Chapter 36
"Spencer, hello may I come in?"
"Um… sure I guess, Ashley's not here."
"I know she's in therapy for her hand. But I didn't come to see her I came to see you."
"Me! Why?"
"Well I thought I would come by, see how you were doing with your girlfriend's death and maybe get a better understanding of what's going on with Ashley through your eyes," Cynthia said, as she stared.
"I'm doing fine and she was my ex-girlfriend. I don't know what I can tell you about Ashley, you're her doctor. I mean I'm not Ashley's wife so why would you discuss her case with me?"
"I'm not discussing her case, I'm asking you to tell me how you and she feel about each other. I've noticed her hand has improved tremendously being in your company, especially now that you two have moved on to the intimate part of your relationship," she said staring more intensely into Spencer's blue eyes a little longer than Spencer was comfortable with.
"Is there something wrong Dr. Taylor? You keep staring at me."
"No," she replied softly, "it's just when I look into your eyes, into those beautiful blue eyes Spencer, I'm hypnotized. You are so beautiful."
"Dr. Taylor, I'm with Ashley. Why are you talking to me like this? You are supposed to be helping Ashley with her drug addiction not coming on to me and you're making me feel very uncomfortable."
"I'm sorry I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable Spencer," Cynthia said grabbing a chair, placing it in front of her than taking her hands and placing them in her own rubbing them very sensuously. "Your hands are so soft. Spencer I need to feel what Ashley feels when she's near you."
"Why would you need to feel that?"
"It will help me understand her better. It will also help me understand you better. She told me she hasn't needed to take any heavy pain medication lately and her hand, other than the numbness has not bothered her since becoming so intimately close to you."
"Um… Dr. Taylor please let go of my hands. Maybe you should wait for Ashley in her room. She should be almost finished with her therapy," Spencer said suspicious of Cynthia's motive.
"No Spencer, let me get this out before I lose my nerve," she said, tightening her grip while scooting her chair closer to Spencer's wheelchair.
Spencer looked down at the hands that still held hers as Dr. Taylor continued to stroke them as she talked. "Spencer, look at me. Your eyes are the bluest I have ever seen, like the ocean," raising her hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Spencer's ear.
"Dr. Taylor you are Ashley's doctor and I am her girlfriend, what do you want from me?"
"I think you are a hot, sexy and beautiful person Spencer. You make me so…"
Just at that moment Ashley walks into the room startling Cynthia out of her seat. "Hey, Spence, Dr. Taylor what are you doing in here?"
"Well… I was… um… waiting for you," Cynthia said, glancing at Spencer.
"Waiting for me? In Spencer's room? Holding Spencer's hands."
"Hmm, Oh! I didn't realize I had her hands. I'm sorry Spencer… habit."
"Habit? What kind of habit is that? Reaching for someone and not realizing you're doing it." Ashley asked, agitated by Dr. Taylor's presence in Spencer's room.
"Well Spencer it was nice talking to you. If you should need me again to talk about the grief you're feeling over your girlfriend's death, please don't hesitate to call me. I hope we can talk again," Dr. Taylor said as Ashley watched her walk pass her and out the room. "I'll meet you in your room Ashley."
"Ashley I didn't ask…" Spencer began to say but was interrupted.
"I know Spencer, I'll be back later. I'm going to get to the bottom of why Dr. Taylor keeps coming on to you."
"Maybe she's lonely Ashley. Maybe I did something to make her think…"
"You did nothing Spencer. How could you have? You haven't spent that much time with her. I don't know when she fell in love with you but she did. Caressing Spencer's cheek, you are the personification of love, Ashley said with a chuckle. I'll see you later."
"Be careful with her Ash." She nods than walks out the door.
Walking into her room to question Dr. Taylor, Ashley's agitation was already showing. "So what the hell were you doing in Spencer's room, Dr. Taylor?"
"I didn't think I needed your permission to visit with Spencer, Ashley. I thought maybe she needed to talk about her girlfriend's death."
