Hey guys. Sorry for not responding to the fab reviews but I went out (gasp!!) ok, don't get too excited cos it's not like I got laid or anything! I actually went to do my washing which I have been neglecting for 6 weeks (because of you!). As it's me I didn't just pop to a launderette, I went to my friends house and used her machine. As I had 4 bags worth of knickers I took 3 bottles of wine to be safe. I swear it would have been quicker to beat it on a rock in the Nile... I wound up hammered but at least I'm not going commando any more!

The reviews were lovely and I'm shocked I managed to get some of you to shed a tear...yay! I take perverse satisfaction in that!!

So you liked the letter (I knew he had it in him), yes, Bonnie is a lucky bitch...snuggling with Sam and getting jewels from Dean? Like she needs a reward for letting him abuse her uterus! Tsk

You (as always) love Dyl and his ability to twist his fathers sexual antics into some Benny Hill style romp. Bobby also got a nod for not being hot enough to actually be a blood relation (awww) and Nitro...I know!

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It didn't take Sam long to run down to the mainstreet and arrive at Whalers. The sun was already setting and Bobby and Steve were waiting for him outside of the restaurant stomping their feet to keep warm.

Sam pulled up short. "Woah! You guys stink."

Bobby glared at him. "Nice to see ya too Sam. You bring the cash?"

"Yeah, who's it for?"

"Our ride. C'mon, Hope and Johnny are waitin'."

Sam sniffed as they walked side by side down the hill towards the habour. "You came by boat huh?"

"That obvious?" Steve smiled. "I swear this has been the longest day of my life. Please tell me there's a shower waiting."

"I'm working on it."

"So you heard from Dean?" Bobby asked.

"Not in so many words."

"What does that mean?"

"It's a long story but I think Cole's ok. We're hoping they'll be back by tomorrow."

"And Bonnie?"

Sam exhaled and stuck his hands in his pockets. "She's in good spirits for now but it's like if Dean's not there she just takes a nosedive. I think seeing Hope will really help her."

"Dylan said somethin' about a spell."

Sam glanced sideways at the old man and then back at his feet. "I don't really wanna talk about it. It's still a bit raw."

"Looks like it's been eventful for everyone."

Sam sighed. "I still have to get the Impala back by the end of the day. The guy wants ten grand."

Bobby whistled. "How much did Dean get for her?"

"I don't know, but he looked suicidal when he got back. Must have been enough to get him a plane though."

"If you have the money then I can get it here." Steve told him.

"Yeah?" Sam felt a glimmer of hope.

"Just need the guys account details and I'll do a wire transfer. They won't be able to trace it."

"How?"

Steve smiled. "I have an account in the Cayman Islands, if I move it through there then it's lost."

"Great, so we just need to find a computer."

"No, I can do it over the phone in less than five minutes."

That brought a smile to his face. "Dean needs this man, thank you."

"No problem." He said feeling stupidly pleased with himself as they reached the small harbour.

When Sam saw the small tin can they had called a boat, he couldn't believe that they had been on it all day and lived to tell the tale. He could see Johnny and Hope on the deck.

"Who is this guy anyway?"

"Just a drunk Russian."

"Is he dangerous?"

"Only if you get him near an open flame." Bobby answered.

"Wait here." Sam marched up the gangplank and Johnny almost fainted in relief when he saw him. "You guys ok?" He kept his face hard.

"Yeah." Hope answered.

"Go join the others, I'll be down in a second."

They left him to it and gratefully got off the boat as Sam drew himself up to his full height in front of Vitali. "Thanks for getting them all here."

"You have my money?"

Sam dug a hand in his pocket and withdrew the notes. "I have three twenty, but I'm only giving you three. We need a Turkey."

The man laughed at his audacity. "The price was four." He rasped around his cigar.

"And I have three." He repeated with a set jaw.

"Looks like we have a problem then Gigantor."

Sam raised his eyebrows but fought the smile that threatened. "Hey, you don't want it, then it's not a problem for me man." He put the money back in his pocket and turned around.

