Here we are at chapter 35, 1:09 AM, and I have come to realize that I write pretty much all of this at the hours I should be using on sleep. QQ
I must apologize – most of the plot movement here is kind of… well… you'll see. Don't kill me! I'm still a nooblet! And… yeah… Hiroko scares me…
Disclaimer of…D…: I don't own D.Gray-man. If I did…Kanda would wear the cat ears every single day. XD
WARNING: Um… confusing pronouns and implied man-love.
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Night
Kanda waited until the late, late, late hours of the night to even think about phoning his mother, just because he knew the time difference would make things difficult. She was always an unpleasant person, but ripped from a calm sleep she was even worse. He found it very likely that she would demolish the phone before she even realized it was ringing.
And, because he had hoped that Komui would forbid the phone call, the head of the science department had told him to take as much time as he needed, being no one used the lines so late.
It was all just perfect. And Allen was forever making that face that spoke volumes about how much he enjoyed it all. He really was excited about it. And his excitement just made Kanda less excited.
When he sat down in the chair in front of the phone, Allen pushed himself up on the desk where he could easily hang up if the need came. He wasn't there just to listen – he was there to be sure his lover said nothing damning, embarrassing, or mean. If he did, there would be more consequences than just and angry Okaasan and disgruntled Kanda. There would be war.
War… Kanda thought as he picked up the receiver and started dialing numbers. I should put that gift to use when I'm done here.
When all of the numbers were in, he lifted the phone to his ear.
It rang twice.
"Moshi moshi?" It was a young voice, older than he remembered, but still not yet grown.
"Yo, Hito-nii."
'Yo?' Allen mouthed at him, shaking his head. Kanda narrowed his eyes at him.
"Masaka! It cannot be… there's no way… Yuu! It's Yuu! Yuu! Teme… you haven't called in years." The boy's voice went from excited to frowning in the course of a second. "'Kasaan is going to have your head on a dish for it, you know."
"Che, she'd have to cut it off first, baka." As he said the words Allen's eyes went wide, fear spreading across his face like a cloud passing in front of the sun. His mind was not on the correct body part and Kanda knew it. "Is she there, by the way?"
"Yup, but you're not talking to her until you tell me why you're calling. She won't tell me one Goddamn thing and you know it."
"Hitori!" Kanda scolded. "You are not old enough to say curses like that."
"Yuu-nii." His voice was even. "I'm sixteen."
"Shit."
"Uh huh. It's been a long time, ne? Which is what happens when you don't call."
Allen watched Kanda fold his one arm across his chest as his face went from glaring to half-smiling. It was an odd, between-expression he had never seen. "Stuff happens. I get held up. I can't just call whenever I want to. Nor can I talk for as long as I want."
"Gah, just tell me what the hell you want then. I know you're dying to say it."
Silence.
"Yuu-nii…"
I'm going to say it. I am. And I'm going to say it with a smile.
"Yuu?"
Here it goes… "I'm married."
There was a short gasped from the line and a small giggle from Allen. For some reason, hearing Kanda say that seriously made him lose it.
Hitori made a number of nonsense noises before he reigned in his mouth and reconnected it to his brain. "Choto matte. You, as in Yuu, Yuu-nii, hater of all human life –married?"
"Did I not just say that?"
"Say it again, Nii-chan. For my benefit."
"I am married."
"Holy shit."
"Hito! Stop cursing!"
"Sorry, sorry. It's just… wow… That's like… why hasn't the world ended?"
"Che."
"No, I mean seriously. Where the Hell did you find a woman who would marry you? I don't wanna be insulting or anything, but gees – I'm surprised."
"For one, I didn't. And for two, thanks for the vote of confidence, Hito."
"Hee. What do you mean you didn't? Did she order you in the mail or something? Oh gosh, I bet you were whoring yourself out or something like that…"
"Hitori!"
"Whoring is a verb! It doesn't count!"
"I was not a mail order bride!"
Allen laughed so hard at that he nearly fell off the desk. He wasn't sure what was being said exactly, but it was still hilarious. It took him a long, long minute to recover, by which time he was nearly breathless. He glanced at Kanda, who was staring at him almost as if he wanted to kill him – which was not actually the case.
"What was that?" Hitori pulled his attention back to the phone.
"Nothing. Just my baka Moyashi, laughing at your joke."
"Your stupid Bean-sprout? That's hardly a descent pet-name, Yuu."
"Che, you're not old enough to know that."
"Sixteen. Juu-roku. Say it with me now – Six-teen."
"Hn."
"So! If you didn't find a woman to marry you and she didn't order you in the mail, what happened? All of the men in England get some horrible disease but you? Nothing short of that could possibly make my older brother desirable…"
"You're dead when we get to Nihon."
"Oh? You're coming?"
"Hoping to. Might be a while though."
Hitori made a sound too much like a sigh. "'Kaasan will be glad for the warning. She'll want to make your woman a nice kimono as a wedding gift. Or something. What size would you say she is?"
The corner of Kanda's mouth turned up, a wicked grin darkening his features. "Small. Very small. Hardly any bust at all."
