Chapter 34: The Beginning of the End

A/N: I realize the hideous flip-flopping that Kiera is doing regarding Alistair might be a little bit annoying, but I have reasons for them… They're just… hidden, somewhere. *nods sagely*

And so one night as I had envisioned, that one day, it would all come crashing down. Being a Grey Warden was not the life I had envisioned, even if it had allowed me more time to live, beyond the grasp of those who would want me dead. Aiden went to the Deep Roads today. Cerise was named as Acting Commander in his place. He had left with a few of the others, a cheerful grin on his usually impassive face, "A Blight is beginning," he had said. "You will need to support the Fereldan Wardens as best as you can while we work on the tunnels on our end." This was an address to all of us, finally the meaning for our existence as mankind's last defense was to be brought to life. Darkspawn seemed to be pouring out of the tunnels, but only slightly more than the usual.

We kept this increased activity to ourselves, and shared little with the Imperial forces. And yet, they took what vague information we gave and saw the Blight in a favorable light. Something seemed to be brewing in Val Royeaux, the odd interest her Imperial Majesty had in the whole affair was suspicious. I wanted to leave for Ferelden as soon as possible, but even Orlais had to wait for a formal invitation from the Fereldan King. Politics. King Cailan seemed optimistic about their chances, but the frontlines between our two nations remained wary and anxious. It was getting ridiculous.

I had secretly packed my things, expectant of a positive reply from Duncan, but all the missives said that we were to wait. For how long? Were we to sit by and wait while waves of darkspawn swept upon the land and taint everything in its path? Troops of humans were standing by in the camp at Ostagar while Ferelden struggled to find more Warden Recruits, less than twenty of the Order stood in those barracks. It had shocked me to find out just how depleted our forces were in Ferelden; I had thought better of Duncan—he should have said something, and the country should welcome us with open arms—Grey Wardens cared nothing for political convulsions that have wracked international ties. I found myself pacing still more each night, exerting these excess thoughts and my strength by training furiously in the yards, sleeping less and less when the faint prickle of the taint kept me restless.

I began to realize that most of the others were readying themselves for the 'overspill'; when the Blight would overwhelm the Fereldans and make its way into Orlais, seeing the deadlock that was preventing our aid. No. I needed to leave this place; nothing could stop me from seeking out Duncan. One person might not make a difference, but the crossing would be much easier when I was alone. Thankfully, Cerise was too distracted to prevent this, and had no other choice but to let me. Ferelden now awaited, and so did the Blight. I hoped that everything else from then on would be this easy.

xOxOx

Daylen

We all had rooms in Eamon's estate, but everyone (with the exception of Alistair) spent very little time there; the fevered atmosphere was off-putting. Most of us preferred the Market District, and left as soon as the sun was up. The Arl frequently engaged Alistair's attentions, and Kiera seemed to encourage these meetings, despite the initial protestations the former had made.

It was indeed strange, the pair had been inseparable at Redcliffe, but rarely slept in the same room in Denerim; I wondered just what the matter was. She seemed most agreeable to leave the estate, leaving Alistair with Eamon's schemes. He seemed too busy to notice much, but must have felt this growing divide between the pair of them.

And yet, Kiera continued to keep all sorts of hours with the others, dashing around with Zevran, Sten and even Leliana, who placated me with the slightest of explanations, which I was sure did not cover any actual information.

Wandering around the Market with Wynne (she was working on matching scarves in the free time we had) did nothing to help with the ominous feeling I got from our current circumstances—Kiera was definitely up to something, she always avoided me when she plotted.

"So… it gets pretty empty without the rest." Alistair was gloomy, released briefly from Eamon's ostentatious planning.

I handed him a mug of ale, as well as a plate of cheese. "You're telling me, everyone seems content to run off and leave us on our own. I'm starting to think that it's on purpose. I just got shooed away from Wynne's knitting."

The man sipped pensively, before snorting. "You'd think they would've taken Morrigan along." This was quite true; she had been cooped up with us in the grounds, unwilling to go off gallivanting with them.