Vitali's hand made a grab for Sam's arm stopping him in his tracks. Sam looked down at the dirty hand on his jacket and back at the Russian. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"You want me to call authorities, tell them I know where to find you?" He smiled.

"Be a bit difficult to make that call after I break all your fingers and your jaw." Sam stared at him and waited for a response.

Vitali finally relented and let go of the arm. He held out a hand for the money.

Sam eyed him impatiently and slapped it in his open palm. "It should keep you in vodka for a while." He went to leave the boat but turned back at the last minute. "Just a word of warning. Anyone comes for us, I'll know who sent them."

"And you come break my jaw right?"

Sam smiled at him. "No, that was just for being an ass. You try to hurt my family and I'll do a lot worse. I'll send my big brother after you." Sam winked and strode down the gangplank.

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As soon as he got back to the others Vitali was forgotten, the Russian was in the past and they just wanted to get going.

"Grandpa said Dad went for Cole. He got him right and he's not hurt?"

Sam started walking and they followed him like sheep. "I haven't heard anything. I'm sure Cole's fine. Your boyfriend's with them too."

"What?" She was practically jogging to keep up with her Uncle who smiled down at her affectionately.

"Luc went back for your brother. I guess he must really want to impress your Dad."

"Pretty good place to start." Johnny muttered. "Wow."

"So everyone came through ok?!" Hope was bouncing on the spot. "That's great news."

Sam wasn't smiling. "Not everyone."

Hope stopped walking and he paused turning to look at them. "I haven't said anything to the others."

"What is it?" Johnny looked like he was going to throw up.

"Talia's dead." he sighed. "I don't know how or why, I just know."

"He's going to be devastated." Hope whispered as she thought of her brother.

Sam threw an arm around her shoulders and started to walk again. "We'll get him through it, don't worry." Sam and Bobby exchanged a glance, having some idea of what the young man would be going through.

"Why haven't you told them?" Johnny asked.

"It's been tough on everyone, until Dean gets here we don't know what went down. I want to give the poor guy a chance to explain." They all knew Dean didn't leave anyone behind and that Cole wouldn't be the only one feeling bad about what had happened. "Bonnie's not doing too well." He added.

Considering the last time they had seen her she was having a blood transfusion in the back of a helicopter it hardly came as a total shock.

"Is the baby ok?" Johnny jumped in.

"She almost miscarried, it's not easy to admit to but I think it was nature's way of giving her poor body a rest. Since when does Dean listen to anyone though? The baby's fine but she's been hit hard. You should be prepared."

"You think it's that bad?" Hope looked ill herself by now.

"She's on total bed rest and she's been really down since your Dad left. But you know your Mom, she's only like that when she hasn't got you guys to fuss over." He smiled at them. "She's really looking forward to seeing you though, so just..."

"Act normal?"

"Whatever that means. C'mon, before you even think of going near her you need to be hosed down or something."

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Uri and Sergei had left them on the other side of the pass and they had a fair trek before reaching town. They had said their goodbyes and Dean had promised the two men that he was also in their debt.

Cole hadn't wanted to say a word since burying Talia but Dean wasn't letting him be an asshole to the two men who had helped save his life. After a stern look from his father he had eventually thanked them and wished them well.

Now Dean was walking alongside Luc whilst Cole hung back with the dog trotting alongside him lifting his paws high over the snow.

"I'm glad we have a minute alone." Dean started.

"This is where you ask me about my intentions?"

"This is where I ask you to come clean. Why didn't you tell me Sebastien was your brother?"

Luc exhaled and his breath came out in a white mist. "Not something you advertise to one of the best demon hunters in the world."

"One of the best? Dude!"

He smiled. "Sorry. Look, I think you know what it's like to have a brother who is different. You want to believe they are not capable of such acts but in the end..."

"No. But I get what you're sayin'. What happened?"

"Seb was always strange, from the time he was very small, he was just...wrong."

Dean winced knowing that some of his DNA was mixed in with the kid and it made him feel sick. "Doesn't sound like your folks had much luck."

