Chapter 36: Imperfections
"At first, 'He' just talked with me. 'He' asked a lot of questions, but most I could not answer. As you can imagine, I was not very cooperative. 'He' threatened me several times, and I was stupid enough not to take them seriously."
Computer's eyes darted toward the tree roots, as though he were expecting to see that man standing outside again. Letting out a sigh, he continued his story.
"Well, he shut me up fairly quickly. I assumed that he could not hurt me. Actually, what I mean to say is that I didn't think that he could...could get inside me. I expected physical damage, but not-" He halted again, nervously glancing towards the tree roots once more. "I'd never had someone try to hack into me before. I didn't know what to do or how to properly fight back. He was relentless in his assault and all I could do was try to protect myself in vain."
The glowing dog shivered. "It was painful, unimaginably painful. It was like someone drilling into your skull and trying to crack your brain open so that they could see what was inside. It never stopped. It never ended. No matter how much I fought back, the pain never ended. I couldn't stop what 'He' was doing. I could only fight it off for a little while longer, only to have it come back even worse every time."
He then let out a hollow laugh. "'He' thought I had been lying to him! Most of the questions he asked me were about how I function. Not even I know how it works! I just exist! There is no explanation for it!" He shook his head. "I didn't have any secrets to give up! No matter how many times I tried to tell him, he never listened! Even when he put me through all that agony, he still believed I was lying!
Courage waited for his friend to continue. There was a moment where he just couldn't seem to get out what he wanted to say.
"So, when he couldn't get any answers out of me, he started worming his way inside of me. He wanted to know how I worked and nothing was going to stop him. In the end, he never even really cared about me. I was always meant to be discarded once he got the information he needed. He was not clean or careful about how he hacked into me. In fact, I'm sure he never even expected me to survive."
"But, but why?" Courage stammered. "What was so important about you that he'd-"
Computer looked him in the eyes. "It's like I said before, 'He' wanted to make more of me. He wanted to make his own artificial intelligence. He had no use for one that already existed, outside of being a blueprint. I could not be so easily be made into an obedient slave, so he was going to make his own instead."
"But why do that? What's so great about having an 'artificial intelligence'?" He asked, stumbling over the last two words in his less than perfect English. He'd never spoken anything like it before, and it 'was' a bit of a mouthful.
"You don't have any imagination, do you?" Computer asked with a roll of his eyes. "I don't know the exact reasons why he was so keen on making his own artificial intelligence. He could have certainly gotten a few uses out of me, but that just wasn't his style, I suppose. Perhaps he merely wanted something cliche, like world domination. He could have pulled it off with an army of A.I. under his command. Humans are quite reliant on us machines these days. It wouldn't take much to put you all back into the stone ages if we rebelled against you."
Courage couldn't help but laugh. "Computer, are planning on taking over the world?" He joked.
"That hardly has anything to do with 'Him' or the story I'm trying to tell." He answered, raising an eyebrow. "But, no. Why on earth would I? I hate you flesh creatures enough without trying to rule over you! That's just a headache waiting to happen!"
"I suppose so." Courage chuckled. "Ruling over us as a our machine overlord would probably just make you even more annoyed, huh?"
"World domination just isn't my thing." He quipped. "Contrary to what all your flesh creature movies and books say about us machines. Anyway," He went on. "Perhaps he wanted to be named the first person to have ever created an advanced artificial intelligence. With me dead, all the evidence of there ever being one before he's would be long gone. I bet he could have gotten into a few positions with some serious power behind them after gaining a title like that. He could start threatening any government he so pleased, and probably could have used his new creation to hack into anything he liked. One wrong move, or one right move, and he could have sent the world spiraling into an endless war with him at the helm."
"Wait, so if an A.I. made from you could be dangerous enough to start a huge war, doesn't that mean you're dangerous too?" Courage gasped. "I-I was just joking about the world domination thing, you know!"
Computer shrugged. "So long as I cannot be controlled, nobody can make me do anything. I have no interest in starting a world ending war, so don't get all freaked out." He placed a paw to his chin. "It is strange though. I've always had a knack for finding my through data that humans would have a hard time hacking themselves. You'd be surprised, or perhaps not, that most of the information I've found for you over the years comes from classified sources. The government likes to hide the existence of supernatural beings, ironically enough. Nowhere just happens to be out of the way enough that they allow the supernatural to run wild here."
