Time to get back to Hogwarts!
Thank you so much for the reviews on the previous chapter. You're the best, guys!
I'd like to update the next chapter on Wednesday, 'cause I guess you're all getting sick of the Jily drama, but I'm not sure I will have enough time to update on Wednesday, as I'm terribly busy this week. So next update on Wednesday, or Friday in the worst scenario.
Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Tell me what you think about it, please.
Back to Hogwarts
Sirius had had a wonderful time with the Marauders and the Potters for his birthday. It had been fun, and intimate, and he had felt loved more than he could have ever imagined. James had made huge efforts all day long to show a happy mood despite the whole Lily drama, and Sirius felt incredibly grateful for it. Lily had not written anything to James since the day he had burnt her letter, and the boy had not tried to contact her either.
The day after his birthday, Sirius was packing up his things, enough to be gone for one night. He was going to Clara's, and would come back to the Potters the next day, though he wasn't sneaking out this time. And Sirius couldn't help but be overexcited. He hadn't seen her since they had come back from St Mungo's and she had gone to live with her mother's sister. Though they were Muggles, her aunt and her cousins were apparently familiar with Magic, so it wasn't a problem for Sirius to come around, he couldn't let slip away any secret details about the Wizarding World. John was gone again somewhere, nobody really knew, and he had insisted on Clara remaining at her aunt's as long as he was gone. So if the two teenagers wanted to see each other, Sirius had to go there, and with James's horrible mood, he couldn't say it was a problem. He bade the Potters goodbye, and Apparated right before Clara's new home. Her aunts had a farm in Sussex, in a very deserted area, and there was no chance of anyone seeing him Apparate. He opened his eyes, his head finally stopping spinning, but before he could even look around him a pair of arms was flung around his neck, and brown hair was tickling his chin.
"I've missed you!" Clara cried, pressing him against her.
He laughed, wrapping his strong arms around her.
"I've missed you too."
He looked around them, but there was no one around. They were right before the threshold of a big house painted in white, with pink and white petunias hanged at the windows. The house seemed happy and welcoming, and Sirius felt immediately peaceful. He looked down at Clara again, and before she could add anything, he was kissing her passionately.
"Well... That's what I call a feverish hello!"
Sirius and Clara immediately pulled away, blushing fiercely. The newcomer laughed loudly.
"Sirius, this is my cousin Michael," Clara introduced the two men. "Michael, this is my boyfriend, Sirius."
Sirius and Michael shook hands. Clara's cousin was in his early twenties, with brown hair and deep green eyes. He had a pleasant face, and his eyes seemed to constantly laugh. Sirius immediately liked him.
"Nice to meet you," Sirius told him, letting go of his hand.
"Nice to meet you. Is Sirius a common name for Wizards?"
Sirius burst into laughter, whilst Clara was glaring at her cousin.
"You really have no manners!" she told him.
"What?" Michael asked her naively.
"Don't mind him, he speaks before thinking," she told Sirius.
"It's okay. No, even for Wizards it's a weird name actually," he answered Michael.
Michael let out a happy laugh.
"I'm off to the barn, the Moms are in the kitchen, and I reckon my sister is watching TV," he told Clara.
"Alright, thanks Michael."
The boy strode away, whistling happily.
"I like him, he seems nice," Sirius told Clara as she was taking his hand and leading him into the house.
"He's amazing. He's a bit too sincere sometimes, but he's so kind," she confirmed, smiling. "Well, I have to warn you though, his sister is another story, I'm not very fond of her, I have to say."
They entered into the living room first, where Clara's cousin was indeed watching TV. It was the first time Sirius was seeing a real TV, and he was quite impressed. He had seen photos in books of Muggle Studies, and he had heard Lily, Clara and Remus talk about it several times, but now he was seeing a real one, and it was really a strange object...
"Leila," Clara called for the teenager.
The blond girl on the sofa heaved an annoyed sigh.
"Sirius is here, you remember?"
Leila mumbled a remark under her breath. She couldn't have cared less of her cousin's boyfriend, who probably was absolutely boring and not very attractive. After all Clara was pretty boring herself with her obsession for drawing... She turned around anyway, just because she knew her mother would be mad at her if she was impolite and really she didn't need this added to her plate. Her mouth fell open as she took sight of Sirius. He was wearing blue jeans, with a white shirt, his bag flung casually upon his shoulder... bloody hell, he was gorgeous, no way he could be her cousin's boyfriend...
"Hi," she said still astonished.
