A/N: Since this is my first post of the New Year, let me say, Happy New Year and thanks to all the readers out there who have been patient with me and this story! I love and appreciate all the support for this story! You guys are the best! Please enjoy the new update and feel free to review and comment! Oh and as always, all grammar and spelling mistakes are mine...sorry :)

Knee-Jerk

Chelyn looked at the suitcase in the corner of the dinky little motel room and her tried to push away the fact that her stomach soured a bit. Everything she currently owned was in that suitcase, well clothes-wise. She still owned the cabin, what sparse furniture was there, and the nearly two acres that the cabin set upon. Other than that, Elaine Peck had ordered someone to round up all of her clothes and bring them down, because the cabin was still off limits to everyone, but the forensic team. There was still a lot to be understood about the break-in and attempted murder of her, and the detectives on the case wanted to preserve the crime scene as much as possible. "The crime scene." Her home had turned into a crime scene. She shook her head in disgust.

Her shoulder hurt, her chest felt like she was breathing fire and she was popping pain pills like it was candy to no avail, but she was still ready to go back under. It was safer to be under. She didn't have to worry about friends, family, or god-forbid love. Love, what a concept; she tried to laugh without coughing, but failed miserably. She didn't care if she ever experienced love again…that was what she told herself after she had signed the divorce papers for Marissa, and again a few days ago, when she changed her power-of-attorney and medical papers. She had nearly convinced herself that she was alone in this world and then she had spent the weekend with Elle. It made her uncomfortable, feeling anything serious about anyone right now, but Elle was penetrating her defenses.

It was one of the reasons she had agreed so readily to go back undercover. Of course she knew she had to go to Quincy. No one gets away murder…someone had gotten away with murdering her mother nearly ten years before, and Chelyn had sworn to never let this happen again if she could help it. It made her physically sick to think about how someone's murder changed everything for everyone who was important to her. Just like Chelyn, who had gone from having her mother who loved her unconditionally, to being an abandoned orphan, who only had her sister to depend on for a little while. When Traci left home, she was alone and her stepmother was almost as bad as every fairytale ever written about wicked stepmothers, and her father was a sadistic, power-hungry bastard. He scared Chelyn, bullied her stepmother and used her sister for protection once she became a cop. Her home life had forced Chelyn into a stupid marriage when she was sixteen and into the mountains when that marriage had failed. Once again she hadn't really felt safe again until she became a cop; and she didn't feel like she had a family until the Pecks took her in.

Chelyn couldn't disappoint her family now and it was imperative that she got herself back into the grove of things. If she kept herself from being undercover too long, she would become afraid of that too. Her nights were already seduced by medically-induced nightmares; she couldn't be afraid all damn day too.

Still, this didn't solve the problem of how to tell Elle about her new mission, which was why she was still wide awake in the middle of the day, even though she had taken enough meds to put down an elephant. She and Elle had texted a few times after Elle got off that morning, but Chelyn was relieved when Elle finally went to sleep. She had assumed she would get some sleep also, but she had been awake trying to figure out the best way to tell her girlfriend that she was once again going undercover.

She turned on her side and closed her eyes once again. This time she made significant headway with going to sleep, but was startled awake by the fact that she began coughing again. This happened at least five times a night here lately and it was becoming beyond annoying. She took a deep breath, which seemed to fuel the anger brewing in her lungs, and eventually had sit upright to clear her lungs. Once her coughing stopped, it was replaced by a thick wheezing that would have scared anyone who heard it. "Shit," she sighed, making her way to the beat up chair where her pants and tee shirt lay. The room was chilly, even by Toronto fall standards, and yet her body felt warm.

"Shit," she said again, pulling on oversized pants. She bundled up in two shirts and then wrapped up in a coat and scarf. Opening the door, the Toronto wind nearly knocked her down, but Chelyn was poised to forge ahead. It only felt like death when the wind ripped around her.

