"Are you sure it's okay for me to come back out here?" An looked at Lysander from the steps of the royal garden.
"As I said before, one nice thing about being king is that while some may protest my decision, they can't stop me in the moment." Lysander said strolling past An out into the open space, "Though I admit I'm surprised you'd be willing to come back out here. You seemed so conflicted coming into a royal area a few days ago."
"It's beautiful and quiet, a good place to get your head in order." An said desperately hoping the hood would hide his lie.
Most of An's nightmares always seemed to fade as quickly as they came, but not the one the day after the garden. That one he could not forget. The rumble and bellow threatening to tear him apart. It followed him for two days, and then suddenly vanished. It was like a strange weight had been lifted off his shoulders that he had no idea how long he had been carrying it. He wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or worried.
Even coming back out to the garden, there was no residual weight or heaviness. There was still a lingering feeling of someone watching him, but not the same oppressive atmosphere as before. Even the deep rooted silence seemed to have disappeared.
Lysander chatted pleasantly and An nodded or shook his head. His mind wandered away, eyes shifting towards the mountain path. He wasn't foolish enough not to consider the possibility it was Anankos whose presence he had felt. The real question was why? What had An done before losing his memory? The thoughts compounded one on top of the other until he could feel a headache swirling inside his skull.
"I'll be back in a moment," Lysander said to An as he walked towards a separate corner of the garden.
An nodded before sitting on the bench near the pond. He closed his eyes hoping to appease the headache. The sun glinted off the water shining light through his eyelids. Light that didn't disappear. Instead the light slowly formed itself into a human appearance. The features weren't clear, but somehow An could see a stern yet hopeful expression. The mouth opened.
Look into the water.
An's eyes snapped open. His vision trailed to the pond in front of him. The instant his eyes met the water it felt like time froze. The world around him stilled-sound deafened. Upon the water images began to play out. Details were obscured but a voice began to emanate from the water.
"Why, why did it have to be this way!"
A lone human was near the edge of a mountain swinging a sword frantically feet almost tripping over themselves. Despite the lack of details-the tears were still clear. The wild sword swings stopped for a moment and they stood for a moment panting. The distant mountains making the figure appear even smaller.
"Why does no one know how hard I try."
The person stabbed their blade into the ground. They bent over the blade and tears poured down their cheeks. Wind rushed past rustling the grass.
"I just want to make my family proud."
Everything was quiet except for the figure's sobbing. Slowly but steadily laughter echoed from somewhere. A deep permeating echo that could be felt down to the bones. It grew louder and louder.
"Well this is unexpected child. I was just watching to see if anything interesting would happen, but you have given me a wonderful idea."
"Who said that?" the figured whipped around looking everywhere.
"Cease your movements. I am nowhere and I am everywhere. This is my domain."
The figure halted.
"While I am not one to take a liking to humans, you have shown yourself to have some worth. Tell me child, do you wish for power, strength, glory? So that you would never be questioned or hurt again."
The figure swallowed before standing straighter, "Only a fool would not wish for such things."
The laughter billowed out again, "Then seek me out if you are no fool."
As soon as it came, the vision faded and An was left standing in front of the pond. He clenched his hands. What had he just witnessed? It seemed safe to assume that the voice was Anankos, but who was the other figure? The other dreams and visions lead him to believe he was watching through time, but was it the past or the future? His head started to ache. There was something so close but just always out of reach.
An put his hands to his head. He squeezed his eyes closed-the darkness behind his eyelids surrounding him. If he could just fight through this pain then maybe he would find some kind of answer. Suddenly there was a gentle sensation of touch on the sides of head, covering his hands. Whatever revelation An was looking for began drifting further and further away. He wanted to cry out, but a gentle voiced shushed him.
"Have faith in yourself-as he and I believe in you. Answers will come. For now cherish the present, it will decide the future."
The voice was so intimately familiar. Instinctively An raised his head to try to look them in the eye. But when he opened his eyes the spell was broken. Instead he saw Lysander standing there with a concerned look on his face.
"Hey are you okay? I came back and you looked almost ready to fall over." Lysander's hands were firmly on An's shoulders ready to try to hold him up.