"Hi, I'm Sirius," answered the boy, offering her his open palm.
She shook his hand. She was probably Clara's age, with blond hair, and was wearing make-up, lots of it. She didn't really seem to come from Clara's family...
"Leila," she introduced herself.
"Nice to meet you."
He made a movement to free his hand from hers, but she didn't let go.
"So, you're a Wizard too, right?" she asked him, still holding Sirius's fingers.
"I am, yeah."
Clara was not liking very much the way her cousin was keeping her fingers around her boyfriend's...
"Leila, we're going to see the Moms."
"Alright, go then," she answered, still staring at Sirius. "You want to watch TV?" she asked him.
He smiled, clearly embarrassed by now.
"That's kind, but I reckon I should say hello to everyone first," he said, finally managing to free himself from her grasp.
"Okay, well you could still..."
"See you later Leila," Clara interrupted her, storming out of the room, dragging Sirius behind her.
Clara sighed heavily, whilst Sirius was propping up an eyebrow.
"She's a bit weird. Are you sure you're related?" he asked her.
She smiled, amused.
"We are. But don't worry, she acts like this with every gorgeous boy she can find."
A mischievous grin appeared upon Sirius's lips.
"So, I'm a gorgeous boy, hey?"
She giggled, stopping before the kitchen door.
"Of course you are," she answered dropping a sweet kiss upon his lips.
His grin doubled in size, and they entered the kitchen. Katherine was happy to see Sirius again, and the feeling was shared. The boy met Clara's aunt, Amy, a brown haired woman in her late forties. She was smiling all the time, and seemed happy and kind, like her son, and Sirius felt at ease.
"I'm gonna show Sirius his room," Clara told the two sisters.
"Alright, go on then. We could use a bit of Magic with dinner next," Katherine answered, winking at the two teenagers.
They got out of the kitchen, laughing, and Clara guided Sirius upstairs, showing him his spacious bedroom.
"This is a big house," Sirius pointed out.
"It is."
Sirius threw his bag next to his bed, and turned again towards Clara, his eyes shining. The next second, his lips were upon hers again. He pinned her against the wall, carrying her off the ground.
"My Mom is waiting for us to get downstairs," she told him, finally managing to control herself enough to break their kiss.
He moaned against her neck.
"I want you so bad," he whispered in her ear, making her shiver.
"I want you too, but not now."
Sirius let out a dramatic moan, making her laugh.
"You're mad!" she laughed at him.
He sighed, kissing her one last time, before putting her down again, giving up. He merely kept caressing her waist, his brow resting upon hers.
"Do you want your birthday present?" she asked him merrily.
He grinned.
"Sure!"
She picked up a blue box on the desk right under the window, and offered it to him. Sirius hurried to open his present, overexcited. His eyes grew wide.
"Oh. ," he gasped.
He took slowly the old book in his hands.
"I can't accept this, Clara," he told her slowly.
"Of course you can."
He turned the copy of Peter Pan a few times in his hands. The corner of the back cover was slightly burnt. It was her own copy. He shook his head, his eyes wet with tears, handing her back the book.
"I can't," he said, his voice hoarse.
"I want you to have it, Sirius," Clara answered in a shy voice, quite hurt.
"I can't take it Clara..."
He shook his head.
"You have almost nothing left from your house, and this book means so much to you... I just can't. I don't deserve it. You should keep it."
She wrapped her fingers around the cover, and pushed back the book towards him, on the verge of tears as well.
"I want you to have it. I wanted to give it to you before all of this happened, to give you a piece of me, a piece of my happiest moments..."
"But now, after what happened, you can't give it to me. You have barely anything left..."
She smiled slowly.
"I want you to have it. I don't want this story to be happy moments only for me anymore, I want it to be happy moments for both of us."
She smiled at him, pressing the book against his torso, before finally letting go of the damaged cover.
"Besides, I can still borrow it to you, if I ever need it. I'm sure you won't hide it just to piss me off."
He couldn't help but chuckle, and she laughed too, both of their glances blurred with tears. He wrapped his arms around her again, and pressed her tightly against him.
"I'll take great care of it."
"I know you will."
She kissed him again.
"We should get downstairs," she said.
Sirius nodded, sweeping the tears away from his eyes, and put carefully the precious book inside his bag.
They spent a lovely time in the house that evening, cooking, laughing, demonstrating a bit of Magic. Eventually, the night began to fall, and Sirius and Clara took a walk through the field, their path enlightened only by the moon. They sat in the grass, surrounded by poppies and fireflies.
