Title: The Day The Earth Stood Still
Author: Sare Liz
Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Continuity: Midnight Sun, EPOV, Canon pairings, Canon ontology, AU.
Rating: M.
Book Two: One More Year 'Til Forever
Chapter 12: Diamond & Moonstone
Beta: Colleen P., who consistently amuses me by calling Edward 'Sparkles' in that snarky tone of voice. I love that. She tethers me to the ground when I get too romantic. :)
Author's Note: Okay. I will admit to a blatant author insertion, a Mary Sue, if you will. I bet you can find it.
I had my hand gently rubbing her abdomen when I heard the thought.
Do you really like my tummy? No. Shut up. Don't ask. Don't... don't answer. You don't have to answer.
And then I felt the door close in her mind. It was so subtle that if I hadn't known exactly what I was looking for I might never have noticed, but I did know, so I did notice.
"Bella," I called to her quietly as I snuggled closer to her underneath the covers. I pressed the long expanse of my skin to hers, from knee to chest. "Why don't you open that door back up and I'll tell you exactly what I think of your tummy."
Belly. Tummy. Before Bella I would have scoffed at calling that section of the body anything but the abdomen, as the other terms seemed so juvenile and diminutive, but now they didn't quite seem that way to me. They simply seemed... softer, less clinical, more personal. Bella's tummy was a wonderful phrase to me.
She groaned a little. "You noticed that, huh?" she said, her early morning voice cracking. Geez, I have no secrets anymore.
My laugh was nearly silent as I took no offense from her words. "I learn quickly, or haven't you noticed?" I whispered.
She snorted softly. Oh, I've noticed alright. You learn quickly, and you don't limit yourself to one subject area, either. I'm sort of surprised you haven't started in on the Kama Sutra yet.
I grinned. "Do you think I should?"
She snickered, but then thought again of the door. With a deep breath, I felt it open again. She wasn't thinking anything in particular, but the background thoughts from that 'room' in her mind were all negative, disparaging, an irrational cycle of off-putting thoughts. If this was normal for our mainstream culture, which I suspected it was given how familiar these thoughts were for me despite the fact that I'd never given the time over to thinking much on the subject, then our entire culture was deeply flawed and doing a great disservice to fully half of our population.
Still, I desperately wanted to change her opinion on the subject, but I had no concrete way to go forward. It was obvious to me that telling her she was wrong was not going to be helpful in the long or short term. I got the feeling that her opinions hadn't formed quickly and that it may be that they wouldn't un-form or reform quickly.
The only thing that seemed right to me was to be expressive, which admittedly was not always my first inclination, our sexual relationship aside.
"You know," I whispered to her, my hand on her belly in constant, gentle motion. "Your tummy was the very first part of your body that I decided I could spend a year worshiping."
Oh you've got to be kidding me.
"No, honest. I'll grant you, this was before I became better acquainted with your breasts, with whom I am now great friends, and this was before I became intimately acquainted with your pussy, for whom you know I have a great fondness and affection."
Bella was laughing, and I had my own small grin, but I continued.
"Now, when I say 'spend a year worshipping,' I really do mean a mostly uninterrupted year, pausing once every two or three weeks to hunt a bit before getting back to the serious business of worshiping said tummy. And I will admit that I my thoughts were somewhat obsessive on the subject at the time, and though I have broadened my horizons when it comes to fantasies, I happily admit that I admire your lovely belly no less now than I did then. Now, while I admit that I cannot spend an uninterrupted year right now doing this, I'd be happy to start my oft-interrupted year of worshipping this beautiful little patch of your body right here, and right now."
Bella snickered. By all means, please do.
I groaned and pushed my hardened length against her, between our bodies and was utterly gratified when she slipped her top leg up and back, over my thigh. I shivered. I couldn't imagine anything I wanted more, than to be inside of her in all the delicious ways I could while I did this. I shifted slightly so that I had the tip just inside. Bella arched her back and I groaned as I slid within her tight space that I had only just recently gotten to its present juicy and delicious stage the old fashioned way - with my tongue. Really, it was the only valid way to wake Bella up in the morning - or afternoon, if you will.
I pushed myself as fully in as I could from this position and Bella began to rhythmically squeeze my cock, clenching her muscles in a slow ripple. Three slow, rippling clenches, then a sharp tight squeeze that only released bit by bit before she started it all over again. I shivered and ground myself into her, all the while trying to focus. Normally I could completely multitask eight different things, but during sex with Bella I could barely handle two, so consumed was I usually with Bella herself. It was just so good.
I'm sorry, did I distract you? You were going to say something nice about my tummy, I think.
I growled, and not softly, as I remembered exactly where I'd wanted to go with that line of thought.
"You are not a little girl, Bella," I said, my voice slightly altered from the growling. "You shouldn't want to look like one."
I'm not trying to look like a little girl, she protested.
I snarled my disagreement. "Tiny body, no curves, no weight, a pre-pubescent look even when your body shape craves it? Craves the weight, the curves?" I ground my hips into her tight, squeezing pussy. "I wouldn't be doing this if you were a little girl, Bella. I couldn't have mated with you if I'd met you years ago - maybe I would have been drawn to you, drawn enough to stick around and wait, not knowing why, not understanding why I was so benignly fascinated with a human child, maybe, maybe, but love, this?" I drew out and thrust back in. "This is because I am a man and you are a woman. Not a girl. A woman. And this delicious little curve right here," I said, palming the bottom curve of her tummy, "this is a subtle but very... poignant indication that you are not a little girl. You are a woman. My woman," I growled.
