Bioware owns all! Sorry for the space between updates, If your not on KAST you might not know but I was on vacation and then had to go to a communications conference so my writing time was cut way down. Hopefully you will enjoy this.
I want to make mention here of three people that really are a great help to me when I am writing, my friends from the KAST Shenzi, Star and Sesheta. It you like this they are to be commended. Of course if you hate it... well then it's all me.
Hovercraft
~Present Day~
"Kaidan you have to stop." Shepard says as she squirms under him on the exercise mat, her breathing heavy. He lifts his head up from the crook of her neck where he has been exploring. She feels one of his hands fondling her breast and the other is kneading her bottom.
"But I thought you liked it?" he stares in her eyes and the beauty of his takes her breath away.
"I do like it, that's the problem. This is a public space, we can't do this here. You're getting too carried away."
Or more importantly she was getting too carried away. It took all her will not to put her hands on that place on his body that gave them both the most pleasure. He groaned and rolled off her and she tried not to reflect the disappointment that she felt. But she knew it was the right thing to do.
"You're right of course. I didn't think that once we had finally..., I didn't realize it would be so hard to keep my hands off you." He turns towards her and smiles "and it is really hard you know."
"Yes, I know." That was the problem, she did want him so bad, but she couldn't take the chance. "I want you too, you know." she tells him.
The joy shows in his face, it goes straight to her heart "Really, you really do? I mean... well, that means a lot to me, Zin." He grabs her hand and kisses it.
He rarely uses her name in normal conversations, (I think he is afraid he will slip and use it day to day) she thinks, but he has used it in the heat of passion. His use of it here tells her how much this really means to him. She pulls him towards her awarding him a passionate kiss.
"Yes Kaidan, I really do want you. I always will." She tells him as she...
Shepard sits up in bed. Her heart is beating quickly but at least this time it is not in fear. Although passion for someone you can't have probably wasn't that much better. It hadn't been that long ago since that happened. What was it a few weeks, a month, two months? Plus two years, she frowns. Yep, can't forget the plus two years. She runs her hand through her hair. If it isn't the Reapers, or Sovereign it's sexy Kaidan dreams, or yelling Kaidan dreams, or crazy Kaidan dreams, god Shepard, you have a one track mind. She throws back the covers and looks at the time. Well just a little early, might as well get up.
After her morning wake up routine (toilet, shower, teeth, hair and stare at his picture for a while) she heads off to the gym. Cerberus has everything state of the art, and lucky for her, this crew wasn't morning exercisers either. Making her way around from machine to machine she tries not to think of anything exercise related as it brings her back to Kaidan and she is trying desperately hard not to go there every waking hour of the day. Well it worked as long as she wasn't alone in her cabin, when there were times she would get entirely too maudlin.
Working with Garrus again seemed to be working out wonderfully. If she could just find someone she feels as comfortable with to be the second backup. She has been taking Jacob with them, and that is okay as far as it goes. He is trying to convince her of his willingness to back her up, but she just can't let go of the Cerberus connection. He was okay with working for Cerberus, she is not. Dr. Chakwas telling her that she worked for Shepard, and was there for Joker, well that made sense to her. Joker wanting to fly again, yeah he needed that. The fact that she came back, she knows they will leave Cerberus when she does, no questions asked. She can't guarantee that Jacob will do that, not for her. Maybe she should get to know him a little better first before she passes judgment on that. It's just that getting to know new people, yeah, she isn't that comfortable doing that right now.
Mordin is not loyal to Cerberus, so she could take him planet side, but she wanted him in the lab, developing ways to defeat the Collectors and their swarms. He was working on the latest upgrades that she has been able to find, making workable improvements to armor and weaponry. She thought he might be interesting to talk to. It should be good for at least a laugh.
Dinner was working out, it is a bit of normalcy she could depend on. Adding Garrus to the mix made it much more homey. Now she could listen to the chats and not feel like she was required to participate in the conversation, she was getting back up to speed as it were. It made her much more comfortable.
She had been getting a lot of mails from Cerberus. One from Project Firewalker, the MSV Rosalie, some survey ship is missing with a new prototype called the Hammerhead planet side exploration rover. There is a new set of armor for her from TIM, yeah whatever. A capacitor helmet that can make her shields recharge ten percent faster, now that she could use. She goes over the specs of the helmet, well it is a bit ugly, but for ten percent faster recharge time, she would use it. An Archon visor, for efficient use of biotic powers. Well she only had the barrier. Miranda did say she wanted Shepard to try to add other biotic talents to her repertoire, that it would be a simple adjustment to her implant. Like the barrier isn't enough of a change to remind me that I am different from what I was. One thing is certain, I'm a fucking soldier, I use guns, I am good with guns. I understand the use of other weapons would be preferable, but let's face it, half the time I forget to put up the damn barrier, what are the odds I would remember to use the other biotic powers. The barrier at least was passive and a useful defense (again, if she would just remember to use it). She decided against the visor, wouldn't work with the helmet anyway and she wants the ten percent recharge rate the helmet promised.