An shook his head clearing away whatever thoughts plagued him. He brushed away Lysander's hands, "Nothing, just got really lost in thought I guess. Enough to start giving me a headache. Thanks for snapping me out of it.
"Any time, what are friends for." Lysander shifted to stand beside An and arm his arm around his shoulders, "Now if you come with me this way I can finally show you what I was trying to find. It's a flower I've never seen bloom anywhere else. Part of me almost wonders if it requires Anankos's power."
An flipped the page in his book as he sat across the library table from Mikoto. Despite all the things they could do, somehow reading in the back corner of the library continued to be their favorite past time. His eyes drifted from his book to look at Mikoto. Her gaze traced the words in the book in her hands, light glinting through the window making her iris shift between brown and almost orange. Her hair smoothed back behind her shoulders not to get in her way. Her expression soft, but focused. It was getting harder for An to ignore that his feelings went deeper than just attraction.
"Are you okay? You seem distracted." Mikoto asked raising her gaze from her book to his hood covered face.
"Just distracted with my own thoughts, what made you ask?" An said as he placed a ribbon bookmark Mikoto had gotten for him in his book.
"Normally you turn pages faster than you are today." Mikoto placed her own bookmark in before reaching across the table to flip down An's hood.
An allowed his hood to be flipped down and met her eyes, "Maybe we spend too much time reading if you can notice that."
"Or maybe you're just easy to read."
Mikoto withdrew her hand and An quickly reached out to grab the candlestick she almost knocked over.
"As are you, but given your clumsiness perhaps that's for the best." An chuckled his voice filled with warmth.
Mikoto scrunched up her nose and turned her head to the side causing An to laugh harder. Soon Mikoto herself was laughing.
"Back to the original topic though," Mikoto cleared her throat, "What's got you distracted?"
An's face melted into a much more serious expression, he could feel his eyes drift away as the words he heard in the garden came back to him, "I was thinking about something I read. People thinking about the future. Makes me wonder in a way where I see myself. You?"
Mikoto paused, absentmindedly chewing her lip as she pulled her words together, "When I was younger I always saw myself getting married and having a large family. I continued to have those thoughts even after Cyril died, but they felt a lot less tangible. It's still the future I can envision, but a lot less clearly than I used to. Not to mention this whole situation with Anankos. Truth be told the future isn't something I thought much about until recently."
An leaned back in his chair, head tipped up to stare at the ceiling, "The future is built upon the present. I think that was the gist of the line in the book. Sometimes I think I know what I want the future to be, but other times I'm not so sure. After all I'm still not sure who I used to be, there's less past to build upon."
Mikoto stood up and walked around to sit in the chair next to him. An turned to look at her as her hand reached out to his cheek.
"But it's not nothing. I told you this months ago, the time you've spent here is not nothing, please don't belittle all the time and feelings that have been directed your way by writing it all off."
An reached out and covered Mikoto's hand on his cheek. Her gaze firmly met his, grounding him firmly here in the moment. He swallowed as the words echoed in his head. For now cherish the present, it will decide the future. The future he wanted, was it worth risking the present?
An took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before meeting Mikoto's once more, "You're right, this is my present and my past. This is the life I now lead."
Mikoto's stern gaze softened and she removed her hand and pulled her chair closer to rest her head on his shoulder.
An reached down and intertwined their fingers. There was nothing more he cherished than this. The deep ties he could feel connecting him to everyone. From his friends, his mentors, and his best friend, but it all started with Mikoto who found him. The person who literally pulled him off the ground and gave him a home. She was the one always pushing him forward. Finding him work, pulling him on adventures, sharing her past, their first kiss, and the acknowledgment of their feelings. Now it was his turn to take the risk, even if it meant a probable rejection.
An traced his thumb around the back of Mikoto's hand, "I'm not sure I ever properly said thank you."
"For what?"
"Everything. This life I have now, it's thanks to you and Lysander I have a place here. I don't think I'll ever have words to say how grateful I am."
An raised Mikoto's hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. Her face immediately colored, but somehow An found he was able to keep his composure for once.
"My life started the day you found me on the ground, and it's certainly been a chaotic one since. It's always hard to say what tomorrow will bring. The mess with Anankos only makes everything worse. However, I cherish this life I live. You of all people deserve to know that."
