaned his forehead against their joined hands. "He's my son…"

Legolas wanted to reach out to him, wanted to soothe away the despair he heard in his voice but he felt completely numb, almost like his mind was keeping all his emotions locked up because they were too much for him to take.

"He's just come back to me…" His father's voice choked, "It's too soon… I can't give him up now… I can't…"

"He will die for certain if you keep him here," Alfirin's voice said. "Let me save him, let me try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Trust me. I have looked after him since he was an elfling."

Legolas could feel his father's hands trembling as they held onto his.

"…What do you need…?" His father then asked, his voice hoarse with emotions.

Alfirin was silent for a moment but then his voice sounded once more, "Have someone repack his backpack with clothes and his spare weapons. He still had some spare wafers of Lembas but we'll need some more food because I don't want to leave him alone to hunt for the first period of time… Tinco needs to be brought into the courtyard…"

"I will see to it." His little brother's voice sounded subdued and grim. It was the only thing he said. The sound of footsteps moved towards the door.

"What are his medical needs?"

"Keep him hydrated and fed, his body will need all the strength it can get…" Ecphen's voice sounded quietly. "You also need to give him a portion of Athelas every day to fight the Black Breath. I will find everything that we have and pack it for you."

Legolas found himself floating out of consciousness once more and the drum of conversation dulled and faded away. For a long time he seemed to drift between sleep and wakefulness until suddenly his shoulder was shaken roughly and he was hauled out of bed.

Immediately, he stumbled and would have fallen if not the person had placed his arm over his or her shoulders and supported him. Wooziness welled up inside him and by the time he had forced his eyes open, they had already been halfway down the corridor. The first thing that made it past his hazy vision was the fact that he was dressed but then he lifted his head slightly and saw that it was Alfirin who was dragging him grim-faced down the corridor. His father was nowhere to be seen, nor was his brother.

"…Wha… Where…" Legolas mumbled numbly.

"It's all right." Alfirin muttered back soothingly, "Everything's going to be all right."

Alfirin dragged him through the halls, out the front door, and into the fresh air. Legolas' mind was still reeling from the abrupt awakening and he barely registered the walk through the courtyard until he was suddenly being hoisted onto a horse.

"Wait…" he mumbled disorientated, "Maliel… where is Maliel…?"

"She is with Elrohir in Rivendell," Alfirin answered and then hoisted himself onto the horse behind Legolas. "She left a little over a month ago."

O

Legolas walked through the overtaken Halls of Mirkwood, dead citizens and guards lying abandoned in the corridors and hallways. Everywhere there were signs of destruction, everywhere there were innocent lives lost…

He walked through the destruction all the way to the doors that led into the Throne Room, which opened by themselves the moment he stood before them. The room was completely empty, this was clear to him as he stopped inside and the doors banged shut behind him. As he walked, though, he became aware a something lying on the floor before the throne.

His footsteps echoed on the cold stone beneath his feet and all color seemed to have vanished from the room, leaving it dead and cold. Trepidation and fear filled him as he dragged his steps in an attempt to stop walking. He couldn't, though. Something was mercilessly forcing him forwards.

His heart thundered in his chest as he came close enough to see that it was a body on the ground and even as his feet were forced forward he attempted to close his eyes and turn his face away, tears leaking out and rolling down his cheeks.

He didn't want to look… He didn't want to see…

His feet stopped just before the figure and it felt as if someone forcibly took hold of his head from behind and forced him to look down at it. Immediately, a choked sob left him and he fell to him knees before it. It was his elfling… It was his little elfling… She looked so much like Maliel had when she had been younger… Curly auburn locks framing her face… but her eyes… her eyes were emerald… they were staring lifelessly into the ceiling of the throne room… an expression of fear and blame on her white face.

Pain ripped through him and tore sobs out from the very depths of his soul. His hands curled desperately around the hem of her long, white dress, as he hung his head and shuddered with heart-wrenching cries.

The hands from behind him came back and ripped his head backwards, making him fall onto the cold, unforgiving, stone floor. Shuddering pitifully, he found himself looking into the greyish face of his wife. Her golden eyes were almost black with accusation and hate.

"It was all your fault," she hissed and his sobs intensified. "I lost her because you. We all died because of you!"

All around him figures appeared. Aewon. Maer. Amath. Ecthel. Thand. Osbon. Húron… everyone. Their eyes black with condemnation and hatred. Legolas shook his head desperately, begging them to go away, pleading for their forgiveness, all the while sobbing in overwhelming pain, guilt, and grief.

