Chapter 32:

Ali's Roses

"Mom, I know you hoped that I would wait until I finished college, but you should know that this is really what I want. I feel like when you're really in love, there's no reason to wait. I want to start living my life now. So, Mom, I'm marrying Toby."

Spencer took a deep breath and tried to keep her gaze as even as possible, before her own serious reflection in her mirror began to make her feel foolish.

"Ugh." She groaned, crossing her arms. She sat back hard onto the bed, letting out an exasperated sigh. It was purely hopeless. She had recited at least fifty different versions of the same speech in the mirror for the last hour, but at the end of each one, she was left with a feeling of foolishness and a mental picture of her mother's signature look of disbelief. She even considered bringing q-cards for reference, just to give her some peace of mind.

"Oh good, you're just talking to your reflection. I thought you might've been talking to yourself and that would have been a little weird…" Spencer turned to see Hanna standing in the doorway of her dorm room, wrapped in a black knee-length coat and her favorite grey Burberry scarf.

"Hardy-har-har, you're hilarious." Spencer said tiredly, rising to her feet.

"Hey, I try." Hanna shrugged, aimlessly picking a piece of lint off of her shoulder. "You ready to go?"

"Go?" Spencer asked, knitting her eyebrows.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to take you shopping, remember?"

"No…"

"I didn't tell you? Oh ya, that's right, I was going to call you but then I saw some cherry red pumps in the display window at Saks and…well, it's all a blur after that."

"You mean those cherry red pumps?" Spencer asked, pointing to the fierce crimson heels that adorned Hanna's feet.

Hanna looked down, "Oh. Oh yeah, those ones." She cleared her throat. "Well, are we going or not?"

"No." Spencer snorted with a laugh. "Do you know how behind I am? I'm supposed to have the tickets booked for Aria's bachelor party, work out the problem with the limousine company, and go with Jason to the bank to get a loan figured out for the house he's going to rent. Not to mention that I haven't even told my parents about my own wedding-to-be."

"Hey, I'm just obeying orders!" Hanna said, holding her hands up in defense, "I was given strict instructions to come and welcome you back into the real world."

"By wh – Toby." Spencer said his name like an expletive, grunting under her breath.

Hanna smiled sympathetically and reached out to pet Spencer's arm, "He's worried about you."

"Well, he shouldn't be. I'm fine."

"Spence, you've gone through a lot in the past few months. It's okay to be a little frazzled."

"I'm not frazzled!"

"Spencer, Toby told me that you spent the entire morning staring at a TV that wasn't even on."

Spencer's face colored and she sighed, turning away from Hanna. She idly began to pick up various articles of clothing off of her dorm room floor. "Well, you're out of luck, anyway. Bree's coming home today and she's all eager-beaver to see the newest addition to my life." She held up her hand, wiggling her fingers to showcase her new ring.

"Oh, come on, Spence! I need to pick out a new dress for New Years anyway!"

"New Years? I thought you were – how did you phrase it? – oh yeah: going to get so hammered drunk that you wouldn't even be able to see your hand in front of your face and likely wake up on the bathroom floor of 7-Eleven."

"Yeah, well, I said that because it was the day after Caleb broke up with me and I was bitter, alright?" Hanna replied, "And there's actually been…a change of plans."

"What, are you and Caleb…getting back together?"

"What? No. No, no, he's uhm…he's leaving for Montecito when the new semester starts."

"What? You didn't tell me that."

"Well, frankly, I didn't really want to." Hanna shrugged, "It wasn't something I was open to talking about."

"Well, are you going somewhere before the party…?"

"You could say that." Hanna answered, stalling the question as long as she could.

"Hanna…?" Spencer furrowed her brows, "Are you going on a date?"

Hanna bit her lip and her sky-blue eyes swiveled up to the ceiling.

"Oh my God, you are!" Spencer exclaimed, "With who?"

Hanna began to idly play with her hair.

"Hanna."

Nothing.

"Hanna!"

"Will, okay!" Hanna burst out, "Will-freaking-Lovat, alright?"

A slow, triumphant smile spread across Spencer face and she laughed victoriously.

"What are you laughing about?" Hanna snapped.

"No, no, nothing!" Spencer assured her, "I just…I knew it! I knew that you were going to get together with him sooner or later! Who knew it? Spencer did!"

"Whoa, now before you break out in the 'in-your-face-dance,' we're not 'together.'"

"Not yet, anyway…"

"Spencer!"

"What, you get to go all fangirl on me whenever you want and label my relationship as 'Spoby' and tell me how cute our six-pack chin-dimpled babies would be but you draw the line when I get excited about you going on a date with Will?"

"It's under different circumstances."

"Han." Spencer said seriously, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder, "I know that these past few months have been hard without Caleb, but you're doing the right thing. Going out and taking chances and trying new things are what are going to help you grow. So," She reached over to her dresser, plucking her bag off of the surface, "I'll be more than willing to help you pick out a dress."

"That's what sells you on going shopping with me?!" Hanna protested as Spencer stepped around her, walking out the door, "My date with Will? Not your concerned boyfriend and your frazzled, Shutter-Island-mind?!"

Spencer laughed evilly, hurrying down the stairwell, chanting "Hanna Lovat" over and over with Hanna shouting after her in frustration.

"Hey Jason, uhm, it's me. It's Aria…" Aria cleared her throat awkwardly, rocking back and forth on her feet, "Uhm, I saw that you got up early and left this morning. I know that talking with me last night wasn't exactly…comforting but…I'm willing to listen now. I'm sorry for jumping to all of those conclusions. Look I…well, we'll talk about it later. Give me a call when you get this. Thanks."

She hung up and set the phone down on the counter, biting her lip and tapping her fingertips on the granite.