"This is a lovely place," Sirius whispered, feeling incredibly peaceful.
"It is."
He looked down at her. She had closed her eyes, cuddling in his arms. He could read her worry despite her great efforts to hide it. He rested his lips in her hair.
"What's wrong, Love?"
She sighed heavily.
"I hate it when you read right through me," she replied, the ghost of a smile curving her lips.
"I'm your boyfriend, it's my job to read right through you."
"It's still annoying."
"You do the same with me."
"I've never said I wasn't annoying myself."
He chuckled against her head, making her smile too.
"You're having nightmares?" he asked her more seriously.
She nodded slowly.
"About what happened?"
"I..."
Her voice broke, her throat suddenly tightened.
"I hear you yelling. I see... I see what happened when we were in the cell..."
He pressed her to his heart. She could hear its regular beat, and it was the most soothing sound she had ever heard.
"It's over now," he whispered. "I'm here, I'm with you. And nothing bad will happen to me anymore, it's over."
"It will never be over, Sirius."
He looked down at her, but she kept her gaze fixed on the fireflies around them.
"As long as Voldemort will be here, it will never be over. He and his followers will always hurt some innocent people. They will always destroy lives, they will always destroy homes..."
A single tear rolled down her cheek.
"...just like they've done with mine."
"Clara, you're safe now..."
"We're not safe Sirius, and none of us will be safe," she interrupted him. "As long as his shadow will remain above our heads, we won't be safe."
He sighed, his breath brushing her forehead.
"You're right. We're not safe. And us planning on becoming Aurors will definitely not improve our situation. But it's not because we are threatened that we should act like we're afraid."
She finally looked up at him.
"I know you're scared," he told her gently, "I'm scared too. They are trying to destroy everything and everyone we hold most dear. They are trying to turn us against each other. But I won't give up on you. And I know you won't give up on me either. So, if the whole world crumbles down around us, at least we'll have each other. And this, what we have now, this love I have for you, they will never take it away from us, whatever they may try. And as long as we're together, they will lose. Now, I have no idea of what could come tomorrow, but I'd like to try to face the storm that is coming, with you."
"You're right," she whispered against the crook of his neck. "As long as we're together, we'll be just fine."
"That's it. We won't let them win."
Eventually, they came back to the house. Clara's family hadn't gone to bed yet, waiting for Leila to come home from one of her friend's. Sirius and Clara climbed up the stairs, hand in hand, both of them smiling, enjoying each other presence by their side.
"Well, I have something else for your birthday actually," she told him, holding tightly his fingers.
He propped up an eyebrow. They arrived before Clara's room.
"Really? You shouldn't have done that. The book was already too much."
"Well. As I wanted to give you your gift in person, I was one day late, I have to make amend now."
She opened the door of her room, and they got inside. She locked the door behind them.
"Alright, what is it then?" he asked her, turning around to face her again.
She pressed her lips to his before he could say another word. Five seconds later, Sirius had lost his shirt.
"Okay, I love this gift," he mumbled against her lips, unbuttoning her shirt.
"Do you?" she breathed as he was kissing the space between her breasts.
"I do. Best gift ever."
He carried her effortlessly to her bed, and they didn't sleep a lot that night...
But for the few hours of rest they had, their limbs tangled, her face pressed to his chest right against his heart, it was the first time since the attack that Clara slept without any nightmares.
John tiptoed across the house, careful not to wake up anyone. He had already seen his wife, and now that the dawn was breaking the deep veil of night he wanted desperately to see his daughter. A grin on his face, he put his hand upon the doorknob of her door. But the door was locked. He frowned hard. She never locked her room... why on earth would she lock her door? Suddenly, his eyes grew round. He strode across the corridor to reach Sirius's bedroom, and flung the door open. His heart stopped. The room was empty.
He felt her moving in his arms. It was the first sensation Sirius felt as he was waking up that morning. He slowly opened his eyes, and met Clara's green gaze staring at him, her eyelids still heavy with sleep. Outside, the sun was rising, and a scarlet ray of light was enlightening her cheek. For a moment, he thought it was a dream, but then he realised that the feeling of her skin against his was too vivid to come only from his imagination. He smiled tenderly at her, tracing her jaw line with his thumb.
"Hey you," he whispered, his voice hoarse with sleep.
"Hey," she answered, whispering as well.
He grinned. He loved so much the sound of her voice in the morning...