Legolas awoke with shuddering gasp, his body trembling and covered in cold sweat. Immediately, he broke down crying. Heart-wrenching sobs were torn from deep within his broken soul. Once more he reached into himself desperately, once more he tore through his mind for his source of comfort, his source of warmth, only to find an aching hole that could never be filled. Faneth was gone… She was gone…

His crying intensified until he was almost hyperventilating as he clawed at his chest with both hands, almost like that could remove the parts of him that caused such pain, such unbearable agony. He felt like he was falling into an abyss of self-hate, guilt, and pain, and slowly found himself losing strength, becoming weaker, falling into darkness.

Without warning, arms were flung around him and someone held his quivering body tightly, anchoring him to life and not allowing him to fall into the abyss. Sobbing, he tried to escape from the arms, tried to escape from life and the pain it brought him, but they would not let go. In the end he just gave up and surrendered himself to the arms that forced the agony of life upon him, burrowing his face in the pine-scented fabric that covered Alfirin's shoulder.

"Shh… Titta Lassë…" Alfirin murmured soothingly, his voice slightly choked and exhausted. "Sívë… Legolas, sívë… Ilqua nauva lilli vanima. Uis cámatya. Sívë…" [Little leaf. Peace… Legolas, peace… Everything will be all right. It is not your fault. Peace…]

Legolas shook his head despairingly against Alfirin's shoulder, his nails clawing so forcefully at his own chest that they were drawing blood. Coldness sunk into his soul from the gashes in his chest and spread through him like wildfire. It hurt so badly. His heart was torn in pieces and it would never heal, he would never be the same, the pain would never fade.

Alfirin's hands grabbed his and forcibly drew them away from his chest, putting a stop to his self-destruction. Legolas fought against his grip, sobbing louder and harder. He deserved it… he deserved it so much, because it was his fault… Everything was his fault. Faneth was gone… she was gone… She had faded away because he hadn't been fast enough, because he had used too much time sleeping, too much time tending to his own needs…

"Legolas, yétani …Yétani!" Alfirin demanded first softly and then sharply, but Legolas wouldn't heed him. Everything was too much… [Legolas, look at me… Look at me!]

Legolas squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head over and over again. He didn't want to look. He didn't want to see the condemnation in his eyes, didn't want to see the usually green and yellow eyes black with hatred and disgust.

"Legolas, I need you to drink the Athelas water."

Legolas shook his head violently, his long hair swirling around his head.

"Whether by your own will or not you are going to drink it. I would rather not force you but I will if you give me no other choice."

When he didn't answer to this, Legolas suddenly found himself being pushed onto his back, Alfirin straddling him. He writhed against the Alfirin's hold as the elf took the water skin off his belt, beating his fists against Alfirin's chest in his desperation.

"Just leave me alone…" Legolas choked out, his voice full of loathing and despair. "Just let me go…"

Alfirin uncorked the skin with his teeth and leaned forward, moving Legolas' arms so his wrists were pinned under his legs as well. Legolas was so weak that every attempt to get out of his grip was easily subdued. Anguish welled up in his chest as he looked down upon the pallid, tear-stained face and the still tightly closed eyes, but he forced himself to be tough.

Alfirin reached down with one hand and grabbed Legolas' jaw, forcing it open and keeping his head still as Legolas tried to keep shaking it. He then slowly tickled the Athelas solution into his mouth, constantly making sure that he was swallowing it and the he wasn't choking.

Legolas was still writhing underneath him, trying to get out of his grip, and tears leaked through his tightly closed eyelids to tickle down his cheeks. When he had drunk the necessary amount, Alfirin released his grip on his jaw and stood up, walking a few feet away to give Legolas a moment to himself.

Instantly, Legolas curled up in a ball on the ground, his arms wrapped around his head and his knees drawn up to his chest. Once more, he started shaking and tears rolled down his cheeks.

O

Alfirin raced through the trees like the very devil was on his heels. His heart hammered with ever-growing fear and panic, which had filled since the moment he had realized that his small hunting knife had disappeared from his boot. He had fallen asleep for just a few moments the last night, by mistake. Now it was gone.

There was a reason he had removed all weapons from Legolas' proximity… There was a reason he didn't want him unattended at any time, but that day he had failed in both regards.

They had run out of water, but now Alfirin understood that Legolas had drained it purposefully to get him out of their camp. He understood why Legolas had been acting like he was all right throughout the day…

Alfirin burst through the bushes that surrounded their camp. Legolas' head snapped up immediately, his eyes dark with so much pain and despair that for a moment he didn't know what to do. It almost felt like mercy, letting him do it, letting him carry on… One laceration already ran over his left wrist and Legolas had been about to make the other when he had appeared.

