Chapter 36 - Whispers

Four months later

"M'Lady that dress does not fit you anymore," Dormé all but shrieks.

"Whatever do you mean?" I adjust the dress again. It's tight, but not tighter than it was before.

"Look in a mirror," she barks, and I rush back to my room. Front hem of the dress is suspended a full three inches above the ground, compensating for the baby belly. Dormé shakes her head. "Go change," she says, "and come back in something made for your current state."

I sigh, reluctantly turning to the new maternity section of my closet. The dresses are much looser, and less flattering. Not to mention I have very few accessories that hide the belly. It may be time to announce my pregnancy, but I haven't met with Anakin yet.

I wrestle my way into a very padded dress, which makes me look shapeless even with the bump. Sighing, I walk out to meet Dormé again, and she gives me a nod. Then I head down to the lobby, and out to the market.

I don't normally do any of my shopping myself, but ever since I started to get cravings, I've had to. I can't program a droid to go out every time I want something and pick it up for me. I have to get it myself.

"Naberrie," Mora, one of the vendors calls, "haven't seen you in a while."

I roll my eyes. I was here yesterday. Smiling, I jog up to her stall and lean against the bar. "Got any of that fruit I asked for yesterday?"

"Not yet," she says, shaking her head. "Won't for a couple months."

I shrug. "Can't expect you to have everything all the time."

"That'd just be rude," she smirks. "Didja hear the news?"

"Politics or gossip?"

"Neither," Mora says, "it's about the war. They say that the leader of the 501st was killed."

My heart drops. "What?"

"Yeah," She says, "ship went down, huge explosion."

My legs begin to shake, and I prop myself up on the display now, so I don't fall over. "You're sure it was the 501st?"

"I could be wrong," Mora muses, "you know how gossip gets more confused the farther it goes."

I laugh, nervously. "yeah, I guess."

"are you alright," she asks, placing a rough, calloused hand on my arm.

"I'm fine," I lie, "just feeling a little unwell, I think I should go home."

She nods. "train's that way," she says, gesturing towards the train station. Gotta take care of that little one."

My eyes widen. "What? You can tell?"

"You've really grown in the last few months," Mora shrugs, "wonder who the lucky guy is." She winks, polishing a jogenfruit.

"Alright," I mumble. "I'm gonna head home." Without looking back, I speed walk towards the train, and immediately take a seat on it.

As the train leaves the station, I feel my breath finally come back to me, and a hot tear spills onto my cheek.

Could he really be dead?

oOo

"I don't see why you're telling this to us now," senator Mothma says, sipping her cup of taye.

"It was quite obvious," senator Chuchi adds, "you never wore those baggy and large clothes before."

I blush. "so you all knew?"

"A month ago," Riyo says. "What about you, Mon?"

"I'd say about a month and a half ago. How far along are you?"

"Five months," I lie. Anakin has been gone for six, so there's be no way he could be the father if it's only been five months.

"Well congratulations," Riyo says, grabbing my hand. "Here's to hoping its a healthy birth with a healthy baby!"

I smile, taking a sip of taye. "That's all we can hope."

"In the meantime," Mon says, "who's the father?"

I shake my head. "That's my business, and none of yours."

"Oh come on," Riyo pleads, trying to egg me on. "Can we at least know what he looked like?"

"Is it inter-species," Mon asks. "Twi'lek? Mirialan?"

"Human," I clarify. "And you won't be getting any more information."

"Tall? Short?"

I roll my eyes. "No more!"

Mon huffs. "You know, the queen may not let you continue to serve. Having a child out of wedlock is quite a scandal."

"I know," I say, swallowing hard. "But that's just where we're going to have to go."

"Maybe you can marry him now, and then have the kid. The queen surely can't demote you if you've married him by the time the baby is born," Riyo suggests.

"Not an option," I tell her, "there are some circumstances that separate us."

"Don't tell me he's a separatist," Riyo sighs.

"No, no!" I assure her. "Certainly not a separatist. Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Mon almost laughs out loud. "Yes," she cackles.

I throw my pillow at her.

"Did you hear anything about the front lines on Mandalore," Riyo asks, after the smoke has cleared.