"Have you heard anything?" she asked him.
He shook his head, before closing the space between their mouths.
"What time is it?" he finally asked her.
She turned to her bedside table.
"Not yet six. We've got time," she answered, cuddling in his arms.
He stroked tenderly her naked back.
"I should go back to my room, before someone wakes up."
She groaned in protest, and an amused smile curved his lips.
"I don't want you to go," she replied.
"I'll have to, eventually."
She sighed, caressing his cheek.
"We could stay here a bit longer."
He kissed her nose.
"Alright, just five more minutes, and then I go."
She nodded, burying her face in the crook of his neck, and let the sound of Sirius's breath sooth her. Eventually, Sirius kissed her shoulder.
"I have to go."
He got up, dressed up quickly, before kissing her tenderly. He finally got out of her bedroom... to find Clara's father staring at his empty room.
John started as he heard the sound of a closing door next to him. He faced Sirius, wide eyed, his hand still upon the doorknob of Clara's bedroom. His breathing quickened, he felt like his head was spinning. Oh Merlin, this wasn't happening...
Sirius didn't to dare to move. He struggled to swallow.
"Hi," the boy finally managed to say, his voice hoarse.
John's face turned red, he pointed towards the room, his jaws clenched.
"Inside, now!" he commanded.
Sirius obeyed, and John closed the door behind them. While the boy was sitting down on his bed, more uncomfortable than ever, John was pacing, trying as hard as he could to calm down.
"I can't believe it..." he finally groaned.
Sirius lowered his head.
"Since when is this going on?" John suddenly asked Sirius.
"Not long," Sirius answered.
"Oh bloody hell..."
He let himself fall down on the bed next to his daughter's boyfriend. He heaved a deep sigh.
"You used contraceptives, right?"
"Of course," answered Sirius, his cheeks burning, his eyes still fixed on the carpet.
John closed his eyes, heaving a sigh of relief.
"Thank Goodness..." he breathed.
He sighed one more time, before standing up.
"If I find that she's pregnant, you're dead!"
Sirius nodded slowly, his cheeks redder than ever.
"You'd better be careful, because I'm keeping an eye on you!"
Once again, Sirius nodded slowly.
"I don't want to know anything," he mumbled to Sirius. "And the next time I catch you, I kick your arse into oblivion."
"Yes, Mr. Clearwater."
John couldn't help but smile, turning towards Sirius as he was about to close the door behind him.
"You're making me feel like I'm bloody eighty years old! John will do."
Sirius smiled.
"Alright, John."
Clara's father walked away, chuckling. Of course he was his daughter's boyfriend, but he couldn't help but like this boy.
In the morning Clara and Sirius helped Michael to take care of the farm. As they were heading towards the barn, Sirius spotted a very strange object next to the door...
"What's that?" he asked, nodding towards the metallic object.
Michael laughed.
"What, you Wizards don't have motorbikes ?"
Sirius shook his head no.
"I've seen one or two before, in London, of course. But no, we don't use them."
He got closer to the bike, clearly interested.
"You want to try it?" Michael offered.
Sirius grinned.
"Sure!"
"Are you sure it's a good idea?" Clara interrupted them.
Putting Sirius on a motorbike, dangerous and fast, was definitely heading towards trouble... Michael and Sirius merely laughed.
"Of course," Michael reassured her. "I'll take you at the beginning, and then you'll drive. Is that fine by you?"
"Perfect!" Sirius answered, overexcited.
They rolled across the road for a while, Michael teaching Sirius how to control the bike, and a bit how the engines worked... Sirius, extremely focused, was euphoric. The feeling was comparable to a broomstick, but with this impressive noise all around, and the shaking of the powerful engines beneath them... It was undoubtedly among the coolest feelings he had experienced. Then, it was his turn to drive.
"Be careful!" Clara admonished them, biting frantically her lower lip.
Sirius accelerated, laughing like mad. Michael, right behind him, was laughing as well. Eventually, they came to a stop.
"I love this thing," he stated, getting down of the bike.
Clara giggled, kissing his lips.
"That wasn't a good idea," she told Michael. "Now you've made him as unbearably passionate as you about bikes!"
They burst into laughter.
"Right! But it would be way more practical if it could fly..." said Sirius slowly, lost in thoughts.
"No," Clara stated.
"'No' what?" he asked her, propping up an eyebrow.
"You're not starting to think about a way to make a bloody bike fly, no way," she told him, the ghost of a smile upon her lips.
