Chapter 35: The Love, The Gratitude, And The Trust
Laying in my bed, another contraction came and I asked, "Why are they coming so fast?"
"This is normal, Josette" my friend, Angelique, announced, "You're a creature of the half-light. I know you feel overwhelmed, but believe me this is nothing like what a mortal woman would have to endure."
"Why?" I breathed heavily, gasping and trying to endure what was happening, as my sweet child behaved so desperately to be released from me.
"What pain have you felt, Josette?" Angelique inquired.
It finally dawned on me as I spoke, "None..."
"No pain, Maggie?" Barnabas asked, as if fearful that wasn't normal either. Honestly? How could any of us be thought of as "normal"?
"No, Barnabas," I told him, "No pain at all. Just extreme pressure and discomfort."
Angelique smiled widely at me and I could see her gratitude in our renewed friendship now. To have her back in my life, to have her better, whole, relieved of suffering in neglect: This was the woman I craved beyond any other friend. I remembered how upset she always looked when she was doing so much for my family and I could see the excessive amount of remorse in her own life that she felt. It was why I wanted to be her friend, and she listened better than any other servant I'd encountered. Recalling her beauty and her attentiveness, I had thought, "This is not a girl to nod at and dismiss. This is a woman who understands so much more. She knows feelings. She reflects on the inner depths of who we all are and if I can bring that precious knowledge out of her by showing her kindness, I must."
Angelique, strange in her modernity; her denim trousers, and her bare arms showing from the rolled up sleeves on her blouse, sat on the edge of my bed and held my hand, "This is going to be harder than you imagine but easier than most people have, Josette."
I looked into her ocean blue eyes, the new gentleness of her face, "Thank you, but... Are you never going to call me... Maggie, my friend?"
The wrestling of Sarah within me halted. Did she know? Did my baby understand?
"It's been hard for me to accept your coming back to us," Angelique bespoke, looking down and through me.
"And you never, ever come back so repeatedly, do you, Angelique?"
She grinned heartily, patting my hand, "You've always loved to tease your friends, haven't you?"
Sarah began pushing for attention and I gasped. Everyone who was standing in the room took a step in concern but I waved them off, "It is only one contraction out of many, everyone."
And my friend squeezed my palm, "You're doing fine."
"I thought I was," I told her.
"But it doesn't hurt to be reassured... mademoiselle," she nodded with a sweet wickedness there was no fear about. She touched me at the abdomen to which all in the room jostled at for watching. They couldn't believe my friend would be kind to us in this precarious moment, but I did.
"And you haven't touched an ounce of blood?" she asserted.
"No, only plasma and cytoplasm, which our hired help was so good to find for me," I nodded in the direction of the butler... who of course, only wears black.
As it turns out the red blood cells would have nourished my immortal state of being enough to carry it forward to the next generation. Red blood cells nurtured the flexible nature of our existence now, as well as the stability of our shaded life. But without them baby Sarah would hopefully become what we strived so hard to reach for her; a mortal, unlike my husband and I. Our baby needed to have the life she never had. To become a full grown woman and experience the time with us and our family that she never had before.
Sarah Collins died at such a young and tender age. My dear friend, Angelique recognized this, and I allowed her to help, she wanted to help, because she finally and fully understood that she had been the cause of Sarah's death in her previous life. And my friend wanted to make good out of the wrongs she had caused.
This nourishment was not so simple a thing to provide me with. Dr. Hoffman and our Wadsworth took great pains to make sure I had enough every week. Whatever food I could eat, Sarah would be fed with more than would nourish me. To eat was a luxury of that regularity Barnabas and I still enjoyed. But what would sustain both I and Sarah was the blood with the removal of certain elements, however much I starved for those elements... I knew that I could endure what I needed to in order to give Sarah the life she never had, and even if she understood what her father and I were later, she could make that choice if she wanted to live the way we did. It was truly that important to give her the choice, and in order to do that, we had to bring her into this world again... as a mortal baby girl.
