101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, our heroes will kill Jar Jar Binks by shooting him with a dart that contains a deadly toxin…suffice to say the effects won't be pretty. But this is what you want, am I right?
I swear, sometimes my fans can be hard to please…
Chapter 36: Blow Dart
Jar Jar Binks was busy sitting on a chair grabbing his tongue and making strange noises. Suffice to say he was quite distracted, which gave Anakin Skywalker the perfect opportunity to get behind a nearby potted plant and prepared for his next and rapidly approaching kill.
The killing method had been suggested by Obi-Wan Kenobi, who told them about a few people who used outdated technology to attack their prey in another corner of the galaxy. Anakin wondered if there was any more killing method they could use that had been started by them.
With some help from his good friends, he had filled a small but very dangerous dart with an extremely poisonous chemical that would ultimately kill Jar Jar Binks, his hated enemy, upon injection, and had dressed in tribal gear for this special occasion.
With precise accuracy, Anakin Skywalker pulled out a piece of bamboo and shot a blow dart out of the blue and straight towards Jar Jar Binks' short neck, who reacted with surprise and jumped out of his seat, placing his long tongue back in his mouth.
"What happened?" wondered Jar Jar Binks. "Why do mesa get da feeling dat something was shot in mesa neck? Somethin' fishy going round here."
Jar Jar Binks scratched his head, still curious as to what had happened, when suddenly he started vomiting uncontrollably on the floor, feeling extremely nauseous as the chemical inside the blow dart started to take effect.
"Yuck! Mesa feels horrible!" Jar Jar Binks screamed, quickly noticing what a mess he had made. "Mesa hope Anakin knows da number of da cleaners. While he's at it maybe he could send mesa to da hospital!"
Eventually everything around the Gungan started to feel blurry and the entire room started spinning around him, and he suddenly fell on the floor, dead from the poison that had rapidly entered his bloodstream.
"Mission accomplished." Anakin Skywalker stated, grinning evilly as he observed the grisly events that had happened to our least favorite Gungan.
After getting his friends, they proceeded to read from the Resurrection Book and resurrect Jar Jar Binks, causing the toxins inside his body to mysteriously disappear as he went back up on his feet.
"I can't help but wonder how exactly that spell works. Not like we can simply ask Jar Jar…" Anakin Skywalker thought.
"Who would have thought that ancient killing methods could be so useful?" Padme Amidala noted.
"Maybe we could try killing him using a guillotine some time?" suggested Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Well, we already tried hanging, didn't we?" approved Qui-Gon Jinn.
Once again, C-3PO was ordered to clean up the mess that Jar Jar Binks had made using a nearby mop and a bucket, which in this case was barfing most of the content in his stomach. As he grumbled to himself about having to do all the work himself, another robot suddenly came up to him.
"Now who might you be?" C-3PO asked him with curiousity.
The robot responded by making high-pitched beeping noises.
"Your name is R2-D2? Interesting, well I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is C-3PO. I'd shake your hand if I could, but you do not appear to have any."
R2-D2 proceeded to make more beeping noises.
"You're here so you can help slaughter Jar Jar Binks, you say? I suppose that I can't disagree with that idea…we always could use some assistance, it can get difficult to exterminate him after a while." C-3PO replied.
As it turns out, Padme Amidala decided to bring R2-D2 along to see if he wanted to kill Jar Jar Binks. As it turns out, he wanted to join the club as well.
And so with yet another new member to their group, our heroes began thinking about what could be used for their next killing method.
In the next chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die from yet another reference…this one might not be as obvious to you though…it' is something that you can find on the Internet however…so I suppose at least a few of you might understand this next death.
I'll give you a hint, it involves llamas. Yes, you heard me. Llamas. You'll see what happens shortly.