"Where are you going?" a voice asked her as she headed down the stairs to the parking lot on the other side of the building. Chelyn would know that voice anywhere and she stopped in her tracks to turn and face Gail Peck.

"Detective Peck…" she croaked against the freezing wind.

"Where are you going?" Gail asked again, this time annoyed because her friend was trying to kill herself obviously. "Get your ass back inside…"

Chelyn narrowed her eyes, but since she really had nowhere to go or to be, it sounded like a good plan. She led Gail back to the motel room and removed her coat and scarf. "I'm guessing your mom told you."

"Gleefully," Gail said tightly. "Chelyn, what are you thinking?"

"It's for a couple of months."

"It'll get your killed. There is a reason there are no leads in that case, Chelyn. You won't have a team, or backup in Quincy. It's very different up there."

"I'm familiar with the place, Gail. Doesn't mean I shouldn't try."

"It's exactly what that means!" Gail said angrily. "Listen if you want to die...fine…just commit suicide some other way. This shithole that you are living in will give you a significant fungus before long…"

"Cute," Chelyn croaked, not taking her friend's mood too seriously. However, she felt a wave of heat over her body and became dizzy. She made her way to the bed and sat down quickly, willing the room to stop spinning.

"Chelyn…what's wrong?" Gail's voice went from cocky to nervous. "Chelyn…"

Chelyn grasp for a breath, but it was fleeting and caused her heart to race. "Gail…" she said breathlessly, "I'm having a heart attack," she managed before clenching her chest.

"Hey…hey…hey…calm down," Gail said, her mind racing. Chelyn was too young to be having a heart attack, but something could be wrong with her lungs. Gail pulled out her cell phone and dialed emergency quickly. She answered some questions quickly, but Chelyn was too focused on trying to breath to actually listen. "Hey someone is coming in a few minutes," she said once she hung up. "I need you to focus on breathing, okay, Chelyn?" Chelyn's breath was still catching in her throat. "Hey…it's probably just pneumonia," Gail offered as if this was an upside. "We can handle pneumonia," she promised.

"Speak for yourself," Chelyn joked before she broke out coughing. This went on until they heard a firm knock on the door and Gail opened up to two paramedics. They moved at lighting pace, hooking Chelyn up to oxygen and to a heart monitoring machine.

"I don't think this is a heart attack," one of the paramedics disclosed. "But your lungs do sound impaired. "We are going to take you in…" Chelyn didn't have time to protest as they loaded her onto a stretcher and wheeled her to the ambulance.

"It's a very large research grant, Dr. Stewart," Doctor Mendelson explained eagerly. "They are getting a U.S team to fly in at the end of the month. This is a life-changing career opportunity, Stewart."

"And I am more than honored for you to offer the position, but it's not feasible for me to move to Greenland," she explained for the third time. "I'm getting married in the coming months…"

"Don't let some guy ruin a great opportunity, Dr. Stewart," Dr. Mendelson cautioned. "You'll never forgive yourself if you do."

"It's a girl and she is well worth it," Holly assured the man on the computer screen in front of her.

"It's nearly double what you make now, with research privileges. You can very well support a family for a six-month or year assignment, Dr. Stewart. "Think it over…I've convinced the board to hold off on offering the position to someone else, but I need an answer by the end of the week."

"Why are you so intent on me taking this position?" Dr. Mendelson had been her mentor and professor throughout collage, but when she went into forensic pathology instead of forensic anthropology, they had somewhat lost touch.

"Your methodology is the best I've ever seen. No one can duplicate your work, Holly. I wish you understood that…"

"Thank you, Dr. Mendelson," Holly said humbly. "I'll give it proper consideration," she promised, ending the chat. She rolled her chair away from the monitor and sighed. If this opportunity would have cropped up just six months earlier, she would have gladly packed up and moved to Greenland. Now she couldn't even imagine not going home to Gail every night, which was what she was thinking about when Gail came through the door a little after eight that evening.

