Chapter 36

It took all the effort Draco had in him to wait until his back was to her to let his emotions play on his face. He was getting better and better, he thought grimly, at wearing a mask.

Once he was finally out of her sight he was able to let go. His careful breathing collapsed, and became shaky as his eyes grew moist. Shit. Shit he had hurt her bad. Had it really been necessary for him to be so harsh?

Yes, yes it had.

Lying about her wouldn't be enough; he saw that now. Even if he claimed he was playing with her, his father would reply, "Well, of course you are. Now, how can we use that to put our family back in its proper place with the Dark Lord…"

He had to do it. Push her away like that. He couldn't let her have faith in him for a second. If he was faced with the Dark Lord, given a task by him…Draco wasn't sure he would make the right choice. He wasn't sure, under threat of torture or death, that he wouldn't sell out Hermione or her friends.

Her friends. That would be the real thing they were after, right? Potter. Draco didn't relish the idea of anyone getting killed because of him, and was somewhat disgusted with himself that the idea of Potter being their target and not Hermione made him feel somewhat relieved.

'It doesn't matter now, anyways.' He told himself, trying to untie the knot in his stomach. He wouldn't have to turn in either of them. He wouldn't have to use his relationship to get anyone killed, because he didn't have any relationship anymore.

He felt hot tears forming in his eyes, and he hurriedly blinked them away. He had hurt her, but it was nothing compared to what he had saved her from. Saved them both from.

He leaned against the stone wall of the hallway, banging his head back a bit too hard in the process. He wrapped his arms around his middle, as if to hold himself in.

Everything would have been fine if it wasn't for that damn letter! The fact that his mother obviously knew about Hermione coupled with his fathers escape from Azkaban…it was just too dangerous. The risk wasn't worth trying anymore. If it meant she had to hate him again, then so be it.

He wanted her to hate him again, but she had just stood there, looking at him. He had wanted her to strike out, to call him an ass and stomp back inside to get her friends to kick the shit out of him.

He wasn't normally so damn masochistic, but he knew he had hurt her deep. He just didn't think it was fair for her to not feel that she had hurt him back, at the very least physically.

Weirdly, it would have made him feel better, in the end.

She hadn't even cried. That stunned look…her eyes wide, her mouth parted…it was going to haunt him, he was sure of it.

He took a few deep breaths, and managed to work his emotions back down. Just shove everything inside, and continue to wear his mask. That was the best way to get out of all of this crap alive. It was the best mechanism for self-preservation he knew of. Act like you're made of stone, and people will leave you the fuck alone.

***

"She won't tell us what the hell happened, but I think we can make an educated guess!" Harry said under his breath to Ginny. The two of them sat by the window in the common room, giving Hermione some time to breath. Ron wasn't even vaguely interested in following them to participate in their conversation. He was still upstairs in his dorm with her, just as they had all been for the past hour or so.

Harry was extremely pissed, but he knew it wouldn't do any good to rant to Hermione. Hence the much needed venting…er, "conversation" he was having with Ginny.

"I know, and I feel the same way." She answered back. This surprised Harry. He generally expected Ginny to be calm and collected. However, he did know she wasn't afraid to hex someone if they pushed her too far. They all rather agreed that Draco Malfoy had pushed them all too far. "We'll get the little git, don't worry." Ginny said, conviction in her voice. "But it's too late tonight. We'll worry about it tomorrow, even if we have to blast the damn Slytherin House door to bits to get to him."

Harry grinned, despite himself. It felt good having Ginny be on par with him when it came to the rather violent feelings he was having right about now.

"What's that stupid grin for, you dolt?" She asked, her voice soft enough to take any sting out of the statement.

"Just happy we're on the same page." He answered back.

The two shared a look, and something passed between them. They should both be so angry, so filled with the righteous need for revenge that no remotely romantic feeling should be going on here, right?

But Harry couldn't help but forget about everything else, if only for a moment, when looking into Ginny's soft eyes…

He blinked, snapping himself out of it. This was not good timing for him to be thinking about his friend's sister in this way…

He was about to stand up from the window ledge when Ginny reached out and grabbed his hand. He stared down at it, not really comprehending what had just happened.

"Harry…" She started, but cut off abruptly as she saw Dean Thomas enter through the portrait hole. She quickly looked away, avoiding his gaze, and drew back her hand.

Harry looked over. Dean was also avidly looking anywhere but at him and Ginny, making his way upstairs.

"Wh…what's going on with him, anyways?" Harry asked in a hesitant voice, afraid he was asking about something that was none to his business.

Ginny pursed her lips, glaring in the direction of the boy's dorms. "Nothing." She said, swallowing. "Absolutely nothing. We've just broken up, actually."

"Really?" Harry said, just about biting off his tongue in the effort to not sound excited.

Ginny lowered her eyes. She obviously didn't want to talk about it.

Now wasn't the time, anyways. But later…Harry had a sprig of hope for later.

***

"So, you really won't tell any of us what's going on?" Ron asked, moving from his bed to Harry's once their two friends left the room. Moving, more specifically, to sit next to the very distraught Hermione.

Thank god they had had Ginny! When he had opened the portrait hole and found Hermione a sobbing mess…he really didn't know what to do about it. He wanted to hold her, comfort her…but that's probably not at all what she wanted from him, right now. Because from him it wasn't just a sign of friendship…from him it would mean something more.

Dammit! Why hadn't he figured out how he felt sooner?

Hermione finally saw the ferret for what he was, or so Ron guessed. When they got their hands on that little prick…

Ron wasn't happy with how much Hermione had been hurt. It had taken Ginny about an hour to calm her down, the two boys sitting on Ron's bed looking extremely uncomfortable. But at the same time…he was slightly excited that she wasn't with him anymore. And it wasn't just because it was Draco. Her being with anyone else was a torment for him, but maybe now…

No. It's a real dick move, thinking like that. He just wanted her to be happy, right? If she had been happy with Draco, he would have been ok with it, right?

Hmm…maybe not.

Hermione shook her head. "I don't…I still don't understand what happened myself, ok…" She said in a soft, defeated voice. Ron had never heard that type of sound come out of her mouth before. It was painful to know how much she was hurting, and he silently berated himself again for thinking about his own selfish want to be with her.

For now there should only be two things on his mind: Make Hermione feel better, and beat the stuffing out of the ferret.

"Did he say anything about that Parkinson bitch?"

Hermione looked up, surprised, as if she had forgotten all about that earlier event. "Oh. No. Well, I suppose he kind of did."

Ron gulped. Ginny hadn't asked many questions, and Hermione hadn't volunteered much information. Maybe now she was feeling better enough to explain what was going on…

Or was he being his usual self and asking questions at inappropriate moments? He really wasn't the most tactful of people…

Maybe he should just keep his mouth shut?

He jumped a little as Hermione wrapped her arms around him, crying once again. She hid her face against his shirt, soaking it was tears.

Ron carefully held his arms out, not sure what he should do with himself. Should he hug her back? Hermione was a girl, and girls do do the hugging thing often. Doesn't mean anything other than she's your friend. Or does it? Or maybe, just maybe, he was over thinking things.

He sighed, willing himself to not be so damn awkward all the time, and wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders. He rubbed her back jerkily, and felt his face flush red. Ok, so he was really awkward no matter what he did.

"I'm so stupid." She said, and Ron couldn't think of anything that would have surprised him more.

"Wh…what? Hermione, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you're the farthest thing from stupid."

"Then why? How could he have fooled me, if I'm so damn smart?"

Ron continued to hold her. He honestly didn't have an answer for that. But Draco Malfoy would definitely pay for it.