He shrugged. "They weren't such bad people I guess. They adopted me when I was small and they wanted a child to show off at parties. I think they realized very soon I was a secret to be kept hidden."

"Why?"

"I was angry...I saw my real mother die when I was very young."

Dean looked at him and was stunned again at how much they had in common. "How did she die?"

"My father killed her. Beat her to death."

"Jesus."

"I don't remember it, at least not when I'm awake. I was with her body for two weeks before someone found us."

Dean was almost speechless. "Shit, that sucks. So your old man went to jail?"

He shook his head. "He took a swan dive off a bridge."

"Did the adoption people know this?"

He shrugged "My new parents didn't. I was going to shrinks for years. Pricks the lot of them."

"So then along came Sebastien?"

"They got the chance to have a child of their own." He smiled at the irony. "I was much older than him. I loved him but he was so..."

"Damien?"

"Huh?"

"Ya know? The Omen?" Dean started humming the music but got a blank stare. "Forget it." He said shaking his head.

"He was still young when I went to jail."

"What did you do?" Dean was firmly in protective father mode now.

"It would take less time to tell you what I didn't do. But I was arrested for burglary."

"Who'd you rob?"

"The Chief of Police."

Dean smiled. "Smooth."

"I got caught."

"Still takes some balls man."

"So I joined the Legion."

"And Seb?"

"I had no contact with him until I came home with Farrah, my wife."

"Yeah, about that. Statutory rape? Dude the fact you came back for Cole is about the only thing stoppin' me from shouting right now."

"She was nineteen. I was not much older." He stared at him.

"What?"

"We weren't married and it's illegal under Sharia law. Not the judicial law of Morocco."

"Sharia?"

"Islamic law. They were going to hang me and stone her."

"Just for a bit of sex? I mean...I felt harsh for groundin' Hope."

"It's a different world out there Dean." He paused a second. "Ground her for what?"

Dean grimaced, and wondered if Hope had actually had the nerve to tell Luc she was a virgin. He wouldn't put it past her. "Nothin', no big deal." He cleared his throat. "If she was that religious, why did she do it? No offense, I mean I'm sure she dug the scars and stuff but aren't they a little fanatical when it comes to God?"

"She was sold into marriage, I was her escape."

"Pretty cold."

"You didn't see the man she was going to marry. I could have gotten out but I couldn't leave her to face that alone so I plead guilty to rape, promised to marry and take courtmartial."

"And I thought Hope was a handful."

"She was desperate. What could I do?"

"So you took her to Paris and just left her there?"

"You think you know my life story now?"

"Yeah, I'm thinkin' of turning it into a made for TV movie. I'm in talks with Van Damme's people right now."

He shook his head trying to stay serious. "You know how it is I think? You were born to hunt, when you got married you wanted to ride a desk forever?"

"I get your point."

"So I became a mercenary. Being a soldier is all I know."

"While she lived in the projects?"

"You know how much a mercenary makes Dean?"

"Not good huh?"

He shrugged. "You don't understand, in the housing estates of Paris there is a strong community of North Africans. Where she came from she didn't even have running water. What did she need but friends? She could speak her own language there, pray to her God and have the security of a husband she didn't have to answer to."

"So she chose to stay?"

"My pay was sent to her each month. All I had I put in an account only she could access. When she died, they checked it, there was over a million euro."

Dean whistled. "I don't know what's more disturbing, the fact you made a million bucks by killing people or the fact I'm impressed?"

"I'm good at what I do."

"I am so in the wrong job." Dean said shaking his head. "Tell me about Algiers."

He looked shocked. "You know about that?"

"I know somethin' rattled you enough to fly the coop."

He sighed and focused on his feet. "When I was fighting I didn't care about much but you still must have a conscience non?"

"Sure." Dean frowned.

"Why fight?"

"What? Is that a question?"

"Yes."

"To get rid of evil?"

"Who for? For people who want to live without it. Women and children."

"I don't wanna hear this do I?"