She hadn't been answering her cell phone, but Holly figured she's be a little distant after her conversation with Chelyn. Therefore, Holly had come home and whipped up a quick dinner so that Gail didn't have to worry about anything when she finally came home. Holly was actually surprised at how early Gail had made it in. "Holly…" she could hear her fiancée call out.

"I'm in here, honey," Holly answered. She was unpacking some more of the boxes that Gail had bought over and trying to incorporate their distant styles. "You have some of the most interesting pieces for the living room," Holly commented as Gail came in and bent down to kiss her.

"Is that your way of saying I have horrible taste, Stewart?"

"No…just interesting," Holly said holding up a gold and white small painting. "Where are we going to put this?" she asked looking around their neutral palate. Gold did not just blend in.

Gail only shrugged and plopped down on the tan couch. "It'll fit somewhere…"

"How did Chelyn take the news?" Holly questioned quickly.

"I didn't have a chance to tell her," Gail admitted mournfully. "She's back in the hospital. Fluid has collected around her lungs and she has a 'mild case' of pneumonia. I called Traci, but my mother has flown her out to Quebec for a conference and Elle had worked the night shift so she just woke up recently. I didn't want to leave Chelyn alone. She was sleep mostly, but…"

"That's understandable," Holly said sadly.

"She slept most of the time…but I wanted to be there. I also wanted to slam my mother's face into a brick wall for making Chelyn even think she could go back undercover any time soon…"

"Don't think about Elaine," Holly warned. She stood up and posed Gail's painting towards a few places on the wall. None seemed to work right. "Any idea how long Chelyn will be in the hospital?"

"A few days…I'm sure she's gonna to move in with Elle after this," Gail said closing her eyes. She opened her eyes a few moments later. "How was the rest of your day?" she questioned, wanting to get off the subject.

"Long," Holly said lifting Gail's legs and sitting down on the couch with her. "I got a call from Dr. Mendelson though…"

"Who is that?" Gail rubbed her eyes.

"One of the researchers in Greenland. He was once my professor and mentor, when I was still thinking about forensic anthropologist instead of forensic pathologist. He has recommended I get the position in Greenland, for the rehydration of the tissue." She had begun to rub Gail's tight calf muscles while she spoke.

"Greenland doesn't sound bad right now," Gail admitted.

"That's just because things here are terrible," Holly laughed nervously.

Gail sat up and stopped Holly's hands. "I'm serious. Do you want to take the position? We could go to Greenland…I'm sure I could find a job there as a bartender or something…or I could be a stay-at-home-wife…" Gail laughed.

"Yeah, the great Gail Peck, a stay-at-home-wife. You don't cook and you rarely clean."

"I could be like your sexy sex-slave," Gail cocked a brow, pulling Holly closer. "I could run your baths and screw you all night," she growled, pulling Holly's lips to hers. "Massages and sex all night…"

Holly bit on her lower lip and shuddered with the thought. "I wouldn't get any work done."

"Seriously…" Gail said allowing her hand to find her way inside Holly's shirt. "We could do Greenland," she said again. "For your career…we could start over," she threaded her fingers with Holly's. "We could have babies…"

"You wanna have babies now?" Holly narrowed her eyes.

"Soon…very soon," Gail said kissing Holly again. "Like really soon," Gail empathized. "I don't wanna spend my time fighting against my mother or Traci or anyone else. I want to be happy, with you and kids, Hol." When Holly didn't say anything for a while, Gail frowned. "You don't want to have kids now?"

"No…it's not that," Holly shook her head. "This is just kinda…sudden, Gail."

"We've been planning to get married and have a family, Holly," Gail said pulling back some. "You've changed your mind?"