"Her ex-girlfriend, Dr. Taylor, please try to remember that."
"Yes of course. Ashley, you of all people know that harboring grief is not healthy. She may be experiencing some grief and not realize it or unwilling to talk to you about it. I… I would not be giving my full capacity as your psychiatrist if I didn't help her. She is your girlfriend and her grief could interfere with your relationship with her."
"Grief, what grief? Spencer says she's fine, she has accepted Carmen's death as a tragic accident that unfortunately was waiting to happen and I believe her. And our relationship that you so bluntly put it not too long ago, quote…we weren't ready to be in… unquote, is fine. So what were you actually doing in Spencer's room? Because it didn't look like you were there in a doctor, patient capacity. It looked very intimate to me."
"I believe in getting up close and personal with my patients. I thought she may just have wanted to… uh… uh… talk, get things off her chest. Things she couldn't talk to you about Ashley."
"Spencer is not your patient, I am and there is nothing that Spencer and I don't talk about. I told you we talk about everything."
"Well you may think that Ashley but with her still being unable to walk and your left hand still not functioning one hundred percent, she may not want to talk to you. That could adversely effect you both mentally and physically, possibly hindering your relationship."
"Again you're talking about a relationship you said we weren't ready to be in, but you are so now willing to save… and save for the sake of what… love? Not mine and Spencer's love… perhaps the love you want to have with Spencer? Dr. Taylor, you are so full of shit. You're grasping for anything you can so you can stay close to her."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about that bullshit you let ooze pass your lips. You have no logical reason to see or talk to Spencer. But you have that need to see her and talk to her, it's like a craving. So you made up some half ass excuses so we wouldn't get suspicious."
"Why would I do that Ashley, get suspicious about what? You're talking nonsense."
"You… trying to cover up your infatuation or attraction that you have for Spencer."
"My infatuation, I do not…."
"Yes you do!" Ashley said interrupting Cynthia. "I see it in your eyes. You're trying to spend time with her by making up that so called grief issue you say she's going through and asking her questions about how she thinks our relationship is going. Our relationship is none of your fucking business."
"That's bullshit Ashley, that is not my intentions and your relationship is my fucking business. Anything at this point in your therapy can trigger your dependence back on the drugs again. I need to know where your mind is. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid I might steal Spencer away from you? Do you think because I look at her longer or hold her hand longer than you like, that I'm romantically interested in her?"
"I'm not afraid of you stealing Spencer away from me, because it's not going to happen. I know Spencer loves me and only me. And yes your lingering looks and hand holding makes me believe you're romantically interested in her. There are other people that Spencer interacts with and they don't look at her the way you do or try to hold her hands. You are the only one who does that. You are here to help me with how I deal with my pain, not come on to my girlfriend."
"Ashley you're being ridiculous."
"I'm being ridiculous. Do you know what Spencer and I have been through during the past few days? No, I guess not since you never asked. All you want to do is talk about Spencer. How does she feel about this, how does she feel about that, which to me is another indication of your attraction towards her. We have been to hell and back. I had a crazy bitch that wouldn't let me go, conspire with another crazy bitch's attempt to end the life of my girlfriend. Than here you come, practically drooling all over Spencer like a damn lovestruck teenage boy."
Cynthia's eyes widen. "You are a fool if you think I wouldn't notice it. Your eyes gave you away everytime you looked at her, Ashley angrily said."
"Ashley you are letting you imagination take over your logical thinking."
"And you're letting your emotions get in the way of your professionalism. I'm going to say this, than I want you to leave. I don't need or should I say we, Spencer and I, do not need another person in our lives whose bordering on the psychotic. The longer you stay the more infatuated you're going to be with Spencer. I can't have that. Your attraction to Spencer is already interfering with my therapy sessions with you. You are constantly asking me questions about her or our relationship, not about me. You're using me to get closer to Spencer. That is unethical behavior doctor? What did you plan on doing to get her away from me?"
"Now wait a damn minute Ashley. I am not trying to take Spencer away from you. Are you insane or are you that insecure in the relationship you have with her? Maybe we need to talk about it.