"No one wants to know the things I have seen men do. Like I said there is a code. Rule number one; you don't fight your own side. I cannot stand by and watch people commit crimes that I was meant to stop. I was given no choice but to kill the men I was fighting with so I had to go."

"And Thailand? Ramirez said you created a shit storm."

"You ever heard of the Bangkok Hilton?"

"Travelodge is five star to me."

He laughed. "It's a jail. The worst jail you can imagine in the world."

"You wound up in there?"

"No. I broke out a young Australian woman. She was sentenced to death because she had bad taste in men. No one paid me to do it but I thought what the hell? Better she dies free."

"Did she?"

"Non. She lives in Cuba now, has a baby."

"Christ. Is there anything you haven't done?"

"Die."

"Yeah well don't bother cos me and Sammy tried it and it sucks ass big time."

He laughed and they walked in companiable silence for a time.

"So how did Farrah die?" Dean had to ask straight out.

"Seb escaped from the hospital where they kept him. She always had a way to reach me. She called, said she was scared so I went home."

"Ramirez said you got there two days before she died. I'm sorry, I have to ask. How could you not kill him?"

"I knew only about human evil. To me Hell was just where I was living. I didn't know about demons. I learned the hard way. He tore her to shreds right in front of me." He pointed at his face. "He gave me this scar."

Dean glanced back at Cole who was still ambling behind them. "That's rough. I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "Like I said, it won't happen again. I learn fast."

"I'm gettin' that. Did you love her?"

"She was the only woman to ever care about me. I thought so, until now."

Dean's jaw clenched. "Hope's too young dude, she has so much to do."

"I know. I'll back off."

"Ok, let's not talk crazy now...I mean there's some scary crap in the world and Hope jacked up on hormones is way up there." Dean grimaced and couldn't believe what he was saying. "If it has to be anyone, I prefer it to be someone I can rely on. Who'll listen to me." He put the emphasis on the last.

"I know you just want to protect her. Me too."

"You fuck up once though..."

"I won't."

"Who the hell am I to talk?"

"He'll get over it...eventually."

"I don't know if he'll forgive me for this."

"Give him time."

Dean pushed on through the snow and hunched his duffle higher on his shoulder. "Not long til they're eighteen. Time's the one thing we don't have."

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When they walked into the house it could have been a palace for the way they reacted. Sam hadn't been gone longer than an hour but somehow Brooke had a fire burning bright, food cooking and water boiling.

The four sea farers hung back at the door not wanting to sit or even ruin the image with their stench.

Sam stared at his wife as she walked out into the hall. "I know, I'm Martha Stewart." She smiled. "Sam, go get some sheets or something...we have to get rid of their clothes. God!" She held her nose. "I managed to get the boiler working so we have some hot water but it's not gonna make for four baths so...it's a case of one in one out. Hope, ladies first...your Mom's dying to see you but I don't think she could handle the smell."

Sam came back with a large sheet and held it around Hope averting his gaze as she stripped out of her clothes behind it. Once she was naked she whipped the sheet around her and ran eagerly to the bathroom. She passed Dylan on the way.

"Ewwwwww! You stink!!"

She stuck out her tongue at him and yelled. "Hey mom! Be in soon."

The bath was run and her Aunt had left out some soap. She guessed that her usual beauty routine would have to take a back seat but she didn't care, she just wanted to be clean.

As she felt the hot water envelope her she laid back and thought about her crazy family. She could be a real bitch at times and had never known any different but they were all unbelievable. All they ever had to do was shout and everyone came running to help. She thought of her brother as she closed her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time they had sat down and had one of their chats. He would sit smoking weed and fix all her problems for her. She used to be able to tell him everything and they always had so much fun. Since Luc and Talia had come along everything had changed and she felt this unavoidable separation from him. She hated it and wanted desperately to fix it.

As she washed her hair she thought about her Mom and Dad, the eternal teenagers. Her Dad was so strong and forceful but their mother had always been their backbone. They both knew Dean loved them with a vengeance that was unprecedented but their Mother was the gentle one. She accepted everyone for what and who they were and never expected you to change. She was so fragile at times and they were so used to looking out for her but anyone worth their salt knew there was nothing like a hug from your mother when you felt awful.