There were some other mails, both about Garrus. The first was from the wife of one of his team members. She wanted Shepard to take care of him. The other was from Dr. Michel, she wanted to hear from Garrus. Shepard would talk to Garrus about that at dinner. That would make it seem like she wanted to talk at least. Lately she found there weren't many things to talk about. Just a reflection of her mood she supposed. Sometimes it was just easier to live in her memories, though that is not too healthy she suspected.
Well at some point she was going to have to accept the changes in her life, some were okay, some, not so much. Losing Kaidan, well, that was the worst both for the team, and for her.
The mail reference Project Firewalker also mentioned two scientists were with the rover. Well in her experience if they were not receiving data, then something had gone wrong. They were going to have to start at the planet where they were last seen at, Zeona in Elysta which was in the Ismar Frontier.
"Well that was a waste of time" Shepard says as they walked back into CIC.
"It was rather interesting to drive, no shields, but the cannon works well." Garrus replies.
Interesting to drive, I crashed into the wall three times before handing it over to you. "Yeah, interesting isn't the word I would use. Well at least we collected all the data." Shepard sighs.
"Commander you have new messages. Kelly says.
"Let me take a quick look before we go to dinner Garrus, wait a minute. See you later Jacob." Shepard says.
Jacob realizing he is being dismissed again salutes, "Commander," and gets in the elevator.
Shepard opens her private terminal. She takes a quick look through her messages. Makes note of the new ones that has alerted Kelly and closes the terminal. She steps up to the galaxy map and signals Joker to set course for Omega. She signals to Garrus to get on the elevator. They do have to wait a few moments for the elevator, but it is still a lot quicker then the original Normandy's was. Shepard follows Garrus onto the elevator.
"It's stupid, I know she reads all my mail. I can't even send an email to my own mother, how ridiculous it that? I don't care, but I won't give her the satisfaction by talking about my mail in front of her. She'll slip up eventually and I will catch her." Shepard tells him as the elevator opens on the deck with her quarters.
"I have to change out of this armor, the good news is that Aria has a package from my mother with my ACUs in it on Omega, We are on our way there to pick it up. If you need anything for the weapons systems, we can buy it there. We should get there shortly after dinner. Rupert needs to restock your food supply anyway, he says that he now has a better idea now how much you eat. It's a good thing they don't realize your Archangel on Omega, then it could get ugly."
"Yeah," Garrus laughs "ugly is one way to put it."
"I'll see you in the mess." she says. She enters her cabin after watching the elevator door close on Garrus.
As Shepard enters the mess she sees Jacob in his usual place where he can observe her. She signals Garrus over and goes towards Jacob. She notices Jacobs expression go from confusion to nervous, but can't fathom why.
"Jacob, can Garrus and I join you for a moment? I don't really want to disturb your meal but I just got an update from Project Firewalker that I want to share with you both." Shepard asks.
"Certainly Shep... Commander, I would be happy for you both to join me." Jacob says.
Noting the slip, she sits down and chooses to ignore it. "Okay the mail I recieved says that we get to keep the Hammerhead. They say the data we collected points to three other locations. They want us to go to look for a Prothean site, and for Doctors Cayce and O'Loy. So now we have those other planets to check. You know Cerberus is getting to be as bad as the Alliance. Here go look for this, oh wait, no we need you here." Shepard tells them.
"Well I am certain they wouldn't ask if they didn't need us to do it Commander." Jacob informs her.
Yes Jacob I am sure you believe that. "Well since we are stuck with the Hammerhead, let see if we can make any use out of it at the next site. I don't know, without shields it has serious disadvantages. I still say in handles like an awkward child." Shepard complains.
"Well it's a good thing that I am driving then." Garrus tells her.
"Yes," she smiles "that would be a very good thing."
After taking their leave of Jacob Shepard and Garrus pick up their meals and go back down to their side of the table. Dr. Chakwas is already there and Joker joins them as they are saying their hellos.
"Anything interesting happen to you today Doc?" Shepard asks.
"Other then Mordin thinking the crew is abnormally healthy and me telling him he better do nothing to change that I would have to say, no." Dr. Chakwas answers.
"How about you Joker, anything you want to report?" Shepard asks him.
"Well EDI keeps changing my extranet bookmarks. You have to tell her that she is invading my privacy." He tells her. "It's like she is jealous.