My chest wasn't enough of an indicator, then? She was fighting it, but her background thoughts betrayed her. I wondered if she even knew. She wanted to look like Alice. And if she couldn't look like Alice, then she wanted to look like Rosalie, but she knew the latter was impossible - she wasn't tall enough, or curvy enough.
I snarled my response, hiking her leg up a little so I could go a bit deeper as she used her muscles to milk an orgasm for both of us. "It's your whole body," I said in a half whisper, half growl. "It spells out in a language I'm just learning all the things I truly need in the world. I love your body. I adore it. And it fucking bothers me that you can't see what I see. I don't want you to look like anyone but yourself." My words were harsh but I kept my grip on her body light, gentle.
You don't understand.
"That much is obvious," I said in agreement. I shifted my free hand from underneath her side to sweep her hair over her shoulder so I could kiss it. I let my fingers tangle in her hair and cradle her head. "So explain it to me. I swear I'm on your side. I'm pro-Bella, and I always will be."
No, you're being an asshole about it. And you're using sex to cover up assholish behavior.
I sighed and regrouped and thought for a moment. Did she have a point? Maybe. I hadn't meant to say as much as I did, but I did mean every word. But possibly I could have done this better. I started out just wanting to love her, but it just pissed me off so much that she could have such a skewed view of herself, a view that was obviously unhealthy. I might have gotten carried away.
I sighed again and held her tightly to me. "You're right. I stand by my views of your body, and I swear to you one day I'm going to get you to agree with me utterly and completely , but I didn't do this with much grace. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for being an asshole," I murmured in her ear. My anger was gone, but in its place was an ineffable sadness.
She sighed and I felt her shoulders relax and her pussy clench tightly. "I forgive you for being an asshole. And thank you for admitting it," she whispered.
I snuggled into her neck and kissed the back of it. I let my left hand rove back over her belly. "I still love your tummy," I whispered.
She snorted and I could imagine that she rolled her eyes too, but I couldn't be certain. That's fine. You can love my tummy.
I grinned. "Will you love your tummy with me?"
Don't push it. I'm not even sure we're on speaking terms.
"That's easily solved." I took her left hand with mine and brought it to the area in question, lacing my fingers through hers and my palm covered her hand, as our fingertips sought out that delicious curve. "Bella, my love, I would like to introduce you to your tummy. As your tummy is one of my very favorite spots, I thought it would be best if you two became acquainted."
I feel ridiculous. I'm not saying hello to my fat stomach. You can't make me.
"Oh, so this," I said, trailing our combined fingertips over and over that curve, "does nothing for you?"
That's not fair.
"It's all fair, love," I whispered into her ear. "It's all fair and I'm prepared to play dirty if necessary."
Oh... oh, you know I like it when you play dirty...
I smiled to myself. Yes, I did know that. In my most persuasive tone, I reasoned with her, my lips against the delicate shell of her ear. "Bella, my sweet Bella. You don't have to love your belly today. But could you like it? Could you just try that out for me, just for today?"
I... I... I guess. She moaned and squeezed me harder. I groaned in response.
Could we have all of our conversations like this? Please?
I left her hand on her belly and let mine slide lower, into her curls to the little bundle of nerves that I knew needed some stimulation by now. "Will you come for me, my sweet Bella?" I whispered into her ear as my fingertips slipped and slid in her slickness. She whimpered and moaned aloud as she chanted my name in her head.
After only a few more moments she began to pant my name aloud even while she chanted, bite me, bite me and come too! I purred at the prospect and felt her start to reach her orgasm. I shifted a little and let my lips seal over the space just below her jaw. I licked and sucked the unbroken skin, bringing blood to the surface before letting my teeth touch and slice, my tongue catch and sooth, over and over again washing away the tastes of last night's food and its early morning return journey, chasing away the not-entirely-enticing taste of mint toothpaste. The savory tang was ambrosia in liquid form, the tiny drops infusing my entire mouth with delicious aroma that cleansed my palate utterly. I groaned and shuddered as I took four more drops. I cupped Bella's sex in my left hand in her head in my right. In Bella's head she imagined that we were home, in our queen-sized bed, and that we were watching each other in the mirror before us. I held her body as it tensed and shook, her mid-volume whimpering the wordless counterpoint to her very vocal mental chanting of the words 'Yes!' and 'Edward!' both. I was no better. The moment her blood hit my tongue it began; the deep, completely mind-blowing orgasm that convinced me that heaven existed for me. It started deep in my spine and drew from every tense muscle in my body. When I could, when there was no trace of blood to be exposed in the air, I threw my head back and into the pillows and groaned loudly.
"Oh fuck, Bella!"
I was jerking and pulsing even as her pussy clenched down on me with an involuntary strength that was deeply to be admired. In a moment of fantasy as I released my essence deep within her body, I imagined the two of us on a giant bed with tropical breezes flowing through the room, stirring the heated air. We were definitely taking a month-long honeymoon on Isle Esme.
