Chapter Note:
When I started writing the epilogue, I realized it was so becoming so long, I decided to split it up into 2 parts, so enjoy!
Epilogue Part 1- Closure
*Three months later*
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Edward asked me, gripping my hand. I think he just might have been more nervous than I was.
"No, but I know in my heart that this is what I need to do for this to finally be over. I need the closure."
With all the courage I had, and challenging strength from Edward, I took a deep, shuddering breath, and stepped inside Pacific Psychiatric Hospital.
The courts had deemed Renee criminally insane. I haven't seen her, save the glimpses I caught of her when she was following me, in months. She had apparently suffered a psychotic break, and the doctors I spoke to on the phone repeatedly warned me that I may not even recognize the woman I was about to visit for the first- and last- time.
The facility was about two hours away in Northern Washington, a stones throw from the Canadian border. I was shocked to find the lobby of the hospital bright and open, so unlike the facility I remembered in Phoenix. That was a very dark time in my life though, and perhaps I remembered it being more dark and daunting than it was. I had no plans to go back there though.
After checking in at the welcome desk, we were escorted by security to another floor of the hospital, a wing separated by steel doors and pass codes. Renee was being kept in a separate wing of the hospital, one specifically designated for the criminally insane.
We stopped at a metal detector, and were asked to empty our pockets. I had to show the guard the card I had to carry around explaining that I had a metal rod in my leg. After showing him that, he said he would need to pat me down instead. As I tensed up, Edward noticed immediately.
"Don't you have a female guard that can do that?" he asked anxiously. I knew he was worried my mental state was already balancing precariously on the edge, and that any added stress would send me into a panic attack.
"Sure?" he said, as if it were a question. Surely I wasn't the first that wanted a female guard, but he acted as if I was inconveniencing him terribly. He radioed in to someone else though, and I was relieved.
I had made a lot of progress over the last three months. My weekly sessions with Dr. Whitlock ended up turning into three times a week as I struggled with the emotions following the rape and Renee's incarceration. He even offered to have me come to his house for the sessions. I was originally hesitant, because Darcy would more than likely be around, but I eventually relented, knowing that it would be nearly impossible for me to travel to Port Angeles so often. Long trips were out of the question, especially when some days I was afraid to even leave my house.
I remember the first time I came to Dr. Whitlock's house for a session. I gave him permission to tell Darcy that I was a patient of his, knowing that she'd eventually figure out I was there anyway.
"Bella, can I speak to you for a moment?" Darcy asked anxiously, as she opened the door for me.
"I'm not really here for a social call," I said uncomfortably. "I'm here to see Tom."
"I know dear, but it will only take a moment."
I followed her reluctantly to the kitchen, and she immediately poured me a cup of coffee. "Black?" she asked.
"That's fine, thank you," I said, a little curtly.
"Listen dear, I just wanted to apologize. I know it's been a while since you've come to visit, and I know why. Tom explained to me how awfully I treated you when you were here last, and I just wanted you to know that was never my intention. I'm turning into my mother I'm afraid, and I didn't even realize it. She always spoke without thinking, just blurting out whatever was on her mind, and I'm afraid that I've lost my verbal filter as well. I hope that you can forgive me. I promise that I will do my best to never make you so uncomfortable around me again."
"I appreciate the apology," I said honestly. "It's forgotten."
"Oh, thank you Bella. I hope that someday we could become friends. After all, we will probably be in-laws one day."
"In-laws?" I asked confused.
"Our kids are so in love. I know that they're young, but don't you see the true love there? Mark my words, my boy is going to marry your girl."
I couldn't help but notice that she continued to address Alice as "mine" I smiled at the thought of Alice one day becoming my sister. As far as Alice and Jasper getting married, I thought they were awfully young to predict that so soon.
"I guess time will tell," I said.
Now I was back to once a week sessions with Dr. Whitlock. Edward came with me a few times in the beginning, and we worked on rebuilding our relationship and on communicating better. We were always able to trace every fight or squabble back to the problem of not talking to each other. Since then our relationship was stronger than ever.
Once I was off the crutches, Edward and Tom routinely took me out, a little at a time, until I could finally go places by myself again. Before that, I would only ever leave my home to go straight to Tom's house, and right back again. I always double and triple checked locks, multiple times a day and in the middle of the night after waking from the countless nightmares I had.
I still had nightmares, but they were becoming less frequent. Most recent, I've been having the same nightmare over and over. I would wake up in an empty room and walk to a mirror, and the reflection I always saw staring back at me was the face of Renee. After the fifth time I had the same dream, I decided what I needed to do to bring closure to the situation, and that was why I was here today.