Driven by his sudden appearance Legolas raised his knife once, intending to do so much damage that it couldn't be righted no matter what he did, and suddenly Alfirin found his body making his choice for him as he sprinted over to Legolas and grabbed the knife before it could make contact, holding it for dear life as Legolas struggled against him.

He couldn't let him die… It tore him up, but he couldn't watch him die… that was something he couldn't do…

Legolas writhed and hit and kicked and struggled so hard that Alfirin knew that he would have bruises for months, but he didn't care what happened to his body as long as the knife went nowhere near Legolas' skin. Sobs and cries of anguish and despair were ripped from Legolas' throat as his source of escape was wrestled from his grasp and thrown into the forest, far away.

"Let me go!" Legolas shrieked helplessly, "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!"

Alfirin couldn't handle it any more, the long days without rest… the agony he was forced to witness… the amount of anguish Legolas was in… His grip on his Legolas' wrists tightened until it was bruising, staunching the blood flow in his left.

"I won't," Alfirin choked. "I can't… I can't…"

"You should have just let me die!" Legolas sobbed, "You should have just let me go! Please! Please! Please! Please, I can't do this! Just let me go! Please!"

The amount of pleading in his voice tore Alfirin apart and he let out a choked sob before leaning down and wrapping his arms tightly around Legolas, ignoring Legolas' anguished struggles.

"Istan…" He choked, "Istan… Àvatyara ni… Àvatyara ni…" [I know… I know… Forgive me… Forgive me…]

Alfirin continued to mutter to Legolas, holding him tightly, until his struggles became sluggish as he lost blood from the wound on his wrist. Then Alfirin climbed off Legolas and stumbled over to his pack to get his healing bag. When he returned there were tears rolling down Legolas' cheeks and he looked completely broken, like there was nothing left inside him but pain. He eyes midnight blue.

Sniffling, Alfirin began singing a Nandorin lullaby while he took care of the wound on Legolas' wrist, stitching it and bandaging it with the outmost care and gentleness. Legolas continued to not say a word and he stared blindly into the canopy as tears continued to roll down his cheeks.

When Alfirin was done, he moved so he was leaning against the tree beside them and pulled Legolas' head into his lap. For a moment they stayed like that, Alfirin singing and Legolas lying limply, but then Legolas turned his gaze to Alfirin, his eyes condemning.

"You should have just let me die." He whispered.

Alfirin's hand trembled as he began caressing Legolas' hair. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gave a painful smile and whispered, "It is a very selfish world we live in."

O

There was a hole inside him, a hole so deep and so vast that it could never filled, and the pain that came from it was only worsening. It intensified simultaneously as he could no longer deny the fact that she was gone, that he was never going to see her again. She was gone, forever, and the fact hurt so must that it felt like his entire mind was on fire and freezing at the same time.

Even now as he was stumbling through the woods that he should now so well he felt lost and unbalanced, half of his soul missing, never to be replaced. The trees and the moss seemed to have lost all of its color, dulling to his eyes almost like fog had rolled over it. His head seemed heavy and heavy with disorientation, and he was forced to squint because of the blinding headache that constantly burdened him…

He seemed to constantly, instinctively try to reach out towards her only to be reminded time and time again that she wasn't there. She wasn't there… No words or gestures could describe that amount of pain he was in and nothing could cure it. He felt like he was drowning in a red-hot ocean and was being pulled further and further down from the surface. The worst part of it, though, was that he had lost the will to find his way up… He didn't want to live like this…

He didn't understand. He didn't understand how anyone could be so cruel… how anyone could have taken her away from him. Faneth had never harmed anyone… she was innocent, she was loving, she was gentle, she was kind, and she had taken care of him when he had felt like he had had no one else!

Compared to her, his hands were submerged so deeply in blood that not even all the water in Middle Earth could clean them. Killing was all he was brought up to do… it was all he had done for his whole life… Kill, kill, kill, kill, and kill! He was the reason they were dead! All of them! They had died because he had failed! He should have been there to protect them! He should have been there to protect her…

They should have killed him. They should have killed him instead of her. They should have taken his life and spared hers because he was the one who deserved to die. Perhaps they had wanted him to feel the agony of losing her. Perhaps this fiery pain was what he deserved… Perhaps this was why they had given him so much life-power that his spirit refused to fade just like that…

It hurt so much.

Legolas stumbled into a clearing and turned his gaze slowly from the forest floor to the gently rushing, black stream before him. He almost seemed to fall into a haze by watching the drifting black water and he found himself walking towards it.

