Dear John Letter

Dear Death the Kid,

I'm not sure how to start this letter out, or even if I'm going to give this to you. But that doesn't matter much, does it? You're not here right now, but the stress is unbearable. You're my boyfriend, and fiancé-to-be. Yeah, I know about the ring, and that's kind of why I needed to write this letter…

I don't want to beat around the bush anymore. Kid, I did love you. You were perfect, and don't think you weren't. The thing is, you aren't for me. You were never meant to be mine, and I was never meant to be yours.

Didn't Liz have feelings for you, too? I remember you told me about that when we first started dating. Maybe you could try going out with her—she's a good girl. I'm sure you know that more than I do, though. As for me… I've always known where I belonged. I'm sure everybody's known—with Soul. Our relationship's been pulling me away from him, and he's my most important person. I'm sorry…

I hope that vacation of yours is going well. I don't want to ruin your week away from Death City, so I'll leave the letter in your room in the Gallows Mansion for you to read when you get back. I'd rather tell you face-to-face, but this whole thing's been weighing me down. Soul and I will be on a mission, too, so I'm sorry that I won't be able to explain myself to you.

I hope I don't seem like a coward right now.

I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say here. This is a lot harder than I thought it'd be… Historically, I'm sure you know, letters like this were referred to as 'Dear John' letters, or… break-up letters. Tsubaki explained them to me a while back. What it means is that I don't want to be with you anymore. I just can't.

We had lots of fun times together, but I always had that nagging feeling in my heart, that one thought that stuck out. It always told me that everything we were doing was wrong. That we weren't meant to be. I don't understand what it was, or why I felt that way, but I did, and it made me guilty.

Which is why I can't handle even another day of pretending. That's what I've been forced to do—pretend. For the last month, I've been hiding away, trying to think of a way to end it. You didn't think much of it, because I'm used to pretending everything's okay.

That's how I was raised.

But you knew me even better than Soul. And I thank you for that. I told you about my family, my problems, and I even confided my secrets in you. The best part was how you never told another person, and I'm very thankful for that. You're my best friend, if nothing else.

Why does it seem like there's always more to write? If I seem like a cruel person that you wouldn't ever want to talk to again, I'd be okay with that, and I'd understand. I'm sorry if thehandwriting's a little off, my hands are shaking.

No, There wasn't anybody else. I never cheated on you—I promise you that. I have dignity, and I do have respect for you. This letter is just a way to get my feelings out. I wish you were here so I could tell you myself—it's tearing me apart inside.

Maybe it'd be better if I told you what I liked about you. Your eyes were my favorite part of you. Your gentleman-like behavior was very charming, and your Sanzu Lines were cute, too. The way you were just a little bit taller than me, and how your arms fit perfectly around me…

And still felt so wrong.

We're like fire and wood—once together, we shine more brilliantly than ever before, but at the same time… one is always being used up until it's all gone. And that's me. I make you a better person, but it takes too much out of me to keep going. I'm sorry.

Do you understand where I'm going with this? My heart is too weak, but my hands will continue. I guess that's how it always is—I know I should stop, but my damn pride keeps me going. I'm not sure if even writing this out is a good idea, but I feel so much better now. I feel… free. I guess that means I'm doing something right.

If you want to know the reason, Kid, that I'm doing this, it's just… You're too much sometimes. Your symmetry fits were cute at first, but now they're nothing short of annoying. The way you obsess over the smallest details slows us down, and I was always embarrassed to go in public with you. Sure, you were Shinigami-sama's son, but that hardly means anything. The way you talk down to most people really grates my nerves, too, and your self-confidence gets in the way a lot. I want to be honest, but I don't want to hurt your feelings, either. So I'm just going to tell it to you straight. You're not a good kisser.

If you want to blame somebody for this, blame me. I wasn't meant to be yours. Everything about us clashes, and I want you to know that this is a good thing. We didn't need each other, ever, and it was a mistake to ever go out. All we did was hurt each other, and if you think you were happy, you're wrong.

I'm sorry, Kid. Truly, I am. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I'd understand if you never want to see me again. I'm sure Liz still likes you, so… Good luck.

Your Friend Forever,

Maka Albarn