A/N: Hey! Sorry for the unplanned hiatus, I got really blocked up writing this one, I meant to have it up last week but I only just finished it in time to have it up for today ^^"

Hope everyone reading had a fantastic holiday season and looking forward to writing again in 2016 ;D

Thanks for reading (and waiting)!

Chapter Thirty-Four

... To Hold Us Down

I knew I could never get bored of kissing him, Lovi's lips were so soft and warm against mine that I couldn't help but kiss him so much that before either of us even realised it, Lovi was lying back and I was leaning over him, using every second we had to kiss him.

My hands had slowly started to roam up his chest, his shirt being pushed up as I ran my fingertips over that smooth skin. Lovi had both his hands on my shoulders, squeezing tight enough to make me pull back and look at his face in the dim light,

"Are you okay?" I put one of my hands over his, feeling his slim fingers, "Do you want to stop?"

He quickly shook his head, his lips pressed tightly together,

"You're not ready?"I pulled his hand off my shoulder and kissed it, "That's okay."

He shook his head again and finally spoke, "No, don't stop, dammit!"

"We have time... We don't have to go any further today." My biggest fear was ruining this with him, it always was.

He made a frustrated noise and sat up quickly, "But we don't have time! That's just it!"

Ah, so it was this again. Lovi was afraid and who could blame him? He scared me too, I had been scared since I first met him, the same kind of fear you must get when you're being led to your own execution. Not the fear of the uncertainty, but even worse, the fear of knowing what's coming and anticipating the pain.

This fear was worse, because there was no cure to it. I hated watching Lovi feel that pain, I knew how bad it was for me and for him it was bound to be even worse... It broke my heart.

So we did the only thing we could do.

"Lovi..." I looked into those deep eyes, "I promise that you will wake up tomorrow." I said what I said every night, but this time he didn't look reassured, he sighed instead.

"Lovi?" This usually made him feel better! It made me feel better too.

"Don't you think someone made those promises to Ivan?" He asked, wrapping his arms around himself, "It did fuck all for him."

So he was thinking about Ivan... The guy who started this all. His sudden death had shaken Lovino to the core; you'd have to be blind and deaf not to see that.

I sighed, Lovi was right. My promises were meaningless when it came down to it, a couple of well intended words were no match for death, it would take us when it wanted to. But I couldn't just agree, we didn't need this situation to be any bleaker.

"You can't do this if you aren't ready." Was the only thing I could think of to say- neither of us would be happy if Lovi was uncomfortable or afraid.

He gave a heavy sigh and lay back, limp, "Why don't you think I'm ready?"

I shrugged, watching him, "You seem so afraid."

He shut his eyes, "I am... But I still want this dammit."

I bit my lip, he certainly was good at tempting me, without even realising it, my finger was moving up and down his stomach, tracing random shapes, "I'm so in love with you, Lovi... I murmured, "I don't think I can hide it anymore."

He sat up to punch at my shoulder, "Shut up! Quit saying that!"

I lowered my head, chuckling lightly, "I'm sorry." I looked over his delicate frame, "Can I touch you a little more?"

He nodded quickly and I didn't wait to lean over him and push his shirt up, kissing his stomach, up and along the ridge of his lower lips... My tongue peeked out just a little, which had him grab my hair with a gasp.

"What's the matter?" I was sensitive to every tremor Lovi gave, "No?"

He clicked his tongue, "You don't even put a hand on my shoulder for weeks and suddenly you're like this! How did you expect me to react!?"

I froze for a few moments... So he had noticed the way I was avoiding touching him... But I had been doing that for him!

"I thought you didn't want me to touch you..." He had crossed his arms now, curled up on his side.

"You mean you had no idea what my practically jumping on you meant?" He rolled his eyes, "Jeeze I knew you were an idiot, but I turns you I'm giving you way more credit than you deserve"

My eyes widened. He meant when he hugged me, tried to grab my hand... "But I thought me trying to make a move would upset you! At the pool... I tried to kiss you and the next time you seemed... So upset."

"I thought you didn't like me."

"Never!"

He opened himself up again, "Whatever, shit happened. We don't need to talk about that right now... Yeah I'm fucking nervous but just keep going. I want this to happen, dammit."

I smiled at him again and kissed his slender neck, "Promise to tell me if you wanna stop?"

I felt him nod but he spoke as well, "Yeah."

His shirt was off pretty quickly after that, I was totally obsessed with his body. Everything about it seemed so perfect. Like someone had painted the perfect anatomy and it had come to life. When he started to respond to my touches, things got really good.

His nipples were like stiff little beads balanced on his chest. His hands were raised above his head as I kissed up the middle of his chest, moving up from his neat navel, but as soon as my warm tongue found his nipple he grabbed me, his gasp made his whole body shift and his nails raked up my back, grabbing at the fabric of my shirt.

"Fuck," He whined, "They're too damn sensitive!"

I laughed at that, "No such thing, Lovi..." I moved back up, gesturing to my shirt, "Should I take this off?"

He shrugged, going red as our eyes met, "I guess... If you want."

I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it aside in one quick motion. I was pretty comfortable with my shirt off, and I didn't want Lovi to feel like the only one.