The Enchanted River…

The necklace around his neck that held the engagement ring he had given her seemed to weigh a ton and hung like a noose around his neck, pulling him to the ground and slowly taking away his ability to breathe. He fell to his knees beside the river, his eyes squeezed shut and a choked sob escaping his lips, every part of him trembling.

They should have spared her… They should have spared her… How was this fair…? How was any of this fair…? His hands tightened around the mossy bank so much that it crumbled between his fingers. It was so painful… So empty… There was no point anymore… He couldn't do it… He was too weak… so weak… He should have saved her…

His right hand trembled as he uncurled it from the mangled bank and reached out towards the black water, his eyes still forcibly squeezed shut, almost like he didn't want to see what he was doing, didn't want to acknowledge it. Choked sobs left his quivering lips and his whole body seemed to be hunched together in agony.

He wanted the pain to stop…

Just as the tip of his finger touched the black water a hand reached out snatched his away roughly, pulling it far away from the enchanted liquid. Immediately a shiver of despair rolled through his whole body and he hunched even more together, shaking and keeping his eyes squeezed shut.

"What were you doing?" Alfirin's voice sounded fearful, frightened even, and his breathing was fast and shallow like he had run the whole way from camp. He reached out and shook him, demanding, "What were you trying to do?"

Legolas barely felt like he could breathe, his throat had constricted completely and his chest had tightened painfully. Despair was clinging to him like a black cloak. Once more his hope of escaping the pain had been torn away from him as easily as one would steal sweets from a child.

"Look at me."

His eyelids squeezed together tighter in reflex to the demand and he turned away, his shaking intensifying. He was so tired, so completely exhausted and weary. Nightmares haunted his sleep constantly, never allowing him a moment's rest… He was going mad… He couldn't take any more…

"Look at me, Legolas," Alfirin's voice sounded once more and suddenly a hand was under his chin, forcing his head up. "Look at me."

He had lost all will to fight, lost all will to struggle. Everything that was left of him was an empty shell full of pain, grief, and torment. There was nothing else left… No strength left to carry the burden…

His opened his eyes.

Alfirin was kneeling before him, one hand under his chin. His green and yellow eyes were swimming with pain and grief, but also something harder underneath it all. A kaleidoscope of colors marred his right temple from a large bruise and Legolas felt guilt stab through his heart so painfully that tears welled up in his eyes.

"Were you trying to make yourself forget her?" Alfirin asked in a hard voice. "Were you trying to erase your memories so that you could escape the pain?"

Legolas' trembling grew even worse and tears spilled down his cheeks in endless rivulets, almost like they could wash away all his pain if he only let them roll for long enough. They couldn't, though. He knew that by now.

Alfirin was silent for a moment but then he whispered, "Do you really want to forget her? Is that really what you want? Legolas, what was she to you? What was she?"

His mouth was as dry as sand and it seemed like no matter how hard he tried he would never be able to get the words out. Tears rolled stubbornly down his cheeks, as if he hadn't already cried enough.

"…She was everything…" He choked so softly and hoarsely that it could barely be heard, his voice shaking. "…She was everything to me…" And he could say no more than that, he could give no longer explanation, because he did not need it.

With a trembling hand he reached out and touched the bruise on Alfirin's temple. "…I'm sorry…" He choked with a quivering voice, "…I'm so sorry…"

They both knew that it was for more than just the bruise but no more words were said. Alfirin reached out and pulled Legolas into his arms, holding him as he broke down once again, only this time there was some healing hiding behind it.

Legolas' hand travelled up to his neckline. He took a tight hold of his tunic just over the place where Faneth's engagement ring rested, squeezing it desperately.

"That's it," Alfirin whispered, "Hold on to her…"

O

Alfirin cursed as he saw Legolas switch to his twin blades and jump down from the tree before it was time. Nevertheless, he didn't stop firing arrows rapidly into the orcs' midst, taking down all those with crossbows. Without pausing, he ran through the branches and changed his location to a place where he could better keep an eye on Legolas.

Legolas really was a force of nature… He was swirling and jumping through the crowd of orcs, taking them down on every side of him. His white twin knives sliced through air and flesh as easily as a fish swam through water, reflecting the light of the stars and the moon despite being rapidly covered in black blood.

There was something reckless and dangerous in the way Legolas fought, like he was treading a hairline path between life and death. Despite this, though, no blades seemed to be able to reach him and the only sounds that littered the air were the cries of orcs.

Alfirin reached up to draw another arrow from his quiver only to find it empty. Instantly, he flipped his bow onto his back and instead pulled out his long knives before dropping into the fray. He attacked the opposite side of where Legolas was and challenged the orcs that had been running away from his ward, driving the group together and causing panic and confusion.