I shifted her leg back and rubbed at the muscle in her hip as we both began to come down from our last orgasm for this part of the day. She was panting, limp and beautifully flushed a moment later when there was a soft knock on the door. I quickly adjusted our covers such that the sheet and light blanket were tucked securely up under her arms. One of my arms was curled up under her head, beneath the pillow, and the other held her securely to me, over the covers, my hand between her breasts with my fingertips just at her throat. We were so close, actually, pressed up against one another, partially because I was still within her. It was good that I moved so quickly because just after the soft knock, the door opened and Renee appeared behind it.
"Mom!" Bella instantly chastised.
"Oops," Renee said, her eyes widening as she took in our obviously post-coital state. Very quickly by human standards she looked away and blushed. "Why aren't you two up and dressed yet? We still have daylight to burn!"
"Mom, seriously," Bella groaned in exasperation. "Go away and close the door and we'll get up."
"Alright. There's coffee on, and sandwich stuff in the fridge for lunch."
And then Renee left.
I understood in theory why this bothered Bella, and yet I didn't. Bella happily dished to her mother over the phone almost everything she and I did in the bedroom - just about everything but the blood. And yet, dealing with it in person was a deeply embarrassing exercise for her. My only basis of comparison was my own family. All of us had intimate awareness of the sex lives of the others, but Alice, Jasper, and myself most particularly in our separate ways. It simply wasn't a big deal. We all had active, sexual relationships with our partners, and we each gave the other couples as much privacy and respect as we could, gentle and occasional teasing about breaking through walls aside - Esme was particularly bad about this. Her rationale was that if she could build a wall she was also entitled to knock it down with Carlisle anytime she liked. There was nothing wrong or bad about that, it just was, and now that we were all mated and I was not the odd man out, it was no longer a source of guilt for the rest of them and resentment for me - thought admittedly I would have been more resentful if I had truly known what I was missing.
Then again, we were all adults, and always had been. Even when at one point in each of our lives we were newborn, that was a phase that quickly passed. Though we were a family, there were no true parents - a patriarch, yes, but no mother, no father. Our power was not truly hierarchical, and Carlisle was no dictator. Ours was more like cells in the body, each contributing to the whole, and I could see that this, at least, was not how most human families functioned.
The situation was still strange, and I wasn't sure what to make of it, other than to accept it and analyze on the go.
I was tugged from my thoughts by the feel of my love stretching next to me, her skin rubbing deliciously, but sadly taking her glorious pussy away from the immediate and intimate contact we'd enjoyed before. I put my arm back under the covers and stroked her side before lightly massaging some of the muscles along her back.
"Oh, Edward," she groaned loudly.
"Get up!" we both heard Renee call out even louder, through the door, just before I heard the front door close.
Bella sighed. Yeah. We should. Okay. Getting up. Up, up, up, up, yup, up. Let's go shower. Ugh. I have the strangest urge to just snooze and eat strawberries off your abdomen, and maybe toast, because then I would have to chase all the crumbs and lick them up, and just make love to you all day long.
I grinned and shifted us so that I held myself over her as she lay beneath me, her fingers now running over my chest like streams of hot water.
"We've done that," I murmured to her. The crumbs had gone everywhere, but Bella had been very diligent in chasing them. "We can do it again, if you like, but not today."
We'd also done my version, out in the woods. Granted, a blanket and some freshly caught venison had played large into my version and there was no sleep in sight, but mutatis mutandis.
Still, we showered quickly, which meant our hands lingered as we washed one another and I treasured her soft sighs as I washed her hair. I began purring as she washed mine and didn't stop until we were wrapped in our towels and stepping out of the bathroom, back to the guest room. As she rummaged through our bags for our clothes, I stepped up behind her and held her tightly to me, soaking in the firm resistance my hardened cock met as she bent over.
My poor baby. We don't have time for much - we should keep going, get dressed - but I can suck you off. I'd be happy to do it.
I groaned, warring with the decision.
Bella dropped her towel and pulled it from between us, but as there wasn't much space and there was quite a lot of friction, she pulled mine away, too. Suddenly my cock was nestled right in the valley of her beautiful rear and the chill of the chain around my waist pressed into her when she straightened up.
Oh! Focus, focus, focus, Bella. Focus. I watched with interest as she put a pale blue bra on - not my favorite color on her, but close - and then... ugh, she bent over to get the matching underwear. I clutched her hips to me and held her steady as she lifted one foot, then another, then... fuck, she bent over further and slowly, slowly straightened back up again as she pulled the matching lacy boy shorts all the way up until my cock rubbed against the material.
It was so unfair. Bella could make me come in twenty seconds, if she wanted to, but we had no such quick outlet for her. After much, much intense practice I could make her come quickly, but we had a hell of a time stopping there. It was usually just the first tiny appetizer to an overwhelming feast of the senses that inevitably took hours. We did not have that kind of time right now.
My erection would subside in time. Probably. Unless I kept thinking about her, unless she flirted with me, unless the wind shifted and I was drenched in her scent, unless something, anything in her mind set one of the two of us off. And if she did graciously do me the service, I would only get hard again, and the same situation would be at hand. Either way I was going to have to deal with it like I always did. Either way... but one way I could have her lips around my cock, my seed on her tongue and her blood on mine, and the other way I wouldn't have any of those things...
I groaned and folded. "Please, Bella," I said with normal volume, though my voice was in its lowest register. "Won't you suck my cock for me? Won't you let me coat my tongue in your blood? Won't you pump me and squeeze me and bite me as I come in your mouth?"