"Stop trying to psychoanalyze me. No, I'm not insecure about Spencer's love for me. My insecurity is with you. I am insanely aware that you can do us harm in your quest to get Spencer to be with you. You're already touching her. You were sitting there holding her hands, stroking them. You were all up in her face. What were you going to do kiss her?"
"I told you that was a habit of mine and no I was not going to kiss her."
"Habit my ass and yes you were. If it's your habit to reach for your patients hands why haven't you ever reached for my hands like that?"
"Your hands are injured Ashley, remember. Do you want me to hold your hands? Are you harboring some attraction for me Ashley?"
"No, don't flatter yourself. I'm just making a point that you have never reached for my hands, that have healed enough to be held Dr. Taylor. The only person I want holding my hands is the one you're obviously very attracted to. You are trying to avoid the issue," Ashley yelled.
"There is no issue to deal with Ashley, as far as Spencer's concerned," Cynthia screamed back. "Although I think you have a few issues, you're bordering on obsessive behavior regarding Spencer which is unnatural and dangerous. You need to calm down and get a grip. Everyone does not want Spencer like you do."
"Yes, you're right, everyone doesn't want Spencer like I do. Just you doctor."
Only silence echoed throughout the room that had now become a battlefield of wits between the two women who glared each other down.
"She's handicapped in more ways than one Dr. Taylor, what could she possibly do to satisfy you?" Ashley quietly asks.
"Ashley! What are you talking about? Evidently she is not as handicapped as you think. She puts a smile on your face whenever you see her or talk about her. Her lovemaking skills are obviously more than exceptional, especially since you still have that glow on your face from several nights ago when you two made love. Do you know how I would love to have that glow on me or smile when I think of my lover, knowing how much she cares for me? You had no business getting addicted to your pain meds. You had Spencer to comfort you. There was no one to comfort me when I was injured… no one, not even my husband. You don't deserve her," Cynthia screamed.
"And you do Dr. Taylor?" Ashley asked calmly after listening to Cynthia's rantings.
"Yes!… I deserve her, I deserve what you have, I deserve Spen…cer." Cynthia choked out, but tried to hold back after realizing she had said too much to Ashley. "Shit!"
"Would you like to continue Dr. Taylor or are you done?" Ashley asked smirking.
"No! I umm… I believe you have… fucked me over enough."
"You fucked yourself over Dr. Taylor, but I figured if I gave you something to work with you would voice it. You know why," Ashley asked but not waiting for a reply, "because your attraction to Spencer took you there. You just couldn't let that comment I made about Spencer being handicap and what could she do for you… go. Dr. Taylor, this is our last session, so to speak, if you can call what we had a session. I'm no longer on the prescription pain meds I became addicted to and my hand is healing quite well. If I should need something for pain I can get it over the counter at the store. I don't want anymore sessions with you."
"Ashley I think that's a mistake. We should at least have a couple more sessions."
"I don't care what you think! I don't trust you. I shouldn't have to worry about you seducing my girlfriend while I'm in therapy with my hand or wonder if you're really helping me get over my addiction. When the patient has become distrustful of their doctor, that relationship is over… done. You violated my trust Dr. Taylor. So please… take your fucked over ass and go."
"Alright Ashley if that's what you want."
"Yes, that's what I want. I don't want you near us. So, Au revoir, arrivederci, adios, asta la vista… get out!"
Cynthia leaves out of Ashley's room angry at herself for letting her emotions get in the way of treating her patient. This should have never happened, Cynthia thought to herself. Lynette was right. I should have taken myself out of this situation immediately when I realized I was attracted to Ashley's girlfriend.
Walking down the hallway leaving the Center, Cynthia sees but acknowledges no one. Her goal was to leave, to get out as fast as she could before someone stopped her.
"Cynthia! Cynthia!" Aiden called out running up to her.
"Damn!"
Catching up with her, he turns her around and noticed her tear stained face.
"Why have you been crying?"