Our child's new birth, as Sarah Dupres in this century, was the biggest good she, Angelique, could do. I, myself, knew that in all of what had happened, this was the time to trust Angelique, showing she could help to make right all of what had gone wrong before. Even with Willie arguing against it, Barnabas explained, about what I had expressed then, to Willie, "I suppose she would know how to make decisions considering who she decided to live with... considering... you and I..."
The blue eyes of my midwife focused on where she'd placed her hand at my abdomen as she uttered, "Shh-shh-shh-shhh..." All in the room went silent and then, "Her heart rate is good, very good." How could she tell, one may wonder? Yes, once a Witch, always a Witch.
I looked up and saw Willie, sandy hair a wave around his ears and his coat collar turned up into those wisps, he at the doorway still looking nervous as he gripped at the frame. My gaze toward him caught his understanding and he nodded, "All right, everyone. It's likely time to head downstairs, smoke six packs of cigarettes and wear out a circle on the carpet of the main room together."
By this time Carolyn had vaguely come-to and Victoria was lifting her up to exit. As those three shuffled away our butler remained, holding the knob of the door, "Should you need anything, Sir?"
Barnabas turned, catching this offering, "I will let you know, Wadsworth. I promise you, I will."
"Very good, sir."
"And Wadsworth?" Barnabas stalled him.
Wadsworth's eyes turned towards the one employer who would be a better friend to him than any he'd ever been employed by, "Yes... Sir?"
As heartfelt as my husband would ever say it, even to me, "Thank you."
Blinks of understanding, and that which to remove a mist coming to his eyes, Wadsworth nodded, "You... are welcome... Sir."
The door shut and as Barnabas took in the bedroom and all of us together once more, the three ladies in his life that had brought him the most suffering and the most joy, I realized here was the place he'd kept so sacred for me, and in doing this he was forced to face... himself. Angelique, Sarah, and I were likely the utmost components for the turmoil of his life. I existed as the triple face of his love, but between us all were the three faces of loves changeability in his life. Finally, we were complete in working together to absolve it for him. To stand there... Barnabas Collins could not be as calm as he looked.
"Are you still afraid, Maggie?" he questioned, folding his fingers together.
A tear began to slip from my eye, and my breathing was jagged "as much as you obviously are... mon demón."
His memorable gape of melancholic exasperation came up and as I reached out to him, Angelique waved her right hand, as if scolding him, "Get over to your wife's side, you bewildered old thing!"
Barnabas took no umbrage at this, removed his coat, and stretched his hand to grasp mine as he came forward, sitting at my left side. Our arms encompassed each other as another contraction began to build-up. This one did hurt!
I grunted and squeezed him tight. One arm was across the back of my shoulders, cupping one in his hand, the other hand taking my head with that loving concern and pride he'd shown me so many midnights we'd already shared on this bed. The pressure subsided and for one minute I was happily present in his embrace, having so many more I'd felt to reflect upon. Our baby was within me and with all of us here, in my room. This was meant to be; as we had promised he and I were centuries ago.
Stretching out my right hand, it found Angelique's, who grasped and shook it as a way of telling me whatever I needed, go ahead and do. She had her own husband now and no longer detested the love Barnabas and I had for one another. She'd come a long way. So I pulled back from the closeness and found more as I kissed him, as passionately as possible for as long as this tiny moment would endure. He responded to this, holding my head closer and reaching in a way that I needed, to distract me from the extremity of any pain that might come. All three of us were one again, as we had been at Sarah's conception.
But what was my friend doing, releasing my hand as she looked towards my hips in this moment? Expressing a jealous reaction? No. Angelique was lost in the softest and warmest of smiles. She no longer worried about Barnabas, although she was thinking of someone. Her own husband: Quentin Collins. And perhaps her own child, Caleb... she knew, my friend knew what was in store for her in eight months time from now.
A deep inhale came from me, and Barnabas gripped the back of my skull asking, "What do you need, tell me what you need."
A clasping of our hands was my answer as I pushed. My dear friend and midwife felt down toward my vitals to reach for where our child was finally coming out.