Bella wiggled her ass back at me. Baby, I thought you'd never ask. "The answer is always yes," she added softly. Grab me a pillow and sit on the edge of the bed.
I did as she asked and put the pillow between my feet. She walked to me, semi-clad and utterly gorgeous and I held her hands to steady her as she sunk to her knees on the pillow. With her hands on my thighs, she leaned in and lapped up the underside of my hardened length.
So sweet. So good.
She nuzzled the thatch of curls at the base of my cock before using her teeth and nipping up the side. I couldn't help the groan escaping. Usually when we had to be quiet, Bella's lips did not go near my cock. "Yes, yes, Bella, yes." I ran my fingers through her hair and caressed the back of her neck and shoulders, all without obstructing the view. "Please, let me see those beautiful lips wrapped around my cock," I breathed out, trying to concentrate both on the moment and the words, knowing that my efforts would be appreciated by my love. "Oh, Bella, yes, let me feel your teeth - bite me, bite me, suck me, hard."
Bliss! I shivered and shied away from reality. I didn't want to taste her blood just yet. I wanted this blissful torture to continue indefinitely. I just wanted Bella to suck my cock for the next several days, or barring that, the next several hours. I snarled with teeth firmly shut when I felt Bella's finger pressing against my lips.
Don't get grumpy, and don't bite my finger off. I promise you, my cranky, sexy, vampire that if you come like a good boy right now, I promise you that if you can find us forty-five seconds of privacy at some point during the day I'll drop to my knees and suck you off again. I promise. Lips, tongue, teeth, sucking, coming, blood, blood, blood, all for you, baby, whenever you want it, wherever you can manage it, I promise. Open your mouth. Open your mouth, Edward, and then come in mine.
I did, and then, I did. I came snarling and groaning and it felt so damn good.
Our hosts were doing some chores outside, so I didn't have to eat lunch, and it was blissfully overcast. We were going to spend the afternoon at the mall to do some last minute Christmas shopping, then go see a movie - Bella negotiated this day with me in mind. Still, I wore a long sleeved overshirt that had a very fashionable hood attached - I was grateful fashion had taken this turn just as I had acquired a human wife. Bella handed me one of Charlie's old Seattle Mariner's caps. I tried to tame my hair before I put it on, but Bella silently assured me it was a lost cause, and I looked gorgeous regardless of the state of my hair.
Why is your hair so crazy? she asked as we wandered the mall hand in hand together, Bella all the while denying that she needed anything I felt she might.
"For a few months before... the household was likely in upheaval. I don't remember, but I've discussed it with Carlisle. Then with members of our household staff getting sick and dying, and then my parents, and then me shortly after - getting my hair cut was lowest on the priority list." I flexed my fingers and brought our clasped hands up between us. "Never wondered why my nails were so long?"
They're not so bad. They're about as long as mine. I just figured that had something to do with the customs of the time, or something.
"Yes, but you're not accounting for the piano. I have always played. I imagine I've always kept them short. I probably didn't let them go until I was in the hospital, but still. For the last eighty-eight years, it's been mildly annoying. I cope, but still."
Well, that's good to know. She brought my fingers to her lips and kissed them. "I'm glad you play, anyway."
"Bella, what did you get me for Christmas?"
I felt a mental door slam shut.
"Why do you even ask? You know I'm not going to tell you."
I grinned down at her. "I was hoping you'd slip. But yes, I did feel that door shut."
She rolled her eyes at me. "And I'm not going to open it up for you. That's the room marked 'Presents for Edward' and you're not allowed in there, so don't waste your time."
I both loved and hated that she could do this. It was... incredible that she had such control over her mental space. It was also incredibly frustrating. Leave it to me to find a mate who can control my access to her head.
"What are you going to give me for Christmas?" Bella challenged as we paused by a jeweler's window.
"Ah, ah, ah," I said, chiding. I slipped my right hand around her waist and pulled her close to me as we looked at the display. "Presents are the one surprise I'm allowed, and I'm not going to ruin it."
Bella sighed, but made no argument, mental or vocal, as I walked with her into the jewelry store. "I bet you spent a lot. I hate it when you do that, you know."
I grinned. "I know you do. Which is why I spent eight dollars and fifty cents, plus tax."
Bella's head jerked around and her eyes snapped to mine. There was a look of pleasure dawning on her face. "Did you really?" she whispered in disbelief. "Seriously? Honestly?"
Score. And this was exactly what I was hoping would happen. I nodded, still grinning.
You wonderful man, you! You actually listen to me!
Since we were in public, I didn't answer. I just kept smiling and took her over to the case of precious and semi-precious stones.
"What do you like?" I murmured to her.
"Eh," she said softly. They're all so ostentatious. I just... oh, well that one's nice.
"Which one?" I asked in a voice that matched hers for volume. I couldn't tell from her thoughts.
"That one, third from the left, on the top." She pointed to a section of the case.
I looked up and caught the attention of one of the employees of the shop.
"Can I help you sir, ma'am?"
"We'd like to look at the diamond and moonstone ring in platinum right there."
"An excellent choice."
Bella turned to me with suspicious eyes. "Did you plan this?"
I grinned and shook my head. I watched as she looked at the ring that the attendant had placed on the piece of felt before us. Gingerly she picked it up. It is beautiful. Then she put it back down again and thanked the attendant with a note of finality.