He let out one of his bark-like laughs.
"Are you sure you haven't got some special skills in Legilimency?"
She laughed as well.
"I just know how much you love getting yourself into trouble."
"Oh yeah, that's right, I had almost forgotten. You love bad boys."
She went on her tiptoes, whispering in his ear.
"Only because it's you."
She kissed his cheek, whilst Leila was suddenly walking towards them.
"Clara, your Dad is looking for you, says he wants to talk to you."
Sirius and Clara exchanged a worried look. He had told her what had happened that morning, and no doubt her father was calling for her to give her 'The Talk' again. She moaned, letting her brow fall against Sirius's chest.
"I'm gonna die..." she sighed.
Sirius giggled.
"Come on Love, time to face your doom," he teased her.
"Well, if you want Sirius," Leila started in a seductive voice, "I can show you a very nice spot around the house, and..."
Sirius and Clara exchanged a look, and she couldn't help but smile tenderly at him at the sight of distress in his eyes. Because after all Leila was gorgeous, and she was their age, and was wearing short skirts, and high heels, and make-up, and Clara wasn't. But she could see in his eyes that he was everything but interested in her, and it was a wonderful feeling indeed. Because when he looked at her, she could see how much he was dying to hold her every time, and she knew he would never look at her cousin this way, who was used that all the boys would fall at her feet. Take this Leila...!
"Actually, Michael and I still have lots of work to do, don't we Michael?" he tried.
The Muggle boy laughed.
"True, come one, give me a hand."
"See you later," Clara told Sirius, dropping a peck upon his lips.
And so she walked to face her doom... a perilous moment it was indeed.
James spotted Lily's red hair in the crowd. She was right there, next to the Hogwarts Express, still astonishingly beautiful, as usual. She was guiding a first year to the door of the train, helping him with his trunk. He had a sudden urge to cry. Why did she have to be so goddamn perfect all the time? He clenched his jaws, and hurried towards her.
"Lils," he called.
She turned around. They hadn't spoken to each other since that day in the hospital, and they both felt uncomfortable.
"Hi James," she told him. "Can I do anything for you?"
Well, at least she wasn't shouting at him or anything, things were not back to hatred. That was undeniably something.
"I was about to ask you the same actually."
He pointed at the shiny badge on his chest.
"I'm Head Boy."
Lily's eyes grew wide.
"What the hell!?"
"I know," James smiled. "I had the same reaction, and I've written to Dumbledore, but there is really no mistake. And no need to laugh at me, you can be sure the boys, and especially Sirius, have already done so and are going to continue throughout the year."
"Wow... that was unexpected!"
A sad expression flashed into his eyes.
"Can't say the same for you."
There was an uneasy silence between them, whilst they were both staring into each other's eyes.
"So... what do you want me to do? I've never done anything like this before. I mean, anything like a prefect duty of some kind..." he told her.
She couldn't fail to notice the coldness in his voice. She couldn't remember him talking so coolly to her, and it made her want to cry.
"You could help the first years who seem a bit lost to get on the train," she told him, her voice matching his tone.
He felt his heart speeding up, and he clenched his jaws, angry now.
"Fine."
He strode away, his head low. Lily swallowed back the lump in her throat, and forced herself to smile again. This was going to be a very long year...
Meanwhile, in the train, Sirius, Remus and Peter were searching desperately for the girls, Sirius whimpering like a child.
"Where the hell is she?" he asked aloud, annoyed.
"Padfoot, relax," Remus replied in a smile.
Finally, they found the right compartment, where Clara, Alice and Frank were chatting merrily. Sirius stormed into the little compartment, literally falling across the bench and onto his girlfriend.
"Ouch, Sirius you're heavy," Clara laughed.
He squeezed her even more tightly against him, whilst his friends were sitting down, laughing at his crazy behaviour. He mumbled something against her shoulder.
"What?" she asked, struggling to breathe under his weight.
He moved up his head and pressed his lips to her ear.
"I said, you look so amazingly gorgeous."
She couldn't help but blush, kissing his neck.
"Sirius."
"Clara?"
"I can't breathe."
He chuckled, sitting next to her. He kissed her on the lips before she could sit straighter again though.
"You two really should get a room," Frank said, laughing.
Eventually they calmed down, and Sirius managed to let pass more than a minute before kissing Clara, though she was far from complaining when his lips were back on her mouth.