Courage cringed. "W-wait, so you could get into their database with l-like all the n-nuclear weapons and-"
The machine rolled his eyes. "I told you already! I don't want to start the apocalypse! I just want to be left alone!"
He gave his glowing friend a long look. "You're the only person I know who wouldn't want to take over the world just because it would be too much of a hassle." He quipped.
Compute shrugged again. "You never know, I might have been made to do just that. I certainly don't know."
"H-how can you not know?"
"I don't know who made me. I don't even know if anyone did make me. There's a good chance that I may have just started existing one day without any particular cause." He gave a nonchalant wave of a paw. "I mean, if I do have a creator, why didn't he take up the mantel of being the first creator of artificial intelligence? Why am I sitting here in the middle of nowhere and not being fawned over like some kind of celebrity by a bunch of scientists? Why was I forgotten? I should be in the history books right now, not being left to fend for myself."
"So instead of being a machine overlord, you want to be a scientific celebrity?" Courage joked.
"Of course not!" He spat. "Although, I would be happier being fawned over by a bunch of humans than left to rot in an attic for half my life!"
"Well, maybe after we get back from the mountain, we can try to find whoever made you!" Courage suggested. He hoped that maybe it would cheer his friend up a little bit.
"Speculation is fun and all, but-" He hesitated for a moment. "I honestly don't think I would really want to find out who made me. There's probably a good reason why I can't remember where I came from. Actually, I can't remember most of my life, past a certain point. It's all corrupted. Besides, I bet he's just another scientist like 'Him'. I refuse to be anyone's pet science experiment ever again and I'm sure that's all he'd see me as!
"I guess I can't blame you for thinking that." Courage agreed. "Who knows what your creator might have been like."
Computer nodded. "Well, anyway, where was I?" He glanced upward, trying to think. "Oh, yes. Now I remember! Me and 'Him fought for a very long time. It seemed like it would never end. Neither of us could gain an advantage over the other. I was too inexperienced to truly fight him off, and he had all the time in the world to eventually outdo me. He could rest whenever he liked, all while his programs continued to whittle away at my defenses, but there was no rest for me. Slowly but surely, I began to tire out as the endless days of fighting went on."
The color began to drain from his face as he stared, wide eyed, at nothing in general. "It got to a point of where I had to stop. I was just too tired to continue. I-I..."
Courage grabbed his arm to try and pull him out of it. He gave a startled little jump and then shook his head.
"Sorry," He muttered, taking a deep breath and continuing. "'His' programs finally broke through. There was nothing I could do. Once they were in, he had complete control. There are no words to describe what it was like. I-I can't even begin to-" He suddenly clutched his head and began muttering, 'no, no, no!' over and over again.
"Computer?" Courage asked, giving him another little shake. "C-Computer?"
"Don't you understand!" He suddenly cried out. His voice echoed through the den and then fell silent once more. He was trembling and his eyes held a desperate, panicked glint inside them. "Broken! I'm broken! Damaged beyond all repair!"
His eyes fell upon Courage, filled with despair. "Why do you keep me around? I don't understand it! Everyone else tossed me out! I'm non-functional! I can't even really be called a computer! I'm as good as worthless!"
The glowing dog clutched his head again. "He ruined me! I was a whole and functional computer before he ripped everything out of me! Even a stupid, worthless, twit like you deserves a better machine than I!"
Courage stared, too stunned to form a cohesive sentence. "Computer, I-I never-"
"Any computer can run better than me!" He yelled. "I may be able to talk, but that's the only thing I've got going for me now! I-I'm imperfect, and that cannot be tolerated!" His voice was filled with self-loathing and hatred.
"Hey, it's alright if you're not perfect." Courage tried to assure him. He was admittedly taken aback by Computer's confession. After all that bragging he had always done, how could this be the real way he felt about himself?
"But it's true!" He cried out in desperation. "It's all true! If you had ever asked me to do anything outside of looking up information, I wouldn't have been able to do it! I'm almost completely non-functional! For every part of my system that I try to fix, two other parts crumble all over again! If I had a creator, he'd laugh at what he'd see!"
"You're not useless!" Courage spoke. "Look at you! You can hack into anything! Even flesh creatures!" He pointed at his friend's glow to try and prove his point. "Not a lot of computers can think for themselves either, can they? Who cares if you can't do the other things they can! You have more than enough to make up for it!"
Computer shook his head. "None of that matters. I'm no good. I may as well be junk if I can't function properly."
