Chapter XXXVI

Mr Bennet's Funeral

"Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them."

- George Eliot

Lydia shook her head to clear it, and took her uncle's hand to descent from the carriage, she stopped to look up at the house. It was almost entirely dark, there were very few lights in the windows. She could not remember ever returning to Longbourn so late before when the house was so quiet. When they returned from a ball, they were all normally in high spirits, even if they were tired. Lizzy was normally recanting some amusing tale of the evening, Jane would be smiling even if she was basically asleep.

Mr Darcy and her uncle were talking in low voices, they seemed to be arguing about something, but they were speaking too softly for her to hear. It was just then that the front door opened and Lizzy appeared in the doorway, with Kitty not far behind her. Lydia was satisfied that they seemed eager to greet her, Lizzy pulled her into a hug, slightly uncomfortably, since Lizzy was so much shorter than she was.

"You're home," she said quietly when she released Lydia, who was half expecting Lizzy to start telling her off. It was only after Kitty was pulling her into the house that she noticed the wet patch where Lizzy's face had touched her shoulder. It had stopped raining some time ago, even if the ground was still wet. Why on earth was Lizzy crying. But there was no time for that now.

"It was such a terrible journey here, so cold." She complained loudly as they entered the drawing room. Only to be engulfed by Mrs Bennet.

"Oh Lydia, my poor dear girl", her mother cried.

"I'm hungry Mama, can I have something to eat?" Lydia asked hopefully, "Uncle was so mean not to stop on the way. Just for some tea and maybe a little toast and jam."

Lydia was lead to a seat by the fire while her family gathered around to hear the story of her adventurer. It was all so exciting. She had missed the comfort of Longbourn.

Toast, jam, tea and some cold meat arrived and Lydia proceeded to tell them what had happened to her while she had been away. While she ate her full comfortably by the fire.

ooOoo

Elizabeth had fallen asleep in the drawing room, she sat up with a start, the fire had almost died down to nothing, Mary had long since gone to bed and Mr Bingley had left for Netherfield several hours after dinner. Mrs Bennet was asleep by the fire, their aunt was also asleep in the chair next to their mother, having spent several hours trying to cheer her up. Jane was sitting in an uncomfortable a position as she could, so as to stay away. Kitty was sitting in, what had come, her favourite spot by the window, Elizabeth thought she had also fallen asleep, until she shifted slightly, and saw Kitty's eyes were open.

Elizabeth very carefully got to her feet, her legs were stiff from the cold and moved towards the fire to add another log of wood to it, when she heard the sounds of a carriage. Elizabeth rushed out of the room, her stiffness forgotten, making Kitty jump and almost fall over the shawl she had wrapped around her legs as she rushed after her sister.

Elizabeth could hardly believe that it was Lydia standing outside the carriage, as if nothing had happened. She seemed not at all affected by recent events, which was a blessing and a cruise. Once she had assured herself that Lydia was well she turned her eyes to the others. Her uncle, the maid who had come with them from London and Mr Darcy. She tried to compose herself, by making sure that the luggage and the maid who had come with Lydia from London were heading the right way into the house. Kitty was leading Lydia into the house, Mrs Gardiner who had followed them out, returned with Lydia into the house.

Her uncle and Mr Darcy were disagreeing about something, she was very definitely not listen to their conservation or indeed paying any attention to Mr Darcy at all. Mr Darcy looked tired, like he had hardly slept or indeed eaten since he had left for London, which he properly hadn't. That is until her uncle called her to attention to him.

"Lizzy you will be the voice of reason to this young man." He said, "Mr Darcy wants to carry on our journey to Netherfield rather than staying here tonight."

Elizabeth felt like her voice had stopped working, Mr Darcy spending the night - what was left of it at Longbourn. It took a great effect, but she found her voice. "There can be no need to wake Mr Bingley, Mr Darcy, you are very welcome to stay here tonight." He was staring at her intently as if undecided and searching for some unattainable truth in her words."

Mrs Gardiner, who had reappeared, added her voice to her husband's and nieces. At least Mr Darcy agreed.