Allen blinked at him for a moment, trying to imagine the rest of the conversation. Things were looking dangerous.
"What?! Does she at least have a descent rear?"
"Hito!"
"Just answer the question, Nii-chan!"
"Heh. It's not half bad. Very tight and smooth… don't let me talk about it; I'll scar you for life."
"It's not one of those round, nice, hot, squeezable—"
Kanda just growled in his throat. When had his brother started saying cuss words and talking about women like they didn't have girl-germs?
"Gah, just pretend I finished the question and answer it."
"Not like that at all. Tight and smooth."
"Ew! What did you do? Marry a man?"
"Yes."
Silence. Kanda waited for a moment for his brother to answer.
"Hito-nii?"
More silence. He wondered if many he had fainted.
"Hitori?"
"You're…gay."
"No, I just happen to be married to a man."
"Same difference."
"Che."
Yet more silence.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Che, have I ever joked in my life before?"
"Yes…" He thought for a moment. "No…"
"Then logically…"
"Yuu…nii…" There was another pause for thought. "For one, wow, and for another, oh my God wow, and lastly, I'm not telling 'Kaasan. She'll kill me being you're not here to impale."
Kanda laughed. "Good. I'm looking forward to what she says when they meet each other."
Hitori shuttered. "You're the only one. Oh, so… what's… her… his… name?"
"Allen," Kanda said brightly. "Allen Walker."
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"Married?!" Hiroko shrieked into the phone upon hearing the word. Yuu had cut her off mid-lecture to give her the news, and now she wasn't sure if she should continue on or congratulate him or berate him on not at least bringing the not-so-lucky-lady to meet them before they'd tied the knot. "Who in the fucking world did you find to marry you?"
Kanda inwardly sighed, though he'd never actually let his mother hear it. "Che, like I told Hito-nii, I didn't find anyone."
"Ha! It's been years since I've heard you talk and you still 'che' just like me. Nice to see that you're still a mama's boy..." There was an obvious smile in her voice that made his eyes darken anymore. "So what did you do? Bump into some blind and deaf ninety-two year old virgin with a soft spot for bishounen?"
"Okaasan."
"Yes my idiot bastard?"
She never changes… "If you call me that again, I'll kill you when I come to visit."
"Oh, Yuu-kun! You've made my day. First a 'che' and now a death threat… ah… I feel so loved."
Kanda could not help but smile. She was the same, and so was her response to violence and love. He figured she'd cut off his arms and then hug him when he walked in the door. "You did hear what I said, didn't you?"
Hiroko nodded out of habit. "Yeah. So you are finally going to drop by and say hello to your beautiful mother and your stupid eavesdropping brother." She chuckled lightly, the sound was almost hollow. "It was your wife's idea wasn't it."
"Heh. Yes, it was."
"Che!"
"My wife is a curious person, I guess." And when he said it Allen grinned at him idiotically, which made him smile wider. "And rather manipulative."
"Am not!" The British boy interjected.
"She with you?" Hiroko asked at the second voice in the room. It sounded decidedly low for a woman though.
"It's complicated."
His mother didn't ask for more details. "Are you going to give me a time frame, or should we just say home for the rest of our natural lives?
"Che, we'll be there some time in the next few months I bet. Whenever something work-related happens in the area." He picked up his feet and plopped them down on the desk the phone was sitting on, right beside Allen's knees. "And then you can meet… my wife." If I say him she'll die now, if I say her it's a lie… so I'll stick with wife.
"Hm. Sounds to me like you found yourself a nitwit who doesn't even care if you use her real name. I bet she's ugly too, being you couldn't get someone prettier than you. Stupid and ugly. Ha! You'll have normal looking, really dumb kids. Like Hito."
Kanda chuckled again, this time the sound was biting. "Moyashi-kun doesn't seem to care about those little things anymore, and I don't think you have to worry about grandchildren."
Allen thought he was going to die of either laughter or embarrassment at that. Instead he covered his mouth with his hands and wheezed into them, Kanda reached out and took hold of one of them, pressed it yet closer into his lips. The last thing he needed was boy-laughter to ruin his mother's surprise.
"Bean-sprout, eh? I guess it's better than Cupcake or Shnukums."
"Please, Okaasan."
"But then again, a softhearted douche like you wouldn't be able to come up with anything meaner." She heard that he was making to retort and cut him off – as was her way, always. "Regardless of your obviously shitty pet-naming abilities and your virtually empty brain, I'd like to ask you a favor."
"Oh?"
"Give me her measurements."
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Lavi sighed deeply, letting himself sink down into the bed quietly. He had already decided that when Lenalee left for bed he would get up and move to the plush chair by the fire, because he would rather be stuck sleepless with something to watch than sleepless with nothing but the ceiling. He could not think correctly or he didn't think he could think correctly. Every few moments his mind would leave whatever they were talking about and go off to Tyki-land, where it would light a fire and pitch a tent if he weren't careful.