Hope suddenly couldn't wait to see her, rinsed her hair quickly and hopped out of the bath. She wrapped a towel around her body and opened the door leaving her long hair dripping wet.

"I'm done!" She yelled.

She walked away from the den and opened a door. The room was dark and she thought the bed was empty for a second until she saw the little lump on it. Hope moved forwards slowly and saw Lily lying on her back like a drunken frog. Her mouth was open and she was breathing lightly. She looked so perfect Hope suddenly wanted to cry. "Lily-Win." She whispered stroking the downy hair on her head.

"She's beautiful isn't she?"

Hope stood up straight with a start and saw her Uncle sihouetted in the doorway. "Yeah, she's amazing."

He smiled and walked in. "We had a couple of things in the car." He handed her a teeshirt and she recognized it as one of her Dad's. She held it to her nose without thinking.

"Thanks."

"Steve sorted out the money."

He could make out her frown from the hall light. "I forgot you didn't know. Your Dad sold the Impala. I'm going to get her back."

"What?!" Hope shouted, grimacing when she thought of the sleeping baby then remembered she couldn't hear, which was almost worse.

He looked at Lily and wandered off somewhere in his mind. They all knew he did it occasionally but this time he seemed really upset. "I remember being Dylan's age and thinking that one day I was going to be a Dad. I mean, I loved ours, but...he was a task master, God, and you think Bobby's tough! It took a long time for it to happen for me which is ironic because everyone said I'd be a natural Dad."

"You are."

He paused. "You know I don't remember once, ever in my life that anyone ever told Dean that. He was a little thug ya know but he looked after me since I was a baby. I remember even after you were born and the reaction people had. It was like the way he dressed and spoke made him unfit somehow. No one ever just looked at him and said 'that suits you', but he was just the best dad from the first day."

"Are you ok?" She frowned and went to touch his arm but stopped herself at the last minute.

"People don't see him the way me and your mom see him."

The room was dark but the curtains were open and she could see moonlight shimmering in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Your Dad needs you. He could lose it all."

"You're scaring me."

"There's nothing he cares about more than you and your brother. When Cole gets here, just try to reach out to him."

"You know I will."

"You don't get it. He's on the edge, I know cos I've been there and if it wasn't for Dean I'd be dead."

"What should I do?"

"Make him realize how much we all love him."

"What's happening to us?"

"I don't know, but you got your name for a reason and we're counting on you to hold this family together."

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It was the early hours of the morning when Sam awoke with a start. Some sixth sense told him something was happening. He glanced over at Brooke who was fast asleep. He lifted Lily off his chest where she liked to doze and laid her gently down next to her mother. He turned over and took his gun from the nightstand stepping over Dylan who had made a bed for himself on the floor.

Hope was sharing with Bonnie, Johnny and Steve were in the third bedroom and Bobby was snoring loudly on the couch.

Sam walked through the dark house silently with his gun raised. He strained his ears and once again thought of his daughter and how she would never be able to do that. He shook it off and went to the front door standing to one side. He braced himself.

"Dude it's me!" He heard the whisper. "I can hear you breathe from here, you're about as covert as Steven Segal at a baby shower!"

Sam wanted to groan but was too happy as he opened the front door and felt the cold air hit his chest. "Dean." He hugged his brother and felt insanely relieved that he was no longer in charge of the extended family.

"I'm freezin' my balls off here man, we just trecked fifteen k."

"Sorry." He let go and hit the light as they walked in.

Bobby groaned in annoyance. "What the hell?" He sat up with a grimace.

"Nice long John's Zeke." Dean said as he looked around him. "What the hell happened here?" He took in the tree and the burning embers of the fire as well as the fresh paint job.

Sam shrugged as he closed the door. "Some people came round from the local church, fixed the place up."

"Are we a freakin' charity now?"

"Pretty much Dean!" Sam looked at his nephew and tried to ignore his hair. He couldn't think of anything to say so just hugged him.