Within a short amount of time the battle was over and the only orcs remaining were dead upon the ground, some had escaped but Alfirin didn't even consider going after them since he had caught sight of his ward. Legolas was standing dazed among the corpses, a dull look in his sapphire blue eyes and black blood splattered on his face, clothes, and hands.

This had begun happening after every fight… He would be functioning fine and fighting excellently, but the moment the rush was over he would become withdrawn once more. The first times they had gone after orcs he had been driven by hatred and bloodlust, but his reaction after the third time had been violent and frightening, as he had woken from his hate and understood what he had been doing, after that he had become reclusive.

Alfirin moved around without a word and gathered his and Legolas' arrows, before dragging the orcs into a pile and setting it on fire. First then, he walked over to Legolas and held him briefly before guiding him away from the battlefield and back towards their camp.

They changed location regularly but at the moment they were staying beside a lake in a talan Alfirin had built in the tall trees. The lake was so wide that it created a hole large enough in the canopy that starlight and moonlight were able to travel through unhindered and get reflected in its deep blue surface.

The moment they reached the location, Alfirin guided Legolas over to the lake and sat him down before submerging his hands in the water and washing them free of the blood that tainted them, having spent enough time with Legolas to know how much it bothered him. Surely enough, the dullness slowly faded from Legolas' eyes during the time that his hands were washed clean.

When they were spotless, Alfirin reached up with his still wet hands and cupped Legolas' cheeks, lifting his head so he could create eye contact. There were shadows under Legolas' sapphire blue eyes, making him look haunted.

"Clean yourself," Alfirin said softly. "I will find you some new clothes."

Legolas nodded dully and began to undo the ties in his wrist guards. Pleased, Alfirin moved away and walked towards the tree that held their talan. He scaled it without difficulty and swung himself onto the platform.

He walked between their bedrolls and over to his own pack first. Unlike Legolas, he barely had a drop of blood on him but he dug another set on clothes out of his pack nevertheless and changed into it. While he was fastening the neckline of his tunic a splash from the lake made him move to the edge of the platform. From there he was able to see the foamy spot where Legolas had dived into the lake but it seemed like his ward was determined to stay underwater because he made no appearance.

Alfirin shook his head while moving away from the edge and over to Legolas' pack. He found a fresh set of clothes and a towel, but the moment he was about to descend the fluttering a bird's wings stopped him in his tracks. Looking up, he watched as a large hawk soared through the trees towards the talan.

Alfirin smiled at the sight before whistling melodically and calling it towards him. The bird swooped down and landed on his raised arm, basking its wings before sitting peacefully.

"Amatulya, Túra Fion," Alfirin greeted, smiling and bowing his head to the bird. "Mana i-menta ne collie?" [Welcome, Great Hawk. What is the message that you carry?]

The hawk spread one of its wings so the messages tied to its leg became visible. Alfirin reached out and untied the burden the bird was carrying. The moment the message was off, the hawk flew from his arm to a near branch and settled down to rest. Alfirin watched it for a moment but then turned to the messages, unfolding the topmost one. It was from Thranduil.

Alfirin,

I trust your judgment when you say that it is time. I've just returned from Rivendell where I told Maliel that Legolas is alive. It took her a few days to take it in, but after a while she understood why we had chosen to keep it from her. I have enclosed a message from her to Legolas.

And Alfirin, please bring him home as soon as he is ready.

Thranduil

The message was short because there was a limit to what a bird could carry but Alfirin could read the desperation and the emotions in the moderately shaky handwriting. They had been corresponding regularly since leaving the Halls. Most messages from Alfirin had contained a confirmation that they still alive, whilst Thranduil's always contained a desperate plea for more information, and a plea for them to return to the Halls.

Alfirin folded the letter and slid it into his pack before descending from the tree with the letter from Maliel, the towel, and the clothes. Legolas swam to the edge of the lake when he saw him coming and pulled himself up from the water. Alfirin handed him the towel and then the clothes, and waited for him to finish dressing before beginning to speak.

"I got a message from your father," Alfirin said, sitting down on the bank of the lake. Legolas' eyes whirled over to him and he immediately had his full attention. "It said that he had gone to Rivendell and told Maliel that you were alive."

Legolas' eyes widened and he trembled for a moment before sitting down on the moss, almost like he felt like he would fall if he didn't. "You hadn't told her…?" He whispered shocked.

