The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

Chapter 36 (Valerie Opens Up)

"It's really beginning to stress me out, you know." Freddie was complaining to Valerie while sitting at her desk in her room. She was busy tutoring someone online, but they had gone off to do something for a couple minutes. She looked up from her computer and lifted her eyebrows, she knew all too well how stressful iCarly had become. "It's Saturday morning, I'm here with you and once more debating not shooting iCarly."

"You really should this time, you've been out of it for too long. I'd hate to think Carly would be upset with you, thinking you're backing out. Your friends do need you." He knew she was right, but he didn't want to admit to it. "Sam told me the other day that Carly was freaking out over you not shooting iCarly the last time. She didn't know what she was going to do, but fortunately Gibby knew how to deal with it."

"Right…it's just, yesterday we were all at the park and these fans decided to come up and harass me about her." Valerie rolled her eyes and Freddie folded his arms across his chest, grimacing at the memory. "It really reminded me how irritable I'm becoming with iCarly and its fans. I'm sick of all the assuming, the insinuating, the people who think they can tell us how we ought to be." He lifted his shoulders and slowly looked away as Valerie typed on the laptop. "I mean, I'm sick of them all. I can't stand the thought of letting iCarly go on any further. I know we put ourselves out there with all those privacy things, but come on…"

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." He raised an eyebrow and looked over. Valerie's hands were hovering over the keyboard and her eyes were shifting on the screen. "Proverbs 15:1-3." She looked towards him with a pleasant smile. "It means the more you react angrily towards them, the more they're going to get defensive and react back. While if you are soft and patient with them, calm, then they might be patient. Though you can't please everyone, some just won't stop until they know you're either going to date one of those two girls or they can help plan your next big event."

"Yeah, some don't know how to back off." He lifted his shoulders and shook his head. "So how did Veronica's day go with the model?"

"Great, she's already looking into as many colleges that offer modeling as she can. You did a really great thing for her, Freddie. Being there for her…for my family." He felt a sense of pride and leaned back against the desk, moving his elbows up onto the surface. He met her tender eyes and started to smile.

"I love your family Valerie, they're some of the nicest people I know. I would never take advantage of them."

"Not intentionally you wouldn't, that is true. Mom's been having a blast spending time with your mom, you know that?"

"Yeah, I'm glad they're having a good time with one another." Valerie moved her laptop to the bed and leaned back against her pillows, breathing out silently as she gazed deeply into the ceiling. "Something up?"

"Just looking up those scriptures. You ever heard of Bible Gateway dot com?" He'd heard of it, but never actually went to the site. Valerie motioned her hand towards the screen of her computer. "I go there all the time if I think of a verse or something and can't remember it. Some people might like to think that I've got the whole book memorized, but let's be honest here." She put her hands over her stomach and shut her eyes. Freddie leaned forward in the chair and held his hands together between his knees, studying Valerie. Her body was a bit rigid and tense, which was a bit concerning for him. "I don't have them memorized. Sometimes I don't even understand what I'm reading and I'll keep reading and reading until I have to ask Mom or the pastor about it."

"That would seem like the norm, wouldn't it?" She sat up and shrugged.

"Maybe. Or maybe for me it's more of a shield or a wall." She looked over at him, her eyes locking with his. Immediately he was aware of the sadness behind her gaze, she was opening up to him. Little by little, but a sign of trust. "I don't want to be hurt, Freddie. I can't stand it. I can't stand the fear and the pain I go through, just thinking about leaving the house. You know in the last few weeks, I've left this house more than I have in three or four years? I'm not even agoraphobic, and I can't stand leaving the house, looking over my shoulder everywhere I turn!"

Without hesitation, he walked over to her side and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. "It's a good thing you've been getting out, Valerie." She chuckled and shook her head, almost as if she didn't believe it to be a good thing.

"You don't get it. Sometimes even the scripture isn't enough to push away the anxieties I have. I don't want to make you feel guilty, I don't want to put you through hell, but I am truly frightened of those fans. I'm terrified that people will still recognize me as 'the girl that tried to wreck iCarly'." She scratched her hair and clenched her eyes shut. "Then I bury myself in the bible, looking up verse upon verse about patience, forgiveness, strengths, failure, you name it, I can spend hours with my nose in that book. Then, I won't remember what I read days later. Most of the time recalling a verse means I've probably looked it up recently. Long term, it's just snippets of a verse that I remember."

