14

Jax Is Really Alive

Chapter Recap 35 Jax is still angry over being prevented from rescuing Nero, but to his surprise Kozik and Tara support Ryland's call. Tara tells him that Nero isn't the objective. Getting the boys back is their objective. Trying to get Nero back could jeopardize getting the boys back especially if they attract the attention of law enforcement.

Tara also confesses that she never had sex with Ryland.

Chapter 36 Fingertips

Ideally, that moment would have ended in bed with them making love for the first time since Tara rescued him. Up to that point, all they had was sex. It was physical pleasure, but the emotional part was missing. Sex just wasn't as satisfying without love. Jax was proud of his evolution as a man.

"I need to sit down," Tara said, softly. "I'm still a little shaky from all the medication."

Jax picked her up and gently lowered her to the bed, propping up pillows behind her back so she could sit up. She moved her legs to the side so he could sit down facing her.

"Are you OK? When I left you everything seemed OK."

"I'm fine, but I was given a lot of medication. Even alien tech can't reverse all the effects of medication. I feel physically weak, frail and shaky. I don't have any physical strength, but mentally I'm thinking clearly."

"Maybe you need a soft drink or food. I can order pizza or I can go out and get burgers."

"I could use a Coke or Pepsi. The thought of food makes me want to throw up, but if you want food, go ahead and order some."

"I'll be right back. There are vending machines in the hall."

Jax brought back three cans of Coke. He went into the bathroom and rinsed the tops. One of the experiments they did in high school biology was swabbing and culturing organisms that were on the tops of cans. Since then, he always rinsed the lids of cans before opening them.

Jax opened a can and handed it to her.

"Thanks. Ry told me that when I was unconscious, he told you about my suffering from night terrors."

"He wanted me to know how to help you if you woke up screaming."

Tara took several sips of Coke before continuing.

"Night terrors are common in hybrids especially the ones that died violently. Opie has them too. Ry trained Donna on how to handle them."

"Is that why you were in his bedroom?"

Tara nodded.

"The first night when I was at Meg's bunker, I woke up screaming. It was a flashback from when Gemma killed me. She clocked me with an iron, tried to drown me in some dishwater in the sink while she was stabbing me in the head with a meat fork. Never realized how sharp they are until I got stabbed in the head.

"Cas notified Ry and he came into my room and calmed me. After he left me, I fell asleep again and the same thing happened. He gave me some sleeping meds that knocked me out. You don't dream when you take sleeping medication."

Jax gently brushed Tara's hair away from her face.

"I knew that your death was bad. There's no excuse for what Gemma did."

"They didn't want me to see what was going on with you and the boys. Ry thought it would make my night terrors worse, but I had to know. Anyway, Ry added a single bed to his room and I slept there. Not sleeping alone also helps with my night terrors. When I did have one, he helped me learn to control my fear. I didn't want to rely on sleeping pills for the rest of my life. I was always Ry's patient. He would never have made sexual advances. He's the most honorable man I know."

Jax winced a little. Ryland was the most honorable man she knew. That wasn't lost on him, but how could he expect her to name him as the most honorable man she knew when she caught him mid fuck with a whore?

"I hope one day, you'll feel the same way about me."

"When I watched you spin out of control drunk with rage and grief, it killed me. It was easier to be angry with you for cheating and not helping me when I got arrested than it was to fall apart because you were falling apart.

"Ry played along because he thought it would help with my recovery. He knew I would eventually tell you the truth when I was ready. It did help me start to see you in a different way and it felt good that you were so jealous. I've always felt that you were never jealous because you didn't think you ever had competition for me. It made me feel worthless."

"Sometimes I think about what a bastard I was and I wonder how you kept loving me."

Tara set the Coke can down and rubbed her temples.

"You don't have to keep apologizing."

"Since I died and came back, I find myself wondering how I can ever make things right for all the wrongs I did to you."

"Saving me from a room full of rapists was a good start," Tara said leaning forward and tenderly kissing him on the cheek.

"Jealousy was a new emotion for me," he confessed. "So were Ryland's feelings for you fake as well?"

Tara shook her head.

"No. He is in love with me. I feel really bad about that because I don't want to hurt him. I do love him, but I'm just not in love with him."

He actually felt some sympathy for the guy now that he knew the guy hadn't slept with Tara.

"I gotta admit it; I definitely like the guy a lot better now that I know you weren't sleeping with him."