"I didn't say that," Holly said sensing that Gail felt rejected. "I'm just saying…"

"That you don't want me coming to Greenland with you and you don't wanna have kids with me right now…" Gail finished for her. She pulled her legs from her fiancée and stood up. "I'm going to take a shower…"

"Gail," Holly said before Gail had a chance to fully pull away.

"No…I'm starving and sleepy. I just wanna shower and eat and contemplate why in the hell I'm not good enough for anyone in my life," she jerked away and headed up the stairs to their new master bedroom.

Holly fought against the need to chase her, figuring that Gail would do a lot better to just think things over and cool off on her own. She went back to unpacking the boxes pushed against the wall in their living room. When Gail didn't resurface after nearly an hour, Holly went upstairs in search of her. "Are you ready to talk now?" she questioned as Gail curled up on her side of the bed.

"About what?" Gail asked nonchalantly. "Go to Greenland, don't go to Greenland, what the hell do I care?" She popped up and moved around Holly. "I'm going to get some food."

"Gail," Holly said gently pulling Gail closer to her. "I love you…period," Holly said sternly. "You are not going to push me away."

"I don't need to push you away…you don't even want me to go to Greenland with you…"

"I'm not going to Greenland…" Holly said quickly.

"Because you don't want to take me!" Gail countered quickly. "You don't want to have babies with me…or a future with me…" Gail sounded wounded and insecure and she hated it. "Just let me get some food…" Gail said trying to push away from Holly.

"I don't want us to run…"

"This is not running! I want to start over, Holly…with you! But you don't want that."

"It feels like we're running," Holly tried to explain.

"Fine," Gail finally pulled away. "Whatever you say, Holly. You know everything," she said descending the stairs in a huff.

Holly realized a bit too late that this wasn't going away easily. She followed Gail and watched as she made herself a plate and began eating while standing up. "Maybe we shouldn't get married, Holly," Gail said taking a large mouthful of food. She narrowed her eyes as if it were a challenge and Holly fought against the urge to continue this argument. "That way I can be a great damn cop…everyone will be ecstatic. You can go to Greenland alone…"

"Don't do that, Gail," Holly warned, becoming slightly angry. "Don't try to push my buttons…push me away."

"What…it'll be okay. I was never good enough for you anyways. Why would the great Dr. Stewart want to take a shamed detective to Greenland with her? I'm not good enough for my mom, or you…I nearly got my best friend killed," she pushed her plate away. "I'm going out…"

"Gail Peck!" Holly said firmly. "Where are you going?"

"What the fuck does it matter?" Gail said grabbing her coat and keys at the front door, "don't wait up." She slammed the door behind her; leaving Holly hurt and confused.

"You were going to do what?" Elle tried not to choke on the question. "Undercover? You were barely out of the hospital," Elle could feel her green eyes fill with tears just looking at Chelyn. "Are you crazy?"

"It's out of the question now…" Chelyn said sitting up. She had received the procedure to drain the area around her lungs and was now supposed to be resting.

"Why was it ever in the question before?" Elle mused. Elle sat back in her seat and sighed. "Baby, what are you thinking?"

"You didn't see the pictures…the evidence," Chelyn tried to explain. "I can't sit idly by and let a murderer be on the loose. Someone ran my mother over when I was thirteen and I still have nightmares about it. Not to mention the extra nightmares now…. this is what happens when psychos roam free. Innocent people die…families are destroyed, Elle. Parents are burying kids and it's terrifying and disgusting. And now I can't even help because I'm weak and defective."

"You are injured because of the last time you pulled a psycho from the streets," Elle sighed noticing how whipped Chelyn looked. She didn't want to pile onto Chelyn right now. She really just wanted to hold her and take care of her right now. "When can you leave?"

"When my fever officially breaks…likely two days or so," Chelyn explained.

"And your plans for then?"

Chelyn knew what the question was, she just didn't know the answer. "I can't impose on you Elle…"

"At what point can I start taking this personally, Chelyn?" Elle asked seriously, gathering her coat.

"What do you mean?"