"Morrigan seems to be unduly afraid of templars." I muttered, feeding Loki some cheese. "Don't tell her I said that."

Alistair laughed, a harsh bark. "I didn't think she was afraid of anything."

"We're all afraid of something."

"True." He put the ale down on the table, slumping forward onto the wooden surface with a sigh. "Daylen… Women are unfathomable."

I dusted my hands off, plopping myself down next to him. "Also true. I think they exist solely to vex us."

"Heh heh heh… Can't live with them—" Oghren's chuckles floated up from underneath the table. Alistair and I peered at him; we had no idea he was there.

"Can't live without them." We shared a grin before downing our drinks. How true it was.

Zevran

So Kiera and Leliana found the missions this Ignacio gave to be mildly entertaining, these assassinations seemed to provide the two the excitement (or rather distraction) they craved. I just went along, despite my misgivings, if only to watch over them—while looking over my shoulder the whole time. I sensed that he was tightening the proverbial noose around me, but I tried to keep such thoughts from my mind—and enjoy the company the two lovely women provided. The qunari seemed quite willing to follow on in silence, barely commenting on the ridiculously simple quests that we were given.

I still wondered what that word meant. Kadan—he still insists on referring to my bella by that.

We had a long talk the previous night, stewing in the Gnawed Noble's Tavern; Leliana had returned to Daylen, as she did every evening. Kiera seemed unwilling to return to the Arl's estate in Denerim. I barely remembered how we even got around to that topic, but we did, just the same.

"…Rinna begged me not to. On her knees, with tears in her eyes, she told me that she loved me and had not betrayed us. I laughed in her face and said that even if it were true, I didn't care."

"And you… killed her?" Kiera's voice was a hoarse whisper. She was watching me levelly, but I didn't want to meet that gaze. It was… difficult to see another such as her, judging my past actions. I continued as if she hadn't spoken—what came next was damning in itself.

"Taliesen cut her throat and I watched her bleed as she stared up at me. I spat on her face for betraying the Crows. When Taliesen and I finally assassinated the merchant we found the true source of his information. Rinna had not betrayed us after all."

"I'm… sorry." She had finished the wine, and listened intently, with her eyes cast down onto the tabletop. Perhaps she was regretting her decision to let me live? I had hoped that the Wardens would end it all for me.

"I… wanted to tell the Crows what we had done, our mistake. Taliesen convinced me not to. He said it would be a foolish waste. So we reported that Rinna had died in the attempt. We needn't had bothered. The Crows knew what we had done. The master who had disliked me said so to my face. He said the Crows knew… and they didn't care. And one day my turn would come."

And it was true—the Crows were already in the city, as much as I wanted to avoid it, the Wardens would be dragged into this too.

"Did… you feel… guilty?"

"I felt empty, I felt as if I was nothing. I felt as if she had been nothing. You once asked why I wanted to leave the Crows. In truth, what I wanted was to die. What better way than to throw myself at one of the fabled Grey Wardens? And then… this happened. And here I am." I finished with a smile; the mood was getting terribly serious, too much so for a jovial evening away from the templar.

My bella barely glanced at me. She murmured, her eyes closed. "That is awful, Zevran. I'm so sorry."

"It feels good to speak of it to someone. I swore I never would. Whatever it is I sought in leaving Antiva, I think I have found it. I owe you a great deal."

And the mercy of her and her companions had showed me a life worth living, beyond Rinna's death—I felt as if I was protecting her through Kiera's well-being, that I wasn't a monster like the rest of the Crows. So this was what it was like to have actual friends.

The lovely girl opened her eyes and smiled enchantingly as she called for another round; Sten made a small noise of protest—he was annoyed by the amounts of intoxicating liquid we were drinking. She seemed to understand my situation perfectly. "And I am glad you are here, but you do not owe me anything."

"Ah… but I do." I muttered into my ale. Alistair was a very lucky man.

P.S. Um… I'll post the next chapter up soon, working on it now! Man this is taking way longer than I planned. Please review when you're done, and thanks for bearing with me so far!