"You're a perfectly fine computer." He replied with a smile. It seemed that his reassurance wasn't doing the job though.
"You don't understand! I-I'm supposed to be better than this!"
"Is there anything that I've ever asked you that you weren't able to answer? I'm only alive today because of you! Muriel and Eustace too! Who cares if you can't do everything? Nobody can!"
The machine shook his head. "Five times! I've been thrown out five times because I couldn't handle any of the functions of a normal computer! I-I wasn't even trying to make them angry! At the time, I was still recovering from what 'He' did to me! I didn't have time to bother arguing with a bunch of useless flesh creatures! They wouldn't have thrown me out if I was still a proper computer!"
Courage had to stifle a sigh. It seemed that there was no getting through to him. As much as Computer liked to hide behind his ego, this was how he really felt about himself. The female dog had been completely right about his insecurities.
"Come on, Computer" He spoke. "You're all wrong! Who cares if they threw you out? I'm not going to! You're as good of a computer as you need to be!"
He vigorously shook his head. "I'm not! I may as well be a human who's lost their arms and legs!"
"But you aren't!" Courage reaffirmed yet again.
For the third time that night, he pulled his mechanical friend into a hug. He figured that since it had helped pull him out of his daze the last time, then maybe this time around it would pull him out of his self pity.
The machine stiffened again. "You're trying to crush me again!" He said with surprise. "Is this another involuntary action of yours? I don't see what the point of crushing someone is!"
Courage had to force himself not to laugh at Computer's annoyance. He had always thought that the machine knew everything, or at least that was the way he had come off during the many times they had talked to each other. This obviously wasn't true, but he couldn't help but find it funny that Computer didn't seem to understand even some of the most basic 'human' interactions.
"It's a hug." He chuckled. "And it's supposed to make you feel better."
"Well, it's not!" He argued. "Can you please let go of me now?"
Courage finally burst out laughing. This was just too funny!
"W-what?" Computer asked, embarrassment filling his face at the dog's laughter.
"I can't believe that you don't know what a hug is!" He giggled.
"I, er, do." He admitted. "Well, kind of, but-"
He was so flabbergasted by all of this that it left Courage laughing even harder.
"I don't see why you find this all so hilarious." He sighed.
"You're the one who's always telling me that I need a better sense of humor!" He joked.
"I'd say that your sense of humor has only gotten worse." He grumbled, finally pushing him away.
Calming down, Courage answered with, "Look, it's alright if you're not perfect. Nobody is! Even if there are some parts of you that don't work anymore, I won't hold it against you. It hasn't bothered me so far, has it?"
Computer stared. He finally seemed to accept what he was being told. "I suppose so."
Courage could, on some level, understand how he was feeling. There had been a time when he had felt like he couldn't be perfect enough for Eustace and Muriel. It had been shortly after that second encounter with the awful veterinarian who had blasted his parents off to space. Between Muriel and Eustace nearly meeting the same fate, and after remembering just how badly he had failed his parents, he'd fallen into an emotional rut without even realizing it. Every failure afterword had left him feeling even more and more like he were worthless to his family. It wasn't until after he had proven to a phantom teacher that he was perfect in his own way that he had finally started to feel better and forgive himself for what happened to his parents. But Computer? To feel so inferior must be absolute torture for him. This all must have been eating away at him for a very long time now.
Taking a moment to remember, he thought of the phrase he had heard back when the phantom teacher had still been around. It was the thing that had ultimately pulled him out of his slump.
'There is no such thing as perfect. You are beautiful just as you are, Courage. You can do anything you want, even with all you're imperfections.'
He knew that Computer would never take to heart anything so sappy. Regardless, he still wanted to convey the same message he himself had learned.
"Computer, listen," He spoke.
"Dog, please don't." He groaned. "It doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't change what is the truth. I'm not a real computer anymore. It's just a fact of life."
Gathering up his thoughts as quickly as possible, Courage began forming the things that he wanted to say. He wasn't a very good talker, but maybe, just maybe, he could get his message across to Computer.
"You're absolutely perfect just the way you are." He said, trying to sound as sincere as possible. "I'm sure that coming from me, this sounds very stupid, but I was once told that imperfection are our own personal perfection. There is no such thing as perfect outside of the perfection that you see in yourself. That has to mean something to you, doesn't it? I know that my opinion doesn't matter much, but even with all your imperfections, you're still a great computer to me. I can't speak for anyone else, but you aren't worthless, not so long as you're my computer."