"I leave ya for five minutes Sammy and you go all Tiny Tim on me!"

There was a loud bark. "What the hell?" Bobby looked like he was having a flashback.

"Relax, it's not the Hell Hounds come for ya. Open the door Sam, that's your dog."

"What?"

"The dog from the Mall. Nitro."

"You brought him here?"

"Dude, he saved your wife and baby...a little respect. Let the mutt in."

Sam opened the door and the German Shepherd trounced in like he owned the place and hopped on the sofa next to Bobby who frowned at it.

"So if Bobby's here," Dean continued "..then that means..."

"Dad!" Hope yelled as she ran to him. He was slightly stunned and staggered back a pace when she threw herself at him. "I missed you."

He frowned and held her to him tightly. "I missed you too."

She kissed his cheek and stood up to look at her brother. It took her a second to get over the shock of what he looked like but she imagined it couldn't be helped. "Hey bro." She moved towards him and flinched when he stepped back.

Sam looked between them. "Why don't I make some coffee?" He offered. "Luc, please, make yourself at home. Dean?" He nodded at his brother who followed him into the kitchen.

Dean looked tired and Sam felt for him. He thought he'd had it bad casting spells and playing house but he could smell the blood and gunpowder on his brother and he'd gained a few wrinkles too. "What happened?" He asked filling the kettle.

"What the fuck didn't happen!" Dean looked at his hands which shook slightly. Ramirez's blood was still encrusted under his fingernails and he felt dirty.

"You got him out though, that's what matters."

"Not to him. He hates me."

"Why?"

Dean rubbed at his eyes. "I wanna tell ya Sammy really, but ya know what?"

Sam looked at him. "I haven't told her about Talia. She's in the second bedroom."

Dean nodded and pushed away from the counter.

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He took off his boots and jacket at the door. His socks were wet so he removed those too. The cold had reached his bones a long time ago and he had the overwhelming urge to be warm and safe. He knew his son needed Bonnie more at the present time but Dean just needed five minutes with her beforehand.

When he walked in it was like everything else melted away as he caught the smell of her. He could tell when she had washed her hair and the fresh scent made him think of summer and freedom. She normally didn't sleep too deeply but she hadn't woken up despite his late arrival.

He stood for a second just looking at her and his eyes caught the wink of gold on her wrist. he smiled when he saw the letter on the nightstand and was nervous of her appraisal. Would she think he was a dick for writing it? There was only one way to find out.

If Dean laid a foot on the bed he knew he wouldn't get out of it again and he knew his kids needed the space. He squatted down by her head and went to touch her bare shoulder. He stopped when he saw his swollen and bruised knuckles, they looked so out of place next to her that he had the bizarre feeling he was corrupting her in some way.

She took a deep intake of breath but her eyes remained closed. "I can smell guns, sweat and onions...either I'm about to get attacked by a murderous short-order cook or my husband's home."

He smiled as she opened her eyes. "Happy Birthday. How do ya..."

He couldn't finish the sentence as she leaned up and kissed him. He raised his eyebrows briefly in shock but then ignored the fact that he stank and wrapped his arms around her. She laid down on her back as he perched on the side of the bed. There were few simple pleasures in life but kissing his wife was one of them and he couldn't believe he still enjoyed it.

He pulled away eventually and leaned over her with a frown. "You ok?"

She smiled again. "Only you could go fight a war single-handedly and ask me if I'm ok." She stroked his face and he closed his eyes. "That was such a beautiful letter."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "I have no words."

"Happy side effect." He grinned as she hit his shoulder.

He coughed and his face turned serious. "It didn't exactly go to plan."

Bonnie went to sit up and he shushed her. "Cole's ok, he's fine...don't worry." Dean sighed and there were tears in his eyes when he looked at her. "I fucked up."

She knew it wasn't possible but she didn't ask as she pulled him to her and held him. "Oh Dean, you couldn't if you tried."

As soon as he had walked into the room Bonnie had felt her strength return and now she could give it back to him as she held him in her arms and he told her what had happened.

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I don't know which brother I love more...at a loss!