"Head first, please tell me she's coming out head first."
"Of course she is... Maggie... I see it... can you push again?"
I was breathing in and out so hard I was worried I'd injure my husband's eardrum as I held on to him. I knew this was nothing to what many mothers endured, but as we held fast to one another I was sure we would be through it soon.
Between all of the pressure, I could feel my friend glaze a warm moisture below, likely some form of natural oils she suggested but I was not likely to ask about now as the pressure grew stronger and stronger and I pushed down, striving to release our child away.
I felt her palm over Sarah, "Her heart rate is still wonderful, Josette, don't worry."
I felt a sudden flow release from my insides and shouted over my husband's shoulder, "Angelique? What's going on?!"
"Just a large amount of fluid, very good. Very, very good. Josette. You're both doing fine, don't' worry."
I could tell something was spluttering out of me, and was thankful as our friend explained it to me.
"Barnabas, turn her on her side," she directed.
He moved me so that I faced him, laying on my left, and then a sudden pressure engrossed me completely to scream into his vest. He held my head and proclaimed, "Go ahead, let it out, my dearest, don't be afraid, just let it out."
I did.
"I'm going to pull open your cervix now, are you ready?"
I grunted here, "Yes, do it!"
She did, and the pain erupted as a searing of flesh would. I screamed, mouth wide open as I pushed.
Suddenly I heard a voice in my mind, "I am all right, Mamma... I'm all right."
That was when I knew I could go through this for however long it took, and it only took twenty more seconds before I heard her little voice howl with my own corporeal ears.
"She's out, she's here," Angelique announced.
The door burst open, and that voice I knew so much calmer these days was as shaky as it would ever be again, "I can't take it anymore! I ain't passin' 'round cigars. I can tell she's here. I wanna hold her! Now!"
Willie...
"It's just as well," Angelique confess allowed, "I need the help! Come over here and hang on to her. I have to cut the cord."
And as I could focus on the possibilities I knew, Sarah was a bluish or pink and smothered mess of a baby, her godfather's tearful words were fitting, "Oh... she's... she's all messed up now... just like me..."
After I heard the snip of the shears I knew he was taking her over to one of the basins to bathe her, and I trusted Willie to do so.
My dear friend and midwife worked so hard on cleaning and repairing all my lower parts, as Barnabas kissed me and spoke into my mind, "Thank you, Maggie, thank you for returning to us as yourself, as Josette, and giving us our child, the little girl we lost so long ago. I told you that you were my splendour, but you may never deny to yourself, that now, you have done what no one else could ever, ever do, my one-true-love."
As he had done for me, and as I kissed him back, I returned, "And my own, Barnabas Collins."
Sarah's bathing was complete and Willie had the honour of presenting our daughter, swaddled in a baby blanket, to her father. The connection was instant and Barnabas was grinning at her with both elation, and some small tenderness of sorrow for that past the two shared. As he sat down beside me we touched her together, a blend of caution and passion between the three of us on my bed.
"Well," Willie pressed his hands to his hips, happy in the muck that was splattered here and there about his clothing, "if no one is gonna announce it, I will," then softly and shakily, "It's a girl."
Keeping a nodule of awareness to my husband as Willie helped me cradle Sarah at my breast to feed for the first time, I looked at the tiny wonder of her and listened to what happened as Barnabas tucked Angelique into her coat downstairs.
"I think I proved myself as well as I could. Don't you, Barnabas?"
"Very well, Angelique. She was right to trust you as..."
"No one else would?" Angelique asked, pointedly. I didn't blame her.
"After everything, you-"
"I understand, Barnabas, more than anyone else would." She buttoned up her coat and I could see her looking somewhat angelic and devilish at the same time, happy to rub his nose in the disbelief that she, herself, could change, along with the rest of us.
"But, Angelique, what has this done for you?" asked my husband.
"I? I knew I could do it. Delivering babies is no small matter, but delivering a renewal of someone touched by my old wicked deeds concerning you? I wanted the challenge. No modern lady doctor was going to take that away from me, Barnabas Collins."