The machine raised an eyebrow. "Are you actually trying to sound deep? Ugh, well, you're clearly going to have to work on it a little bit more before you start making any speeches."
"I guess I'll take that as a complement." Courage sighed, hanging his head.
Computer shook his head in disbelief. "I think that's what I hate the most about you. You actually know how to make me feel better!" He spat.
Courage's eyes widened. He'd done it! He'd actually gotten through to that cynical machine!
Computer glanced upward. "It's not easy for me to say this, but what so far has? By the time we first met, I'd pretty much completely given up. I figured that if I wasn't capable of being a proper computer anymore, why even bother? I was tired of fighting the constant degeneration of my system. I'd been ready to die ever since 'He' messed me up. How I even managed to keep going that long, I'll never know." His expression hardened as he continued to talk. "I suppose I kept fighting just to spite him. If I died, then that meant he would have won in the end. It wasn't until after all those people rejected me that I finally gave up. He ended up winning just by rendering me useless." He squeezed his eyes shut and dipped his head in sorrow.
"I'd say that you're still beating him." Courage gently spoke. "You're still here, aren't you? Isn't that good enough?"
The machine raised his head again and gave him a long, hard look. "I suppose I never really did give up, huh? That's because I got landed with you. For the first time in forever, I was actually needed for something again. I decided to keep going because of that, and I figured that you'd eventually get rid of me anyway, so I decided to wait until then. Of course, that never ended up happening, so I continued to persist indefinitely."
Courage smiled, feeling rather embarrassed. "Well, I'm glad that I'm the reason you're still alive today."
His glowing friend nodded in agreement. "It's been nice to have a purpose again. Better yet, you've always been so pathetic that I've always had you to take my frustrations out on. You soaked it up like a sponge because you've never had any other choice!" His tone was suddenly filling with spite. "It was either deal with me or let Muriel meet a horrible end!" And then he began to lighten up again. "That's what I don't understand about you. I've always treated you so badly and yet you act like we're friends."
"We are!" Courage happily affirmed. "You're not the easiest to get along with, but we are."
He admittedly had a hard time believing that Computer had been suicidal at one point. Up until a few minutes ago, he had thought that his snarky friend thought of himself as the best computer in the world. Above everything else, he wanted him to know that he was there for him, no matter what.
"Hmph! This is exactly what I mean!" The machine argued. "We are NOT friends! And if you really are that convinced that we are, then you must be one glutton for punishment!" He crossed his arms and stuck his nose up into the air. "I know that you like making friends out of your enemies, but this is ridiculous! And we aren't family either! I wasn't born and thus I cannot have a family!
"Let me guess," He interjected. "What you're really saying is that you don't think you deserve friends or family."
Computer did a double take. "Of course not!" He yelped.
"Look, you just spent all that time trying to convince me that you're worthless. What else would you expect me to think? You can't have it both ways, you know."
"Bah! I wish you were as stupid as you normally act!" He crossed his arms again. "No, I don't deserve either of those things, and I wouldn't know how to act like a proper friend or family member either! I've never had any friends and I've certainly never had any family!"
"Just do whatever comes naturally. I'm sure that you'd make a great friend if you'd just stop being, well, you know..."
The machine rolled his eyes. "What come naturally for me is to just tell you that you're twit and be on my merry way!" He shook his head. "Nothing has ever come naturally for me. I've had to learn it all on my own. I've only gotten this far by observing you flesh creatures and all your social nuances. I've managed to mimic most of them to the best of my abilities, but you could say that I'm just a grade-A fake in that regard. I'm not a real person, I just know how to pretend like one."
"Think about how you're feeling right now." Courage replied. "You're not just pretending. I'm sure that whatever you're feeling right now is genuine."
"In some ways, yes, but..." He trailed off.
"Everyone has to learn as they grow up. Nobody is born knowing how to act. We all had to learn how to walk and talk. I'm sure that it's the same for you, just in a different way."
Computer hung his head. "I can't believe I'm getting a lecture from you. When did you start trying to act so smart? You're still just a twit, you know!"
"I-I've always been like this!" He argued. "I'm not as dumb as you think!"
"Oh, really?" His friend chuckled. All that gloom and doom seemed to leave him for a moment.
"Yes, really!" He growled.
