disclaimer: i don't own dan or phil, nor do i own any social media references, music references, and whatever else you recognize. i do own my oc, abigail elizabeth woods :)

includes: unrealistic medical stuff, painkillers, heathers references bby, and there should be more phan in th— aWWW

does not include: a reason why i have not been updating, despite "having a schedule" (still) :P

Chapter 36: Lifeboat.

"Storms are approaching, there's nowhere to hide."

Abi is the first one through the doors.

"Let me in!" she screams, pushing through all the nurses and doctors that flooded the room. "Back off and let me through!"

The doctor tries to grab Abi's wrist, but she pulls away harshly. PJ, Phil, and Chris trail behind her, but they stop when she reaches the edge of the bed.

They're covering Dan with a blanket.

"Oh my God…" Phil's hand is on his mouth, trembling slowly. PJ looks at the doctor.

"What the hell happened?!" he yells unexpectedly, and Chris places a hand on his shoulder in attempts of calming him down. The doctor shakes his head nervously.

"W-We don't know," he stammers. "The heart monitor...t-the line went flat."

"That doesn't mean he's fucking dead!" Abi screams again. "Do something! He's not dead! He's not fucking dead!"

"His body shut down, Ms. Woods," the doctor said, trying to get her to be quiet. "There's nothing we can do."

"Abi," Phil says warningly, his voice shaking. "We can't be here. We have to leave."

Phil grabs Abi's wrist, but as soon as he makes contact she pulls away harshly. Phil's eyes widen. She slaps one of the nurse's hands off the edge of the blanket, and before they could pull it over Dan completely, she pulls it back down.

"Abi!" Chris exclaims, trying to pull her back by her shoulder. She shrugs him off strongly, and then grabs Dan's cold hand.

"You're not fucking dead, hear me?!" she screams, her voice echoing through the hall. Someone must've called security because policemen began to flood the room. "You are not going to fucking die on me, because I love you!"

…

Abi sobs loudly, her head falling on Dan's chest. The room is silent—even security slowly reel away from her as if she was a flame—and Phil stands there, a hand on her shoulder.

"Y-You're not dead," she stammers, voice cracking. "You're...y-you can't be…"

"Abi—"

Beep.

Needless to say, they are very mad at the doctor after that.

Before any of them can see what happened after that, security calmly escorts them out until the situation is deemed "under control." Abi watches as nurses and doctors surround Dan and the steadily-beeping heart monitor, listening to them murmur about what could've happened, and what was going to happen next.

When they're outside, they remain silent until Chris says, "You have some temper, Abi."

PJ stifles his laugh in the palm of his hand, and Phil punches his arm. Abi doesn't respond, holding her arm and staring at the ground. Phil looks at Abi and frowns.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"Fine," she answers, almost numbly. Phil sighs, gently grabbing her arm.

"Hey, talk to me," he says softly. She pulls back.

"Too much," she whispers. "Can...can I leave?"

"Of course," he says immediately. "Do...do you want company?"

"You should stay here," she mumbles, looking down. "You should be here when he wakes up."

"Abi—"

"I like to think they can hear, alright?" she cuts him off. "I like to think he heard, and I don't want to find out I am right."

Phil remains silent. PJ clears his throat.

"We can go with you," he proposes. "Um, go grab some coffee or something. I feel like we're gonna be here for a while anyway."

"I could go for a caramel macchiato," Chris hums. Abi gulps.

"Sure," she manages to get out. She faces Phil and adds, "Will you be alright?"

Phil nods and echoes, "Sure."

Abi stares at him and watches the life almost drain from his eyes in the moment. She opens her mouth to say something else, but PJ grabs her wrist gently and she turns around.

"We should go," he says quietly. She faces Phil once more, but he's already turned away. She turns back at PJ and nods, walking quietly away.

When he made sure that they were out of sight, Phil Lester collapses on the ground, his fists pounding against the floor, and he lets out the sob he has been keeping in.

He couldn't care less if anyone was watching, or if they were thinking he was overreacting.

He couldn't care less if Dan walked towards him and just screamed at him.

He couldn't care less if he was the one in that bed instead.

"Still, the weakest must go."

He's allowed to go back in about an hour after it happens. He makes sure he gives the doctor the dirtiest glare, and he slowly re-enters the room.

It's much quieter now that the chaos has died down, but the echoes of screaming in his mind were slowly drowned out by the steady beep of the monitor.

No one told Phil what actually happened — nothing useful, at least. It had something to do with a malfunction or something along those lines; he didn't pay much attention.

Dan is paler than he was before.

His chest rises slowly, but a little more frequently, which calms Phil down a little more as well. His hair is curly from never being washed, and a strand of hair hangs over his left eye.

Phil brushes it off quietly, careful not to make a sound, but the movement causes Dan to moan softly. He pulls his hand back. When he blinks, Dan's eyes are barely open, and Phil covers his mouth. He promised himself he wouldn't cry this time, but he does anyway.

"I-I'm so sorry," he sobs in Dan's chest, the blanket catching his tears. Dan's breath hitches.

"Phil?" He continues to cry upon hearing his name.

"I am sorry," he says again, his voice breaking. "It's my fault. It shouldn't be you, it should be me. It should be in this bed, and it should be me who died."

When Phil lifts his head off the blanket and stares at Dan, he can see the nervous tears dribbling down Dan's cheeks.

"Don't say that, Phil," he whispers in a scratchy voice. "It's not your fault."

"But it is!" Phil exclaims, almost angrily. "I let her in our life. I didn't need to a-and— God, I fucking started this all!"

He's panicking now, his heart racing and his brain pounding against his skull. Dan's merely a blur behind his tears, but all it took was Dan's hand in his to help his vision clear.