He yelped and I realised my crucifix necklace had fallen and hit him in the face! Poor guy! I but I couldn't help but laugh.

"Tch!" Lovi brushed the little metal cross away, "Don't laugh dammit!"

I smiled picking up the cross off, "You want me to get rid of this too?"

He pouted angrily at me for a second before reaching out to carefully probe at the chain, "Keep it on, just don't let it break my fucking nose again."

I smiled, brushing his hair away from his face, "I don't think you're gonna get your nose broken."

He raised his brows, "I'm a sickly guy, you don't know that."

I kissed his collar bone, a sigh coming from him,

"I think I'm gonna burn in hell." He said suddenly and clearly. I raised my body off of his then, knitting my brow together.

I looked at his face, he looked tranquil, even more relaxed than he had before, "Why would you say that?" Especially at that moment.

"This makes me gay, doesn't it?" I realised he was watching the cross around my neck as it swung on its chain slowly.

I sighed, pulling the necklace off and putting it aside, "I thought you didn't go for that stuff any more, Lovi..."

He shrugged, "Just because God screwed me over doesn't mean he doesn't exist."

I pressed my lips to his neck, "There's no need for you to think like that..." I paused, "Am I going to hell?"

"What?" He looked at me like I had just suggested we should rob a bank or something, "Fuck no, you're a goddamn saint!"

I smiled at him, "You realise that I'm gay, right? Call me crazy, Lovi but by your logic that makes me a sinner."

He didn't reply instead he changed the subject completely, "Take me to your room."

I reached out and pulled him to my chest, scooping him up and cradling him.

We kissed all the way to my room, even though I had the guy of my dreams literally in my arms, all I could think about for those twenty seconds was how lucky it was that I had changed the sheets on my bed only last night.

I placed him down like he was a precious object, I took the opportunity to take a step back then and admire him, hoping he wouldn't notice.

But he did.

He curled up in a way that reminded me of a mollusc retreating into its shell when prised off a stone, or watching a flower opening in reverse, "Quit staring like that."

I did what he said; I was too needy to argue with him. Instead of telling him how fantastic he looked over and over (when he probably wouldn't even listen) I would prove how much I appreciated him with my actions. His body on mine, maybe that would get though to him the most.

I crawled on top of him, I didn't want to lie on him and end up crushing him, I wasn't really light, so I kept myself up on my arms and knees, leaning down to kiss him... His hands were on my sides, touching me like he was balancing them very carefully...

I didn't like the position, I felt too far away from him, but at the same tome rolling us over might be a little rough for him...

Would he let me lift him?

I didn't ask, too scared to ruin the mood, but I went slow. I took his lips off on mine, so that if he wanted to protest he wouldn't feel like he was pushing me away.

I had my hands under his back and gently pulled him up towards me, off the sheets and against me. He gave a little gasp but didn't tell me to stop... I could feel his hardness against my leg; he seemed to be pretty sensitive.

"Lovino..." I whispered as he dug his nails into my skin, "You're so perfect; I want you more than anything."

He gave the most adorable whine then, I could feel his eyes close, his lashes tickled the skin of my shoulder.

"Dammit..." His voice sounded unsure and strained, "Hurry up!"

I grinned, kissing the side of his head, "Am I embarrassing you?"

He nodded and I ruffled his hair,

"You're too cute for me."

"Fuck off."

That made me laugh, loud enough to dispel any tension left in the room. I gave him a teasing squeeze. I wanted to wink but my face was too deep in the crook of his neck for that.

I put him down again, my hands needed the space to travel down his bare chest and reach the button of his pants, I wanted them off. I needed to see how it all came together under there.

He let me do what I wanted, pretty soon his pants were open and I had my hand down them, massaging his dick through his underwear and letting him squirm,

"We shouldn't be doing this..." He panted, "In front of all your precious... Goddamn plants!"

I paused there and he pointed the window. My curtains were wide open and my special garden was right there, with what he had just said it suddenly seemed wrong! Like the bushes had eyes or something!

I laughed again, head going down so that my hair tickled his smooth chest, "Lovi, you're such a funny guy!"

He lay back, shifting his hips to say he wanted me to keep going, "Well you treat them like pets!"

I kissed his sternum, "You're right, you're right..." I smirked up at him, "Let them watch!"

I took that moment to push my hand down his underwear, grabbing his warm dick in my hand and starting to massage it. It must have come at moment he didn't expect because the sound it made him make was like nothing had ever heard before!

"Ahh!" he arched off the bed and I smiled to myself, glad I had spent the time I did getting him to relax, I could see now how easily he was letting it all come to him, and how good it made him feel, "'Tonio!"

I let my tongue draw a long hot streak over one of his nipples, that were as hard as bullets now, "You like this?"

"Yours..." He breathed, his whole bottom half writhing as I jacked him, "Show me yours, I want to see your... Your cock... Fuck..."

This guy... usually so outspoken, swearing like a sailor without even batting an eye was bright red and tripping over his words. I was pretty sure this was a private show, one that only he had ever seen before.