"I heard some things. I don't want to believe any of them," Mon says.

"What did you hear," I ask, hesitantly.

"The blue legion's been destroyed, the general is dead!"

No. No no no!

"Do you know the identify number of the squad?"

"No, but I heard it was the one with the leader with wolf eyes on his helmet. I've seen him around, but not since six months ago," Mon says, taking another swig of taye.

"It must be gossip," Teckla says, placing a fresh tray of sandwiches on the coffee table. "I wouldn't assume anything."

The others nod. "Can't trust the word on the street," Dormé says.

"I saw the most preposterous magazine cover the other day," Riyo says. "It actually had you on the cover, Padmé."

"What did it say?"

Riyo chuckles. "That you were married to Anakin Skywalker, secretly. And that there was a romantic affair between master Fisto and that blue Twi'lek Jedi."

I laugh, nervously. "How strange!"

"Another one boasted that it had ranked all of the Jedi generals by attractiveness," Riyo continues.

"I bought that one," Mon says, lifting her cup. "Said that Skywalker guy was the most attractive. Followed by Fisto and Master Kenobi."

"Really?" Riyo takes a bite of sandwich and smirks. "I would have rated that Gallia girl at first."

Mon rolls her eyes. "As if. Skywalker is much better. He's a doer, not a negotiator. He does what the senate can't."

I almost laugh out loud. They seem to lift my spirits for a moment, and I almost forget he might be dead.

"Thank you," I smile. "You've certainly brightened my day."

The girls smile back at me. "It's the least we can do," Mon says. "And thank you for the taye."

I nod. "Of course."

oOo

"Padmé? Padmé!"

Anakin leans over me. His ocean-blue eyes look over me, searching me.

"Ani," I smile, placing a hand on his cheek. "I have such good news."

His eyes fill with tears, and his lip quivers. "Padmé, stay with me," he pleads, squeezing my hand in both of his.

"I'm here," I say, soothingly. I pull his head down towards my chest, to let him hear my heartbeat. His warm tears soak into the fabric of my tunic, and his grip tightens on me.

"No! Don't let go. Don't let go," he trembles, pressing his ear to my chest in several places.

"Ani? Ani, can you hear me?"

"Padmé, please. If you can hear me, say something, say anything!"

He can't hear me, he can't hear me!

"Ani," I scream, jumping up so I'm sitting upright. "Ani, I'm okay!"

Suddenly, my fingers pass through a substance, and I begin to shiver. I dread the sight I'll see when I look down at myself.

My stomach has been clawed open by some wild animal. The baby is nowhere to be found, and my insides are oozing out of me. I feel sick to my stomach, and retch.

"Ani," I plead, clawing for his face, anything to hold onto. "Ani, please!"

"I can't-" he sighs, leaning back into his heels and collapsing beside me. "I can't do this without you."

"I don't want to-" I mumble, tears rushing to my eyes, and a tightness rising in my throat. "Please, Ani."

Suddenly, I'm aware of the child lying next to him, covered in blood and crying loudly. The umbilical cord is still uncut, and part of the placenta is still stuck to its leg.

"I can't raise Shmi alone."

My daughter, named for his mother. Without a mother at birth. Possibly, without a father as well.

"Don't die on me now," Anakin mumbles absent-mindedly. "I can't- I can't."

"She's beautiful," I sigh, tears flowing down my cheeks now. "Just like her grandmother. And powerful, like her father."

Anakin leans over and kisses my forehead one last time. "I won't leave her," he swears. "Never. I'll treat her like a princess, she'll want nothing."

I smile. "Thank you."

His eyelashes flutter gently, and he kisses me once more.

oOo

I wake up in my bed, clutching my body pillow with all my might.

"M'lady," Teckla calls from the corner of the room. "You were having a nightmare."

I nod. "I'll be alright now, Teckla, thank you for your help."

She bows, gently, and places a bottle of hot water under my sheets. "Sleep soundly now," she says. "Everything will be alright."

"I hope you're right," I say, letting go of my death grip on the body pillow. "Don't leave until I fall asleep, please."

"Of course not," she says, "anything I can do to help."

She hold my hand gently, and I feel myself drift off a few moments later, into the infinite peaceful black of sleep.