"By the way, we wanted to ask you guys," Clara started, playing with Sirius's fingers absentmindedly. "Do you know what's wrong with Lily and James?"
The three Marauders exchanged a cautious look.
"She's been in an awful mood all August," Alice added. "And every time we try to mention James, she either gets angry, either looks like she's going to cry."
Remus heaved a deep sigh.
"These two are such idiots..."
"What happened?"
"We can't tell you," Sirius shook his head. "James made us promise not to tell anyone."
Clara opened her mouth, but Sirius shook his head.
"Anyone, Love. Sorry, I can't tell you."
She sighed.
"There's really no way to convince you?" she asked tentatively.
"I gave him my word."
"Okay, I have no chance."
Clara knew Sirius had too much sense of honour to break his words, even if it was to tell his girlfriend.
"I wish there was something we could do for them, Lily's really upset about whatever happened," Alice said in a sigh.
Just at this moment, James opened the door of their compartment. He happily greeted his friends and took a seat next to Sirius.
"So... Head Boy, hey?" said Frank, a grin across his face, already struggling to retain a laugh.
James sighed.
"I don't know what happened in Dumbledore's head really, but the man must have lost his mind."
"Oh by the way James..."
Sirius picked up a little black box from his pocket that looked strangely like a... coffin.
"To bury our dear old Prongs," he said, giving the coffin to James.
"I hate you," James answered, an amused smile on his lips nonetheless.
"I know you don't mean that Prongs."
"We have prepared a speech for the funerals of course, don't worry," added Remus, chuckling.
"Fuck you."
James and his friends burst into laughter. Suddenly, the door opened on Lily.
"Hi everyone!" she smiled. "James, sorry, but we have to prepare the prefect meeting."
The boy nodded, his smile dissolving at the sight of the girl. He followed her down the train, a heavy and uncomfortable silence wrapped around them. He looked at her walking in front of him, and he felt his blood boiling in his veins. He was mad at her and he couldn't help it.
The prefect meeting was finally over, thank Merlin. Most of (if not all of) the seventh year prefects had spent the entire meeting glowering at James (except for Moony of course). James had an unbearable headache, and felt extremely annoyed about everything, and everyone.
"We just have to check if all the first years are in their robes now, and we'll be good till we arrive to Hogwarts," Lily told him, getting up now that all the prefects had left the room.
James sighed angrily. He felt Lily throwing him an annoyed look.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I have a headache."
"Doesn't mean you have to behave like you would like to punch everyone in the face," she snapped.
She couldn't help but get angry. If there was one person who should be mad in this train after all, it was her. She had confessed everything in a letter he had never replied to. He had acted like the worst of the jerks. He had broken her heart. She felt betrayed, and angry, and hurt, all at the same time, and it was far from a good combination.
"Don't start using your prefect voice with me," he replied, his voice shaking with anger. "I'm not eleven years old."
"Then stop behaving like a prat!"
"You always think you're so goddamn perfect right? Well, trust me, you're not! I didn't think you could ever be cruel, but clearly this summer you proved me wrong!"
She couldn't take any more of this. How could he act as if he was the one who had been hurt? She had confessed everything, and he had not replied. Everything was his fault.
"Don't tell me I was cruel! You're the one who fucked up everything here! I should be mad at you, not the contrary. I'm not the one who didn't reply!"
"Reply to what?" he asked her in a calmer tone, his eyes wide.
Oh bloody hell... the letter... the letter he had burnt...
"To my letter, you moron!"
She started to cry. James couldn't move, he felt his head starting to spin. What was in that letter...?
"Lils..."
"No!" she interrupted him. "I don't want to hear you now. You're acting like I've done something wrong, but it's not the case. You're the one who fucked up, James. You're such a jerk!"
She stormed out of the room, leaving James behind, too shocked to react. What the hell was in that letter...?
She carefully avoided James for the rest of the trip to Hogwarts, and the boy spent most of the journey torturing himself. Clearly what she had written in this letter had been important, but like the perfect idiot that he was he had burnt it before reading a single word of it. What if she had talked about the kiss? He felt miserable more than angry again. Something was telling him that all this was his fault indeed.
He was quite lost at guiding the first years out of the train and everything, all the little ones running, and crying, and jumping everywhere... A bit further on the platform, Lily was handling them perfectly. She looked up at him, catching him staring at her, and he immediately focused on the crying boy before him, who had apparently lost his rat. She was mad at him, of course, but nonetheless the sight of James Potter struggling to help a young child was funny, and quite tender. He was doing his best to help, though he clearly had no idea about how to handle this situation. Still, he was kind-hearted, and willing to help. She wanted to cry again, and so she looked away.