I closed my eyes tight as the female guard came to pat me down. I tried to force my mind somewhere else, pretending that nobody was touching me. I managed to get through the pat down without a problem, and we were escorted into the next room.
The visitation room was cold and uncomfortable, just an open room with a large glass window. The only way to communicate with the patients on the other side was through a telephone. We were instructed to take a seat, but there was only one chair in our booth. I sat down and waited, while Edward stood behind me rubbing my shoulders in a gentle, calming manner.
I could see through the window as a nurse pushed Renee through the door, followed closely by a guard. Renee's hands were restrained to the wheelchair, so when she was settled on the other side of the glass, the nurse removed the phone and held it to her ear.
Looking at the sight of Renee before me, I realized that it was the last thing I expected. I expected to see the angry image of Renee I had been so used to, with her evil glare and her mouth drawn up into a sneer, just like the last time I saw her.
She was different now though. The anger in her eyes was replaced with a hollow, vacant stare. Her mouth was drawn in a permanent frown. Her expression didn't change, she stared right through the glass, and through me, as if I weren't even there.
I had rehearsed the things I would say to her when we came face to face for the last time. I wanted to tell her that she hadn't succeeded in destroying me, that I was still here, still fighting. I wanted to tell her that she had an evil soul and the things she put me through for the last twenty-five years nearly killed me. I wanted her to explain herself. As I stared at her though, with her eyes utterly devoid of life in front of me, I knew that these things didn't need to be said. No questions needed to be asked. No explanations needed to be given. She was suffering the same fate she made me suffer when she put me in that awful place.
I stayed silent as I gripped the phone and examined her. Even though I hated her, I examined her closely for any signs that she was being mistreated, but found none. She was the same weight she was last time I saw her, and her skin showed no signs of bruising or scarring. She was heavily medicated, clearly, but perhaps it was necessary.
The woman before me was very clearly very mentally ill, but that didn't change the fact that I suffered a lifetime of abuse at her hands, and the hands of the boyfriends she subjected me to. She brought James into my life, and stool idly while she knew what was happening.
She wasn't my mother, she never was.
Finally, I decided what I wanted to say to her. It was the only thing I wanted to say to her.
"I hope you burn in hell, Renee." I said sharply, slamming the phone back down on the cradle, and rising from my chair.
Edward followed me as I stormed out of the visitation room. The guards opened the door immediately for us. We retrieved our belongings quickly and made our way out as fast as we could.
"Edward stopped me as soon as I reached his car. "Are you okay?" he asked, searing my face for any signs that I wasn't.
"I'm fine," I said. "I don't know why, but I just needed to see her one last time. Now I know it's really over."
"You're so brave," he said quietly in my ear, as he wrapped me into a warm, tight embrace.
"It doesn't feel that way all the time," I said, taking a cleansing breath, knowing what I would need to do now- the last piece to moving on. "There's one more thing I want to do today."
"Anything," he said, his green eyes boring into mine.
"Take me to Charlie's house?"
It had been three months since I visited Charlie's house. I knew that that upset him, knowing that something so devastating kept his daughter away from his home. He admitted to Edward just a couple of weeks ago, though I overheard, that he was planning to sell it. He said that Sue tried to talk him out of it, being that it was his childhood home, owned by his family for decades.
It hurt my heart that such ugliness took place in a place that was supposed to be so comforting and beautiful. I needed to make it right. I would never live with myself if Charlie sold his home because I was too afraid to step inside of it.
Even worse was that Emmett couldn't go back there either. Though trying to keep a strong front by always claiming that he was busy with Rosalie, or wanted to spend time with her family for Spring Break. I wasn't fooled, though, and I doubt Charlie was either.
I also got the feeling from conversations with both Charlie and Sue that Charlie didn't spend much time there himself, spending most of his nights and days off at the reservation with Sue.
Edward and I didn't speak on the two hour drive back to Forks, but we didn't need to. He just laced his fingers with mine, only braking contact when we had to, until all too soon we were in front of Charlie's house.
"I don't think he's home," Edward commented as he opened my door for me.
"I'm not surprised," I murmured, getting out of the car. The walk to the front door felt like walking the green mile.
My hands were shaking so badly that I had to pass Edward the keys to open the door. I was surprised when he didn't argue with me about going in there. He simply unlocked the door and gave me a sympathetic glance.
"Do you want me to go in first?" he asked.
"No, I need to do this," I said, challenging every ounce of courage in my body.
With shaky steps, I stepped into the house and looked around. The first thing I noticed was that it was noticeably dustier than I ever remembered it being. It felt empty, so unlike the home I remembered, even though everything from the furniture to the pictures on the wall were in their rightful place.