Tara laughed.

"I don't know why you and Hale can't just admit that you like the guy."

"He's just so damned superior."

"He doesn't act like it. It's because he's an alien. He's more than a hundred years older. He's had a lot of training and been through so much. He's just more mature."

"I still don't like the fact that he's in love with you. He did do a good job tonight though." A look of annoyance crossed his face. "OK, he was pretty damned amazing tonight except for the part about Nero. When I told him I was worried about you, he told me how to monitor you. When your heart stopped and you quit breathing, I wanted to pull over and do CPR. He told me to keep driving. He told me we could get you back. That guy stays cool under pressure."

"You had to have stayed cool too or you wouldn't have been able to save me. Tell me what happened to me at the bar. The truth even if it's bad."

"I was distracted for a moment when a woman at the next table dumped her drink over a guy's head. When I looked at the bar, you were gone. It happened in seconds."

"I don't blame you," she said. "We knew it was a rough place, but we didn't know how bad. I was watching my drinks, keeping my hand over my drink. I don't think the guys at the bar spiked my drink. I think it was the bartender. I'd take a few sips and then someone would buy me another drink. I made sure I only drank from the glass that I had my hand over."

"Did you ask him about Wendy and Brooke?"

"The bartender told me that they only stayed long enough to take pictures."

"That makes sense. Wendy had her flaws, but that bar was such a dump, I don't see her staying there long. The caliber of the guys was too low."

"I couldn't believe it when that guy walked up to me and grabbed my breast. What a pig!"

"I almost went after that guy, but I knew you could handle it and I needed to let you. When I saw that you were gone, I went after you immediately. I knew that they couldn't have brought you out through the front door or taken you into the bathroom or they would have passed by me. Two guys tried to stop me. It took me a few seconds to deal with them. I saw them put you in a car and I followed. I lost them when they made a left turn. Traffic was too heavy for me to turn. I drove around trying to find you. I made a comment about wondering where you were. Cas told me. Did you know that you have a GPS tracker inside you?"

"I have a vague memory of Ry telling me. I think they put it in at birth or shortly after because my parents are the king and queen—one set anyway."

"I found you and before I went in, I used Cas to record a message. I wanted Ryland and Hale to know where I was and what I was doing in case something happened to me. I had to make sure someone rescued you if I failed. I also told Cas to call the police if I didn't cancel the messages in ten minutes.

"I guess the message triggered some alarms for Cas because she sent the messages to Ryland and Hale almost immediately. Cas didn't call the police. After that, I went into this boarded up old diner. They hadn't hurt you yet. One guy touched your breasts a bit over your clothes, but that's as far as it went."

"Thank you."

"I killed everyone mostly with the alien gun. There were a couple of guys I killed more physically. I just had this rage I had to quench."

"It must have been horrible."

Jax thought about what he was going to tell Tara wondering if he should give her the whole ugly truth. He had always fought with himself over how much to reveal to her about SAMCRO. This time he couldn't use the MC as a reason to keep secrets.

"It wasn't. Beating the shit out of those guys felt good. The dick head prospect told me it didn't hurt the women because they were drugged and they didn't remember. If I hadn't been worried about you, none of those Kitty Cabal bastards would have had a neat quick death.

"It turned out Cas was keeping the line open and Ryland and Hale listened to everything that happened. When I told Ryland and Hale that I'd killed all the guys, they both said good. I never thought I'd hear something like that from Hale, but he's more like high school Hale now."

"He's definitely not the uptight, upright deputy. Dying and coming back changed him a lot. Hale's a good guy."

"And yet another member of the Tara Knowles unrequited love club."

Tara shook her head and laughed.

"Ryland had sent a team as soon as he got the message. He assured me that he didn't think I would fail to get you, he was sending the team to clean the crime scene and eliminate any signs we were ever there. Those Kitty Cabal bastards weren't just raping women. They were recording it. There was a laptop playing a video. It was the cocktail waitress from that bar. I could tell she was knocked out."

"Is there any video . . ."

"Nothing had happened, so there wasn't any video of you. The team double checked that."

"I have some stuff I need to say to you. Do you think we could just shut the lights off and we could cuddle together?"

"Yeah," Jax said. "I'd like that."