They finally managed to gather all the first years, and all the students eventually reached Hogwarts. The Sorting Ceremony took place as usual, after the traditional song of the Sorting Hat, and finally, Dumbledore rose to make his speech, reminding to all students the limits of the grounds (at which occasion he looked intensely at the Marauders) and a few other rules of the school.
"I would also like to inform you all that this year, we have the great pleasure to welcome four American students, who will join our seventh years all along the year. They will be arriving from New York in two weeks, and shall be sorted then into their houses. Now, I don't know for you all, but I am starving. So..."
But Dumbledore was interrupted by the explosion of one of the stars that were shining brightly upon the ceiling. The little red sparks gathered and formed soon a little owl that flew across the Hall. Soon another star exploded in the same fashion, and then another, until the Hall was filled with coloured birds flying and exploding everywhere across the Great Hall. Suddenly, all the little sparks gathered, to from a gigantic dragon, flashing in red and cold, that flew above the tables twice, before letting out a breath of fire and explosions, and exploding into a thousand of little sparks itself. The sparks flew up to the ceiling and formed the signature of the four Gryffindors, before turning into little stars again. The Great Hall exploded in cheers and laughter.
"Thank you boys," Dumbledore nodded to the four Gryffindors.
The Marauders looked at each other, before climbing up on the table, bending low before the rest of the school, who was still cheering happily.
Eventually, the feast begun, and ended.
After having guided the first years to the Gryffindor Tower, Lily and James had one last meeting with Dumbledore and McGonagall about their new responsibilities as Head Boy and Head Girl. James was soon bored, but Lily listened closely to the Headmaster's instructions. When they walked together towards the Gryffindor Tower again, it was quite late already, and the corridors were deserted.
"Lils, we need to talk about something," James finally told her as they were walking alone down a corridor.
"No, we don't need to talk really," Lily snapped.
"Lils, please."
He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, his touch tender, and forced her to stop walking.
"Lily, please," he repeated.
"There's nothing to be discussed, James," she said, her breathing unsteady. "You acted like a jerk. You didn't reply!"
"I didn't read your letter."
She stared up at him.
"What?"
"I was mad at you, and I didn't open it."
So he didn't know what was in the letter...
"What was in the letter Lils?" he asked eagerly.
He didn't look angry like he had been on the train, now his hazel eyes were begging.
"What was in the letter?" he asked again.
"Why don't you read it now, if you want to know so much what I have written," she replied, still unable to control the shakiness in her voice.
He winced.
"I don't have it."
"You left it at your house?"
"I burnt it."
Her cheeks turned red.
"You burnt it?"
"Yes. I shouldn't have done it, I know. But I was mad at you, and..."
She started to walk again, ignoring his calls, and leaving him standing motionless behind.
He had burnt it...!?
Suddenly, there was a loud cry. There, at the end of the corridor. It was too dark for Lily to distinguish anything through the shadows, but there was no doubt to have, the cry was coming from there. She started to run, her wand already in her hand. Soon she found the source of the cry. A first year Hufflepuff was flying across the corridor, whilst Amycus Carrow was laughing madly. He purposefully hit the little boy against the wall, and the child felt silent, unconscious. Lily raised her wand and didn't hesitate for a second.
"Petrificus Totalus!" she cried.
The Slytherin fell upon the ground in a thud. James arrived behind her.
"Go look for Dumbledore," she told him.
"No, you..."
"Now Potter!"
Her voice was so cold... He hadn't heard her talk to him like this since the end of their fifth year. He strode away to find the Headmaster, while Lily was helping the first year. McGonagall and Dumbledore arrived quickly, soon followed by Mrs. Pomfrey. The Healer took the boy to the Hospital Wing.
"Mr. Potter, you haven't seen anything, have you?" Dumbledore asked him.
"No Professor," James answered earnestly. "I arrived too late, Lily had already petrified Carrow."
The old teacher nodded slowly.
"Well, in that case, you may go back to your dormitory. Miss Evans, you will follow us to my office, and tell me what happened."
The redhead nodded, and followed the Headmaster and McGonagall. But behind them, James was following as well.
"Mr. Potter, I told you I didn't need you in my office," Dumbledore repeated.
"I'll just wait for Lily outside, Professor."
"No."
He stared right into her green eyes. He felt like his heart was breaking every time she was talking to him with this frozen tone.