"Hey, take a breath, you spork."

Phil lets out a broken laugh, and squeezes Dan's hand tightly.

"I am so glad you're alive," he whispers. Dan nods.

"I...I am too," he says quietly. "It was really weird to be dead."

"You weren't dead." It almost comes out as a dumbfounded statement, when in reality, Phil didn't know if he was. Dan looks away from him.

"Sorry," he says apologetically. Phil shakes his head.

"No, it's fine," he replies. "I know what you mean. I mean, I think I do."

Dan nods, still avoiding his glance.

"How are you though?" Phil asks quietly. "And don't give me any of that sarcastic crap; I'm being serious."

Dan smiles. "I'm fine. A bit drugged up, but still fine."

"I can tell," Phil giggles softly. "You have that weird glint in your eyes like last time you were on morphine."

"Ugh, do I actually?" Dan lets out a scratchy laugh. "God, it has been a while since I've been in a hospital bed and have had the gift of drugs."

"When was that?" Phil says, trying to engage in conversation as well. "2012?"

"2010," Dan replies. Phil gives him a smile small.

"That's mental," Phil says softly. "That was, like...seven years ago."

"Seven years?" Dan echoes.

"Seven years," Phil says again, nodding. "I remember being there with you."

"And the cast of Shameless," Dan chuckles. Phil's smile grows.

"I remember that video," Phil says, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You were funny back then."

"Back then?" Dan asks, putting a hand on his heart mockingly. "Geez, Phil, you're gonna kill me."

"Shut up," Phil giggles. "You're just as funny now, considering you have me in half your videos now too."

"And more views," Dan jokes, "so…"

"Oh my God." Phil is laughing now; leave it to Dan to cheer him up at such a time. "You're funnier when you're on drugs."

"Maybe I need to order some more morphine," Dan replies, "or go to that one guy down the alleyway across from that 7-Eleven."

Phil stifles his laugh in the palm of his hand, nudging Dan softly.

"Don't joke about that!" he exclaims. "Security's been wandering everywhere in this damn place, and I don't think we are on their friendly side."

Dan rolls his eyes. Their giggles die down after a while, and after a moment of silence, Phil squeezes Dan's hand again.

"Are you okay though?" he asks quietly.

"I already told you that I'm fine," Dan replies.

"That's not what I meant and you know that." Dan sighs.

"Well, for someone who just ran a marathon and got shot in the end, I am doing alright," he admitted. "The whole thing has had me kind of shaken, but I...I think I'll adjust."

"Good," Phil says. "I mean, you don't have to be okay right away. I just want you to know that it's all going to be alright."

"Thank you," Dan says, squeezing his hand back. He pauses and nervously adds, "How many people know?"

"#RespectForThePhanabily has been trending on Twitter for quite some time now," Phil answers, sighing. "Don't freak out, alright? I am sorry the story got out — I'm not sure how it became such a big deal, but I really did try to keep it under control."

"No, it's fine," Dan reassures him. "I figured that after the whole address-leak, it would be easier for the fans to figure out this happened too. And that hashtag...it's cute."

"Yeah, they've been taking it really well," Phil says. "There has just been waves of support — they're even apologizing for the address-leak and things are actually getting a lot better on that front."

"Really?"

"Not everyone in the phandom are stalkers, I suppose," he says, not intending for it to sound so harsh. Dan seems to pick up on it.

"Phil, it wasn't your fault," he says again. "Please don't blame yourself for all of this."

"Dan—"

"Remember what you told me in 2009?" he cut him off. "You told me that all will be okay. When I dropped out of uni, I said that it was because I was a dumb idiot, and you just told me that I am redundant and okay. Anything bad that happens to us will never be your fault, Phil. And if it ever is, I know you have the best intentions. You are going to get through all of this, and it will all be okay."

Phil looks at him in a dumbfounded silence.

"I am floating on this lifeboat," he whispers. "One wrong move and I'll be pushed off, Dan. I've done so much to hurt you, to hurt Abi, and...and I don't know if it will ever be the same again."

Dan watches as Phil's hand trembles in his grasp.

"I was the one who fucked it all up," he grits out, almost frustrated. "It was me who let her in. It was me who stood with her all this time, and it was me who didn't say anything. How can it all be okay after this?"

"Because it has been so far, Phil," Dan says softly, rubbing Phil's hand with his thumb. He watches Phil's angered expression soften into a sadder one.

"But what if this is it, Dan?"

Dan hesitates before answering.

"You're my lifeboat, Phil," he says. "Without you, none of this would be here. I'm okay. It's all going to be okay. I promise."

And for the umpeenth time that day, Phil collapses on Dan's chest in sobs, and Dan can't help but cry with him.

"I love you," Phil mumbles, his voice broken. Dan nods.

"I love you too."

When Abi returns a few hours later with Chris and PJ trailing behind her, she stops at the door to see Phil slumped over Dan's bed, the two hand-in-hand and sleeping soundly.

"You think they made out?" Chris jokes. PJ punches him in the arm, and Abi smiles softly, not saying a word.

And when the anxiety of having to talk to Dan creeps in, she pushes it down by slowly backing out and closing the door — she can do that eventually.

Dan looked like he deserved someone who can make him feel better at the moment,

and she knew she couldn't give him that.

PJ must've realized Abi's sullen expression when they got out because he rests his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Let's go get some takeout for them when they wake up, yeah?" he asks. Abi looks at the door one last time and nods.

"Sure," she says, and she goes ahead of the two, hands in her pocket.

"In the tiniest lifeboat...with people I know."

reviews are totally rad, dude :)