"Wait just one moment, please," I asked politely to the attendant and turned my attention back to my lovely wife. "You don't like it? I think it's you. And I think it would look beautiful on you."
"You've given me enough rings for a lifetime, Edward," she said sardonically.
I raised an eyebrow. "I've given you two, and both were strictly necessary. This one is free from purpose."
"Yes, exactly," she said quietly. "It has no purpose."
"It's just a token of my undying affection for you," I said in my most persuasive tone, knowing that we were picking up an audience of curious consumers around us.
Ooo, you're playing dirty! Bad Edward! Bad! Fine. Let's negotiate. "If I let you buy me this ring, can I be present-free for the next year? Please?"
I didn't do it often, but the occasion called for it. I rolled my eyes at Bella. "Oh, please. There are many celebratory moments coming up in the next twelve months and you know it. Your birthday and our anniversary are just two. How about until the end of March?"
"Look at that ring, Edward," she said softly but with urgency, motioning toward it and the attendant who was trying to conceal his amusement at our antics. "You think that ring is only worth three months of gift-giving hiatus? Oh, I don't think so. End of September."
"End of June."
"End of August," Bella said. And it PAINS me!
"End of July. My final offer."
Bella gave me a look. Final offer? Final offer? What the hell? I'm the one with the bargaining chips over here, what do you mean, 'final offer?'
I leaned over and combed her hair away from her ear with my fingers and held it securely at the base of her neck. I leaned in and whispered into her ear. "Please, Bella. Please?" It was the tone that usually got me my way. "Please won't you let me buy you something pretty? I love buying you things that show off your beauty. Clothes that flatter your beautiful shape, lingerie that shrouds you in mystery right up until l rip it off your body, and jewelry that brings out the luster of your skin. Diamonds and moonstone - so beautiful and so apropos; the color of our skin and the hardness of mine - and soon enough, yours. A beautiful ring for a beautiful woman. Accept it, Bella. Accept it."
I felt her shiver. "Fine," she said weakly. "End of July."
I grinned and kissed her on the cheek before turning back to the assistant who was clearly biting the inside of his mouth to keep straight face.
Bella decided that she wanted to wear the ring on her left index finger, so once her size was taken, we paid for it and left the shop with the promise to return in forty-five minutes to pick up the ring, which would be ready then. We continued wandering slowly through the mall, chatting.
"It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow," Bella pointed out. "Any thoughts on how we're going to proceed?"
"I'm thinking I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning with a migraine. Those come and go and there is both sensitivity to light as well as nausea and vomiting that can be quite common with them. Sadly, I will have no appetite. I'll be fine by the time the sun sets, however. I scouted out some Christmas Eve Church options for us. The 'Midnight' service starts anywhere from eight in the evening to eleven, depending on which sort of church you want to attend."
"But wait, go back. You won't be bored during the day?"
I shook my head. "Renee has some books I haven't read. I scouted that situation out last night. I'll be fine. I'll miss you. I'll miss being in the peace and quiet of your mind, but I'll be fine." I proceeded to tell her about the different Christmas Service options and she chose the Episcopal Cathedral in Jacksonville. I was curious as to whether or not we might be joined by Renee and Phil, but Bella only laughed.
"No, but they'll let us borrow the car."
I let the subject drop.
"Have you ever been to the part of Brazil we're going to before?"
I shook my head. "No, but I've read about it and studied some maps. Also, Alice was quite descriptive."
"What's it like?"
"Nahuel and Huilen don't live anywhere near what you would be comfortable calling civilization. We'll take a day to get there and a day to return, but I doubt we'll be in conference with them for long. From what I gather from Alice, Nahuel doesn't actually believe that you would consent to be in a relationship with me of your own free will without being brainwashed, and so has refused to give up any information that would help us until he's convinced. Not that he put it quite that way - it's Alice's hope that once he sees you he'll start talking."
"She doesn't know? She can't see that happening? Shouldn't... I mean, doesn't it work like that for her? I mean, shouldn't she be able to see that already? We show up, I pull you into a torrid embrace, and Nahuel spills his guts?" She was confused, but then Bella had never really understood how Alice meant to find the hybrid anyway.
"She can't see the future where he is concerned. She thinks it's the same thing as with the wolves, in fact, she was counting on it when she went looking. She can read you and me because she is like and she's been like you. She's never been like Leah, or Nahuel. She's never... well, let me put this a different way."
I lowered my voice so she could just barely hear me as we walked along. "Human minds work a certain way, they have a certain texture to them, a way they process information. It's difficult to describe accurately, as we have no common frame of reference, but they all feel the same in a very general sense to me. Our minds feel different - they're faster, quicker, sharper - they just have a different feel, a different texture. It's not better or worse, but it is definitely different. The Pack as a different mind, again, only there are two different minds. When they go around on two feet, their mind is human-like, but not human. When their on four feet, it's a completely different thing, not remotely human at all. They think together. They share thoughts, memories, references. It's a pack mentality, literally. If one of them has a thought, it triggers a memory in someone else's mind and the thought and memory are shared by all, as if it belonged to each individually, and it works over whatever distances are involved. I..."
Holy shit.
Edward? Edward, what's going on, are you okay?
I blinked and took a deep breath. "I... just... realized something." And I was still trying to process it. Oh, holy shit. What have we done?