"There's no shame in that, Valerie. It's been years anyway, I don't think too many would actually remember you." She glanced off to the side and Freddie looked to the website on the screen, smiling as he recalled a verse that his father would say many years ago when he was but a child. She folded her arms over and closed her eyes, slowly beginning to shut down. "Romans 5:3 through 4, I think. Do you remember it?"'

"No."

"My dad quoted it all the time. I was always sick growing up, you know…" She opened one eye and raised an eyebrow. He smiled at her and recited the verse from memory, perhaps the one verse in the entire bible that he actually knew by heart. "We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." She began to smile and lowered her arms down.

"Can you tell me what it means?"

"It means, through all the trials we go through…all the pain, all the anxiety and torment, we can make it through. As we make it through, we become stronger, we persevere, and it builds character. That character produces the hope that we have…"

"Hope that there is no shame in, because God is always there…"

"Yeah." Her eyes dipped down for a moment and she leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I didn't think he was there that day. I used to think that. I thought I deserved what I was getting…I thought I'd done something so wrong that…that God was punishing me." She clenched her eyes. He felt her muscles tense and her body quiver, so he slowly put his hand over hers in an attempt to comfort and console her.

"I'm here for you, Valerie…" Her breathing became labored and her face panicked as tears began to form from her eyelids. "Val?" He recognized the signs of a panic attack and did what he could to remain calm himself, gently squeezing her hand. "Valerie it's all right. Listen to me, listen to my voice, I'm here Valerie. I'm here, Freddie, and I'm not going anywhere."

Her arms wrapped around his and her face buried into his shoulder, she was beginning to come out of wherever her mind had gone to. Inside, he wanted to lash out and tear the heads off the men that hurt her, but he knew the more important task was to simply be there for her. What had gone down, he didn't know. All he had were the visions of what he thought happened, and they were all terrifying.

After a minute, she opened her eyes and slowly wiped them with her hands. "Sorry…" He smiled gently and squeezed her hand once, shaking his head and holding down his own tears.

"You've got nothing to apologize for, Valerie. I'm here for you, okay? You know that. If you ever need anything, I'm here."

She smiled at him and took a slow, deep breath. "Thanks."

"And Val?"

"Yeah?"

"God didn't forget you. He doesn't forget anyone, you told me that. You're someone who usually believes what you tell people, so if you told me that, then I think maybe you believe it too?" She wiped her eyes once more and nodded her head. She was a strong person, but she did have her moments where even she needed someone to hold her up. He wanted to be that person for her.

"I guess I do, otherwise I probably wouldn't have said it." She glanced towards the clock and pointed a shaky finger at it, signaling him to go to his friends. "You probably should go to deal with iCarly…"

"I don't know."

"I'll go with you…" He opened his mouth but stared in shock as she lowered her hand and took a deep breath. "You're right, I shouldn't be afraid." A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows as he remained silent, letting her speak. "I-I figure there isn't anything to be afraid of. I mean there is, but I should at least be able to face it. The way you were talking about your day out at the park yesterday…"

"What of it?"

"It made me realize what I'm missing. Hiding from my problems instead of facing them? I guess…I guess that doesn't work. My family says I'm strong, but I'm the biggest coward around…"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Well no more, Freddie." She took another deep breath and slowly stood up. He rose with her because she was still trembling like she was about to fall over. He knew her going with him would entail her meeting Carly, but evidently she would know that too, otherwise she wouldn't do it. "I'm not afraid of Carly, not scared of iCarly, it's just your fans I'm worried about. I know you say Carly's been…upset because you haven't been honest with her…so, maybe it's time."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure…" She put her fingers to her forehead and breathed in once more. "Just as long as she doesn't start…" She groaned, throwing her arm down and looking towards the door. "Please can we just go before I talk myself out of it? I do that…a lot…" He was proud of her, amazed and in awe. Where was this sudden strength and confidence coming from? He gave her a smile and motioned for her to lead the way.

"All right then. Grab whatever you need and let's get going, I'll call up Carly if you'd like me to?"

"You know what? Call up Sam, let her know we're coming. At least she'll be able to make sure Carly's relaxed…I mean, I guess I'm still anxious about her reactions and stuff."

"It'll be fine, Valerie. I promise you, there is nothing to be afraid of." With a pause, she looked at him and her lips turned up as she carefully nodded. "I'm going to be right there with you."

Your thoughts my friends?