AN: Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, putting this on alert, and for favoriting! I appreciate it all! Here come the in-laws!
I don't own anything you'd recognize.
"How late do you think they'll be?" Mr. Granger grumbled as he sat on the couch next to his wife.
"Now Wilford, I'm sure they won't be late at all," Mrs. Granger tried to assure him, though he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was thinking the same thing. "She said this one was different from Ronald."
"Well he's just as impatient," Mr. Granger answered. "Good God don't people go out on a few dates before getting married anymore?"
"She did say that she met her husband at Hogwarts," Mrs. Granger replied. "I suppose they kept in touch over the years."
Wilford shook his head. "I just don't get it, Muriel. None of this makes any sense."
"I agree, but let's hear Hermione out. Maybe he's a pleasant fellow who will treat her well."
"I'm not counting on much," Wilford sighed. "So far I haven't been impressed with any of her choices in men. They don't seem to have any idea how we live."
They heard footsteps outside, one set of which they recognized as Hermione's. Muriel's face relaxed at the thought of seeing Hermione again, but Wilford's became tense. "I wonder if the idiot knows how to use a doorbell," he muttered.
Muriel groaned. "Please tell me he won't ring it ten thousand times."
It rang once. They lingered on the couch but heard nothing more. Finally they rose to answer the door. Maybe Hermione had finally found a man who had an ounce of courtesy, or at the very least listened to her when she told him not to ring the doorbell more than once.
Wilford opened the door, and tried to mask his surprise. Hermione was wearing a form-fitting cotton dress, exposing her swollen stomach. Here was his only child, undeniably pregnant with a man he had yet to meet. Beside her stood the alleged father, dressed completely in black with hair that was stringy, greasy, and (surprise) black. The scowl on his face did nothing to improve the effect.
"Mom, Dad," Hermione began, swallowing when she saw the looks of pure horror on her parents' faces. "This is my husband, Severus Snape."
Of course he would have a weird name, Wilford thought.
"Hello Mr. Severus Snape," Muriel replied, still trying to recover from her shock. "My name is Muriel Granger."
"I'm Wilford Granger," Hermione's dad replied, tearing his eyes away from his new son-in-law. "Would you like to come in?"
"Yes, thank you," Severus replied in an emotionless voice.
Wilford stepped aside, allowing the two to enter. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Severus," Muriel began as she led them to the living room. "Would you like some tea?"
"I'd hate to trouble you," Severus replied.
"I probably shouldn't drink tea in my condition," Hermione admitted.
"Good point," Muriel mused as her eyes fell on Hermione's stomach. "May I get you something else to drink?"
"Water would be nice," Hermione replied.
"Severus?"
"I'll have some water as well," Severus replied as he joined Hermione on the couch.
"Wilford?" she asked.
"No thanks, Muriel," he answered. "I'm fine."
She nodded. "I'll be back in a minute."
"Do you need any help?" Hermione asked.
"No, but thanks for the offer," Muriel answered, retreating into the kitchen.
The remaining three sat in uncomfortable silence as the sound of water trickling into glasses emanated from the other room. Wilford examined Severus, who refused to show any emotion. Hermione grabbed the pillow beside her and began pulling at a loose string.
"Let me guess," Wilford finally spoke up, his voice caustic. "How does she get the water without magic? You're probably dying to know."
"Not particularly," Severus replied.
"I'd let you watch, but I'd hate to see you hurt yourself on the ice maker." he sneered.
Hermione glared at her father while Severus stared at him in confusion. "Dad," she growled.
"Okay!" Muriel began as she entered the room, looking to Severus as if she expected him to question her. Instead, Severus remained silent. Muriel then began to serve the water, to the sound of mumbled, "Thanks."
Muriel perched herself on a chair beside her husband. Finally, Wilford spoke up, "Hermione, this marriage has come as a bit of a shock to us."
"It came as a bit of a shock to me, too," Hermione admitted.
"What exactly possessed you to marry this man?" Wilford asked.
"Wilford!" Muriel hissed. "He's sitting right here!"
"She's pregnant with my heir," Severus interrupted.
Wilford glowered at him. "I suppose you think that will endear you to us."
"Not particularly," Severus admitted.
"Daddy, he's really not that bad," Hermione began as she leaned into her husband.
"Were you still with Ron when you two, well…"
"Yes," Hermione choked as she bowed her head.
Muriel sighed. "Well, he was no prize..."
"But at least he wore a little color," Wilford sneered.
"Black suits me," Severus replied, glaring at Wilford.
"Severus has worn only black for as long as I've known him," Hermione interjected, trying to relieve the pressure.
"Honey, when exactly did you reconnect with him?" Muriel asked.
"About the time I became pregnant," she replied.
"And what was his relationship with you at Hogwarts?" Wilford asked.
"He was my professor," she confessed.
Her parents gasped as tears came to Hermione's eyes. "Why the hell did you have to jump right from one relationship into another? Were you that desperate?" Wilford asked.
Hermione didn't answer him. Severus pulled her closer and replied. "You're out of line, Mr. Granger. Your daughter has suffered enough already with all the rumors surrounding us."
"And whose fault would that be?" Wilford asked. "I'm not the one who couldn't keep his pants on. Were you even going to stick around for this child, or did you only marry her because that's what your society expects?"
"I married her because I care about her and for this child," Severus growled.
"But you don't love her," Wilford stated.
"Wilford, that's enough!" Muriel interrupted. "You are upsetting your daughter!"
Wilford could see the anguish in Hermione's eyes. He sighed and replied, "I'm sorry Muriel, but nothing about this situation is right."
"We're doing the best we can," Hermione replied.
"I know you're trying, and I appreciate Severus for trying too. There are several things that could go wrong, all of which would involve breaking your and your child's heart," Muriel warned in a gentle tone.
"Mother, I have to do this," she replied.
"Well it's a little late to undo this marriage now," Muriel answered.
"That's true," Wilford replied grudgingly.
"All I can say is that I hope you make a happy marriage for your child," Muriel replied. "No matter how sudden this marriage may seem to us."
"Thank you," Hermione replied.
Wilford shuddered. "It seems a little cold in here," he commented.
Muriel exhaled. "I suppose the air is on a little high," Then she turned to Hermione and continued, "It's been ninety degrees here as of late, so I've had it turned up."
"Oh," Hermione answered.
Wilford glared at Severus. "I suppose you have twenty questions for me about what the air is."
"I am not an imbecile," Severus answered caustically.
Muriel left to adjust the air conditioning. "Look, you don't have to pretend with us. Get the damn questions out of the way so we can just move on!" Wilford replied.
"I don't have any questions about your appliances!" Severus argued. "I'm very familiar with most, if not all of them, and I hardly consider it proper to play twenty questions with someone you've just met."
"You mean you didn't come over here just to see our stuff?" Wilford asked.
Hermione groaned as Severus stared at him in complete shock. "Why in Merlin's name would anyone do such a thing?"
Muriel came back into the living room. "Why would anyone do what?"
"Go to someone's house just to learn about appliances. I spent my childhood among muggles; I can't fathom coming here just to look at appliances," Severus answered.
"You've lived among non-wizards?" Muriel asked.
"You know how appliances work?" Wilford asked.
"Yes!" Severus answered as he tried to comprehend what was going on.
Muriel and Wilford looked at each other in horror, realizing what perfect asses they'd just made of themselves.