"Joker you do realize it's a machine, a computer program, it's not real." Shepard tells him.
"Yeah, but it's an AI, she seems real. She seems to have a problem with my por... aaahhh I mean picture and vid collection." Joker explains.
"Maybe she is just trying to have fun with you." Dr. Chakway says.
"Well it's not fun! I open a bookmark expecting a sweet vid and I get a cuddly bunny story." Joker says with frustration.
"Since she is an AI and she is learning, did you try to talk to her about it?" Garrus asks.
"Yes, I told her to stop, she won't!" He turns to Shepard, "but you could order her to stop."
"Well, I think you need to explain to EDI why you need your bookmarks to stay what they are." Shepard tells him, trying not to giggle.
"Oh come on Shepard, I thought you would help me." Joker says.
"Try and work it out by yourselves first. It's in the best interest of the crew for us to try and work out our problems before going to the top. Explain to EDI that the pictures and vids release stress for you and why you need them to stay what they are." Shepard advises him.
"It won't work! She is as stubborn as you are!" Joker tells her.
"You don't know until you try Joker," Dr. Chakwas says. "I find EDI to be quite reasonable."
"Well I haven't worked with her too closely, so I don't know but so far, she seems quite cooperative." Garrus tells him.
"You guys just don't work with her as closely as I do, you don't know what she does to me on a daily basis." Joker insists.
"What do you do to EDI, Joker?" Shepard asks.
"What? Nothing." Joker says too fast.
"Joker?" She waits
"Well I put some grease on her cameras in the cockpit, so all of her vids of me look like dream sequences." He tells her guiltily.
"Okay so clean the cameras, apologize and explain why you need your bookmarks to remain where they are. I am sure you will be able to work it out." Shepard tells him.
"But if she doesn't agree, you will talk to her, right?" Joker asks her.
"See if you can work it out first, and I mean really, don't just tell her, talk to her." Shepard advises him.
"Alright, jeez you think you would help a friend out." Joker says.
"She is helping you, Jeff." Dr. Chakwas tells him.
"Doesn't seem like it to me." Joker grumbles.
"Oh, Garrus, I received a letter from Dr. Chloe Michel. She is worried that she hasn't heard from you." Shepard advises him.
"Well, you know me and mail." Garrus dismisses.
"Yeah, I do. But she really wants to hear from you. She seems sincere, maybe you should drop her a line. She really seems to like you." Shepard tells him.
"Well she is nice enough. I just tend to go for the more adventurous sort." Garrus explains.
Shepard freezes. The more adventurous kind that is what Kaidan had said.
"What, Shepard, what is wrong? All the color has gone from your face?" Garrus says as Dr. Chakwas gets up and goes over to her.
"I am fine." Shepard tells them trying to stop the tears that are threatening. "It's just an old memory, nothing to worry yourselves about. Just some random stupidity." She takes a deep breath and lets it out. "I'm fine really."
Dr. Chakwas gives her a hug. "There is going to be things that activate bad memories. Don't fight it Shepard, just deal with the emotions when they come, it's okay to have emotions you know."
"I know, I'm sorry to worry you." She tells her.
"Shepard, you have been through a lot in what appears to be a very little time to you. Things are going to come up that will hurt. It will get better in time, I promise." The doctor says.
"Yeah and you always have us." Joker says giving her hand a squeeze.
"Yes, always." Garrus takes her other hand.
"Thank you all, I am telling you, I will be fine, thanks to you three." Shepard manages a small smile.
"Yes my dear, you shall be." Dr. Chakwas assures her.
"So Garrus, you going to give Dr. Michel a call?" Shepard asks.
Garrus groans.
The second mission to locate the two missing doctors and the Prothean site lead them to a highly unstable volcanic planet. Again they have to scan minerals for extraction, while looking for the base. These minerals have to be located with the short range sensors, because of course the instability of the planet messes with the long range sensors.
"Why does everything have to be so hard." Shepard wants to know.
"Because life is hard." Garrus tells her with a smile.
"The base is probably down closer to the volcanic action." Jacob says.
"Knowing my luck, Jacob, your probably right." she sighs.
"Well down we go, looks like this path winds down." Garrus says.
"Stop, there is a mineral deposit here." Shepard tells him.
She scans the minerals as Garrus struggles to keep the hammerhead over the location. It seems that the mineral scanner effects the stability of the vehicle. "They really ought to fix this stability issue." Garrus says.
"Yeah, and put shields on this thing, and make the jets last longer." Shepard says as the scanner drones out the words "target acquired."
"Well it would be faster if the sensors worked." Jacob says.