"What did you realize?" Can we talk about it in public, or should we do this some other way? I don't have your journal, but there's a bookstore somewhere in here, and we could go get one if we need to. We probably shouldn't leave the mall, unless this is an emergency. Is this an emergency? Edward?
"No. I... Can we stop walking, please?" Fuck, I just wanted to be still. I hated having to maintain the illusion when I felt overwhelmed like this.
Of course, baby. Let's go sit on that bench over there.
Her grip on my hand was firm, and her other hand was on my upper arm as we navigated the crush of humanity bent on buying last minute gifts. We sat on the bench and Bella put the pink stripped shop bag between our feet, along with her purse. She leaned into me, angled slightly and put both hands on my thigh. I wrapped my left arm around her back and rested my right hand with both of hers. Instantly her hands moved to surround mine. I bent my neck so that our foreheads were touching.
"The day that Leah was going to teach me to surf," I said, my voice a soft whisper. "The day that you had that productive meeting at Charlie's house instead."
The Summit. Yeah. Okay. I'm with you.
"Leah and I went running, and well, you already know most of this. We had a heart to heart. I invited her into the family, and of course she's one of us, now. But, but it was more than that. She wasn't just running to something, she was running away from something, obviously. Obviously. Even though she is still friends with Jacob - better friends, now, perhaps - and even though she still sees her little brother quite often, and her parents occasionally, she... She didn't just join the Cullens that day. Even in her words spoken to me, that's not all that happened. She also disowned herself from both of those families - the Pack, and the Clearwaters. She said she couldn't deal with either one of them. And then she joined our family."
Ooookay. I guess I'm missing the point, Edward.
"All this time I thought the difference in her mind, which admittedly I haven't sampled oh-so often, as I've usually been in yours, but I thought the difference was because she shifted so infrequently. But it's not. I just realized it's not."
I still have no idea what you're trying to say, what has upset you.
"Leah's not part of the pack anymore," I whispered.
"What do you mean, 'Leah's not part of the pack'? She's a werewolf, how can she not be part of the pack?" Bella asked in a whisper even quieter than mine.
"I don't know. But she's not. Her mind... it... Jacob's mind is different because he's the Alpha. I... I don't have a good way to explain it. But it's different, no matter what shape he's in. Leah's mind didn't used to be like his, but it is now. It's a subtle difference, and before I started explaining it to you, I never really thought about it, even though I felt it. And now that I think about it, the first time there was that difference was the end of our heart to heart, that day. There was a shift, and I didn't think anything of it. I thought she had just finally calmed down, but it was much more than that. There are two packs, now."
You mean Leah is the Alpha of her own pack?
"I think so."
Holy shit, indeed. Well, okay. Is this bad? I mean, is something bad going to happen?
"I can't imagine what what would be. I mean... she's already disavowed anything we might imagine her holding dear. What has she got left to lose? Us? We're not going anywhere."
Well, I don't care what pack she's in, I just want her to be happy.
"Me, too," I whispered.
Well, okay. What does this all have to do with Alice?
I smiled and sighed and shifted my head slightly so I could kiss my love.
"Right. So, everyone's mind is different. Mine is different from yours, ours is different from Leah's, and Leah's is different from Sam's. Right. Alice thinks that she can see me clearly and you more or less clearly because she's like me and was like you. Alice thinks that she can't see Leah or Sam at all because she's never been like either one of them, and trying to see an outcome where they are even peripherally involved, well, there's nothing. It all goes black. Everything disappears. Alice's theory is that a child from a union like ours would have a different texture of mind, and since she is unfamiliar with it, it would be like the wolves.
"So she looked for holes in her vision, even as she searched physically. She searched out the chain of consequences of every decision and she looked down that chain of consequences until the time you get pregnant to see which decision would lead her to a point where the chain would just disappear. And that's how she found him."
But the disappearing... wouldn't that mean... I mean... couldn't that mean that she dies, too? I mean, I heard that story from Jake. Right before his First Shift, he was hanging out with Rosalie in the garage, and Alice burst in and informed him that he was either going to die, or turn into a werewolf, because he had just disappeared off her radar screen. So... disappearing, doesn't that mean that you die, for Alice? I mean, if she was looking for a decision that led to her future disappearing, could that mean that she was also walking into her own death?
I squeezed her hand gently. "Yes," I said softly. "But she had Jasper with her, and she was cautious in every way. She's okay. It turned out alright."
This time.
I gave Bella a small half smile. "It's not always life or death, you know."
Says the vampire, Bella thought, rolling her eyes at me.
My laughter was silent, and my smile was full. I kissed her.
"Anyway, do you want to know more about Brazil?" I continued on when she nodded and reached up to brush her lips against mine again before relaxing back into the position we'd adopted for the conversation - our heads so close together our foreheads were touching. "I don't anticipate us being out in the jungle for more than four days, and we'll be carrying enough food and water for you and Leah during that time. We'll be sleeping up in the trees, in a hammock, and yes, I brought you bug spray." But even if we were delayed for some reason, I'd made a study of what sort of native and non-native plant life was good to eat, neutral, and poisonous. I also researched the best ways to cook over a camp stove or fire, and which native animals might be the tastiest. Monkey was supposed to be quite good, but if push came to shove, I wanted Bella to try the big cats. Either way, salt was key, and I had brought some. I also had a water purification system and had researched ways of effectively collecting and purifying water in the rainforest.