But what he said even made me blush, the reality was a little overwhelming! This morning I was still getting myself to accept that I would never be with him this way and now we were undressing in front of one another- minutes away from making love.

"You wanna take my pants off?"

Rather than making us both embarrassed by answering my question, Lovi reached for the zipper of my jeans that had got pretty tight and finally gave me some light relief, pulling the zipper down... Lucky thing that I was in my nicest underwear.

He had my belt gripped before Lovi stopped and sighed and let go, "You do it."

I frowned, "Is everything okay?"

"Fine!" He snapped before softening. We couldn't hide from each other, he showed me his hands and I noticed straight away that they were trembling violently, "I'm shaking too much to do anything other than lie here like a damn wooden board.

I chuckled and kissed his shoulder, "I'll do it, don't worry..." I whispered and smiled, "You're too sweet Lovi."

"That's not a fucking compliment." He muttered as I pulled off my pants, casting them aside.

I repositioned myself, my bottom half now exposed and kissed his hand, I totally adored this guy.

We were both naked before we even realised it, it was like I was going to burst... Everything was coming naturally, it felt so right, and it felt so good.

I slid my hands under him, pulling the lower half of his body on top of mine so I was kneeling over him. He looked so small in my arms, he looked almost too delicate.

But we both knew we had to do this together.

He swallowed hard- so hard that his whole chest moved. I smiled down at him... This was all going so fast but I knew that this was right for the both of us, if we didn't do this then it would be all we thought about, I knew that for certain. My hands on his body had consumed me enough before, now that I knew that I could have him...

Well what could I do, right?

I leaned across him, reaching to open the drawer of my bedside cabinet. I could feel his cautious eyes on me. He was so nervous, so much that I felt terrible! I showed him the lube I pulled out and waved it in front of him and flashed him the condom. He needed to know what was happening here every step of the way!

He looked at them before turning his head, he looked like he was trying to bury his face in the pillow!

"Oh fuck..." He breathed and shut his eyes tight, "Fuck."

I tore the condom wrapper open and watched him as I started to roll it onto me, I noticed even my hands were shaking a little too! He was overwhelming me...

His filthy sailor talk, his temper, his sarcasm, his nerves, his difficulty to express what he really meant... I loved every single thing about him.

"You still doing alright?" I caressed his cheek with the hand I hadn't used, "I'll make sure to be gentle."

He nodded, scrabbling around he grabbed my hand and squeezed it, "It just seems realer like this."

"Realer?"

"All this technical shit."

I chuckled, "Technical? Lube?"

He sighed and looked up at me, "You know what I mean, asshole! All the stuff they don't show you in the movies... I haven't seen a sex scene yet that shows all this shit."

I laughed again, "This is better than a movie, I promise... And we're not having sex." I grinned, "I'm making love to you."

"Shut the fuck up!"

I smiled and didn't reply, I just pulled his hips up higher and pressed my fingers against his puckered hole. He gasped as he felt it and I bit my lip, letting the arousal pulse through me... He was going to be tight.

"And you're so big..." He whispered.

I paused for a second, the comment just caught me off guard! Actually, I had been told by other guys that I was... Um... Y'know...

Before!

But I had always brushed it off, sort of said 'You think?' and left it there.

Now though, I felt one thousand feet tall! I caressed his dick, it was sender and dainty, surrounded by silky hair and just perfect. Of course, I expected that, it fit with the rest of him!

Only Lovi could make me this happy, that was for certain. He was the only one who ever did and the only one who ever would.

I pushed one lube coated finger into him. He took it so well, arching his back but other than that he took it well.

It didn't take long for me to be loosening him up with a second digit. I watched as they slipped into his pink pucker and shivered knowing my cock would go in there next. He made a small noise this time, but it wasn't one of protest... In fact, he sounded like he was enjoying himself.

When he was ready and only when he was even asking for it, did I push my cock inside him. I buried deep, like I was trying to reach his core. Even with our hips pressed together I didnl't feel close enough to his centre.

Making love to Lovino was almost frustrating, but the quick hard rolling of my hips as I tried to satisfy myself by reaching into his depths created a sensation very special for us both. The room wasn't quiet anymore, I couldn't hear every sound Lovi made because the two of us were panting and making noises of pleasure too loud to hear any whimpers,

"'Tonio... Fuck... Oh fuck!" Was one thing I could find among all the noise, by the time we finally reached the top we were both covered in a film of sweat.

I came inside him at last, I could feel the heat and he seemed to jump in surprise as he felt it. Lovi had climaxed seconds before me; we were so perfectly in sync... I was overjoyed!

We slowed down enough for me to realise that Lovi had also been moving his hips back against mine. So he had enjoyed it... He truly had.

"Did I do okay?" Lovi asked breathlessly as the dust settled and we both started to recover.

I couldn't believe he had asked me that, "You were amazing." I told him, pulling him to my damp chest. It was a little embarrassing to be so sweaty but I was past caring, I just had to hold him.

I sort of wished we had lain in each other's arms then, talking about love, hopes, fears, and everything in between... The perfect romantic ending.

But in reality we were out before we even had time to think about those things, fast asleep in each other's arms.

Which I guess was perfect in its own ways.