"Yeah then at least we would know where the heck we were going." Shepard tells him.
They wind their way down the series of ledges and outcroppings scanning mineral deposits along the way.
"Uh, Commander, I was wondering... do you have any hobbies?" Jacob asks.
"Hobbies, like what?" Shepard replies looking into the scanner.
"You know, things you like to do in your spare time." Jacob explains.
"Spare time?" Shepard asks, then says "oh, spare time, I read." She tells him.
"What kinds of things do you read?" Jacob asks.
"I like old novels, different genres, why?" she inquires.
"Just making conversation." Jacob tells her then looks away.
"Oh, okay" she says looking into the mineral scanner.
She looks at Jacob out of the corner of her eye adjusting her head so she has a good view of him but not too obvious. She sees him turn to look at her, checking her out. He looks like he is thinking hard, then turns away. She has piqued his curiosity. She sighs to herself, this happens way too often. Well I will just ignore it, not encourage him, and hope it doesn't develop into anything further. She goes back to concentrating on locating minerals and the base.
They finally locate the base. On exploration they find it abandoned, the doctors are nowhere to be found. Shepard finds the sensor power grid and activates it. The sensors must have some physical features too, because the next thing they know the base is collapsing around them. Shepard follows Jacob as he runs for the hammerhead, Garrus trailing behind her. As they climb in the vehicle a tremor hits and Shepard is thrown to the floor and hits her head against a panel.
"Shepard, are you okay?" Garrus says quickly, trying to help her up.
"I'm fine, get us out of here!" she shouts at him as she gets up.
Jacob helps her to her seat and they strap in as Garrus heads for a safe pick up point. He heads up the outcroppings and ledges until he sees an opening and radios Joker the coordinates for pickup. Joker is there in seconds as he is following their progress. They enter the Normandy, and none too soon as the cave behind them collapses.
Shepard enters her cabin and removes her armor. She opens the box that her mother has sent her and pulls out good old ACUs. She changes onto them and stores the others in her closet. She smiles this is the most comfortable I have felt since I got here. At the bottom of the box she finds a note from her mother. She pulls it out to and starts to read it.
Garrus stands outside the Commanders door. He has changed his armor, and he thought it might be a good idea to check on her. Well she did hit her head. He taps on the door to warn her and it opens so he enters. He walks deeper into the room.
"Shepard?" he calls.
"Shepard are you here?" he calls again going down to the living office area.
He sees her sitting on one of the couches with a box in front of her. She looks like the Shepard of old in her ACUs, but he notices she has tears running down her cheeks and he hurries over to her.
"Shepard, what's the matter?" he asks, but she doesn't seem to know he is there.
"Shepard," he touches her arms and she turns and looks into his eyes. He sees pain in those eyes.
"What is wrong, Shepard." He asks her gently.
"Oh, nothing, it's stupid really." she tells him wiping her eyes with her hand.
"Shepard, please tell me what is wrong." he takes her hand in his.
She tries to smile. "It's just this letter from my mother, she was telling me something that happened, and I... well I guess it just brought some feelings out, that's all." she tells him.
"Is it your dad, I remember you saying you were worried?" Garrus asks her.
"No dad is fine, mom didn't mention him last time because she wanted me to know she was miffed. No it's... well..." She takes a deep breath. "She was just telling me that she met Kaidan at the reading of my will and how impressed her and dad were by him. Well she goes on, but that's the brunt of it"
Garrus watches the tears start again so he takes her into his arms to give her a reassuring hug. "It will be okay Shepard, we will get through all of this." He comforts her as she cries in his arms for a few minutes. Then she pulls back, wiping her eyes again.
"I'm sorry, I am usually stronger then this." she tells him.
"I know Shepard, but you have been through a lot."
"I'm sorry I got your armor all wet."
"It's waterproof. With everything you have been through, you're allowed to have some feelings, you know." Garrus tells her.
"Yes, the Savior of the Citadel has feelings. What a headline that would make."
She tries to smile as she gets up and goes into the bathroom and washes her face. She comes back down and sits back down next to Garrus.
"So crisis averted, what did you come up for?" she asks Garrus.
"Oh, I just wanted to see if you were okay after hitting your head, that's all."
"My head is fine Garrus, it's my heart that's the problem. Thank you for checking up on me and not freaking out at my tears."
"Shepard, if you ever need to talk you know I am here for you." Garrus assures her.
She pulls him into another hug and he puts his arms around her. He feels how soft she really is. He notices she has a very pleasant scent. He comforts her for a moment and she pulls back and he finds himself staring into her eyes.
"Thank you Garrus, that means a lot to me."
"Anytime, Shepard, and I mean it, anytime."