Alfirin shook his head. "It seemed cruel to tell her you were alive before knowing for certain that you weren't going to die. We didn't want to give her hope only to smash it if you didn't make it. I told him that it was time." He held out the message from Maliel, "She wrote you a message."

Legolas stared at if as if it was going to bite him, wide eyed and trembling, and didn't make any move to take it. His blue eyes had darkened and Alfirin could read the fear going through his mind at what the message would contain.

"Would you like me to read it to you?" When Legolas made to indication of having heard him, Alfirin opened the letter and read, "Ada-"

The moment the word was out there, Legolas snatched the letter from his hands and swallowed the letter with the desperation of someone who had gone without water for a long period of time. Alfirin watched his eyes as he read the words over and over again, tears welling up inside them and his hands shaking.

Ada,

I don't know what to say… No words can describe the relief and the joy I felt learning that you were still alive… I love you so much. Nana she… she believed that you would come back right till the very end and I'm so sorry that I couldn't stop her grief from taking her… Forgive me Ada.

Please promise me that you'll take care of yourself. You don't have to worry about me; it's hard but I'm doing all right. I married Elrohir this past spring and he's taking care of me. Granddad was there to walk me up the aisle, but don't forget that you still owe me a dance!

Please focus on getting better, and don't worry about me. I love you Ada.

Love, Maliel

The dullness seemed to gradually disappear from Legolas' eyes and was replaced by a storm of emotions, almost like he had been drawn out of his shell of misery and reminded that there were others that he loved in Middle Earth. Although he was still far from well, Alfirin watched this evolution with relief and joy.

He let him sit in his own world for a while, reading and rereading the letter, but then he asked, "Do you want to stop fighting?"

Legolas looked up at him.

"Your father has been wishing that you would return for a long time, and he expressed the same in this letter," Alfirin said. "If you want and if you feel ready then we can travel to the Halls."

Legolas seemed to deflate slightly and he looked silently over the still waters of the forest lake. Alfirin almost missed it when he whispered, "Not yet."

"All right."

They stayed for a while in companionable silence, looking out over the lake, but then Legolas suddenly said, "What happened in the battle at the point…? Who died…?"

Alfirin sighed and hesitated for a brief moment before deciding that it was better to get it out than to wait. "They came at us from all sides and my group was forced to split up to strengthen Elladan's when the spiders came at them the hardest. So far as I understand Elladan was poisoned and the young Laínor was killed trying to protect him. Yúcalë was also injured defending the King but he recovered from the head wound after some time."

"And those from my team?" Legolas breathed.

Alfirin was silent for a moment but then said, "Taenor and Hiwon didn't make it." Legolas sucked in breath sharply. "From what I was told Taenor had been fighting recklessly and gotten himself in a dangerous situation. Hiwon tried to save him but he ended up taking a blade for him and Taenor was killed just afterwards."

Legolas hunched over and pressed his face against his knees, hiding his face. Alfirin reached out and placed his hand on Legolas' shoulder, squeezing it, but didn't say anything.

A long while went by but then Legolas sniffled and asked hoarsely, "Can I write back to Maliel?"

"Of course," Alfirin answered.

O

"Are you sure that we're going the right way?" Elladan asked.

"As sure as some can be when trying to find his way through a maze of trees without any sense of direction," Glorfindel responded dryly, puffing Elladan in a slightly different direction. "Thranduil's instructions weren't exactly abundant in detail."

A slightly rustling overhead and a muttered Nandorin curse caused their heads to snap up at the same time. The leaves were still swaying but there was no one to be seen, almost like they were hiding.

"We heard you Alfirin!" Glorfindel called up, chuckling inwardly. "It's too late to hide!"
Another Nandorin curse was muttered and then Alfirin suddenly dropping out of the trees and landed right before them, glaring at them with his yellow and green eyes.

"Manar carnëldë hí?" Alfirin asked irritated.

Glorfindel blinked and glanced briefly at Elladan before saying, "We do not understand you, Alfirin."

"Ai, etelehta ni ho tiuca lencayë noldo…" Alfirin muttered annoyed before changing into accented Sindarin. "I asked you what you were doing here."

"What did you say about us?" Elladan demanded with a mixture of amusement and indignation but Glorfindel held up his hand for him to be silent.

"We were just worried about Legolas," Glorfindel answered. "It is not our intention to intrude or cause you any trouble. We heard about what you've been from Thranduil, and if you will let us then we would like to help. I know that you don't know us very well but Legolas is a dear friend and brother to us. We just want to see him."

Alfirin looked into Glorfindel eyes for a moment but then nodded. The wood elf seemed a lot different from the few glimpses Glorfindel had gotten of him in the time they had been at the point. He looked exhausted and weighed down, his usually playful and wild attitude had been replaced by something more solemn and drained.