It was the first time Tara had wanted more from him than sex. That was definitely a good sign. He turned the light on in the bathroom and left the door ajar before turning the rest of the lights off and slipping into bed beside her. She had moved the pillows so they could share. She was lying on her side looking into his face.

"When I felt the drug hit my system when we were at the bar, I tried to touch my head and I knew I couldn't do it. It felt like my arms weighed a million pounds and I couldn't even lift a finger. I thought words, but I couldn't speak them. I knew I'd been drugged and I knew what they were going to do to me. I also knew that you wouldn't let that happen. My last thought before everything went black was how I had complete faith and trust in you. I love you, I love your bravery and I love everything about you. Nothing else matters anymore."

When Tara looked at him, it felt like their souls joined. That connection that started in high school wasn't just back; it was deeper and stronger. He remembered Ryland telling him about the Paralorn wedding ceremony and how they mix their blood. That's what he felt with Tara. They didn't belong together; they were part of each other.

"I'm done with the past and beating you over the head with it," Tara continued. "I'm ready for our future."

"Finally," Jax said flashing her that Jax Teller grin. "It only took me rescuing you from a room full of bikers who were going to rape and kill you."

"You had a lot to make up for," Tara countered.

They looked into each other' eyes and laughed. They had made it through so much and now they were together again no longer burdened with the mistakes of the past. Jax pulled Tara into his arms and began to kiss her. It felt like the energy was being drained from her body.

"There's something still wrong with you," Jax said. "I'm going to call Kozik."

"I'm just a little weak," Tara protested. "I'll be OK."

Jax ignored her and called Kozik.

"This isn't really necessary," Tara protested again, her voice weaker.

"I'm not taking a chance with your health."

Kozik was there within five minutes carrying his medical backpack.

"This is just a waste of time."

"You don't get a vote," Jax said. "I'm taking care of you."

Kozik grinned. "Just agree with him. It will save a lot of time."

"You aren't in danger of dying," Kozik said after checking Tara over. "The medications process through your system and your body responds. I'm going to check with Ryland."

"What do you want to do as far as treatment?" Jax asked.

"Give her more IV meds so she gets stronger faster, but she'll be unconscious for four to six hours."

"Why do I have to be unconscious?"

"By rendering you unconscious, it will allow the body to focus exclusively on taking in the medications, cleaning and restoring your body. I could just put you to sleep, but the process will take 10 to 12 hours. If we did nothing at all, it will take you 24 to 36 hours before you feel good."

"What if something happens and I'm needed?"

"The team's here. We can provide help and back-up," Kozik said. "You aren't physically well enough to do much more than sleep, Tara. We might as well get you stronger. You might need that strength."

"OK," Tara said.

Kozik called Ryland and put him on the tablet screen propped up on the nightstand. Kozik outlined Tara's condition and his treatment plan. Ryland agreed with Kozik's plan.

"Jax, you did a great job realizing Tara could use more medical help. Until Tara's levels are completely normal, we're going to put a monitor on her. The results will come to me and to Kozik's phone," Ryland said.

Kozik attached bags of various colored fluids to Tara and put a monitor on her. Kozik then wrapped medical tape around the bags and Tara's hands and wrists to keep them secure.

"You need to get a good night's sleep," Kozik told Jax. "Don't worry about Tara."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you in the morning."

"I'm sorry I'm not well enough to do anything," Tara said softly.

Jax turned the lights off got into bed beside Tara.

"I love you and we've got a lifetime together."

"Thanks for noticing I was sick and needed help."

"I've got you," Jax said kissing her gently on the cheek. "I've got you." Jax held Tara in his arms until she lost consciousness.

The next morning Kozik and Ryland gave Tara the all clear. Before Jax and Tara dropped off the team near the spaceship for their return to Charming, they had lunch. Jax, Tara and Kozik ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant while the three other team members grabbed burgers at a fast food place at the opposite end of the shopping center. They didn't want to all be seen together.

They picked up the three members walking a few blocks down a deserted street. Jax dropped them off in what looked like an abandoned field with rusty vehicles and equipment.

"Jax, we're going to find your boys," Kozik said giving Jax a slap on the back.

Jax and Tara sat in the SUV and watched as the men approached the field and then they disappeared from view.

"How the hell do they even know where the spaceship is and how do they disappear from view?" Jax asking.

"It's that screening tech. Watch them take off."

"How will we know?"

"You'll see just a slight distortion kind of like you sometimes see with planes. There will be just a little blur."