"You would rather catch pneumonia than to live with me."

"That's not it," Chelyn shook her head. "I just…don't want to be a burden."

"I want you with me. I want to take care of you…I love…" but Elle stopped herself. "I'm headed home…I hope you feel better, Chelyn."

"Wait…" Chelyn reached out but completely missed Elle's arm. She began a lengthy coughing session, which actually sounded a lot better than her former hacking. It took her a moment to catch her breath and in that time, Elle had already put on her coat and wrapped a scarf around her neck. "Do you love me?" Chelyn managed after a moment.

"What does it actually matter, Chelyn?" she said heading towards the hospital room door. "You are running because you wanna run and I'm not going to chase you," she said solemnly. She made it all the way to the elevator before the tears finally raced down her cheeks.

Gail stood at the doorway watching as Chelyn babbled into her cell phone. It was really the only thing that Gail had thought to pick up when they wheeled Chelyn out on that stretcher and Gail had to follow her to the hospital. Now it was nearly ten at night and Chelyn seemed to have put the device to good use. "Elle, please call me back," she heard her friend plead before hanging up.

"Trouble in paradise?" Gail asked sadly. She knew the feeling of the look Chelyn shot her.

"Visiting hours are over," Chelyn said leaning back in the bed. The machine that shot medicine directly into her body beeped and then purred, releasing another dose of the meds into the girl's veins.

Gail flashed her badge. "Not when you are a cop and promise to be super quiet," Gail shrugged. "How you feeling?"

"Did you know that when they say "clearing the lungs" they mean sticking a very large needle into your chest cavity?"

"I had a scary inkling," Gail grimaced. She sat in the uncomfortable chair beside Chelyn's bed. "Where is Elle?"

"She didn't flash her badge." Chelyn was in no mood to explain why Elle wasn't there right now. She had left nearly two hours ago and wasn't picking up her phone. Chelyn figured she was losing everything right now and it was out of her hands, but pushing Elle away was all her fault. "Why aren't you at home with your girl?"

Gail took a measured breath and sighed. "Because I'm a bitch." Chelyn nodded as if this was no surprise. "I fucking love her so much, Chelyn and I'm destined to screw it up. What in the fuck is wrong with me?"

Chelyn reached for the glass of water in front of her on a portable tray. "What did you do?" she asked after taking a sip.

"Picked a fight tonight, because I'm scared…"

"Of losing her?"

"Of losing you," Gail corrected her friend.

"I'm not going to die, Gail," she mumbled like a kid trying to silent an overprotective parent. "I was taking all of my meds, right on time…this is just some shit that happened."

"I'm not talking about you dying, Chelyn," Gail said shifting a bit. "Chelyn I'm going to say some stuff and I need you to just let me talk, okay? Because if I stop, I may never start this conversation again." She waited for Chelyn to agree to the terms, but Chelyn was a little too frightened to even move.

Still, Gail took a fortifying breath, let it out and began. "A few nights before we got the warrant to move on Joshua North, Traci called me at home. She was scared, and a little miffed because she thought that maybe your father had heard something he shouldn't have about you being an undercover officer. I'm not sure who knows what in your family, but she was upset and scared about it. She wanted me to pull you from cover…but I was cocky and arrogant and really just wanted that fucking case over, because I wanted to start my life with Holly. I mean really start my life…I wanted to coast some and with that case in our back pockets, it would be months before another case like that would pop up," Gail said looking away. She didn't want to see Chelyn's reaction because she knew she wouldn't be able to continue if she did. "When we didn't arrest him that night in the sting, I could feel something was up, but I was too bitter and stupid to actually investigate it. I went home and drank instead of meeting with you and Elle like I should have. When you called…if Holly wasn't there," she shook her head mournfully. "You were still fighting for your life when we knew for sure that your father had told your uncle that you were undercover and Theo had told Joshua. That's how he knew…" it sounded so much worse being spoken out loud that Gail had to stop for a second to regain her resolve. Still, she bit down on her lower lip and continued. "I ran to my mom, actually she came to me…she knew something was up, but I told her everything…the whole truth and to save Traci and my asses, she swept some stuff under the rug for the SIU investigation. Or she cut some deal…something hellish I'm sure…either way, it all went away, but no charges could be filed on Theo or your father because…"