"It isn't far." Alfirin said as he turned around and started leading them back to the camp. "I'll have to warn you though, seeing Legolas might be a slight shock."

"How is he?" Elladan asked sadly.

"He's hanging on but it's difficult for him," Alfirin answered. "He loved her very much, more than anyone has ever loved anything I would imagine."

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the camp, Glorfindel and Elladan battling the will to run the rest of the way so that they could see Legolas, something they had not for a long time. Alfirin's words had brought a sense of dread with them. It wasn't long though, before they walked into a clearing with a fireplace in the center. Glorfindel and Elladan froze at the sight of Legolas sitting in front of the fireplace with his back towards them, stirring something in a small pot with his head resting upon one hand.

"Legolas," Alfirin said casually, moving toward his ward while the others stood still. "Samlwë nathal." [We have guests]

"Ma?" Legolas asked confused and turned his head around. As soon as he saw Glorfindel and Elladan his eyes widened and his hand lost its grip on the spoon he had been stirring with, causing it to splash down into the contents of the pot. [What?]

Alfirin had reached him by then and crouched beside him, talking to him softly in Nandorin. Glorfindel didn't try to decode what he was saying through, his attention was locked on to Legolas' face. Legolas' natural icy blue eyes had darkened to a shade of sapphire and there were shadows underneath them that bore witness to many nights without restful sleep. Besides this, it was clear that Legolas had lost a lot of weight and his back no longer seemed as straight and rank, almost like he had aged a decade.

Glorfindel could no longer control his feet and he found himself automatically rushing toward Legolas, causing the Prince to look up once more. The moment they locked eyes Glorfindel could read the grief and the pain locked inside Legolas' thin form, and immediately the need to hug Legolas and take all the burdens of the world off of his shoulders overwhelmed him.

Without a word, Glorfindel reached out and wrapped him arms around Legolas. …He seemed so frail in his arms, almost like he was going to break if he held on too tightly but also like he would fall apart if he let go. He brushed his hand gently over long Legolas' silvery-white hair as if wanting to reassure him that everything was going to be all right.

He held him for a long time, never wishing to let go, but then he drew back and kissed Legolas gently upon the forehead before whispering, "It's good to see you, Gwador." [Sworn brother]

Legolas blinked rapidly to expel the tears that had welled up in his eyes and nodded, managing to produce a pathetic attempt of a smile which was barely more then a slight twitch of the corners of his mouth. Legolas then turned his eyes to Elladan.

The twin had moved closer and was standing right beside Glorfindel a small smile upon his lips as he asked gently, "Legolas, what does 'Ai, etelehta ni ho tiuca lencayë noldo' mean?"

Alfirin choked on water from the skin he had been taking a drink from and coughed violently. Elladan got the desired effect though as a small, innocent chuckle escaped from Legolas' lips. It was a far cry from the melodic laughter, which used to ring out clearly, but it was a beginning.

Legolas threw a glance at Alfirin before answering softly, "Ai, save me from slow and thick people of the Noldor."

"I thought it was something like that," Elladan chuckled and then crouched down to give Legolas a tight hug as well. When he drew back he said softly, "Elrohir wanted to be here as well but I told him that you would much rather that he stayed with Maliel. I was sent instead so hopefully you can make do with that."

Legolas nodded in understanding.

"If you're planning to eat with us then I hope you brought some more food because I'm afraid we're running scarce." Alfirin said from where he was tending to the pot at the fireplace.

"Of course," Glorfindel began hoarsely and then coughed to straighten his voice before going on. "Thranduil sends his worry, fears, regards, best wishes, thanks, love, and food as well. We have supplies in our packs."

The next moments went with finding and preparing food and soon they were all sitting around the campfire eating a stew of vegetables and dried meat with loaves of bread. Alfirin tore at the food wildly while Legolas was more subdued even though he must have been just as hungry. It was clear that he was making an effort, though.

"We heard that it is beginning to darken down here once more," Glorfindel said when everyone was finished eating and Alfirin was making tea. "Rumors of orcs and spiders coming back as well as your endeavors. I've heard that the orcs have given you several names, shadow hunters, tree devils, and orcs' bane are just a few."

Legolas sighed while Alfirin's lips turned into a feral grin and his yellow-green eyes came alit. Alfirin seemed to relish in his fame for a moment but then became serious once more, explaining what was going on.