I made my way through the foyer slowly, and I could feel Edward behind me, giving me strength just by being near. I stepped into the living room and looked opposite the direction that I would eventually need to look. As I braved myself to turn my gaze to the staircase, I braced for the feeling of impending doom I was so used to… but it never came.
There was nothing wrong here. It was just an empty house. I turned my head slowly towards the staircase and felt… nothing.
"It's just a staircase," I whispered, shocked at my lack of reaction.
"Bella?" Edward questioned, apparently still waiting for the inevitable meltdown.
Still in awe of the calm I felt, I chanced a glance down at the floor at the foot of the stairs. The blood stains- mine and James'- had long been washed away, leaving no trace of anything having gone wrong.
"Are you okay?" Edward asked, still staring at me in concern.
"Yes," I admitted. "Just surprised."
"At what?"
"That it's okay. I'm just shocked at myself, because standing here in the place that it happened, I'm really okay. I hate what he did to me, but being here isn't making it any worse for me."
"It's not bringing back memories?"
"Not really, no. The memories I have, I think I'll always have them. But this- it's just a place. It's where it happened, but being here doesn't change anything or make it better. It's just a place."
Edward wrapped his arms around me, and it wasn't lost on me that we were standing in the spot that almost broke us apart three months ago.
"Charlie will be really happy you came here," Edward said, as he pulled away from me.
"Yeah," I agreed. "I can't let him sell this place. What happened is past, you know?"
He kissed me softly and took my hand. "Can we do one more thing while we're here?"
"What's that?" I asked.
"Open the garage?"
I looked at him curiously, but led him over to the inside door leading to the garage and opened it. When we stepped inside, I gasped.
"Oh my God, I forgot this was still here!" I exclaimed, pulling the cover off Carlisle's beloved Aston Martin.
Edward made a full circle around the car, staring at it and running his fingers over the hood as we passed. He had a smile of contentment on his face that warmed my heart.
"Wanna' go for a ride, pretty girl?" he asked with a small smile.
"Absolutely," I answered immediately, walking to the passenger door.
Always the gentleman, he opened the door for me, and I sat inside for the first time. Even knowing nothing about cars, I could tell that this car was in perfect condition and had been well maintained by Edward's father. I was surprised that Edward felt the need to drive it now, but I let him have his moment.
He looked at peace for the first time in so long, as if something clicked in him- an epiphany. I wished I knew what it was, but I knew he'd tell me in time.
We didn't drive far, just out to the cliffs at La Push beach. We parked and stared over the Pacific, silently reveling in the beauty of the ocean before us.
After a few minutes of silence, Edward took my hand gently and kissed my fingertips. I shuddered at the warmth and electric tingle I still felt every time he touched me.
"I love you," he whispered.
"As I love you," I murmured back, releasing my seatbelt and snuggling into his side. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me as I asked, "What's on your mind?"
"I'm going to sell it," he said simply, still looking incredibly content.
I sat upright once more to look at him in the eyes. "This car? But it means so much to you!"
"It's just like you and Charlie's house," he explained. "I realized that it's just a thing- something I've been holding on to. But I realized that I don't need this car to remember my father and the good times we had with it. I've just been letting it sit idle in Charlie's garage, a waste of space. I could sell it to someone who would truly appreciate it. Not to mention I would make a pretty penny on selling it."
"How much is a pretty penny?" I asked curiously. I knew the car was worth a bit of money, but really I had no idea how much.
"At least six figures. More than enough to put Alice through college- and then some."
I couldn't help my mouth from dropping at his statement. Six figures? I had never seen that much money in my life.
"What would you do with the rest of the money?" I asked.
He smiled. "I would definitely start by buying you something pretty," he said.
I blushed. "I don't need you to buy me things."
"I know," he said. "That's one of the millions of reasons that I love you so much. I had something specific in mind though, that I hope you wouldn't object to."
"What's that?"
Suddenly his contented smile faded, and his eyes grew anxious. "A ring?" he asked nervously.
I paused for a minute. Edward told me his first purchase after selling his father's car would be to get me a ring. Could he possibly mean…?
After a long pause, I said, "Are you asking me what I think you're asking?"
"We've been through a lot these last few months, you especially. I've never felt more right though- good times and bad- then I've felt with you by my side. I love every morning waking up with you next to me. I love sharing my life with you. Will you be my wife?"
Author's Note:
The joyride in the Aston Martin is dedicated to aabc- it was her idea. Part 2 isn't quite finished, but it won't be long... please let me know what you thought- good or bad, I'm dying to know!