When Aria had woken up that morning, she discovered that Ezra's guest room was empty, with the bed made and Jason's shoes gone. When she ambled out into the kitchen, she found a hot cup of coffee, filled to the brim, on a little white saucer placed on the dining table. A little piece of paper was folded beside it, and when she opened it, she immediately recognized Jason's makeshift, messy writing.

Aria –

Thank you for everything.

-Jason

That was it. Nothing else. Nothing about what they had spoken of the night before. Nothing that involved any sort of feeling past the amiable gesture of a cup of morning coffee, which Aria had yet to touch, and now watched as it cooled on the table.

Ezra wasn't due to be home until the afternoon, and she knew that both Emily and Hanna had said that they were busy for the day. She didn't even want to think about phoning Spencer, who was probably listless and curled up in Toby's arms.

So she was alone. The feeling – the realization – was shocking to her. Startlingly white, like how Heaven was depicted in the movies. She felt cold and shaken up, like Jason's coming had unearthed some deep-rooted memories and feelings.

Aria remembered how Jason used to make her feel when she was younger. Bare, vulnerable, unguarded. Like with a single look…he could detect all of her secrets.

And now, she knew all of his.

The question was…would she tell Spencer?

Could she tell Spencer?

Aria sank back into a kitchen chair and picked up the mug, beginning to drink the now lukewarm black coffee.

When Spencer arrived at Toby's apartment, she half-expected to see a glowing light on the answering machine, which she would promptly press and listen to her sister as she poured out some good news about Wren's return, blah blah blah.

But alas, there was no message. The light wasn't blinking.

And Wren was still nowhere to be found.

What she didn't expect, as she set her purse down on the kitchen countertop, was a full bouquet of white roses, all perfectly ripe, and flawlessly arranged. She approached them with caution, half-assuming that it would suddenly blow up and send shards of glass flying across the room, like in the movies.

But no, it stayed exactly where it was, even as she reached out to run her fingers along one of the petals.

"White roses." Toby's voice said from behind her. She whirled around and saw him leaning against the frame of the kitchen doorway. It amazed her how after all these years, he could still sneak up on her like that.

"Yeah. Yeah, they're really pretty but…who brought them over?" She asked carefully.

"I bought them." Toby walked around the counter, joining her at the table.

"Why?"

"Well, white roses; Ali's favorite, right?"

Suddenly, the memory flickered to life in her mind. Ali, parading around in a floral summer dress, expressing just how much she wanted her prince charming to bring her a bouquet of white roses, or how she wanted her mom to weave her a crown of them for her sixteenth birthday…

"I asked Jason this morning – "

"You talked to Jason?"

"He stopped by while you were out; said that he was going to head up to the mountains for the weekend." Toby shrugged. "I asked him what her favorite flowers were; he said white roses."

Spencer was speechless. Toby had bought her flowers to help her remember Alison. Ali, who made his life virtually a living hell for most of his teenage years. Ali, who labeled him a freak and made him take the fall for something she was clearly guilty of. Ali, who was now buried in Rosewood cemetery, and whose last living remains were now a pile of ash on Emily's street.

"I thought that they were an accurate representation." Toby explained, wrapping a loose arm around her waist, "Houses burn, and flowers die; they're beautiful for a moment, and then…before we know it, they're gone. They're nothing but earthly things. It's the memories that help keep things alive."

And he was right. She was foolish to think that just because Jason's house was gone, that Ali's memory would perish with it. It wasn't the house that held Ali's soul, it was Ali's friends and family. All of the people that loved her, despite all of her faults.

Spencer sighed, blinking a couple of times to keep the tears that burned in them from spilling over. She sniffled once and turned to him. "Thank you." She said thickly. "I know that this probably wasn't easy for you."

"Love makes it easy." He shrugged, as if it was obvious.

She let out a short laugh and rose onto her tiptoes, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. "I love you, Toby Cavanaugh. I honestly don't know what I would do if you weren't here to remind me what life is really about sometimes. You keep me grounded." She smiled and he kissed the tip of her nose.

He smiled, wrapping his arms around her middle and lifting her upward, turning on his heel and sitting her down on the kitchen counter behind them. She giggled as he placed feathery kissed along her cheek and jaw line, drawing back her thick brown hair so that he could better access her neck. Her fingers drew lazy, light circles along his shoulder blades and his mouth finally returned to hers, kissing her softly for a moment, as if her lips were as fragile as the white rose petals…

"You know, despite being frazzled by everything and all…I'm actually pretty excited about the wedding." She said.

"Oh, are you?" Toby asked coyly, his fingertips absently tracing her collarbone.

"Oh, yeah. I mean, the famous Ezria wedding? Not something to be taken lightly…" She teased.

Toby snorted and laughed softly, putting his hands on either side of her face to rest the tip of his nose against hers. "Well, it's good to see that your good humor is back in its rightful place, as well as your signature sarcasm."

"Hey, if they disappeared forever, I wouldn't be Spencer Hastings, now would I?"

"No, you most definitely wouldn't." He confirmed. Reaching behind his neck, he pulled her left hand free and lifted it up to his face, kissing the top of her ring. "So I hope that they always stick around."

"Well, actually, in a few months, I won't be Spencer Hastings at all…" She said in a sing-songy voice.

"Ah, I guess not." He agreed.

"You know, Spencer Cavanaugh has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Absolutely." He chuckled against her throat, his hand dropping hers to wrap around her and trace shapes up at down her spine. She shivered at his light touch.

"You know what we have to do now, don't you?"

"Enlighten me, Juliet."

She pulled back to look into his eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself. "We have to tell my parents."

thanks for all the wonderful support everyone! keep the feedback/reviews coming! they keep this story in motion and have gotten it to where its been ;)

love always,

AJ