"It would shine light on Traci and you…" Chelyn stated in awe. It made sense. It was sickening and humbling, but it made perfect sense. She had never broken cover in her career, and this time had been no different. She had been set up by her UNCLE, and FATHER, nonetheless. "It would have been better off if I would have died…"

"No!" Gail said firmly.

"Yeah…it would have been. I would have died a hero; brutally massacred in my home; Elaine would have made a brilliant story about how I screwed up, broke cover, but still died a fighting hero and no one would have to address how my cover was REALLY broken," Chelyn figured quickly.

"This is my fault, Chelyn."

"Stop it, Gail!" Chelyn could feel her anger boil. Not because Gail hadn't pulled her. She would have fought Gail tooth-and-nail if the detective had tried to pull her; but because her father and uncle were out there walking free. "My father and uncle are walking free because you two decided to save your asses?"

"Your uncle is in jail…he tried to stab your father or something…"

"So he may have blown my cover and nearly got me killed, but he's in jail for stabbing his brother, who sold me out to protect him?" Chelyn tried to get the story straight. She would laugh if she didn't feel like crying. She covered her eyes in frustration, willing herself not to cry. "You should leave, Gail," she said softly.

"Chelyn…"

"No Gail," she took as deep of a breath as she could. "You should just go…while I try to figure out how my father can be a horrible human being and his life is still more important than mine?"

"It's not," Gail said quickly.

"Bullshit!" Chelyn slammed her hand down on the moveable tray in front of her. "You guys made it obvious when you let those monsters walk, Gail! You always say your mother is a monster, but you ran to her to save your ass! Who do I get to run to Gail? My father told his brother and the bastard was very close to having me killed! You and Traci ran to Elaine! I thought I could run to you…to Traci…but I have no one!" she said breathlessly. "I'm on a fucking island," she said finally sinking into her rage, hurt and discomfort with the situation. "Get the fuck out, Gail," she growled this time. "Get out!" And this time, Gail had no other choice, but to obey. It took Chelyn nearly an hour to process everything that Gail had to say, but when it finally settled in her brain, she knew there was only one thing she could do.

She pulled the needle from her arm, removed the oxygen from her nose and rang the call button for the nurse in charge of the floor for the night. "I'd like my discharge papers," she said weakly, pulling on the same clothes she had been brought in wearing.

"We wouldn't recommend that, Ms. Blaise," the older nurse said quickly, but the sheer look of determination flashing in the girl's eyes told her that this wasn't a winnable argument.

"Bring me the papers," Chelyn said hopping into her jeans, thankful that her credit card was in her back pocket, because she was going to need to catch a cab where she was headed.

"It's not too late to call, is it?" Holly asked nervously. She had waited for Gail to return home and now that it was nearly three hours later, she had given up any hope of a mature conversation with the woman. This was perhaps the reason she was making this call. "Dr. Mendelson, I'd like to take that position…could you fax the information to my office tomorrow morning? I'll have the paperwork signed and sent back by the end of the day," Holly took a deep breath. "I can be in Greenland by the end of the week…" she promised. If Gail wasn't ready to stay with her, there was really no need to put her career on hold. Still, she cringed a little, as the doctor on the other end of the line agreed to send her the paperwork. Tomorrow morning, she would sign her life away for at least the next year, and she didn't plan on looking back.

A/N: I just wanted to say that I know this is a hard chapter, but change isn't easy for anyone, especially not Gail Peck, and relationships definitely aren't easy...no matter the relationship :(