"Could I get malaria or something?"
I shook my head. We'd been over this before, but she must have forgotten. "It's not a malarial area, per se, but when Carlisle brought all of your other shots up to date, he also gave you one for malaria. You'll have to get a follow up one when you return, but I won't let you forget."
"So what are we doing the rest of the time? I mean, we'd still have like, a week, right?"
"A suite in a five star hotel that we won't have to leave until we go home, unless you want to do so."
"Would we order... room service?" Her voice was full of wonder.
"Strawberries. Toast. Crumbs," I said to her, softly.
I'm sold. Um... for that hammock up in the trees. Um... you're not going to make me sleep in that alone, are you? I mean, I know sometimes you don't stay with me all the time during the night, and you know that's fine, that makes a lot of sense, I wouldn't ask you to, and I know you've been away from Jasper and Alice and you probably have a lot of catching up to do, only I'm sort of worried that I might roll out or something, or you know, that maybe when no one's paying attention something with sharp teeth will get me.
I leaned in to brush a kiss over Bella's lips. "I wouldn't think of leaving you alone and unprotected for a single moment. If push comes to shove and I have to leave your side for some reason, at least two of us will be with you in my place. And I'm sure as hell not going to leave you in the middle of the night."
"What about baths?" Ugh, what about bathrooms? Do I really have to pee behind a tree?
"Full immersion is out, but I'd be happy to give you a sponge bath. That could work just fine. Just tell me the night before and we'll collect rain water for it. And yes, you will go behind a tree, but I'll dig a hole for you and I won't let you fall in. And yes, I brought you toilet paper."
"Thanks," Bella said, but her tone was dubious. For the first time since we sat down, she looked away from me, turned her head. If you think I'm going to pee - or anything else for that matter - with you standing next to me...
"That's exactly what I think, Bella. Listen..." I took my hand from hers and cradled her face, not forcing her to look at me, but refusing to be avoided. "You've been with me every time I've eaten since for the last six months." Her eyes darted back to mine and she leaned in again. "You have no idea how terrified I was that you would see that and be disgusted by it, utterly repulsed; that you would take one look at it and judge me harshly because of it. Even now, I accept it, but it doesn't cease to amaze me. This is no different. It's completely natural, a function of your body. We both take in food. My body can metabolize it completely. Yours can't, and it gets rid of the waste with incredible efficiency. There's nothing wrong or shameful about that."
Yes, but it's smelly and gross.
I smiled. "So is fried chicken. And don't get me started on the wolves. I can't fully describe how wrong they smell. It would be deeply insulting to them if I even tried, and I like them too much to do that."
Bella broke a smile. "So, okay. Where does it stand on the scale of smelly and gross?"
I thought about that for a minute. "On a scale of one to ten? Ten being the worst smell you can actually imagine, one being just on the smelly side of neutral?"
"Sure."
I thought for a moment more. "Raw vegetables are a One. Mint Toothpaste is a Two. Raw meat is Three Point Five. Human waste is a Four. Cooked plant matter that is entirely vegan is a Five. Humans themselves are sometimes a Six - not you, though. Cooked meat, or anything with eggs or dairy in it, cooked, is anywhere from a Six to a Nine, depending. And the Wolves? The Wolves are a Twenty-Three. It's off the charts. When I've been around them for a while and gotten a chance to desensitize myself it backs down to Eleven, but it's always the worst possible smell that goes beyond even what you can imagine. It's simply the worst possible smell."
"Huh. Wow. Okay." So it's really not a big deal?
"It's really not a big deal," I confirmed.
"So where am I on that chart?" Human waste moments aside, of course.
I kissed her nose. "You're not on that chart, love. That's the 'Things That Smell Bad To Edward' chart."
"One to ten, things that smell good to Edward, where am I?" she asked quietly.
"Twenty-three," I said with a soft smile.
Beyond even what you can imagine, good?
I nodded.
Oh. Well... that's okay, then. I saw and heard her deep breath.
As we were walking again, and when one caught her attention, I bought her a hot pretzel on the way back to the jewelers but she had finished it well before we arrived in our slow progress, forty-five minutes having passed since we settled on the ring.
Bella preferred to simply wear the ring, but I took the box with us all the same. As she admired the ring, she commented, "You know, I think I want to get my ears pierced."
"We can do that today, if you like." I'd seen piercing services advertised at the kiosks and stores that sold costume jewelry and other accessories.
Bella thought about that for a moment. Yeah, I think that would be okay. Sure. Let's do it.
We hadn't left the store yet, and when I looked at Bella she knew something was up. "Then we should probably get you some decent earrings."
When we met Renee and Phil an hour later at one of the restaurants where I could blessedly get a vegan raw salad with no dressing, Bella had half carat diamond-in-platinum studs in her ears, and she hadn't even fainted from the blood. At first we thought she should simply hold her breath, but the attendant doing the piercing vetoed the idea. Then we had a brilliant plan; I would hold one of her hands, she would look into my eyes and I would hold my other hand cupped loosely over her nose and mouth so the only thing she could smell was me. The attendant look at us as if we were insane, but it worked. And also, I had managed to convince Bella that the earrings weren't a gift, they were something she bought for herself. Still, Bella stopped herself several times from tucking her hair behind her ears during dinner. She didn't want her mother to see and ask. As it was the ring on her finger was an inevitable source of conversation.