I kissed him and he kissed me. But then why? Why did he hit me? Why do I not care that he hit me? How come I can't read that note in his voice?
'What, exactly is that supposed to mean?' The words repeated over and over in his mind like a broken record, and each time he listened to the intonation of each specific word, trying to understand what it as the speaker was feeling. Sometimes, long after history had played itself out, such little details became important, so he always tried to remember them – but it didn't help if he couldn't understand their meaning.
"Are you alright, Lavi? You look distant." It was Lenalee, calling him back to now, tearing his mind away from things he half-considered more important. He gave her a well faked smile that did not warm her heart.
"Just tired." He lied.
She looked at him in all seriousness, knowing that her words might one day come back to haunt her but not really caring. She was Lenalee, he was Lavi, the two were honest with each other so far as she was concerned. "Me too. I guess we should both turn in before it gets too late to." Her smile came back out of habit even as she said the words she had prepared for. "And if anything happens, anything, you can just come down to my room and knock on the door. In fact, don't bother knocking, it'll be unlocked."
Lavi stared at her for a long moment. For some reason, he was almost unable to believe that this girl, one that he had known for a very long time, would not be able to see through his mask of lies. He was not a good liar. He was not good at presenting fiction as fact. So how could he have fooled her so easily?
Slowly he realized that he hadn't. She knew he was lying, but she wasn't going to say that she knew. If something happened to him that way, she would honestly be able to tell her brother that Lavi had never told her truth and she was therefore not responsible. But at the same time, in offering her help, she had let him know that he had a friend if he needed one.
"Lenalee…"
"Sleep well, Lala-chan." She giggled. "You'll need it tomorrow if you're well enough to help me find the Innocence."
He did not try to stop her again when she went for the door.
He sighed again when she was gone, willing himself to forget. Be he couldn't do that either. With a groan he shoved himself up into a sitting position, stopped for a moment while the room span around his head, the wooden dresser migrating to the place the fire was and the fire melting slowly into the chair. With a hard swallow he closed his eye to it, breathing slowly in and out as his fingers clenched the blankets with all of their strength; even without looking he felt as if the bed were rocking beneath him. After a moment though the feeling passed and he was able to gradually slide his feet off of the edge of the bed, his bare feet on the cold wood floor almost burned. Whatever was messing with his equilibrium was also messing with his sense of feeling it seemed, so he thought it safe to assume something was wrong with his nerves in general. Not that ears were responsible for the balancing thing.
Ears. Tyki had breathed in his ear. Whispered in his ear. It made him shiver just thinking about.
"What wrong with me?" He asked the room in a quiet whisper. "I shouldn't think about him this much. I shouldn't think about him at all. If anything I should hate him. I should want him dead for what he's done. I am a Bookman. Emotions aren't something I should have a problem suppressing of changing – so why the hell can't I just stop feeling whatever it I'm feeling and forget?"
No one answered. The silent room remained as quiet as it had ever been. The silver stars shown through the window like diamond shards sprinkled across the ebony velvet of the sky, and the round yellow moon looked down from beside them like a great eye which nothing could escape the gaze of. The night held no reverence. No solace. Lavi thought that the peace of it might have been mocking his verbal outburst, because he could find no other reason for things to remain so settled.
I am a fool. He thought as he staggered toward the plush chair. Yet somehow… It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that I'm an Exorcist. Or that he's a Noah. Or that this maybe the stupidest thing I've ever thought of. None of it matters because…
Because…
I want to see him.
He plopped himself down and the chair and let his head come down in his hands. "Damn it!"
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He had been staring at the ceiling of his room for more hours than he usually slept, running the events of the afternoon over and over again in his mind, remembering what had happened in that dark ally, the things that had gone through his head. Deciding to make the boy hate him was one thing, and acting out the plan he had come up with was another. It was beautiful in its horror and yet…
Yet…
That word was getting in the way. So was the word if. Together, the two could take the broken world Tyki saw and twist it into something bright and happy looking, design a future that made him want to tell someone about all of this just to get it off of his chest. Made him want to quit killing. He could still do it, heartlessly, with a smile, but a small sliver of his soul looked back at that young man in the ally way and his willingness to trust. His willingness to give up. He lived to save the world he knew, and yet he would reach out like that for a man who wanted nothing more than to watch his dreams reduced to ashes. Maybe, if he really tried, Tyki could…
And there it was again. If.
With a low growl he sat up in his bed, a curse falling from his lips. He did not want to think about if. Yet he still did. He still let his mind wander away, back to that pleading green eye, the red hair that had looked like blood in the semidarkness. And the hands against him. The warmth of those enthusiastic lips. It was all there in his memory, and his mind refused to leave it alone for more than an instant.
I will do it tonight then. He thought as he threw his blankets aside. His hands led him through his room to his closet; his feet were nearly silent on the floor. While he doesn't have the strength to fight.
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El fin! For now. There will be more either late late late tonight or tomorrow… depending how long it takes to let this next scene stew. I know what I should write, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to post it, ya know? We'll see… //scared\\
Once again! Thanks for reading! And for reviewing//hearts\\