The weather had subsided to a calm of gentle mist outside and I could sense her reaching for the door.
"Thank you, Angelique," he uttered, "you have changed, obviously, and we could not do this without your help."
She shifted in wonderment, "Why? With the proper training, almost anyone could have done what I did."
"But it would not have been you, Angelique. That was what made all the difference. And Maggie knew that. That is why it was so important for you to help us tonight."
"Can I tell you something, Barnabas? Something you may not believe?"
He stirred in a loss for words, then a moment later said, "Yes."
"I love you... and I mean that now. I was in love with you before. I was obsessed with you. I wanted to be a Collins and now I am all the same, but that's not the point. I'm not in love with you anymore. I care about you, deeply. Can I tell you why?"
My husband, I could hear his heart flutter in confusion at this, he dared to ask, "Why?"
"Your baby was in your arms, in her arms, you held each other, you kissed each other, and you know what I felt, after all of these many decades and centuries?"
"What, Angelique?"
"I felt happy... I did... I felt happy... for the both of you."
They embraced and as I held my daughter close, I smiled at Willie and he smiled back, not knowing half of what I held in knowledge or had reason to smile at him about, but his kiss on my cheek, and his attentiveness was enough for all of us in this Old House of ours, now filled with love to the absolute brim.
As Barnabas ascended the stairs, I could foresee what was about to occur when my beloved friend, Angelique, finally arrived home to her lighthouse, wherein Quentin was waiting for her with all the love he himself never knew he was capable of.
"What happened?" she would ask of him.
"They made it, all three ships are fine. I even shared a snort with one of the captains who came to thank me. Are you impressed?"
She'd laugh, "Yes, Quentin. I am. But I suppose that is more than what I did tonight."
And he would stare at her with that penetrating gaze I remembered a century ago as Kitty Soames, "No, I don't suppose anything could hold a candle to bringing Sarah Collins back into this world as Sarah Dupres, my dearest Angelique."
And Quentin would grasp her in his arms tighter than any of the loves he'd experienced, for this was the one that held beyond the rest, the charm and perseverance that matched his own.
She would stroke his face, still growing in the sideburns she fingered, to tantalize him with all she had to offer and they would kiss as passionately as I knew in my own marriage. He would feel her abdomen as Barnabas had felt mine in that same wonder of what was to come. We had Sarah now and they would have Caleb and someday our children would be like brother and sister.
"Are you curious what will happen when she helps to deliver our child here, my husband?"
Quentin laughs, "I am sure it will be almost exactly as what you went through tonight with them, depending on who can reach where we sleep together, my dearest, my angel." Quentin kisses her with that same passion he is so well to distribute, "But they shall have to be careful, for our little one will be the pistol... that I know... you can be."
As they stand there at the bottom room of the lighthouse, I know for sure and certain, that their passion tonight will be exemplary to all the nights I've shared with my own love, Barnabas Collins.
One Love... One Heart...
Let's get together and feel all right.
Hear the children cryin' (One Love!);
Hear the children cryin' (One Heart!),
Sayin': give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Sayin': let's get together and feel all right. Wo wo-wo wo-wo!
Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One Love!);
There is one question I'd really love to ask (One Heart!):
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner,
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own beliefs?
One Love! What about the one heart? One Heart!
What about it all ? Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One Love!);
So shall it be in the end (One Heart!),
All right!
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
One more thing!
Let's get together to fight this Holy Armagiddyon (One Love!),
So when the Man comes there will be no, no doom (One Song!).
Have pity on those whose chances grows t'inner;
There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation.
Sayin': One Love! What about the One Heart? (One Heart!)
What about the - ? Let's get together and feel all right.
I'm pleadin' to mankind! (One Love!);
Oh, Lord! (One Heart) Wo-ooh!
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
(-Bob Marley)
Yep! That was a tough one. Hope y'all enjoyed it. Let me know if you did. Thanks.