Chapter 34: Useless Competition

"They're all pathetic." Ed deadpanned, tossing a thick file towards the soldier standing at the other side of his desk. The soldier looked at the file in front of him in confusion and then up at Ed who was paying him no mind, flipping lazily though another folder. He paused and then narrowed his eyes. "What? Take the files to Mustang and tell him I'm not taking on a bunch of pathetic, useless alchemists." The soldier stiffened significantly.

"Um, but sir… Are you sure you're being rational?" he asked and cringed at the look the eldest Elric was giving him. Slowly closing the folder he had been looking through, Ed turned and rested his chin on his folded hands in a manner much like he had seen Mustang do many times.

"Tell me, Sergeant, do you know anything about alchemy?"

"No sir."

"And do you know anything about hand to hand combat?" The soldier swallowed.

"No sir." Ed nodded and sat back coolly in his seat.

"That's what I thought. Now get the hell out of my office before I transmute that door shut and kick your ass." Without hesitation, the man nodded, grabbing the folder and giving a salute before rushing out of the office. Ed rolled his eyes. He knew for a fact that the man was older than him by a good four years, and the fact that he had the position he did must have pissed off many men that ranked under him. He shrugged a shoulder. When they went through as much as he did then they could complain. It was twenty minutes before Mustang arrived outside his office, the offending folder in his possession and an entertained look on his face. Ed cocked a brow at him. He already knew where this conversation was going.

"These scores are beyond pathetic, Fullmetal." Mustang dropped the file onto Ed's desk. "While I trust your judgment, I'd like to see what these men are capable of myself." He said. Ed glared.

"If you trust my judgment then you understand there's no point in wasting time on a second inspection. This lot can't hold their own in hand to hand or with simple transmutations. It's sickening. Your kid could do better than they did." Mustang raised an eyebrow.

"You tested them on hand to hand?"

"Yeah, why not? What're they supposed to do if they don't have a weapon and can't transmute in time?" he asked earning a laugh from the older alchemist.

"While I can't argue with you, I'd still like to hear a bit more about each one of the candidates." He informed.

"Weren't the reports detailed enough?"

"Oh they were, but all the same, I want to hear these men each plead their case. Have you told them they failed yet?" Ed huffed and pushed himself out of his seat.

"No, they should be in the Mess right now." He muttered and gave a lazy stretch. "You can judge them for yourself, but as head of this department, I think they should just enlist and go for something less hands on." He stated.

"Funny how that works isn't it?" Mustang hummed and ignored the confused frown that crossed Ed's face. When they walked out of his office, the sight of Havoc storming down the hall gauged Mustang's attention, much to Ed's annoyance. "Where do you think he's going?"

"Do we care? We've got something to do…"

"I think he's headed to the range."

"So what. He's a sniper isn't he?" Ed asked and scowled when Mustang ignored him and walked towards where Havoc had stormed off to. Ed groaned miserably and began following. He could care less what Havoc was getting himself into at the moment. He'd spent the past three days trying to somehow convince himself the group of alchemists he received weren't a complete waste of space. What did he care about the drama at the shooting range?

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"You're really good at this, Robins!" Riza glanced over at her best friend who was patting the grinning cadet on the back with a wide grin. She shook her head knowingly as she reloaded her own rifle. While she knew Rebecca was doing far better than expected with the new recruits, there was one recruit in particular that her best friend seemed to bond with over the past few days. Jared Robins, the oldest of the group by only a few years was an attractive man, with low cut dark hair and deep green eyes. He was the tallest of the group as well, and it looked like basic training pulled him out of whatever lanky phase he might have previously been in. In other words, he was hot and somehow didn't realize it. Surely Rebecca had. Riza shook her head as Robins smiled brightly down at the grinning woman.

"I was at the top percentage of my class back at the academy." He informed proudly, shouldering his rifle.

"I can see why! You're almost as good as Hawkeye!"

"Or Havoc." The blonde quickly spoke up, earning an apologetic smile from her friend. Robins had tensed significantly when he saw her looking at him. He had learned his first day, along with his comrads, that she was not one to cross, despite how laid back Rebecca was with them.

"That's right, you're the best there is." She said and tapped her chin thoughtfully. "But this guy might be better than Jean." An indignant scoff caught both women's attention. Standing with an annoyed expression, Havoc crossed his arms and eyed his girlfriend and the recruit irritably.

"Cozy, aren't we?"

"Oh, hey aren't you supposed to be with Breda on surveillance in the city today?" Rebecca asked innocently, causing Havoc to scowl further.

"He took someone else with him. What the hell does it matter?" Roy and Ed had rounded the corner just as Rebecca scowled. Riza already knew where this was going.

"What're you getting so uppity for?" she asked indignantly.

"Uppity? I'm not uppity!" The blonde smoker snapped back defensively. "What're you doing flirting with recruits!" An entertained smirk crossed Roy's face from behind his subordinate and Ed had quirked an eyebrow in confusion. Rebecca visibly swelled up.

"Flirting? Are you kidding me?" she screeched.

"No! You and this kid have been buddy buddy all damn week!"

"It's only been a couple of days, Havoc." Riza sighed, coming between the two. "Why don't we save this for when you're home?" The couple continued to glare around her and at each other before Rebecca gave a stubborn huff and turned away.

"No, I see how it is, Jean. Come with me, squad. We're having lunch!" The recruits quickly saluted, shooting nervous glances at Havoc as they followed the woman away. As they passed, Riza shook her head in a knowing manner. She guessed that at least things didn't get out of hand. That was at least until Ed held out a hand, stopping Robins.

"What's your name?" he asked, eyeing the now frightened recruit.

"Jared Robins, sir." He squeaked out.

"Robins? You any good at hand to hand?" The young man's eyes widened.

"Um, I suppose so sir." He answered, causing the blonde to cock an eyebrow.

"Great, then you can help me out with something." He said, waving off a now completely irate Rebecca and the other members of her squad. "Care to join us, Havoc?" The mischievous glint in his golden eyes spoke words and Havoc perked up.

"Sure, why not."

Author's Note: This chapter was written in response to reviews from Veronique Ruthven and awesomenaruto!

Sorry it took so long for the update. I've been slacking on this fic while working on a Soul Eater fic, but since that fic has been completely typed out, I'm gonna go back to working on this!