"Let us join the others," Mrs Gardiner suggested, "It is too cold and damp a night to be out in it for long. I believe Jane has just sent for some hot tea and toast."

Mr Gardiner offered his arm to his wife, who readily accepted it, leaving Mr Darcy and Elizabeth standing in the driveway.

Elizabeth looked at Mr Darcy, feeling suddenly very uncomfortable, she wished to say something, to break the silence. But almost every subject seemed to be barred. They both spoke at the same time.

"We should join-"

"I wanted to-"

She laughed, "Please continue."

"Forgive me, I just thought we should join the others inside where it is warmer." He said offering her his arm. "Your aunt is correct, it is very cold tonight."

She took his arm, hardly knowing where to look or what to feel. She had tried to deny it for months, but it was no good. He really was the best of men.

"I wanted to thank you, for finding my sister."

"It was the least I could do." They had stopped just inside the door, looking at each other, her hand still resting lightly on his arm, the light from the candles down the hall catching in his eyes.

"How you much have suffered, you look as if you have hardly slept." As if of its own accord, her other hand came up and brushed his check lightly. She caught herself, and froze as if unable to move.

"I did it for you." He said simply, he took her hand resting on his check in his large warm hand, and ran the thumb lightly along the back of her hand. Neither of them were wearing gloves. Slowly, he brought her hand up to his lips as he gently kissed it, his eyes closed. She knew she should step away, she knew she should leave him and run into the drawing room where her family was, but she couldn't.

He opened his eyes as he lowered her hand, but did not release it, a small smile played across his lips.

"I know, but-" She started to explain how it would be best if they joined the others, when he gently pulled her closer to him, until her hand rested on his chest. Then he kissed her, it was a sweet kiss, being her first she had nothing to compare it to. It was over entirely to quickly. When he release her he was smiling, he whispered, "We'll find a way."

ooOoo

Elizabeth dressed the next more quietly and quickly. Today was her dear father's funeral, last night seemed like a dream, it was impossible that Lydia was home, what Mr Darcy had kissed her. No- she would not think about either of them today was about saying goodbye to her father.

Breakfast was a sombre affair, Lydia had had a fight with their aunt about wearing black, but between Mary, Kitty, Jane, Elizabeth and Mrs Gardiner that had managed to get her dressed. By the time they had gone down, Mrs Bennet was at the table with Mr Gardiner, it seemed the former had not heard Lydia's screams.

Mr Darcy, their uncle informed them had left for Netherfield, that he and Mr Bingley would meet them at the church later on. Elizabeth hardly touched any of the food, she could not taste a thing, and it was as if it were made of ash. She managed to sip a little tea and nibble a little toast. Jane did not touch a thing, her face was pale.

It was as if Lydia's disappearance had numbed the pain of their father's death and now she was back with them, they were feeling all of it over again.

It was a silent walk to the church, Lydia just as they were leaving started coming complaining about her shoes, which were sensible boots rather than her prettier shoes. Jane sighed and was about to try and solve the situation when Mrs Bennet told her very sternly that she would wear the boots and not say another word until they returned home, or she would have no dinner and attend no balls for a year.

Elizabeth was surprised, Lydia's complaining and bickering with Kitty did irritate Mrs Bennet, but she was never angry with her favourite, she never actually punished her or even threatened to punish her before.

When Elizabeth thought back later that evening, she couldn't remember the service very well. She cried, she couldn't remember if Jane took her hand or if she took hands hand, before the service was over. She tried to remember the last thing her dear papa had said to her as his coffin was carried out. Mr Gardiner grim faced at the front, Mr Philips, Sir William and Mr Long next, then Mr Bingley and Mr Jones and Mr Pickering, from the bookshop in town, and Mr Darcy at the back taking her father on his last journey his home.

He may not have been the best husband or father in the world at times, but he had been their father and and in Mrs Bennet's case her husband and they loved him. They would always love him.

The women walked slowly behind the coffin and then turned the other way towards Longbourn as the slow presentation continued onto the graveyard. Mr Bennet's finally resting place.