"I don't need an escort, thank you. I will go back to the Tower on my own."
James nodded slowly, his jaws clenched.
"As you wish."
He turned on his heels and headed back to the Tower. What the hell was in that letter...?
The next morning, everybody was talking about the attack. It was the last warning for Carrow, the boy was almost expelled. Added to an impressive number of detentions and a letter sent to his parents, he was banned from Hogsmeade and Quidditch. Across the Great Hall the whole Slytherin gang was glowering at the Head Girl. It was her fault if Carrow was in so much trouble now, and they intended to take care of her personally. Lily ignored them. She had already too much to take care of with her new duties, and her classes that were starting that morning, and James... She had sit as far as she could from him that morning, but she could feel that he was staring at her most of the meal. She knew she wouldn't be able to escape from a talk with him. After all, he was Head Boy himself, she would have to be able to have a normal conversation with him, eventually. Just as she was thinking about this, she started, James suddenly standing next to her.
"Lils, can I have a word?" he asked her.
His hazel eyes seemed to pierce right through her.
"Now?" tried Lily.
"Yes, now."
She heaved a sigh.
"Alright then."
She stood up, and followed James.
"We'll be in the Dungeons Pads," James told Sirius as Lily and him were walking behind him.
"Right, we'll go to Slughorn's class shortly now anyway," Sirius answered.
The boy looked as his two friends were exiting the Great Hall, laughing at Remus, while discreetly caressing Clara's thigh under the table. Less than five minutes after Lily and James had walked out of the Hall, the Slytherins hurried outside as well. Sirius frowned, a strange feeling in his stomach. Something was not right...
James guided her throughout the school in silence. It is only when they reached the dungeons that he finally stopped walking, and looked up at her, his eyes burning in the dim light of the torches.
"We have to finish this talk Lils," he told her, his voice deadly serious. "The talk we started last night..."
"There's nothing to be said about it," she answered defensively.
He took a step closer to her.
"What was in that letter Lily?"
She didn't speak a word, and sighed angrily in response.
"Please, Lils, I need to know. I've made a mistake, a stupid mistake when I burnt your letter, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, but I was upset and I didn't... I didn't think. But now I need to know. Please Lily..."
His eyes were begging, he seemed desperate, and Lily couldn't just ignore him. She couldn't bear to see him in pain. After all, she loved him. But she couldn't tell him either what she had written to him that summer. She just couldn't. She had thought for weeks that he had not replied because he didn't feel the same, because he didn't care about her anymore, and she couldn't just erase this painful feeling. She still felt hesitant and wanted to be prudent.
"I don't think I can tell you," she answered, her voice barely more than a shaky whisper.
"Lily, you have to tell me. I beg you..."
She shook her head, taking a step back, her back now pressed against the wall.
"Lily..." James repeated, his voice urgent and shaky, "please, Lily..."
"It doesn't matter, James."
"Are you kidding? It means everything."
"I can't tell you..."
"Why?"
She looked up at him, staring at his hazel eyes, and he fell into the beautiful magnetism of her green glance.
"Because I don't know... I don't know if I'm right about you."
He narrowed his eyes.
"What am I ? I mean..."
Her voice was shaky, and she could feel tears wetting the corner of her eyes. She looked away from his intense gaze again, before speaking once more.
"Was I just a challenge? For all these year when you chased me? Were you just interested in me because I was pushing you away, was I a challenge for you? Do you... Have you ever felt anything? I..."
She shook her head.
"I'm not sure I want to take the risk."
He walked closer to her, and before she could walk away again, he took her face in his hands, forcing her to look up at him.
"A challenge?!"
His breathing was loud and irregular, his chest rising and falling quickly. He seemed hurt, almost angry.
"Do you really think that I've spent all this time trying to convince you to give me a chance because you were a challenge?"
He struggled to swallow back the lump that had climbed up his throat, his eyes still fixed upon Lily's.
"No Lils, you're not a challenge. Trust me, it wasn't a game. It has never been a game."
Lily could barely breathe.
"I promise you, I swear Lils, if you could just give me a chance. Just one, I wouldn't fuck up, I promise. Please Lils, just give me a chance. Can't you see you're killing me?"
He closed his eyes, bending his head. He heaved a deep sigh.
"Have you ever felt anything for me?" she asked him again.
He looked up at her, and opened his mouth to answer. But behind him, hurrying footsteps could be heard. He turned around. The Slytherins...