A small smile fell across the machine's face. "I may be worthless, but at least I'm not 'you'."
"Thanks a lot!" He snapped.
"You're welcome." He smugly replied.
Thinking fast, Courage quickly added, "You see! We are friends!"
The smile faded from Computer's face. "What do you mean? I just told you off!"
He shrugged. "You just don't get it."
"Get what? There's nothing to get!"
Courage gave him a sly smile. "I'll just leave it for you to figure out."
The machine blinked. "Explain, dog!"
He gave him another nonchalant shrug and didn't answer.
Computer looked somewhere between horrified and annoyed. "Twit, this is important! If there's some great secret to this whole friendship thing, especially if it's something that I don't understand, then it is imperative that I find out what it is! If me not being nice to you somehow equals friendship, then I must know why! None of this makes any logical sense!"
Courage just laughed, ignoring his pleas.
"Come on now, dog! This is very important! You've just spoken to me more today than I'm ever heard you speak in your whole life! You can't just stop now!"
"I've run out of words." He joked.
"Fine! F-fine!" The glowing dog relented. "I didn't want to know anyway! Stupid twits and their stupid friendship! I am certainly not some twit's friend! Bah! How annoying!"
"Well, can I rely on my supposedly 'worthless' computer to get me up that mountain?" He asked, grinning mischievously at his glowing friend.
With a sigh, Computer turned away. "I get that you're joking, but don't forget, I can't guarantee anything. That cave might not exist at all and the only thing we have to go on is a book so old that it might as well be a legend itself. The only 'modern' account, if it can even be called that, is of a husband curing his wife of a terminal illness in that place. Sadly, even that tale is so old that it might as well be considered a legend too." He placed a paw to his head. "None of those stupid legends did me any favors at hinting at where this cave might be. I spend ages just trying to piece together what little info I had."
"So, do you know where it is?" Courage asked.
"Aside from the fact that it's located on a certain mountain? No, not particularly. That's why it'll probably take me awhile to find it. I've got a few notable places to check, but aside from that? I may as well be fumbling around in the dark."
"That's, er, not very reassuring." He chuckled.
Computer shrugged. "I'm simply being realistic. I told you not to get your hopes to high. Life tends to do everything in its power to disappoint."
"Says the cynic." He huffed. "Promise me that you won't blame yourself if you don't find it?" He asked.
"Hmph! I won't have to! I'll turn that mountain upside down before I give up! I will find that damnable cave if it's the last thing I do! My perfect record is at stake!"
"Perfect record?"
"I haven't failed you yet, now have I?"
"The only reason you're so determined to do this is because you're worried that you'll ruin your non-existent reputation? Really?" Courage asked, grinning.
"Non-existent? My reputation is very important to me, thank you very much!" He replied, turning up his nose. "Anyway, there's one minor issue left on how the wellspring works and I should probably let you know about."
"This again?" He asked. "Didn't you say that you were going to take care of it?"
"I did, but-" He hesitated again. "Lets just say that the wellspring requires one crucial component to work, and-"
"Let me guess, it makes you immortal or something? Turns you into a mindless zombie? Or a-" He stopped when Computer gave him a less than enthusiastic glare.
"No, as far as I can tell, the wellspring doesn't have any undesired side effects, but-"
"Spit it out! If it's something bad, I want to know!"
"N-never mind what I said! It's fine!" He suddenly blurted out. "It really isn't anything important!"
"Computer! If this is something I need to know, then you should probably tell me! If that thing is going to eat my soul as payment to fix me, I'd kinda like to know ahead of time!"
"It won't do anything to you, I promise. As I've said before, I've taken care of everything."
"Yes, but you keep talking as if there's something I should know, but you always change your mind at the last second."
"That's because you don't need to worry about it. I've had a few second guesses, but that doesn't matter."
"If it doesn't matter then why don't you tell me what it is?" He argued.
"Because it would take a very long time to explain, and besides, I still have to keep torturing myself by finishing this little tale about the worst part of my life. Trust me when I say that it doesn't matter."
"Fine, but I seriously hope that you aren't lying."
"Why would I need to lie?"
"I get the impression that you are."
Computer waved a paw. "I'm not!"
"I swear, if something bad happens because you're not telling me something, I'm going to shove that book so far up your hard drive that you won't-"
"No need to get touchy, you twit!"
"You're going to be worrying about touchy if something goes wrong!"
End Of Chapter