"Orcs and spiders have come to Mirkwood once more that it true," he said. "In the beginning they came from the south, from Mordor, bearing the red eye of Sauron, but now they have begun breeding on their own in Dol Guldur. The fortress itself is no longer empty but this time it is a Ringwraith that controls it. Mostly it is just one but sometimes others appear in the forest, wandering around dressed in black cloaks."

Alfirin took the boiling water off the fire and poured it into four cups. In three of them he sprinkled an assortment of well-tasting leaves and in the forth he added other types of herbs. "We have been fighting them and the orcs, trying to force them to stay beneath the East Bight and just generally giving them a hard time."

He handed Elladan and Glorfindel a cup each and then walked over to Legolas and crouched beside him before handing him his, saying softly, "Here, I've added from pain relieving herbs for your headache, a mild sedative to help you sleep, and Athelas." Legolas nodded and took the cup, wrapping both hands around it.

Everything was silent for a moment but then Elladan asked, "You've been fighting against the Ringwraiths?"

"Yes," Alfirin answered, sipping at his tea. "They are not overfond of fire and water, nor are they resilient to light, which makes my dear friend over here a perfect weapon against them." Elladan gazed worriedly at Legolas who shrugged and gave a halfhearted smile. "Their detection skills are awful so if we wanted to avoid them it wouldn't be that difficult."

"If you would let us then we would be honored to stay a while and help you," Glorfindel offered. "It seems like a difficult job to manage with only two people."

Alfirin rolled his eyes heavily and opened his mouth to refuse when Legolas said, "Give them a chance Alf." Alfirin's eyebrow twitched at the shortened name but nevertheless he snorted in defeat.

After that there was silence between them as they drank the rest of their tea but then Elladan asked softly, "Why is it that you never came back Legolas? It's been three decades…"

Alfirin stiffened at that question and Legolas eyes widened slightly. Legolas snapped his eyes to Elladan's and breathed shocked, "It's been three decades…? I… I didn't realize… I…"

"Shh…" Glorfindel said soothingly, "It's all right. You can take all the time that you need."

"No, I…" Legolas mumbled, his eyes going slightly out of focus. "I'm sorry… Maliel must hate me… I didn't realize."

Alfirin jumped to his feet and strode over to Legolas, crouching before him and placing his hand upon his cheek. He tapped it lightly to get him to focus. "Sívë Legolas, sívë. Everything's all right." He took hold of Legolas and hoisted him to his feet. "Come with me." [Peace Legolas, peace.]

Alfirin led Legolas over to where his bedroll was placed and helped his stumbling ward lie down upon it. Glorfindel and Elladan watched the happenings with fear, and in Elladan's case guilt, wondering if he stumbled because of the sedative or because of grief.

"Maliel must hate me…" Legolas seemed to whisper once more.

"You've been exchanging messages with her constantly and never once has she given any indication that she feels anything but love for you," Alfirin said firmly. "Now go to sleep or I'll knock you out."

Legolas stared wide-eyed at Alfirin for a moment but then slowly he began to relax, as he began to believe in what Alfirin had said. Gradually he started blinking sluggishly until his eyelids remained shut.

Without a single word to Glorfindel and Elladan, Alfirin then scaled the tree right beside where Legolas laid and disappeared between the leaves. Subdued, Glorfindel and Elladan began cleaning up the camp and setting out their own bedrolls before turning in as well.

They slept peacefully until, in the middle of the night, they were startled awake by what through the haze of sleep seemed like the agonized cry of a dying animal. By reflex, Glorfindel and Elladan bolted out of their bedrolls and looked around for enemies only to see Legolas thrashing in his sleep with tears rolling down his cheeks, letting out cries filled with so much agony that it broke their hearts.

Glorfindel and Elladan made to rush towards Legolas but in that moment a shadow dropped down from the tree over them and Alfirin landed beside Legolas, shushing him in Nandorin and shaking him awake.

It wasn't long before Legolas bolted upright with a gasp, wide-eyed and covered in cold sweat. His chest heaved with panicked breaths that soon started to become choked and come out as sobs. Alfirin kept talking to him and singing softly, soothing him gradually until he was relatively calm once more.

When he had recovered some, Legolas cast a fleeting, embarrassed glance towards them before wiping his sleeve over his forehead and eyes, removing the sweat and the tears. Alfirin reached out and hugged him briefly. When he drew back, he watched without comment as Legolas got to his feet and began stumbling away from camp.

Glorfindel and Elladan immediately made to rush after him but Alfirin stopped them by saying, "Let him go. He'll be back when he's ready." They looked back at Alfirin and saw that he had slumped together in what seemed like weariness. "If you are planning to stay then perhaps there is something you can do to help him... Valar knows I've tried everything I know..."