"Oh, baby, is that ring new? It's so pretty! Let me see," Renee said, reaching across the table to Bella's extended hand. "And this is a beautiful engagement ring. Has Charlie seen it yet?"
"No," Bella said. "I think we're going to come back from Brazil engaged."
"And when are you going to get married again? We're coming to this one, you know."
I grinned and gratefully stopped eating to speak. "We're thinking early summer, but after graduation. We've already started our premarital counseling."
Bella snorted with laughter, almost choking on her Coke. Responding to Renee's baffled looks, Bella regained her composure and tried to explain.
"The priest, she's um, she's kinda young. But she's cool. We've been to her church a couple of times. It's okay. The service is... well, Edward likes it, but I'm not a fan. But I like her sermons. That's worth the price of admission. But our first homework assignment from her was to watch that new movie, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the one with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and then talk with each other about how lack of communication broke their relationship, and how open communication rebuilt it again. Then we had to report back to the priest about it."
The table duly erupted into laughter and Phil pronounced that we'd obviously found a winner.
"Yeah, even though we're pretty good about communication most of the time, the movie was an interesting thing to watch, from that perspective. I mean, you really see how two people who were just made for each other still couldn't hold a relationship together because they didn't know how to talk with one another and there were so many things unsaid. After five or six years of that they were both ready for a divorce. But it was also a good movie. A little violent, but okay. We had to see it twice."
The migraine day passed in silence as everyone else was out of the house. I busied myself by memorizing Renee's family recipes, and once that was finished, I perused through the rest of her small library. The books on Reiki were interesting. The books on meditation made quite a lot of sense, given what I'd observed in people's minds. The one book on chakras was fascinating and I made a mental note to do more reading in that vein. I'd only just finished Eckhart Tolle's 'The Power of Now' and Neil Donald Walsch's 'Conversations with God' books one, two, and three when I heard their mental voices through the din of everyone else within five miles. Renee was the easiest to spot. They were on their way back.
I quickly returned all but the book I was just beginning to the shelf. I settled myself on the couch with a book and a blanket and a half-full glass of water and endeavored to look happy, but slightly hung over.
I was speed reading my way through 'A Course In Miracles' when they all walked in. I nearly drowned in the flood of sympathy that gushed out of my mother-in-law, but felt most comforted when Bella dropped her purse next to the couch and summarily set herself down in my lap, curling up with her arms around my neck.
"Baby, you look so much better than this morning." She kissed me on my lips, and though our lips were closed, we lingered. "How are you feeling?" she asked with all apparent sincerity.
I gave her a partial grin and shrugged. "A little hungover. The migraine stuff I take always leaves me feeling that way. Don't really have an appetite for dinner, though I had some toast earlier. But I'll be fine for this evening. Thank you for asking, love. I hope you were able to have a good day with Renee and Phil?"
This was about the time that Renee flipped off some of the lights and turned the Christmas tree lights on.
I spent the evening until ten thirty when Bella and I left for church being regaled by the story behind every Christmas ornament, and when that was exhausted, the photo albums came out. It was fascinating to listen to Bella's words while watching her facial expressions and involuntary blushes, even while being cradled in her mind which filled with memory every time Renee told a new story. I soaked it all in, encouraging Renee even when Bella cringed and hid her face in my arm. There would be a time she might not be able to recall any or all of these stories. I would remember them for her, as Carlisle had remembered for me all that he could. I'm sure my eyes lit up when Renee brought out the photo albums.
Bella had been an adorable child, she really had been. I couldn't keep in the laughter when I saw her dressed as a pink ballerina that was clearly not a Halloween costume, but an outfit for a ballet class for six year olds.
"I've never been particularly graceful," Bella muttered from next to me on the couch. I was sandwiched between Bella and Renee, with Phil perched on the arm of the sofa. The photo album was open on my lap.
"You're still not, love," I pointed out.
If you weren't made of marble I'd thump you for that remark. The good news for our cover is that even when Bella spoke to me in her mind, her face was still quite expressive, as if she'd said it out loud. This meant that I was usually free to respond at least to the extent of her expressions.
"What?" I asked with something like innocence, except that no one in the room was convinced. "It is true, love, and you have admitted it on several occasions."
"Doesn't mean you have to agree so quickly," she muttered.
I leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of her face. "You don't have to be graceful to be perfect, Bella. And you already are, so don't worry about it."
"Aww," Renee cooed at us, but quickly pointed to the next picture and began describing the story behind it.
We had to cut short the story time to get ready for the midnight service, but we still had all of tomorrow, Christmas Day, for storytelling. Well, that and eating, but I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to the eating as much as the gift-giving and the story-telling.
End Note: 'Mutatis Mutandis' is one of my favorite phrases from seminary. It means to refer to something that is in essence the same, even though in a different situation it may appear to be different. Case in point: Bella would prefer to lick chocolate off Edward, where Edward would prefer to lick blood of Bella. Even though his version is disgusting in a very practical way for (most of) us, it is mutatis mutandis; they both get to have sexy times with their partner and food. The same, but different.
Now that you've finished this chapter, you'll probably want to check out my most recent short stories. Find my original fiction on sale at amazon author / sarelizgordy Thanks! I love you!