"There!" Jax said pointing.

"Where should we search next?" Tara asked. "Wait until later and go to more bars?"

"Are you really up for that?"

"It's to get our sons back. I'll do anything to get them back."

"I think you might need to rest," Jax said. "We should go back to our room."

"Well, if you think that's best, dear," Tara said sweetly imitating a 1950's housewife.

Jax laughed.

"I do, darlin'."

"You know when Ry and Kozik were fixing me, they didn't do anything to my hormone levels. With all the medication I've been given, I think it may have really messed up my hormones."

"Oh," Jax said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"I think I'm even more sex crazed than yesterday."

Jax almost hit a curb.

"Watch out!" Tara said laughing.

They made it back to their hotel room without further driver errors.

"I want to make sure we do this right," Jax said as he closed and bolted the door.

"Are you talking about sex?"

"What else?"

"What the hell, Jax? Have we been doing it wrong all this time?"

Jax pulled Tara close.

"I meant that I want to make it slow and romantic."

"Slow?" Tara said with a grin. "There's a first time for everything."

Jax gave Tara's butt a playful slap.

"I need some respect here."

Tara wound her arms around Jax's neck.

"You have my respect and my love and my trust."

"And you have my love always and exclusive rights to my body," Jax said lifting her off her feet and dumping her on the bed.

He then did the familiar and always sexy as hell Jax Teller move of sliding his body up and over hers covering her completely. Normally he was naked with his reaper tattoo covering his back; this time he was doing a fully clothed variation and there was no longer a tattoo anywhere on his body.

They didn't stay clothed for long and despite Jax's desire for a slow, long love making session, frantic, desperate need took over. He couldn't make Tara wait when her need to feel him inside her was so great. It would have just been cruel.

Jax had fallen asleep afterwards. Despite Kozik's assurances, he hadn't gotten much sleep last night because he kept checking Tara. She had died again last night. Part of his exhaustion was all the emotions he'd been through the previous day and then there were all the killings.

Jax's cell phone rang. It was a different higher pitched ring. This was the Jax Teller line. His alien phone was set up so if a call were made to Jax's cell it would be put through to his alien phone just in case someone were trying to reach him. Alien tech also bounced the signal around the world making it impossible for anyone to pinpoint his location.

Tara hesitated, hating to wake up Jax. She checked the caller ID before waking him up.

"It's Brooke," Tara said handing him his phone.

"Jax, I need to talk to you," Brooke whispered.

"Where are you?" Jax asked. He was instantly alert.

"I'm at Nero's farm. I'm really scared. Come get me. I think I know where the boys are."

"OK. I should be there in twenty-five minutes."

Tara had dressed during the call.

He ended the call and began pulling on his clothes.

"Brooke's at Nero's farm. She thinks she knows where the boys are."

"Oh, thank God."

They left practically running to get to the SUV. It took Jax less than fifteen minutes to reach the dirt road that led to Nero's farm.

"We stick to our cover story that we're helping Jax Teller find his boys," Jax said.

He opened the glove compartment, took the alien gun out and put it in the pocket of his jacket. He handed Tara a 9mm handgun making sure there was a round in the chamber.

"Safety's on," he said.

"OK."

He watched as Tara tucked the gun into the back pocket of her jeans.

"Stay behind me," Jax said.

The door was unlocked.

"Brooke," Jax called softly.

There was no answer.

"She might be hiding," Tara whispered.

"Brooke," Jax called again louder. "It's OK. I'm here to help you."

In the dusky twilight that came through the windows, it was difficult to make out much more than large shapes. Jax continued deeper into the house, Tara close behind him. He saw a small brownish sort of stub on the floor. It looked a little like the end of a cigar. He noticed two more each a little larger with a sort of purple rectangle on one side as they continued down the hall. He kept calling Brooke's name.

Just as he looked into the master bedroom, he realized the stubs were fingertips. Someone had cut off a woman's fingertips just above the first joint.

"Come on, we have to get out of here," Jax said.

"What did you see?"

He turned around and swiftly pulled Tara back down the hall.

"Is Brooke dead?"

"Wendy's dead. Tortured."

Jax had just put his hand on the doorknob when they heard the sound of cars pulling up and parking. Tara went to a window and peeked out careful not be seen.

"Two police cars," she whispered.

"This was a fucking trap," Jax said. "We were set up."