Mikoto reached up with her free hand and placed it over An's heart, "I did know, but it's nice to hear it said. I worry you know, how little you seem to value yourself sometimes."
"I don't know who I was before, but I think I was someone riddled with regret-certainly would explain somethings about me. I don't want to regret things with this second chance."
An swallowed as his words started slipping away from him. He had been so in control he couldn't lose it now. His pulse was pounding and his stomach churning. He hoped his palms weren't getting clammy because Mikoto would certainly feel that. Maybe this really was a terrible idea-after all what could he possibly offer her? Even if they had happiness for now, who knew how it would turn out in the long term?
"I think I owe you thanks as well." Mikoto said pulling them to stand so they could properly face each other, "You and bizarrely enough the circumstances Valla is currently in. Ever since my parents and Cyril died, I felt like was treading water. Doing what I could to keep my head up, but never moving forward. I moved to the palace and began functioning as Arete's right hand. My family's home and lands were given back to the crown and for all purposes I began living as just another member of the royal family. However, I had no more goals to pursue. When I younger I researched medicine, but my studies stopped. I socialized with people politely but never truly got close with anyone. Then this situation with Anankos starts, you show up, and I finally find something to dedicate myself to and new people I'm close with. I'm finally moving my life forward. We've both helped each other, not just one giving to the other."
An closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Trying to find courage in all the words he'd heard over the last few days. The future he wanted wouldn't come without work and risk. He reached forward and brushed a lock of Mikoto's hair that had fallen out of place behind her ear.
"I don't want to stop moving forward." An said daring to step closer until their faces were inches away from each other-his arms around hers, "Mikoto I..."
An's words failed him again. He stared into Mikoto's face. Her eyes widened-perhaps she knew what he wanted to say. Only choice was to power through.
"Mikoto I care about you far more deeply than I first believed. No matter how bad things get, you help me through it. I'm not a man of action, but it is far easier to act with you at my side. And I'm serious about no more regrets."
An took a deep breath. Mikoto's face was bright red and he could feel the tension in her body, yet her eyes never left his.
"I love you, Mikoto. I have little to offer, but nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with you. I promise to do everything in my power to make you happy. Will you marry me?"
Mikoto's ears burned as she could scarcely believe the words she'd heard. It was like time froze. Her eyes focused on An's bright red face. His mismatched eyes looked straight at hers with all sincerity. This was the same person who hid his face from all others. The man who mere conversation with someone he didn't know could make him tense. Yet here he was saying he was willing to enter a lifestyle needing to go beyond his comfort zone if she was beside him. This was the man she loved.
"Yes" Mikoto cried throwing her arms around his neck and jumping at him. His hands quickly encircled her low back catching her, the momentum turning into a spin.
"Wait really?" An stared at her dumbfounded as they came to a stop.
"What do you mean 'really'? I wouldn't say yes if I didn't mean it." Mikoto furrowed her eyebrows.
An opened and closed his mouth like a floundering fish, "I just really thought you were going to say no."
Mikoto half groaned-half sighed as she tipped her head back away from him pulling her arms away, "You know that's not really what a woman wants to hear after the man she loves proposes. You meant it right? Not just saying it to say it."
"Of course I meant it. I'm sorry I've messed it all up."
"Stop apologizing for everything."
An let out a deep sigh and hung his head. He lifted it back up. Mikoto didn't bother to hide her face pouting like a child. A smiled curved An's lip upward, one eye brow raised in question.
"Can I try again?" He asked pulling her close like before.
"Please do." Mikoto giggled tapping him on the nose with her finger.
An leaned forward and placed his forehead to hers. The gem set into his skin was a lot smoother than she thought it would be. The heat from his flushed cheeks matched her own. Their hair both slid forward to brush against each others.
"Marry me?"
"Yes"
She leaned forward as they pressed their lips together-firmer than ever before. Her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms still settled on her lower back. No quivering hesitation. There wasn't a nervous sensation of butterflies bursting, just warmth that settled deep into her skin. There were no longer any doubts.
AN: I live! I had a lot of writer's block with this chapter, but I think an unintentional break did me good. I feel a lot more refreshed writing now so hopefully that bodes well. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through all this. And my deepest gratitude to those leaving feedback-it really does help.