Clarion woke up a few mornings later in her chambers at the castle. She rolled over, exhausted from the restless sleep that she got for a few hours each night now. The coldness of her bed was something she was used to, but it hurt deep inside her chest now. A bit groggy, she knew that something was happening today but couldn't remember what. She looked around her room and saw her long blue dress hanging on her closet door.
Tears sprang to her eyes. She had forgotten for a brief instant that the funeral was today. The gown she had chosen matched the blue of Milori's eyes, back when he had been happy and carefree before he had wept out all of the color. Could the same happen to a warm fairy, she wondered. She had cried so many buckets of tears the past few days that Fairy Mary, who had been back for three days now along with the rest of Pixie Hollow fairies, had summoned Spruce. He had hospitalized her back at the true hospital for a night because she had been so dehydrated and exhausted. When she had woken up most of the floor with screams from her nightmares, he had let her return home in hopes that she would recover better in her own bed.
There was a knock at the door, but she didn't bother to respond. She just wanted to be left alone.
Spruce stepped through the door, his hair damp as if he had just taken a jump in the lake to cool off before crossing the border. "My queen, I just wanted to check on you." He came into the room.
She rolled away. "Please go."
"Let me make sure you're not so dehydrated." He walked over and knelt beside the bed, pulling out his stethoscope to listen to her heart too.
She tolerated it only because he stayed to her back so she could ignore him.
"You didn't sleep even with the sleeping pills, did you?" he inquired softly.
By the way he asked, he knew she wasn't going to answer.
"Do you have a headache from being dehydrated?"
She heard him rustling in his bag but didn't pay attention. "I don't know," she replied without caring. When she felt a needle slide into her arm, she didn't flinch.
"You need more fluids again. I wish you would at least drink," he pleaded gently. "He wouldn't want you to suffer like this."
Tears filled her eyes. "He doesn't know the difference anymore, does he?" she snapped, her voice breaking.
"Perhaps it would help to speak with Thomas's mate. She's having a difficult time too."
"I heard she's taking calls," she retorted.
"Her way of grieving is to keep busy with friends. It would do you a world of good to get out of this room." He unhooked the intravenous line.
"Go," was all she said.
He sighed. "I'll be back tomorrow, likely for daily fluids again." Then he left.
There was another knock at the door a moment later. Mary peeked her head in.
"You're awake, dearie. Do you want some hot tea or anything for breakfast?"
Clarion rolled away in bed. "I'm not hungry."
Mary flew into the room and stood beside Clarion, with a hand on her shoulder. "You've barely eaten all week. The healers said you must eat more. Pixie Hollow needs its queen."
She flung back the covers and stormed out of bed, yanking on her robe. "Neverland forbid the Queen shows any emotion! Gets any time alone, out of the damn public eye!" she barked. She started jerking the brush through her tangled locks at her vanity table.
Mary flew over and gently took the brush from Clarion before her locks ripped out. She started gently brushing. "You don't have to hide your emotions, Clarion," she said softly.
"Of course I do!" she snapped, snatching up her hairpins and meeting Mary's eyes in the mirror. "I cry and refuse food, and you shove me in the hospital!"
"You were ill. You're still not well," she said softly in concern and stopped brushing to give Clarion her full attention.
She shot to her feet and flung the handful of hairpins onto the vanity, sending them clinking everywhere with her force. "I was grieving!" she shouted and spun on Mary. The rage and pain wouldn't be contained any longer. She stabbed a finger at her chest with tears on her cheeks.
"I know it hurts," Mary said softly and reached out to hug Clarion.
Clarion slapped her hand away. "You do not know!" she shouted, her body shaking with anger. "The fairy I loved died! He went to a war that I decreed! I have no idea how he died or if he suffered or was scared or alone! Your mate didn't go to war! He didn't fight for our kingdom! You went with him to another land, leaving other males behind to do the dirty work!"
Mary paled and swallowed hard. "You said yourself that untrained fairies wouldn't last a day with the Alamur," she replied quietly with tears in her eyes. "Am I grateful that Gary didn't have to go? I am, but I feel horrible that only a few could fight for us. Hate me if you want, but it won't bring Milori back."
Clarion hiccuped with sobs. "He promised he would come home." She sank to the floor and wept into her hands, "He was in my arms, and I let him go back out there."
Mary knelt and wrapped her arms around Clarion's shaking shoulders.